I recently uncovered this little bit of fluff I wrote in 1998, in response to the first line challenge "Jim Kirk ordered another beer" that was issued by my good friend Jungle Kitty.

Summary: Kirk talks Spock and McCoy into visiting a great little place he remembers from his past, but the evening turns out to be much more complicated than anyone had expected.

One Too Many

Jim Kirk ordered another beer. It wasn't his first, and it probably wouldn't be his last. Hell, at the moment he didn't even much like beer, but this place was such a dive that he didn't want to drink anything that came out of a bottle he didn't open himself. Why in the universe did he choose to come here on shore leave? Sure, he'd loved this place when he came here twenty years ago, but he'd been a lot younger then and his, well, 'interests' had been different. He smiled when he thought about how 'interesting' it had actually been. It sure didn't seem so interesting now.

He resisted the urge to look over his shoulder again for his friends because he knew that he'd just end up making eye contact with that Balorian woman sitting at the table by the door. Not that she wasn't pretty, but he really wasn't in the mood to have his dick squeezed until tears came to his eyes. He'd made the mistake of sleeping with a Balorian woman once, when he was right out of the academy, and he hadn't been able to pee normally for a week.

The bartender shoved the dusty brown bottle onto the counter under Kirk's nose with a barely civil grunt. Kirk grunted back. Although the bartender had not paid him the least bit of attention before, Jim's eyes widened when he saw the huge Tellarite stiffen and turn back to him. With a start, he realized that he'd probably just said something insulting in the other being's language, so he grinned, shrugged, and swiveled around in his chair to face the door. He'd just take his chances with the Balorian woman. Unable to resist glancing in her direction, he blinked when she smiled seductively at him and crossed her legs.

Where the hell were Spock and Bones?

...

"I thought that we were supposed to meet Jim at the Marriott."

"Negative, doctor. I specifically recall that he said he would be in the bar next to the Hilton. Since there is not a Hilton in this settlement, however, I can only deduce that he was mistaken."

"Maybe he said he'd be next to the Hyatt. You know that they all look the same."

"It was the Hilton. In any case, there is not a Hyatt here either." Spock paused to look up and down the garishly lit street. It was crowded with unsavory businesses, every one of them noisy and bustling, and he compressed his lips slightly as he surveyed the scene. "Actually, I would venture to say that there is not a reputable establishment of any type within a considerable distance of this location."

McCoy sighed and nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right about that. I can't believe that we let him go on without us."

Turning back toward McCoy, Spock raised an incredulous eyebrow. "And I find it difficult to believe that you have forgotten that 'we' did not let him go on without us. You let him go on without us."

"Well, dammit, if you hadn't taken so long to exchange our return tickets..."

"Which I would not have been required to do if you had not reserved them for the wrong day in the first place..."

"Fine. Just fine. It's all my fault. Let's just blame it all on me."

"I am quite willing to agree to do that."

McCoy snorted and began to retort, but Spock interrupted him before he could continue. "Doctor, we have not seen Captain Kirk for 1.8 hours. None of us brought a communicator, although I am certain that I do not have to remind you that I was not sanguine about such an omission. Therefore, the only way we will locate Jim is by searching for him, and I suggest that we should begin that search now."

"Oh, all right. He did say that he'd be on this street. Well, anyway, I think he did. How about if you check the bars on that side and I check this side?"

Spock sighed and nodded. "That would appear to be a reasonably efficient plan."

They parted company and headed in opposite directions.

...

Jim Kirk ordered another beer. Really, that Balorian woman wasn't so bad. She had a nice smile, and she seemed to like him. He opened his bottle and lifted it in a silent salute, and grinned when she lifted her own glass to return the gesture from across the room.

...

Spock stepped through the door of 'The Drunken Andorian' and glanced quickly around the bar. He noted with approval that it was a relatively small place and that he could survey the entire establishment without having to go any further than this. Waiting a moment to see if anyone might emerge from the restroom, he satisfied himself that Kirk was not here and turned on his heel to leave. As he did so, however, he plowed into McCoy, who had apparently been standing directly behind him.

