Commander Shepard was a stereotypical military woman.
She hated dresses, never wore make up, and was about as friendly as a mother badger backed into a corner.
However, she had a secret. A delicious secret that would destroy her reputation if anyone found out about it.
The famous and sometimes infamous Commander Shepard, First Human Spectre, Savior of the Citadel, etc., etc., loved to bake.
Not just the simple crap, either.
This how she found herself in the galley of the Normandy, wearing an apron over her fatigues. Bowls, ingredients and a datapad with her recipe were strewn about the counter tops.
The chef's hat atop her head was to complete the experience.
You see, today was Thane's birthday; she had found out rather sneakily, going through her own memories of birthdays long past until it triggered a flashback for him. At first the entire thing had freaked her out, but once she learned how she could use it to her advantage, she mellowed.
Not that she'd ever really pry into anything he didn't want to talk about, of course; it had become a bit of a game for the pair of them. She always got the sense he was oddly proud of her whenever she managed to get a sliver of information from him.
God knows, she was proud of herself for it, even more so when she didn't let out a victorious fist-pump when it happened.
Anyway, the rest of the crew was out painting the Citadel red, so she and Thane were miraculously left alone, giving her the opportunity to give her wonderful man something he'd never seen before, let alone eaten.
A cake, marble of course (she couldn't help but think of the strips across his body when she was thinking about what to bake for him), topped with vanilla icing and strawberries for good measure.
She was just finishing stirring the ingredients when the cause of her exertions materialized in front of her. Reflexively, she struck out with a weapon - which happened to be a batter covered wooden spoon, at the time.
A glob of the stuff landed smack on the right side of Thane's face, leaving him looking a mixture of shock - no doubt from the mess on his face - and bemusement - no doubt from the disturbingly domestic looking Shepard in front of him.
Thane cleared his throat suavely, almost making her forget the smear of batter on his face. Almost.
"You have something on your cheek, siha." he said, voice as calm as ever.
There was no way to stop the bubble of laughter that rose up from her belly.
Shaking her head at the small smile on his lips, she put down her "weapon" and picked up the cleanest dishrag she could find, walking around the counter to him. She placed a hand on his unsoiled cheek, adding a bit of pressure as she wiped his face clean.
He returned the favor, swiping his thumb from the bridge of her nose, diagonally across her face, until he hit her jawline.
Cheekily, she leaned forward on the balls of her feet and licked the last bit of batter off his cheek; a small bit had managed to become lodged in one of the ridges. A gentle rumble of appreciation vibrated from his throat.
The commander rocked back to her original position, waggling her eyebrows in an exaggerated manner.
Thane simply rubbing his fingers together, the flour that had marred her face clinging to his scales. He raised an eye ridge questioningly.
"It's flour," she explained, "an ingredient I need to bake."
She gestured exuberantly at the galley, as if it were an impressive car or an expensive house.
"I," Shepard then motioned to herself, "am baking you a cake, Sere Krios."
Both eye ridges raised now. "A cake?" he echoed.
A grin threatened to break her face entirely. "A cake!" she repeated, throwing her hands in the air in a V-shape.
He cocked his head to one side, looking all the world like a lost puppy.
She sighed heavily, tossing the dirty cloth onto the counter top and moving back into the galley to fetch the datapad by the bowl.
Casually, she tossed it to him. "It's a dessert. People get cakes for their birthday. Today is your birthday, thus, cake!" she elaborated, striking her pose again now that he actually knew what she was going on about.
Thane caught it easily with one hand, fluidly moving one step back and to the right slightly to do so. He regarded the screen, head tilting from side to side, brow pinched together as if she had given him some complicated mathematical equation.
"I see." he said, moving to the counter, though still on the opposite side, placing the datapad back down in its original place. "I suppose it is far too late to tell you that I do not need anything from you, then."
Commander Shepard rolled her eyes and dropped her hands to her side petulantly; she knew he'd say that, that's why she never told him about it.
He chuckled. "That would be a 'yes'." he teased, bowing slightly "May I assist you, then?"
Shepard "hmm"ed thoughtfully, chin in hand, moving to stalk around him in an appraising half-circle. "I don't know if you have what it takes, Krios." she replied sternly.
Thane "hmm"ed in return. "What, exactly, don't I have, siha?" he asked.
