Forever Starts Now
Chapter One
Author's Note: It has been years since I have started a new story. Please bear with me as my writing is a bit rusty. This is a Katniss/Peeta Hunger Games fan fiction. I am trying to make this mostly canon, but some things may be a bit off because I've not read the books in years. I just watched Mockingjay Part 2 last weekend and it spurred my creativity.
It was so unbelievably quiet when I returned to District 12. Not a living soul around, except for Prim's cat. He and I were almost friends now. After all of the nightmares and the pain and revolution, I had three things left of Prim… her cat, my Mockingjay pin, and the near-constant swirl of memories in my head.
The house was full of dust and dirt and the remnants of the bomb that the Capitol had dropped in the Seam. The first few days I was home, I buried myself in cleaning. I wondered if I scrubbed the marble floors hard enough if I could scrub away the ill thoughts embedded in my head.
Sleep didn't come easily for me anymore. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the bomb, heard the cries of the children, saw Gale's face as I told him goodbye, saw Snow's face as the crowd converged on him, saw Coin's look of shock as my perfect arrow met its target. I recalled the many, many friends I'd lost and the grisly ends they'd all met – how close I came to losing my own life.
In many ways, I did lose my own life. I was left a shadow of my former self. The person I was before the Games and before the Revolution was not the same person I was now.
Two long weeks passed. I had cleaned the entire mansion from the top to the bottom. I had hunted outside the gates of the city. The first few times I had ventured out, I felt the familiar panic, remembered how risky something so simple had been before.
I was returning from a successful hunt, a pheasant in hand, when I saw someone up ahead digging in the garden. My right hand wrapped tighter around my bow and I paused, dropping the bird and reaching for an arrow.
The person stood up and his blonde hair met the sunlight as he turned around, dusting his hands off on his pants.
Peeta.
He was home.
My heart thudded still and my bow fell to the ground. And before I knew it, I was running toward him.
"Katniss," he said, grinning. "I found some flowers in the garden. They're primrose."
The bright yellow flowers stood boldly against the monotonous gray… something that would never have been allowed before. I couldn't help but smile. They were beautiful.
Suddenly, I was in his arms, the loneliness of the last two weeks melted away. He was home.
A thunderstorm came the next day. I slept in, having had my first full night of sleep in months. I woke up to the smell of bread in the oven and the smell of meat sizzling on the stove.
I wrapped my sweater around my arms and headed down the stairs. The kitchen was dim. Peeta was pulling a loaf of bread out of the oven, his back of me. He had a lamp on the counter behind him.
"Good morning," I said.
He jumped. He quickly turned around and sat the pan on the counter top, looking up at me. "I didn't expect you to be awake so soon," he said. "I was going to surprise you with breakfast."
"You still surprised me," I said, coming around the counter and pulling out a stool. "Thank you."
"It's so quiet now," he said. "Other than the cat. He's kept me company today."
"He's nicer now," I said. "Guess he feels like he has to be nice to us if he wants to be fed… now that Prim's not here to cater to him."
"You okay?" Peeta asked, looking up at me hesitantly.
"No," I said, sighing. "You're not either though."
"You're right," he replied. "I'm not. That was a stupid question."
"There are no stupid questions," I said. "I'm better now that you're here. I think I was losing my mind there for a few days. It's not good to be lost in your own thoughts for too long."
"I know that feeling," Peeta said darkly.
I wrapped my arms around myself, staring at the counter dully. "I notice Haymitch didn't come with you."
"He mentioned something about heading back this way," Peeta said, pulling a knife out to slice the warm bread in front of him. "He and Effie didn't want to say goodbye."
I smiled. Haymitch deserved to be happy. Effie too.
"What?" Peeta asked, setting the knife down on the counter.
"It's just good to know that they're happy. With as dark as it has been lately, it's good to know that there's still some goodness in the world."
"Yeah, but it's still raining," Peeta said, looking outside. A crash of thunder ricocheted through the sky in the distance.
I took his hand and walked toward the kitchen door. I opened it, feeling the mist from the rain kiss my cheeks. I sat down on the step before the porch, hugging my knees to my chest. Peeta took a seat across from me and we just sat there quietly.
That was the best thing about Peeta. We could enjoy each other's company without having to say a word. I looked out toward the rain pouring in the distance, watched as a duck hopped through a puddle in the road, preening its feathers, without a care in the world.
Life still moved on, the world was still spinning… despite District 12 being completely and totally bare and devoid of human presence other than Peeta and I, this duck was still happy.
It was still an ignorant duck.