"Doctor!" Spock was startled, but he quickly regained his composure and disentangled himself from McCoy.

"Oh, sorry, Spock. Y'know, these places are pretty rough, and I thought that we might want to stick together."

"Did something happen to prompt this change in your attitude?"

"Let's just say that someone didn't like the look on my face and leave it at that."

Spock regarded McCoy skeptically. "How many bars were you able to eliminate?"

"Uh... two, if we pretend that I got a good look at that last one. They didn't seem to like humans too much, so I'd say that Jim's probably not there anyway."

"That is a logical assumption. Very well. We will continue to search on this side of the street, and if we do not find him, we will return by way of the other side of the street."

...

Jim Kirk ordered another beer and ordered a drink for his new friend as well. The bartender plopped the beer down on the counter in front of him and gingerly set a smoking, dangerous-looking glass in front of the Balorian woman who sat in the next seat. Jim opened his bottle and clinked it against her glass before lifting it to his lips.

...

McCoy was getting worried. They'd been looking for almost two hours without finding their friend, and there were only three or four places left to search here. Really, he wasn't too concerned about Jim but he knew that Spock would never let him forget it if he'd been wrong about the name of the street.

Trudging along behind Spock, who hadn't spoken to him for the last twenty minutes, McCoy happened to glance down a dark alley that was barely visible between two large buildings.

"Spock, look! Down there. The name of that hotel..."

Spock backtracked and raised both eyebrows when he saw the sign at the end of the alley. "The Hl'tahn. Klingon."

McCoy grinned. "See? I told you. The Hilton."

"Doctor, you did not tell me that it was the Hilton..."

"Oh, quit your bitchin', Spock, let's go find Jim."

...

Jim Kirk ordered another beer. He really liked this stuff. It quenched his thirst, tasted great, but didn't fill him up. He felt as if he could just keep drinking it all night.

When the dusty bottle arrived, he lifted it and said, "Here's lookin' at you, kid." The three Balorian women surrounding him giggled at his wittiness, and he beamed with satisfaction. Each one of them was pretty, and he didn't know which one he liked the best. They all three seemed to like him, though. Maybe... wow. The thought boggled his mind. Of course, he would never act on the idea... but he wouldn't care if he couldn't pee for a month. Or maybe even a year.

His thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice. "Jim! Jim!"

He looked blearily in the direction of the doorway and grinned. "Bones! Where the hell have you been?" His voice was jovial and he didn't really care about the answer to his question. "Come in and meet my friends!"

McCoy joined him eagerly. "Hello, ladies."

"Where's Spock?"

"He's right behind you."

Jim turned to find Spock frowning slightly at the expanse of empty beer bottles littering the countertop. "Captain Kirk, I must apologize for the fact that we are so late. Dr. McCoy..."

"Captain Spock, no need to apologize. I've been in good company."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "So I see. Nevertheless, we..."

"Bartender! Beer for everyone!"

"Captain..."

"Give it up, Spock. Just relax and have a good time." McCoy grinned and took a bottle from the bartender's hoof. "I think we have a little catching up to do here, don't we, ladies?"

The women all giggled in appreciation.

Kirk smiled at the look of resignation on Spock's face as the doctor downed his beer. Picking up one of the full bottles, he handed it to his Vulcan friend, who met his eyes and accepted it cautiously.

"C'mon, Spock. It won't bite you."

"I am not so certain, Jim. As a matter of fact, I predict that you will not agree with that statement tomorrow morning."

Jim nodded seriously. "You're prob'ly right.

Spock raised an eyebrow and took a large gulp. Kirk couldn't help but laugh at the look on his face.

Grimacing slightly, Spock stated, "This is repulsive."

"Sorry, Spock. Everyone thinks that beer is awful the first time they drink it. Here, give it back to me. I'll drink it for you. After all, we wouldn't want it to go to waste."

...

Jim Kirk tried to order another beer, but the bartender wouldn't bring it to him.

"Closing time, buddy. You and your friends gotta leave now."

