Inspired by episode two of series four :)
His heart pattered against his chest, tears brimmed his eyes, he could hardly breath. Everything had gone so wrong and it was slowly flooding back to him. The man he was staring at…he was a product. A Product of him.
"What happened to you, Duncan?"
"You did, Connor…you did…"
The words stung his heart, froze his whole body, he couldn't speak anymore. His friend…his best friend…where did he go? He wanted to wrap him in a hug, whisper that everything would be okay and it always was, he wanted to go back in time…he wanted to make sure nothing had ever happened with him and creatures. He didn't want to do this anymore. For just a few moments he didn't care about Abby, or Cutter, or Becker, not Lester, or any of the other team members…he just cared about Duncan.
It would be impossible to express in words how much guilt Connor felt because he felt so much. This was the boy who always stood by him, never let him fall or sink into his depression, this was the boy who'd give him clothes when he needed some, a place to stay when he didn't want to go home, this was the boy who'd stay up all night with him just to watch a few episodes of Doctor Who or Battlestar Galatica or whatever, this was the boy who would make him laugh, this was the boy who introduced him to Tom, this is the boy he destroyed.
The boy was a man now…just like him. A man who'd gone insane, who was paranoid about creatures, a man who couldn't even function in a normal society, a man who dedicated three years of his life to conspiracies and creatures…it wasn't just a game now, it wasn't just a hobby they did in university, it was real and it was real bad.
Back there with that man (could he really call him his friend? He was terrified of him…he had killed Tom…) he kept calm, maybe because he found a creature, maybe because he didn't want to break down, maybe because…he didn't want to see Duncan breakdown…but when he went home that night-well Jess' flat, he couldn't handle himself quite as well.
It was in the bathroom (which was conveniently connected to Abby's and his new bedroom) where he fell to his knees and tears streamed down his face. He felt like such a mistake, such a twat, such a-such a bastard. Everything he had put Duncan through…the man didn't deserve this, he never deserved any of this.
"I'm-I'm-I'm so sorry, Duncan…" He choked out. "I never meant to do this…I never meant to do any of this." He still felt like the man hated him, even though it was clear that he didn't. He was going to call, he was going to help, he was going to be-important. That made him feel even worse, the fact that Duncan sat around for three years thinking he wasn't important, thinking everyone thought he was unimportant, thinking that the doctors had declared him mentally ill…
"This was never supposed to happen, I swear! I was supposed to be a uni-kid, I was supposed to be the greatest scientist that ever lived, a paleontologist, I was supposed to be anything but this…we were going to be best friends forever. You, Tom, and I…best buds forever, pickin' up hot chicks in the café…well-that never worked out well. We got coffees and food thrown at us…" He chuckled at the thought, just a bit. "I know everything that happened to you is my fault…I know…and I am so, so, sorry. I wish I could help…I wish I could turn back time…I wish we could just be helpless little boys again, playin' with NERF guns, and tackling each other, threatening to spit in each other's faces. Watching Doctor Who together and crying when one of our favorite companions left…just being-kids."
Abby could hear him, hear him sobbing and thrashing and probably trashing Jess's bathroom. She grabbed his mobile and looked through his contacts until she found his name. Duncan.
"Connor? Callin' already? What's up?"
"Duncan, it's me, Abby. Connor's girlfriend,"
"Um-um-why are you calling?"
"I need your help."
"Not a proper good time, I should think not?" A small smile appeared on his face.
She rolled her eyes. "No, Connor's in the bathroom sobbing-"
"Er-sounds like your problem there, mate."
"No. He is sobbing because of you. He thinks he's failed you, he thinks he's a mistake, he thinks that everything that happened to you was his fault because he still thinks he killed Tom."
"What do you want me to do?"
"I want you to talk to him…I want you to reassure him…I can't help him right now. Nothing I say or do will count for you…"
"Fine. Put me on with him…" Duncan was unsure though. He had reassured Connor loads of times…but somehow this was different.
When Connor heard the door open, he threw his back to the bathtub, for the first time realizing how badly he was shaking. He saw Abby…she looked so concerned, so-so nice and she held out his mobile. Someone had called him…Duncan…he saw the picture on the screen, Duncan, Tom, and him…
"Hel-hello?" Connor stuttered into the phone.
"Con…it's me, Duncan." He said into the phone, trying to remain calm. "Abby told me what you're doing, she told me you were sobbing, blaming everything on yourself…"
"Yeah-so what? It all is my fault, you're sick now Duncan and it's because of me…"
He tried to repress his anger and took a deep breath. "It's not your fault, Connor. In fact, it runs in me family. Me mum…she wasn't always as happy as you remember and me granddad committed suicide…that's not your fault."
"But-but I provided the trigger to it…I was the trigger."
"Connor…no. It's fine, it's not your fault, I realize that you didn't kill him."
"My job did, Duncan! Just blame me will you?" He screamed.
"No! I'm passed that, Connor…I've realized that I do have to move on, see! That's what you told me! You told me to move on and look, I am! I'm getting better, Connor."
"It's only been a few hours, you cannot possibly recover that quickly. I'm not stupid,"
"Still! Please, Connor…it's not your fault. You're a great bloke, you always have been and you are most definitely smart enough to realize that it's not all your fault,"
He nodded slowly, coming to his senses.
"I'm still so, so sorry. It was-it was never supposed to happen. Tom or the ARC or the-the anything. I've changed Duncan…and so have you…where did all the years go?"
"They passed us by, Con…we took those years for granted. Playing in the backyard, grabbing Mark's sandwiches from the kitchen, and laughing like idiots…now we're all grown up and-different."
"Think we can still get on?"
"I think so…" Duncan nodded. "I still have your fingerless gloves you know…I was-I was wearing them today."
"Oh yeah…I left them at your house when I was-fourteen, fifteen?"
"Sounds right and I never returned them."
"I'm gonna come over and steal them back,"
"Go ahead and try." Duncan grinned.
"I'm-I'm going to go now…I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"See ya."
Connor closed his phone and looked up at Abby. "I'm sorry…"
"No, no, it's okay, Connor." Abby smiled at him and crouched down next to him, kissing his lips.