I tore my gaze away from the duck to see Peeta watching me, that look in his eyes I'd seen only too many times before.
Peeta was the only person I had left in the world who truly understood every single thing I'd been through. He was the only person from my past that still had a place in my future. He was the only person who understood what District 12 was like and the only person who had been by my side through the Games.
I no longer had Gale or Finnick or Prim or anyone else who had been by my side.
There was only him.
"You okay?" he finally asked.
"No," I said. "You're not either though."
"Didn't we just have this conversation five minutes ago?" he asked, a smile flickering across his face. "You always say that so we focus on me instead of focusing on you when you need it. Katniss, the Games are over. You can stop trying to protect me. There is no more Snow and no more Coin. It's over."
I nodded, seeing the tears welling up in my eyes. My heart clenched painfully.
"I'm not crazy," I told him. Sure, District 13 probably thought I was after killing Coin, but they didn't understand. No one understood. I'd once been the Mockingjay. Now, sitting here with Peeta, I was alone. I was banished – even though it was because of me that Panem was free.
"I know. And Paylor will make sure that you're acquitted and that everyone knows that you did what you had to for Panem, not just for yourself," Peeta reassured me. "It's okay."
We were alone, Peeta and I. We'd survived, but we'd lost nearly everything in the process. Peeta had lost his parents and his two brothers and I had lost my father and Prim and my mother was off building a new hospital in District 4. She would never come back. Prim would never come back. Mr. Mellark would never come back.
"It's lonely," I said, wiping away the tears that rolled down my cheeks.
Peeta reached over and held my hand tightly. "Katniss, you will never be alone."
The storm outside thundered threateningly, shaking me from my nightmares. I reached over, turning on the lamp on my nightstand.
I pushed the blankets away from me and grabbed the lamp, tiptoeing quietly toward Peeta's room. It was dark, but I could make out Peeta looking up toward the ceiling. He wasn't sleeping either.
I sat the lamp on the nightstand near the side of the bed and climbed in next to him. He shifted, placing an arm around me and I rested my hand on his chest.
"You love me," he said. "Real or not real?"
He already knew the answer. I didn't know why he questioned it. I felt his chest tighten nervously.
"Real," I said, looking up at him, never hesitating.
He was quiet. I knew he was thinking, wanting to make sure he said the right words. I knew it was probable he didn't want to let me in too much.
"My dad was a great person," he said slowly.
"I know," I said, not sure why he was bringing up the painful memories of his family. "You don't speak of him much, but you seem a lot like him. He brought me cookies the day of the Reaping."
"When I was five years old and started kindergarten, he brought me to school and pointed you out. He told me he had been in love with your mother years and years ago. But she chose your father over him and moved to the Seam and although he watched her from afar, he never spoke to her again. He was broken hearted and decided to move on with his life. He met my mother and they married quickly. She soon became pregnant with my oldest brother."
I listened to the story. Much of it he had told me before. I was unsure as to why this mattered now, now that they were all gone.
"All my life, I watched my father treat my mother like silver. He loved her very much, but after that conversation, I realized he never loved her half as much as he loved yours. My mother became angry and bitter. She knew she was second in my father's eyes, a consolation prize of sorts. She took that anger out of me. When I first saw you when we were just kids, I fell in love with you. It pained me to see you starving, to see you hurt… and even now, when everything I ever wanted is in front of me and everything I ever had is gone, I realize the similarities. All my dad ever wanted was your mother and all I ever wanted was you. And yet for so long, you wanted Gale. I felt a fraction of that pain and never ever told him. And now I'll never get to."
He was crying.
"Peeta…" I said, looking up and wiping the tears off of his face.
"It's not even a fair fight," he said, sighing. "Gale screwed up and you picked me because I'm the only one who has nowhere else to go but here."
"Not true," I said, shaking my head. "I could always choose Haymitch."
I felt him tense up and then he started laughing.
"Really?" he asked. "You wouldn't."
I paused. "No, I wouldn't," I said. "But you're the only one who cared to come back for me. I don't see Gale here begging for forgiveness. I don't see Haymitch here. I don't see anyone else here but you."
He pressed a sweet kiss to my lips.
"I love you, Katniss Everdeen," he said.
"I love you too, Peeta," I replied.
We fell asleep in each other's arms that night. It was the last night either of us would be alone.
Weeks turned into months.
I was getting restless. The house in Victor's Village was becoming stifling. While Peeta had the luxury to venture out of the confines of District 12, I was becoming more and more irritated by the fact that I was not allowed to leave. Until Paylor had officially pardoned me, I was under strict orders to not leave District 12 for any reason.