Barely restraining a victorious grin, she stopped her hawkish movements around the drell, and stood face-to-face. Her eyes narrowed, doing her best to imitate a Drill Instructor that was just one smart comment away from as screaming in your face, veins bulging.
"You don't have the proper apparel." she deadpanned. "This is unacceptable," her finger poked his chest playfully, "and worse yet, the food doesn't taste as good if you aren't dressed right."
From the look on Thane's face, she couldn't tell if he was going to laugh, back away slowly, or comm Kelly and tell her to bring a straitjacket. Since only one of these was really appealing -at the moment anyway, the straitjacket could definitely be interesting- currently, the commander sprang into action, lifting her gloriously puffy, snow white chef's hat from her head.
"There!" she exclaimed while placing the object atop his head. "Now you can help."
The hat caught on one of the many spikes decorating his head, causing it to limp forward slightly, covering one eye, but not falling off. Her lip was bitten to keep the giggles from pouring out.
"Siha, I fail to see how this will assist with your endeavors." he said, tiniest bit of irritation creeping into his normally unwavering voice. It was not helping her control her giggles. "Nor do I see how this could possibly improve the taste of what you're creating."
"Excuse me, Thane, but have you ever baked before?" Shepard couldn't give up the chance to upstage him.
"No, siha."
"That's what I thought." she said, mock-glaring. "Are you going to continue being a smart ass?"
"Not without cause, siha."
She twitched. Dry humor mixed with his brilliantly deadpan delivery was dangerous; at times it compelled her to tremor with rage due to his talent. She was the type of woman who liked getting reactions.
"Then, yes, you may help." she said, walking back into the galley, Thane close behind.
"Thank you, siha; I am humbled." he said, voice betraying nothing and yet everything at the same time.
Grinding her teeth, Shepard slid the bowl of cake batter over to him with a little more force than necessary. Which, of course, didn't faze him in the slightest; he simply held out his palm and the bowl came to a standstill with a resounding smack.
If it hurt at all, he made no indication.
Go figure.
"Try some." He quirked an eye ridge. "I know, it's weird, right? But I swear sometimes this stuff tastes better before you ever bake it."
Thane's brow pinched together for a moment before he shrugged gracefully, reaching for the spoon that had so rudely attacked him minutes ago. Shepard's hand caught his wrist.
The poor man looked even more confused, if that were possible. She shook her head vehemently.
"No, no, no," she lilted, "You have the hat. Taste with your fingers, not with a spoon." she sighed exasperatedly. "Honestly."
The drell eyed the bowl dubiously, quite like a child looking at a dinner that their parents had told them they would "really like it if they just tried it".
"Isn't that unsanitary?" he questioned, looking for a way out.
As if she'd allow that.
"Need I remind you that Gardner is our janitor as well as cook?" Shepard smiled knowingly and dipped her index finger into the bowl, spinning it around a bit, picking up a good sized dab.
In an entirely exaggerated manner, she brought it to her lips and sucked batter off her finger; making a 'mmm' sound, rubbing her belly and smacking her lips when she was finished. Her hand gestured toward him, eyebrows raised as if to say: "Well? Are you going to chicken out on me, Krios?"
Both of his eyelids narrowed slightly at the unspoken challenge; Thane was a proud man, not to the point of obnoxiousness, but he most certainly responded to Shepard 'throwing down the gauntlet' with avid enthusiasm, no matter the subject.
He mimicked her earlier actions precisely, bringing the batter up to his mouth. Instead of tasting it, however, he sniffed. His face scrunched up (as much as a drell's could, anyway) and he looked at her almost pleadingly.
Shepard just smirked, jerking her chin slightly, brow raised yet again.
Thane let out a mournful sigh and timidly stuck the tip of his wide tongue out, licking the batter on his finger. He pulled back, pensive look on his face as he worked the small bit of sugary goo in his mouth.
She blinked and suddenly his finger was clean and he was grinning like, well, a kid in a candy shop.
"This is... delicious, siha." he said through smacking lips.
The commander really wasn't sure if he had meant to say the word so sinfully, her mind immediately strayed to what she had planned for his birthday present after the cake.
