What if Clara had met River before "The Name of the Doctor"?
This is just a not so short story of Clara meeting River and the Doctor trying his best to explain the whole thing of meeting in the wrong order (I probably screwed up trying to explain it so, sorry! It truly is one of those things where you have watch the show,
One does not simply explain River Songs Timeline
I don't own Doctor Who
I don't own the Characters either
"Clara! Clara!" there was panic in his voice. She heard him call from the console room "Trouble" she whispered with a hint of a smile tugging at her cheek. "Sorry Soufflé, I've to save some planet or something" She put the soufflé on the counter with a thud.
"CLARA!"
"Coming!" She tore off her oven gloves and ran towards him. The TARDIS didn't make it easy for her, adding in extra hallways, leading her to far off rooms.
"OSWALD!"
"I'm on my way!" She took a deep breath and whispered to the TARDIS "Listen, you don't like me, I know. To be fair, I'm not too fond of you either but he needs my help. Your precious Doctor needs my help" A door down the hallway to her left opened revealing the centre Console. "Thanks" She ran towards it, stopped before she got to the door, brushed off her jeans and strolled in.
He saw her coming down the stars "Clara! I've been calling you for the last-who-knows-how-long!; where in the entire universe have you been?!"
"Making soufflés" She shrugged calmly.
"Making Souf"- he took a deep breath and tried to compose himself by pushing a few buttons "I need your help"
"With?" she asked as she leaned against the centre console.
His tensed brow fell and he suddenly turned into a lost little puppy "A Present" he almost choked on those words.
Her eyes widened and her smile stretched from ear to ear "Oooh! My birthday's not for another while but"-
"For my wife" he gulped. He didn't hear Clara.
"Oh" her face fell but what he said finally hit her "Wait. Your wife? You have a wife?"
"Yes" he growled
She began to laugh
"What's so funny?" he seemed annoyed
"You're married! Oh my stars!" she could see he was not at all happy so she stopped laughing "What a very lucky lady" she said holing back sniggers.
"Indeed. And as far as I know, I've done something to upset her, well, the future me did it, I haven't, and he's left me here to pick up the pieces; typical me, leaving me to fix my own problems"
"What?"
He had never explained this part of his life to her. He sighed and began "My wife and I meet in the wrong order"
"What do you mean?" she leaned in
He leaned in closer to her and lowered his voice "What I mean is, her start is my ending and vice versa. Like reading a book backwards, every time I meet her I know more about her but she knows less about me. We stopped time, but we got it started again when we got married. She likes to shoot things, which excites me a little, except when she points a gun at me. She's not too fond of hats either"- he waved about his hands, he realised he was going off topic "But anyway, our lives run backwards to each other's to put it simply" he looked at her hoping she understood waiting for her reply
"I am so lost"
He dropped his head in defeat before slightly smiling at her "Wibbly-Wobbly Timey-Whimey. Either way, I still have a wife, and I still need a present"
"Flowers?" She began throwing out suggestions
"Pfft! Flowers?! Such silly things! They'll only wither and die in her cell"
"She's in prison?!"
"Yes, she shot and killed me, future me, a long time ago, 1969 in Utah, now"-
"What!?"
"Oh do keep up, Clara. It wasn't her fault anyway, she came out of a lake in a spacesuit that she couldn't control"
Clara stood there with a shell shocked look on her face.
He sighed "Clara, I'll explain later but right now I need a present so can you please concentrate on that"
She shook her head and took a deep breath "What does your murderer/wife like?"
He held his chin and thought for a few moments "Pretty things"
"That doesn't really narrow it down I'm afraid. Does she have any hobbies or interests… besides killing?"
"She likes history. She's a Professor of Archaeology, silly profession really; I don't know why she did it. To mock me I suppose"
"So bring her something from history. Fairly simple"
He stood there, dumbfounded "Yes, I suppose that was fairly simple" He sauntered around the centre console thinking to himself, humming occasionally before pointing his finger to the sky. "I know the perfect thing" He smiled before he pulled the leaver. The TARDIS wheezed to life and they were thrown about the room.
After a few moments the TARDIS came to a halt.
"Doctor, Where are we?"
"Egypt" he looked at the monitor "28BC. The height of Cleopatra's reign! Perfect! This is prefect! She loves Cleopatra- well, she impersonated Cleopatra in about 102AD, I hope that means she likes her…" His arms flailing "But then again, she also pretended to be an Old New York detective in the late 1930's and that was very sexy"-
"Ew!"
"What?"
"You saying 'sexy' is like hearing my dad say it"
"Oh, shut up" He tweaked his bow-tie and straightened his jacket "Anyway, won't be a tick" he made his way towards the door. She followed. He reached the door and turned around "No, Clara, it's best if you stay here"
"28BC, Egypt, Cleopatra; no way am I staying put!" she protested
"Yes but, I'm literally stepping outside the door for one moment"
"Alright" She sighed and crossed her arms. He smiled and exited quite quickly. He had landed the TARDIS right by Cleopatra's home "Good parking" he praised himself. He had barely gotten three steps away when he heard the door of the TARDIS open and close again. "Changed my mind" she skipped past him.
"Clara!" he chased after her "We're here for one thing and one thing only!"
"I know! A present for your wife! What's her name anyway?"
Suddenly there was a loud noise rumbling from inside the palace. They glanced at each other quickly before running in. "Doctor, what was that noise!?" She panted. "I don't know, but it sounded dangerous!" he laughed like a kid in a sweet shop.