Haymitch had not returned. Peeta brought news that he and Effie had married in the Capitol and while I was glad for them, I missed them both terribly. I understood that they were both head over heels in love, but a little happiness would have been nice to lighten up my mood.
I had slept in, nightmares having kept me up for most of the night. I came outside, the bitter cold biting through my jacket. Peeta was outside working on a large structure behind the house.
"What's this?" I asked, looking up at the structure that was nearly as tall as me.
"I talked to Haymitch and he said that he had a connection over in District 10. They are bringing us a handful of animals. Two goats and some chickens. That way, we will have eggs and milk instead of just water and bread and meat."
"They?" I asked, my eyes wide in surprise.
"Haymitch and Effie," he said, not looking at me. He drove a few more nails in the wood.
"When are they going to be here?" I asked him.
"Tomorrow," he replied. "I was trying to get this chicken coop completed and I wanted to at least have a shelter and fence for the goats."
"Do you need help?" I asked. "I can run in and get on something a bit warmer and we can get this all done."
"No," Peeta replied. "I've got it."
"But that's a lot of work for you to – "
"Katniss, I said I've got it!" he said loudly.
"Fine," I said coldly. "I'll make dinner."
I stormed back into the house, slamming the door shut. I gripped the kitchen counter in front of the sink, wanting to scream.
The door opened and I felt Peeta's arms around me. I jerked away from him.
"Katniss, I'm sorry," he said softly.
I turned to look at him and he tucked my dark hair behind my ear.
"I was trying to surprise you," he said quietly. "You were sleeping so soundly that I thought I could get the majority of this done before you woke up. The coop is almost done and I grabbed some chicken wire from the ruins of 12. I was going to dismantle the fence that was left from the back of the Hob and bring it over here to put around the side of the house and then I just had to build a shelter for the goats. I wanted to surprise you tomorrow."
"Oh, Peeta," I said, tears rolling down my cheeks. "You don't have to do all of that."
"You've been depressed," he said. "You've tried to hide it, but I would be depressed too if I never got to leave the house. I've at least been able to get some supplies and things for us from Districts 10 and 11. You haven't gotten to do that. I've been so focused on trying to prove that I can take care of us that I didn't pay attention to how stir crazy you've been in this house."
I nodded. "Yeah, I get it," I said. "I just don't get why you are on this 'provider' kick. You don't have to provide for me. I've taken care of myself just fine over the years. I took care of my entire family before you came along."
"I know, Katniss," Peeta replied. "And you shouldn't have had to do that."
"What are you trying to prove?" I asked him. "You don't have to prove anything to me."
"I want to marry you, Katniss," Peeta said quickly. "I want a family with you. And before you'll ever agree to do that and before we ever get to that point, I need to make you happy. I thought this was just a step," he muttered, blushing.
"I don't want children," I said, shaking my head.
"You said you don't want children in a world where the Games exist. And nor do I. But the Games don't exist anymore. That means we can live our lives in peace."
"Peeta, we're only nineteen. We're still young. We have plenty of time to figure that out," I said. "We don't have to rush into a marriage. Your father did that and see how that worked out for him?"
"My father would have married your mother in a heartbeat if she'd agreed and wasn't in love with your father," Peeta said. "My mother was bitter and held it against him."
"Marriage isn't real," I argued. "Before the Rebellion, people had to sign a piece of paper and register it. There's no one here to register our marriage. We can be married if we say so and we can be divorced if we say so. There isn't any sort of permanence."
"I can call Paylor. Haymitch can have her here tomorrow," Peeta said seriously. "It will be a real marriage. You want to marry me, just say the word."
"It's just so… final," I said.
"Where's the Katniss I know that says things are black and white? You've never lived in a state of gray. We live together. We eat dinner every night. We sleep together. I cook you breakfast and you hunt for dinner. You wash the laundry and I hang it to dry. We do everything together and we love each other. Please, Katniss. Be my wife." The tears welled up in his eyes. It meant so much to him. And truthfully, I couldn't imagine my life without him. Over the past few months, Peeta had become my everything.
I nodded. "Okay," I whispered. "But only if you let me help you build that shelter and the fence."
He smiled. "Deal."
Our visitors arrived around lunchtime the next day.
Haymitch came to the door, smelling surprisingly fresh, not reminiscent of his formerly drunken self. He had a woman on his arm, her blonde hair shoulder length, ringlet curls all over. Her make-up was light and she wore a simple dark green shirt and brown pants with boots.
"Effie?" Peeta asked, jaw dropping as he ran out to greet them.