His tongue flicking out to clean a stray bit of batter on his lips did not help matters. Shepard squirmed a bit, thighs rubbing together, turning her gaze pointedly at the bulkhead above her in hopes Thane would not notice her distraction.
A pair of hands firmly grasped her waist.
So much for that.
Thane pulled her to him, forcing her to melt against his body, causing her to groan at the sudden sensation. His thigh slid between hers and he chuckled, entire body vibrating and with his leg right there...
A strained moan flew from her mouth; he caught it and sealed it in a slow, sensual kiss, tongues tangling.
He pulled back as abruptly as he had embraced her; she almost missed the subtle twist of the corner of his mouth.
Her devious lover went back to the bowl of cake batter as if nothing had happened, and continued his sampling, now with more gusto.
He hummed with approval, turning his head toward her, a full-out smirk on his plush lips now.
"Delicious" he purred, never taking his eyes off her.
Oh God. That's it. Time for dessert, you clever bastard.
As daintily as a deadly marine could manage, Shepard untied her apron; her hands ran along the fabric as the ties fell to her side, akin to how she often stroked a certain part of his anatomy.
The low growl she heard from across the galley told her the gesture did not go unnoticed, but he made no move toward her.
Just as she brought out a more playful side of him, he seemed to bring out a calculating side of her. She was never one for games or long seductions before Thane - the life of a soldier doesn't really lone itself to such things - but now she enjoyed toying with him a bit.
To that end, she lifted the apron over her head and tossed it nonchalantly, so it landed on the counter. His gaze was heated, but all he did was clasp his hands behind his back and subtly raised an eye ridge. It said, "Your move."
Hips swaying just enough to make his gaze flick downward, Shepard sauntered over to his side and beyond, hand brushing against his abdomen in a lingering move as she did.
She felt his eyes burning holes into her backside as she swaggered to the levino-acid side of the Normandy's refrigeration unit to retrieve her prize:
A can of whipped cream.
Shepard shut the cooler, turning toward him, extending out the can slightly and shaking it from side to side, lips curved saucily.
Thane made a sort of rumbling noise and shook his head.
"No, siha." he said firmly. "The last time something edible joined us in our... exertions," he continued, drawing the word out silkily, "I was cleaning hot chocolate off my armor for weeks afterwords." His eyes narrowed. "You were of no help in that matter, as I recall."
She rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Oh you did not just pull that! Firstly," she emphasized by using her fingers to count off, "it was lukewarm chocolate at most, you big baby."
"Secondly," Two fingers, "it was an accident." she explained attempting to keep her voice as innocent as possible.
The resulting snort told her how much he believe that.
Fine, then. Have it your way, Thane.
Placing the can on the nearby counter, Commander Shepard stalked in for the kill.
Her eyes bored into his, unwilling to concede. He always broke her when it came to these little games; this was the first time she'd ever had a clear advantage and there would be a cold day in hell before she let go of it.
She brought her hand up between the two of them, gesturing yet again.
"Thirdly," she purred, "I seem to remember you enjoying something about that night."
Playfully, she swirled her finger around the zipper of his vest. "Now... what was it." The zipper came down until it caught on the first buckle of his jacket.
She "hmm"ed, looking genuinely thoughtful as she unbuckled the first obstacle, eyes never leaving his face.
Thane's posture was rigid; she could just barely see the muscles of his jaw clenching, no doubt grinding his teeth.
Down the zipper went yet again, and yet again it was caught. This time, as she undid the second buckle, Shepard dragged her tongue along the 'seam' in his skin where the crimson folds of his neck met with the scaly flesh of his chest and shoulder; not enough friction on the sensitive skin to cause him to hum in pleasure, but enough just on the edges to make his stomach clench.
His entire body was rumbling in anticipation, and she could tell he was biting on the inside of his cheek to keep himself from moaning.
That would not do.
Her tongue followed a familiar path down his chest, licking along the narrow valley between his pectorals. There was a hiss of pleasure and she heard him murmur her name, almost too low for her human ears to catch.
Knees bent to accommodate, she set to work laving his stomach eagerly with kisses and nibbles as the final barrier was removed.
"I think I remember what you liked so much." she breathed against his skin, right above the red flesh that decorated his lower abdomen and below.