"Is it that late? Time sure does fly when you're having fun, doesn't it?" Kirk smiled at the two young women next to him.

McCoy, who stood close to the woman seated further away from Jim, nodded. "Yes, it does, Jim. Why, it seems as if the night has just begun."

Spock reflected on the fact that McCoy had evidently forgotten about the 3.2 hours they spent wandering the streets and bars before they arrived here.

He surveyed their little group, as well as the few other patrons who still sat at the bar, and deduced that he and the bartender were the only non-inebriated persons in the entire building. He did not understand why so many beings found this type of outing entertaining, and he was relieved that Jim only wanted to stay one night in this area. He hoped that Kirk and McCoy would not be ill in the morning, for he was quite looking forward to meeting Scott and Uhura at a well-known historical area on the other side of the planet, and he would not wish to have to change their plans.

His thoughts were interrupted when he turned slightly and realized that the third woman was regarding him rather strangely. She pouted when he met her eyes, and murmured, "You're awfully handsome. My friends like your friends, but you and I are all alone. I don't want to be alone tonight."

He had every intention of being alone this night, and he knew that his friends would thank him tomorrow if he ensured that they did the same. Not only were they most likely too drunk to appreciate having female companionship for the evening, but he understood very well the basic biological incompatibility between humans and Balorians. Vulcans, of course, were not so susceptible to injury, but he nevertheless was not interested in this woman.

She moved so close to him that her breasts just barely brushed his chest. "You won't be sorry. Come with me."

"Ah, no thank you." He took a step back and bumped into the bar. When she sidled closer, he realized that he was cornered. Jim's seat was to his right, the wall was to his left, and the Balorian woman stood directly in front of him. "I believe that it is time for me to leave. With my friends. We are planning to rise early in the morning in order
to explore the..."

His explanation was interrupted by a loud voice coming from the direction of McCoy. "Hey, I bought her a drink. She's mine tonight."

"Buddy, leave her alone. She's talking to us right now. Can't you see that she's not interested in you?" Kirk's voice was mild but firm.

"Uh, Jim, I think that she was smiling at him. And he's bigger than you." McCoy sounded worried.

Spock craned his neck in an attempt to understand what was happening.

The loud voice became more belligerent. "I bought her a drink, and we were getting along just fine until your puny friend here came along."

"Hey, Jim, he's talkin' about me..."

"I told you, she's talking to us right now." Jim came unsteadily to his feet and was forced to look up to meet the other man's eyes. "Leave her alone."

Spock was becoming more concerned by the moment. Jim was dwarfed by the other man and did not seem to understand how precarious his situation really was. Spock put his hands on the woman's arms and tried politely to move past her, but she was too caught up in the little drama and didn't budge.

"Who the hell are you? If I want her, I'll take her." The big man tried to push Jim, but McCoy was in the middle.

"Stop that." McCoy threw an elbow.

"Hey little man, are you gonna make me?" This time, the big man pushed McCoy, who lost his balance and fell against Jim. Jim stepped in front of the doctor, and Spock experienced a sense of deja vu as he realized that he was not going to be able to reach his friends quickly enough to stop whatever disaster was brewing.

"You can't talk to him like that."

"I can talk to him any way I want." The big man pushed Jim roughly.

"No you can't!"

Spock forgot about trying to be gentle and shoved the young woman out of his way just in time to see Jim catch the other man with a neat right uppercut to the jaw. The big man stumbled slightly, knocking over two bar stools, and retaliated with a punch to Jim's jaw. Jim staggered and another bar stool fell.

Almost immediately, two of the big man's friends muscled their way in and grabbed McCoy. The women moved out of the way, obviously excited, and the bartender simply stood and watched in boredom. Four other men, not involved in this dispute, started shoving one another around at the other end of the bar.

Spock moved up quickly behind Jim and tried to intervene. Jim ignored him, though, and landed a solid punch to the man's stomach while dodging the man's attempt to grab his shoulders. Spock glanced over at McCoy and saw with alarm that the doctor was overpowered, but he knew that the first thing he had to do was break up the fight between the two main antagonists.