"I'm surprised you recognized me," her tinkling voice said as she smiled broadly. "You two look amazing."
"I like her much better without the circus show hair and make-up," Haymitch said, winking. "She's beautiful without all of the make-up."
"Thank you for inviting me to your home," President Paylor said, smiling. "Life at the Capitol is so good."
"How are things?" I asked her, welcoming them into the house where Peeta ushered them to the table.
"They are marvelous," Paylor said. "Truly. I don't think the residents of Panem have every been so happy. At least not in recent memory. Districts 1, 2, and 4 are adjusting nicely and it's always a joy to see how happy 11 and 13 are. 13 has been building above ground, focusing on the transition since they've been underground for so, so long. Each of the Districts has been focusing on trade, so there aren't shortages like there were in 11, 12, and 13 prior to the Rebellion."
"Is there any chance of Katniss being pardoned?" Peeta asked seriously.
"Soon," Paylor said. "Give it another six months. A full year of peace will be a great thing and it will be nice to acknowledge the Mockingjay that made this all possible. Politically, 13 is very upset as they believed Coin to be their hero and we've been trying to appease them."
I nodded, sighing in defeat.
"Katniss, it is you we have to thank. You made all of this possible. You saw the threat Coin was and you took her out. Without your sacrifice, Panem would still be under an authoritative totalitarian. Please, remember that," she said seriously.
"It's just hard," I said. "It's been so lonely and District 12 has been empty for so long. It's just been Peeta and I."
"Any progress on that front?" Haymitch asked, winking. "I'm surprised I haven't seen any kissing and hand-holding."
"We've never been that kind of couple," Peeta replied.
"Yeah," I said. "Peeta always has flour all over him," I joked.
He elbowed me and we both exchanged goofy grins.
"We brought gifts!" Effie trilled. She opened up the back door, letting light in. A black and white fluff of fur came barreling toward me and I caught it as it jumped in my lap.
A puppy.
Buttercup yowled and scurried up the stairs. The dog barked at him and licked my cheek.
"Consider her a wedding present," Effie said, smiling. "You'll need something to protect those two goats. Just keep her away from the chickens."
Peeta headed outside and I followed him, carrying the puppy.
"Do they have names?" I asked, petting the blonde nanny goat with the bright blue eyes. She looked extraordinarily like Prim's goat, Lady.
"Whatever you want to name them," Haymitch said. "They're yours. The lighter one is due in the spring. You should have a baby goat or two to care for soon. They usually fare better in groups. They never like being all alone."
"Alright, Katniss," Effie said. "President Paylor is going to get the paperwork figured out in the office and Haymitch and Peeta are going to make sure the animals get settled in before getting ready themselves. Are you ready to get married?" she asked, clasping her hands together excitedly.
I looked over at Peeta and he smiled, his eyes shining brightly.
"Alright," I said. "Don't you let him go anywhere!" I yelled at Haymitch. He gave me a thumbs up.
I headed upstairs to the bedroom and sat down at my vanity. I took a brush from the drawer and slowly brushed my hair, looking in the mirror.
I looked happy. For the first time in months, I was happy. For the first time since Prim died and the Rebellion ended, I actually felt free. I knew Prim wouldn't want me to be in a perpetual state of sadness. She would want me to move on and make choices that would result in happiness and not despair.
Effie came back inside with two white bags.
"I have dresses," she said, smiling brightly. "Do you want simple or formal?"
"We're just here at the house," I said, breaking my gaze from the mirror to look at her. The simpler the better."
She frowned and pulled a dress out of the second bag.
"A wedding is always a cause for a celebration," she said. "That includes your wardrobe. But it's your wedding!"
She pulled out a white beaded dress. It was long and to the floor with short lace sleeves and a corset back. It wasn't overwhelming, but had a certain simplicity to it that I liked.
"It's pretty," I said.
"Now, your hair," Effie said, coming over to me. "Not that same braid I'm used to. Both sides braided back, the rest down. That should work. Some soft waves. Romantic. Soft, pink cheeks. We want you to look soft and romantic, not tough. Complete opposite of your Mockingjay look, for sure."
Within half an hour, I was transformed. Soft, pink cheeks, lavender eye shadow with purple liner, berry lips. Curls cascaded down by back and around my shoulders. I felt beautiful.
"Effie, you're a genius," I told her. "Thank you."
"Just grab the dress and I've even got a flower here for you to hold," she said. "Haymitch brought a camera. Something for your mantel and something for us to have in our apartment at home, you know."
She corseted the dress up in the back and I stepped into the vision of the floor length mirror across the room.
"Effie, it's perfect," I breathed. "Thank you so much."