Kneeling fully now, eye level to his crotch (not that she was complaining), she looked up at him as innocently as she could. Their eyes locked as she ghosted her tongue along the hem of his pants.
There was a startled gasp from her lover and she knew she'd won. His eyes became unfocused and--
"The liquid runs down me; chocolate rivulets that tickle my skin
She's on the floor in front of me; a goddess on her knees
Eyes laughing, she grins up at me
"Sorry" she whispers, not sorry at all, tongue removing one of the streams from my chest
I can't speak; her mouth continues it's path downward"
Shepard was already undoing his trousers by the time it finished; the memory so powerful for him he was leaning against a counter, hands gripping the edge so fiercely she thought he might break off a piece of it.
She had almost freed his undoubtedly painful erection from its prison when her omni-tool bleeped.
They both groaned, though Thane's was certainly more strained and sounded suspiciously like a growl.
Giving him the universal sign for 'wait a moment', she flashed open her tool to find out who she needed to murder once they got back onto the ship.
--Shepard
Kelly, Jacob and Mordin got completely wasted and are table dancing down at Dark Star.
There's Gilbert and Sullivan involved, we could use your help to wrangle the animals.
--Miranda
Looking up at her lover, she sighed and shrugged apologetically.
Thane was clearly not totally clear-headed just yet, still leaning heavily on the galley's counter as she rose.
He pressed a kiss to her forehead and mumbled something about her quarters and 'later'.
She nodded in agreement and left; grinning like a fool even though nothing quite happened.
This was not how tonight was supposed to end up. Not even close.
Shepard was helping Kelly get to her sleeper pod, letting the her lean heavily on her side while valiantly fending off the woman's attempts to grope and/or kiss various parts of her body. Her yeomen was thoroughly sloshed and apparently had some unresolved feelings.
Or maybe she just wanted to convince the commander that they should have a three-way.
Yeah. It's the latter.
Jacob had to be carried back by Grunt due to his size and musculature. Bridal style. Shepard suddenly understood why Jack was sober when she saw the camera in her hands.
Mordin, for his part, was completely sober; he needed little encouragement to break into song. He did, however, take furious notes when Kelly planted a ridiculously sloppy kiss smack on her lips when she first arrived at Dark Star to 'round up the cattle'.
She was pretty sure Jack got a picture of it too. If she didn't love the girl like some psychotic, homicidal little sister she probably would have hit her.
When she finally got a drooling, handsy Kelly Chambers locked away securely in her pod, the rest of the crew was funneling it, all in various stages of inebriation.
Unfortunately, this meant Gardner was back, and he was staring at his galley, still a bit of a mess from Shepard's failed 'Happy Birthday' attempt. Two failures, actually.
To avoid questioning, Shepard decided to go on the offensive. "Sergeant!" she barked. "I'm not sure what happened here, but I want this place cleaned up, and soon!"
She moved closer to him, leaning in and lowering her voice. "If you clean this up, no questions asked, I'll get you and Chakwas two uninterrupted hours in Miranda's quarters. Silk sheets, sergeant. An actual mattress."
The mess sergeant blinked. "Commander, if I wasn't already taken by a hell of a woman, I'd be kissing you right now. I'll have this place shined up in a jiffy. You--" She cut him off with a glare that could melt ice.
"I mean-- whoever did this," he waited for her approving nod before continuing, "Didn't do too much damage. I think I made more of a mess when the doc and I--"
Shepard discreetly cleared her throat and made a slicing motion across her neck. There were some things she just did not need to know about her crew, even less about what really happened near her food. Gardner let out a sort of yelp and immediately went about cleaning the galley.
While he was preoccupied, she nabbed the can of whipped cream still out, and sped to the elevator with all due haste.
Joker was right; Thane was a cuddler. Not just with her, though; if she didn't get the chance get into bed with him at the same time, he ended up snuggling a pillow or wrapping himself in a cuddly cocoon of blankets. The latter is what he had done tonight; Shepard could see his face poking out from the hood he had created ever so slightly.
Perfect.
Setting the can of cream on her coffee table, Shepard methodically stripped herself down to her skin, grinning so fiercely her cheeks were burning. After tossing her fatigues onto her pile of dirty clothes, she grabbed the whipped cream again and tip-toed carefully to her side of the bed, lifting one knee and then the other onto the mattress.