"Jim, you cannot win this fight..."

"Dammit Spock!" Jim jabbed at the man's stomach again. "Yes" jab "I" jab "can!"

As if to emphasize his last word, Kirk threw a forearm to the other man's chin, which snapped his head back. The big man's face contorted with fury, and he drew himself up and swung at Jim with all of his might. Jim saw the tremendous punch coming and ducked, and the man's fist caught Spock squarely in the nose.

Spock staggered slightly with the impact, stunned. He had heard the dull crunch but at first did not realize from where it came. A stuffy numbness spread from the center of his face, and he felt something wet running across his mouth. He reached up to wipe his upper lip and brought his hand away covered in green blood. When he glanced up, he saw that everyone had frozen in mid-movement and was staring at him. Jim, feet still firmly planted in front of the big man and fists ready, was looking over his shoulder at Spock with a look of open-mouthed shock.

On the other side of Jim, the big man smiled cruelly and drew his fist back to deliver another blow. Before he could complete the motion, though, Spock clenched his fist and swung. Jim grinned crookedly when he saw what was coming and ducked again, and Spock connected solidly with the man's chin. The big man looked surprised for a moment, staggered back, and fell limply to the floor. Before the dust had settled, Jim pulled one of the men off of McCoy and threw him into a table, where he stayed, and Spock dropped the other with a neck pinch.

For a long moment, the three of them could only stand and gaze at one another, breathing heavily. Finally, Jim broke the silence.

Smiling broadly, he said, "Damn. We're good."

...

Jim Kirk ordered another milkshake. He knew that McCoy would fuss at him later for not watching his calorie intake, but right now the bland, cool wetness really hit the spot. Despite his uneasy stomach, though, all in all he felt pretty good. Which was probably more than could be said for Spock.

From his vantage point at the counter, he glanced guiltily at their table and winced again. McCoy and the staff at the emergency room had done a pretty good job on Spock last night, but he had been left with two black eyes and a slightly swollen nose. He was still a bit pale, too, and his voice... Well, Jim felt bad for laughing at him, earlier, but it was Spock's fault for trying so hard to retain his dignity when his voice sounded so funny.

He returned to the table just as Nyota swept through the door with a big smile on her beautiful face. Scotty followed about three steps after her.

"Oh, hello! Sorry we're late, but we had a little trouble finding this place and... Oh my God. What happened to you?" She dropped into a chair next to Spock and inspected his face with an expression of concern.

Spock didn't answer. Jim knew that he was probably going to sit there stone-silent all day long if he could, so answered for him. "We had a little, er, run-in with some of the locals last night."

Having pulled up a chair next to Uhura, Scotty asked, "Where were you when you had this wee incident?"

"A place called Joe's."

McCoy chimed in. "Yes, quite a classy little dive."

Spock shifted uncomfortably in his chair, and Uhura grinned and gaped at him. Disbelief in her voice, she said, "You were in a barroom brawl?"

Laughing, McCoy could hardly choke the words out. "But you should have seen the other guy!"

Spock finally couldn't stand it any longer. "Doctor. Please..."

Teasing, Scottie said, "And I suppose you're goin' to tell me that it was over a woman."

"Yes! Three of them."

"Doctor."

"Oh, all right. Sorry, Spock. Jim and I got into a disagreement, and it got out of hand. Spock's nose just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Aye, something that's happened to the best of us, Mr. Spock."

Uhura reached across the table and patted Spock's hand, then asked brightly, "So, what will we do first?"

As they sat and discussed their plans for the rest of the day, Jim sipped on his milkshake and watched Spock. He really did look miserable, poor guy, despite the fact that he was his usual stoic and uncomplaining self. Those two shiners were real beauts, and he could tell by the way Spock held his mouth open that his friend couldn't breathe through his nose. As he finished up the last few drops of his milkshake, his stomach rumbled in complaint and he realized that he had overdone it. Yech - that second shake was just too much after last night's activities.

Jim Kirk figured that it would be a long time before he ever ordered another beer.

End story