Originally written for the Strifehart Kink Meme.
Prompt: fic involving pie.
(Originally intended as a Pi Day fill, I suppose. Here I am, so late the fashion went out of style. Oh well...)
He did not care if what had happened was supposed to be funny. He definitely did not care if it was supposed to be a relatively harmless joke that was bound to come about sooner or later.
All that mattered was that it had happened. To him. In public.
All he had been trying to do was get his job done: restoring his home and directing others to help by tearing down a bad wall so they could build up a stronger one in its stead. None of that warranted an attack, though it was his own fault for not noticing it before it actually happened.
That is, Yuffie throwing a cream pie in his face.
With a partially intact half-moon of pie shell on his head, crumbled bits of graham crust came loose and rolled down his once-white shirt. Each breath he took smelled sharply of vanilla and key limes. Resisting the urge to reach up and wipe the offending frothy mixture of whipped cream and flavored pudding from its slow slide down his face, he chose instead to glare at the ninja while demanding in a voice so cold it could freeze hell over:
"Explain."
And without a shred of fear – probably even encouraged by the ridiculous state the man was in – Yuffie puffed her chest and waved her fist in a flair of determination with her loud announcement.
"I'm protesting!" she declared loudly.
Silence. A chorus of non-sentient crickets unrelated to Jiminy chirped. Another clump of crust with a generous layer of cream stuck to it toppled from its precarious position and landed with a dull "plop" onto a once clean shoulder.
"… against what," Leon demanded in the same eerily calm, cold voice.
"Against… uh…" the ninja drifted off, obviously not having thought that far. Then, coming upon something, she launched into it, "Against the work hours! I demand more playtime!"
"What are you, five?" Leon snapped, finally loosing what little cool he had given his creamy situation.
"I protest against the management!" Yuffie hollered with renewed vigor. "Enough with the serious business! We must have fun! We must have happy! We must frolic the lands like MEN! And LADIES!" – pausing ever so briefly, considering what was going on – "… And LADIES WHO THROW PIES AT MEN!"
Some of the onlookers managed to laugh at that, but were quickly silenced by the sudden increase in tension within the Restoration leader's immediate vicinity.
"… You're no lady," Leon retorted with a scoff, earning an overly dramatic gasp of horror from the ninja.
"And I protest your ungentlemanly conduct!" she declared. "This calls for more ammo! Someone find me another pie!"
Finally deciding that enough was seriously enough, Leon pulled his gunblade free from its place at his side. At once, Yuffie and everyone in the area dispersed, getting as far away as they possibly could. Glaring about him with barely restrained fury, the brunet at least held the satisfaction that he was finally left alone.
Well, almost alone.
"… There's cream all over you."
Turning, Leon found that Cloud had come up behind him, staring at him with a strange gleam in his eyes.
"Thanks for stating the obvious," he growled back.
Cloud was undeterred. Stepping forward, he closed the distance between them. Then he leaned forward and licked at a clump of pie filling that stubbornly clung to Leon's cheek. The man startled, turning a bright shade of red under the white and pale milky green.
"What… what are you…"
Smiling, Cloud licked his lips as he hummed with satisfaction. "… Delicious."
Before Leon could think to stop him, the blond leaned forward again, this time licking a trail along the collarbone as he slowly cleaned the brunet of messily broken pie debris like a contented cat; he was perhaps just a step away from purring. Frozen to the spot with a deer-in-headlights look to him and helpless to the caresses of hot velvet, Leon shuddered, finally taking a long, deep breath.
"Not here," he tried to demand, though it managed to come out more as a plea. Still, Cloud heard him and paused in his current quest.
"Very well," he conceded, "but I'll have to find Yuffie and get the recipe from her. It could prove useful in the future."
Suddenly assaulted with distinctly crude images of all they could possibly do with that suggestion, Leon vaguely humored the idea that pie wasn't such a bad thing after all. Another lick, definitely against skin instead of sweetened pudding, and there was whispered idea in his ear.
Leon barely made it back to the house with Cloud a step behind, both fully expectant to fulfill the blond man's offer of helping the brunet "clean up". Safely out of sight, surrendering once more to the other's whims, he made a note to hunt the ninja down for that recipe himself.
Then add to its list one Cloud and a lot more cream.
Shameless advertisement: If you'd like to prompt me to write something Cleon/Strifehart for you, drop by the Strifehart Kink Meme (http: //community. livejournal. com/ cleonrp/ 2723. html). The ones I like better will end up back here for your reading pleasure.