"It's the least I could do. You've changed all of our lives, Katniss. I can only offer you one day of pure happiness for now, but one day, you will have a lifetime of happiness, I assure you. One day, you and Peeta will be able to venture throughout Panem, anywhere you want. Haymitch and I wish you every happiness."
She hugged me.
"Now, your groom should be waiting downstairs. Are you ready?" she asked me.
"As ready as I'll ever be," I said nervously.
She opened the door and I headed out of the bedroom and down the stairs.
She hummed behind me as I came down the stairs. Half way down, Peeta and Haymitch came into view. He was wearing a black tuxedo, hands crossed in front of him. I smiled shyly.
President Paylor sighed, "At last, she's here."
Haymitch walked over and took my arm and led me to Peeta. Symbolically, he took my arm and placed my hand into Peeta's. He gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek.
"Take care of her," he told Peeta, nodding.
"I will," Peeta promised him, his voice full of emotion.
Paylor smiled as we both approached her. "Today, I get the pleasure to join Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen together in marriage. If anyone is so opposed to this, please speak now." She looked from Haymitch to Effie, who both looked at each other.
"I could stand here and say how marvelous it is to be married, but I don't know the first thing about it because I never got married. So I'll just skip to the good part. Do you have vows?" she asked us.
Vows, I thought to myself. I didn't write vows!
"I do," Peeta said.
"Go ahead, sir," Paylor said.
"Katniss," Peeta said, looking at me. "I have loved you since I was five years old. I loved you when you sang and the birds watched you when we were in school. I loved you when you were on the streets hungry and I gave you the bread instead of the pig. I loved you when we were both Reaped. I loved you every step of the way through the Games and through the Rebellion. I would have died for you in the arena and I would have died for you in the course of fighting against those who wanted to take our freedom. Today, I finally get to have what I've waited all my life for – a family with you. Our marriage proves that those who wanted us gone have lost. Today, we triumph over every force that's tried to keep us apart. Today, and every day after today, we win. I love you."
I was pretty sure there wasn't a dry eye in the house after Peeta's bold declaration.
"Katniss?" Paylor asked.
"I'm not so good with words," I stumbled. "But I'll try to get this out without messing it up too much." I looked over at Peeta who had tears in his eyes. "Peeta, you saved my life. I never realized that I was never truly living until I met you. You have been there for me on my best day and my worst day. You have been there when I've been a raging, crazy person and you've been there when I'm just me. I want to be everything you want me to be and I want to be yours forever. I love you. I guess marriage vows are about promises. So, I promise to never say no to anything you want without a good reason. I promise to never tear you down and only build you up. I can't promise to be the best wife in the world, but I promise to be your wife. I promise to love you and I promise to care for you from now until forever."
Tears welled up in my eyes as Paylor started speaking.
"Katniss Everdeen, do you choose to be lawfully wed to Peeta Mellark? Do you choose to be his wife and lifelong partner, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, every day of your life?"
"I do," I said, as the tears spilled over and rolled down my cheeks. I slipped a small gold ring onto his left ring finger.
"And do you, Peeta Mellark wish to be lawfully wed to Katniss Everdeen? Do you choose to be her husband and lifelong partner, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, every day of your life?"
"I do," he replied. He placed a small diamond ring onto finger, his hands shaking.
"I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Peeta Mellark. Peeta, you may kiss your bride," Paylor said, as Haymitch and Effie clapped and wolf-whistled joyfully.
Peeta stepped in and his lips met mine. This kiss was different. He'd only kissed me this way one other time… in the cave during the first Hunger Games. It was sweet, raw, full of emotion.
"Now, I do need the signatures of both witnesses… Haymitch and Effie, if you would like to do the honors?" Paylor said, nodding to the marriage certificate on her desk.
"Of course!" Effie said, practically bouncing to the desk.
Haymitch came over and wrapped me in a big hug and clapped Peeta on the shoulder.
"Take care of her, you hear?" he told Peeta, nodding to me.
"Always," Peeta replied.
The puppy at the foot of the stairs let out a bark and we all erupted into laughter.
"Who's hungry?" Peeta asked. "I've got bread in the oven!"
We all moved into the kitchen. Peeta grabbed my hand and pulled me into the hall.
"Thank you," he said.
"Why are you thanking me?" I asked. Our faces were mere inches apart.
"Because I now have nearly everything I have ever wanted. I'm the happiest man alive."
He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and disappeared into the kitchen.
It took me a few seconds to realize I had a huge smile on my face. This. This is what happiness felt like. I hadn't felt this way in so, so long.