Shepard shuffled as discreetly as possible to her lover's side; he was facing away from her in his downy cocoon. Biting her lip, Commander Shepard bravely leaned over, can in hand, and--
"Siha," Thane rumbled sleepily, "put it down."
Though he couldn't see it, she pouted. She knew he'd hear it in her voice. "How did you know?" she asked, deflated.
Thane simply burrowed deeper into his blanket-cave, causing his voice to muffle slightly as he spoke. "I have been trained to know my surroundings since I was six, and -though I love you- your subtly is lacking. Greatly."
"But I just thought we could--"
"Siha."
A long-suffering sigh whooshed out of her and she flopped back against her pillows, muttering a curse when her head banged against the wall. Arms crossed over her breasts, she idly flicked the can she held from side to side, abusing her elbow in the process. Her eyes narrowed, glaring at couch across from her as if it were the cause of her frustration.
She just sat there as the seconds ticked by; Thane wasn't asleep yet and she was determined to get his attention. Despite everything, it was his birthday and she loved him. Absently she started reading the nutrition label of the can when brilliance struck.
The gargled hissing sound of an aerosol canister being used echoed in the small cabin; the command trailed a line down her collar bone to her navel, stopping to take a moment to put a fluffy white peak on each nipple. The dab on her nose was the proverbial cherry on top.
Vaguely, she heard some murmured words from her lover - she didn't catch all of it; something to do with Arashu, "strength", and "seeing past faults" - before he begrudgingly wriggled himself so he could look at her without leaving the confines of his fluffy prison.
He opened his mouth to say something, when he really looked at her. His jaw snapped closed and she felt/i his growl all the way on her side of the bed.
Shepard had a number of rather acerbic remarks about him wanting to sleep on the tip of her tongue, but she settled for smiling brilliantly and saying, "Happy Birthday?"
Thane agilely maneuvered his way out from his blankets and was laying on his side by her, trailing a scaled hand up her thigh. He took the now half empty canister from her hand, reaching over her to set it on the nightstand, taking the utmost care not to disturb any of the sugary cream on her torso.
Craning his neck, his lips found her nose; the broad, flat muscle make a wet path from between her brows, down the bridge, and to the tip, flirtatiously sucking on it before pulling back to look into her eyes.
"Indeed." he said calmly, before attaching his lips to the side of her neck.
Unable to stop herself, she tilted her head back and to the side as a silent offering. Per usual, he wasted no time taking advantage of her gift; his tongue fluttered along her erratic pulse, teeth scraped gently against the vulnerable artery causing her whole body to jerk.
He trailed kisses to her ear, nipping hollow, then the earlobe before he started moving across her jawline. Shepard's neck angled back even farther in anticipation as he reached her chin, tongue dipping into the dimple there erotically, hinting at his plans.
When his tongue started to run along the column of her throat, she was struck with another sensation; his previously forgotten about hand began to move along her leg, or, at least, his index finger did. The scaly digit scarcely touched the expanse of her inner thigh, but all the nerves there seemed to leap to attention, begging for just a whisper of his skin.
It was maddening. There was no other word for it, she could barely breath, let alone think, and it kept getting more and more intense as he licked a circle around the hollow of her throat. His tongue flicked into the dip in her collarbone, just as he did with her dimple and his finger started to make a lazy, curved line from the upper swell of her inner thigh, down to the back of her knee, and up again.
She made very little noise beyond the occasional gasp and pathetic whimper; he wasn't actually getting her anywhere near her peak but he was doing a fantastic job of making her dripping wet.
The commander was so positively enraptured by the delicious feeling of his finger than she was completely taken by surprise when she felt that divine tongue of his lave languidly around a nipple, gleefully cleaning off the cream she had honestly forgotten she even had on.
Good God, this was worth it.
Thane continued his ministrations eagerly; just as he began to nibble at the hardened peak of her breast, his hand finally brushed against the junction between her legs. Shepard arched, her hand automatically grasped at his shoulder before sliding around his neck, mewling as she came back down.
His fused fingers slid up and down her glistening folds; she felt like she was burning. His tongue left fire in its wake as he leaned over Shepard's chest, propping himself up on his elbow, to bathe her other mound with the same attention. Her lover's lips smacked as he licked off the sweet topping covering her nipple.
Breathless, her moans came out as more of a whine as he continued his wonderfully erotic journey down her body, swiping up every bit of cream on her stomach along the way. His hand was languidly stroking up and down the length of her heat, carefully avoiding the sensitive cluster of nerves on upward caresses.
Shepard understood (vaguely) when she felt him lift her leg, positioning himself so that he could stretch out between her quivering extremities, settling them so that they draped over his shoulders and onto his back.
Her entire body was quaking with desire; sweat began form, causing goosebumps to rise from the cool cabin air.
Thane locked eyes with her, corner of his mouth quirked up ever so subtly. She was about to ask what he was so smug about when his lips wrapped around the apex of her sex and pulled in a gentle sucking manner.
Shepard screamed, throatily and strained; one hand flew to his head, grasping onto Thane tightly despite the pain from the spikes, her other clawed at the bed, pulling at the sheets. Her ankles locked, heels digging in to his spine in an undoubtedly painful fashion.
If it bothered him, he certainly didn't show it.
Her hips bucked against him, grinding wildly against his mouth, anything to get some form of friction, but Thane would not allow it. A growl left her throat as he gripped her hips tightly, keeping her from any movement. His tongue began slowly, teasing along her outer petals; whisper soft.
Commander Shepard, savior of the galaxy, was practically in tears from the pure, raw need she was feeling, and that smug bastard between her legs knew it.
That wonderfully dexterous tongue of his suddenly shot inside her, rubbing along the pelvic wall before retreating. He repeated that same action over and over until her body was soaked with sweat from the exertion of desperately attempting to move her hips from his iron-clad grip.
After several repetitions (and a whole manner of primal, unholy noises later), Thane dragged his tongue up, firmly pressing against her flesh until he reached the apex.
He flicked over it once; twice; before scraping his teeth carefully against it and she was there. Her blood turned to fire and her entire body was stiff with unspent desire and she just need one more touch. The orgasm of her life awaited her and God what she'd do to Thane as a thank you and she couldn't help but clench her eyes and arch her body in anticipation --
The bed shifted. There was no rocking of her world. No gates of heaven opening up. She was teetering on the edge and why the hell wasn't she being thrown off.
Shepard opened her eyes to see Thane with his back toward her, casually putting on his vest, seemingly unaware of how close to being murdered he was.
The demon (she assumed that was what he had to be) sat down on the edge of the bed, opposite to her, and began putting on his boots, saying nothing.
She cleared her throat. "Thane?" He regarded her by looking over his shoulder, still cinching whatever mechanisms held his shoes together.
"You... stopped." she continued, voice hoarse.
"I'm glad to see your observational skills are improving, siha." he replied. She couldn't tell if he was teasing or genuinely trying to piss her off with his mocking.
"You got a hot date or something?" she said not caring how angry she sounded.
"With Garrus." he replied, not missing a beat.
A few undecipherable choking and spluttering noises came from her side of the bed.
Thane patiently waited for her suspicious coughing fit to end before continuing. "He asked for assistance with his calibrations, siha; the fight against the Collectors took its toll on the main battery."
"And you have to do this now?" she prodded.
"I said I would assist him soon, we never specified a time." he stated, rising from the bed. He took a few steps before clasping his hands behind his back and turning to face her. "I believe I will go now."
She was at a loss for words. He had never been the vengeful sort. Was this payback for his no doubt vicious case of "blue" balls earlier? Was he angry?
Shepard was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice Thane's liquid movements around the bed until his lips were right at her ear.
"You did not truly think I was going to let you win so easily, did you, siha?" his voice rasped in that deliciously low tone that would have made her loins ache if they weren't already. "I would have thought you would know better than to let your guard down."
And with that, he rose up, grinning wickedly, before straightening his face and his clothing, and heading out the door.
Commander Shepard just stared at the spot he had just vacated for God only knows how long, before her thoughts came together.
I'll be damned. I can't believe I ever thought he was dull.
She snorted and shook her head, sitting up and twisting herself so her legs hung off the edge of the mattress. All attempts to stand were met with unspoken laughter from the jelly that had now apparently filled her.
The game's still afoot, then. Clever bastard.
Smirking to herself, she laid back down. If he wanted to play, she was more than willing to be party to it.