All their running led them straight to a very large room decorated beautifully, lots of draping cloth with a throne in the middle. He took out his sonic screwdriver and scanned the room as Clara looked around cautiously. He flicked the screwdriver and stared at it. "That's impossible" he mumbled
"What, Doctor?" Clara asked but before she got an answer he began to race down another hallway. "Yay, more running" she said sarcastically before tearing after him. There was another loud noise in the room ahead of them. They began to hear people talking.
"What do you want!?" An Egyptian woman was begging
"Nothing from you, I'm just waiting for someone" It was such a familiar feminine voice. It was warm, it washed over him like custard. His laughter became even more childish.
"Then put down that gun!"
""Do you know who that is?" Clara asked but he still wasn't paying attention to her.
They stormed into the room. He saw her from behind; brown leather knee high boots, light brown pants, a jacket closed with a belt and curly hair that never gives up. He straightened his bow-tie, brushed sand off his jacket and tried to smell his own breath. "How do I look?" he whispered to Clara.
"Crazy" She replied.
"Perfect" He clapped his hands softly before announcing "Professor River Song" he smiled.
She turned around "Hello, Sweetie, about time you showed up" she began to walk towards him.
"Wait, Professor Song's a woman?" Clara questioned.
"Did I fail to mention that?" he answered with a question
"Yes"
"Then I probably also forgot to tell you that she's my wife"
"What!?"
"Doctor" Rivers warm voice captivated him as she gently grabbed his collar and kissed him. His hands were still a little unsure of what to do when she kissed him, he settled for running his hands through her hair. She withdrew. He looked so happy. SMACK!
"OW! I'm sure that's for something I haven't done yet" He held his jaw.
"Yes, well, that one is"
"What do you mean by 'that one'?" SMACK! "River! What in the name of Omega was that one possibly for!?"
"For not telling your friend who I was! Honestly! How did you not mention you were married!?" She turned to Clara as he nursed his red cheek. "Professor Doctor River Song" she held out her hand.
"Clara Oswald" she shook her hand nervously "So you're his wife?"
"Yes, and you're his new comanion"
"Yup!" she said with a quirky smile Y'know, it's funny; I thought his wife would be just like him"
"An awkward blundering idiot genius" River laughed "No, we're quite the opposite, aren't we Sweetie" She glanced at the Doctor who was tending to his wounds before looking back at Clara "well, except for the genius part but I don't mean to brag"
Something caught Clara's eye "Is that Cleopatra on the floor in the corner?"
"Yes" River said with a smile. Clara nodded anxiously "I'm just going to go say hello. It's not every day you have the chance to meet an Ancient Egyptian Queen" and made her way over to the Egyptian queen "Lovely meeting you, Professor Song"
"Likewise" She waved.
"River what are you doing here?" his cheek was still pink
"Visiting, my love, I knew you'd be here and we haven't had an adventure in such a long time"-
"But how did you get here?"
She lifted her wrist "Remember this bad boy?" The vortex manipulator "Motorbike through traffic"
"How did you"-
"Spoilers" she winked.
"Hello, your Majesty. Clara Oswald" She held out her hand to Cleopatra who was very cautious to say the least "I won't bite; scouts honour" The queen took her hand. Clara helped her onto her feet.
"Thank you, Clara Oswald" She glanced fearfully over at River who was still talking to The Doctor.
"Don't mind her, she was just looking for her husband, she's no harm" Clara gave her a reassuring smile.
"She is the wife of The Doctor?" Cleopatra asked in shock "He truly is a mad man"
"She seems nice" River stated
"Clara, yes, she's very nice" He was angry.
"Oh, Sweetie, do stop with the sour puss, I know you're happy to see me"
"I am happy to see you, River, but turning up like this, unexpected, unannounced"-
"Is exactly what you do and I'm stealing your thunder" she finished his sentence.
He was a little stuck for words; he couldn't exactly scold her when he does it all the time. She gave him a quick peck on his cheek "Oh I do love the moments when I render you speechless"
"River!" He finally found a word.
"Yes, Sweetie?" she smiled.
"TARDIS. Now" he was not amused
"Oh, barely here five minutes and you already want me to have my way with you; that must be a new record" she teased.
"No. We're leaving; it's straight back to Stormcage"
"Oh pfft! I know you're dying to have me around!" she pleaded
"No I am not! You're not meant to be here, and you're definitely not meant to have that on your wrist!"
"Oh yes you are! I seem to remember you telling me that you were in Egypt and then, well, you gave me the Vortex Manipulator and winked before you soniced me here!"
"River! Spoilers! They're fixed points now!"
"Sorry! All I want is to go on a nice trip, preferably somewhere warm, with my husband while we still know who we are to each other! Is that too much to ask?"
"Fine!" He took a deep breath "ONE adventure, but then it's back to your cell for the night"
"Oh you tease" She brushed passed him and squeezed his bum
"River!"
She giggled as she made her way towards the TARDIS.
"It's parked out front!" He called to her before he took a deep breath, tugged his bow-tie, straightened his jacket, clapped his hands and made his way over to the Queen and Clara. "Cleo!" He exclaimed with open arms.
"Doctor" she nodded, brushing sand off her dress.
"You've re-decorated! There's no half naked men walking around; I like it. I mean there's still some on the walls but that can be forgiven"-
"That, that WOMAN drove them all away! She came to town, looking for me, pointing, what she calls,'agun', at everyone and shooting rays of the sun everywhere! One ray even destroyed the nose of the Sphinx!"
"So that's how it happened" Clara thought out loud.
"Right, well, I'm sorry about that, won't happen again; trust me. We're taking her far away" He grabbed Clara's wrist "I'd rather if you didn't mention the whole 'nose of the sphinx' thing to anyone, especially not the record keeper" and dragged her away "Sorry to leave in a hurry, things to do and all that!"
"We're walking out on Cleopatra! Good-bye Cleopatra!" Clara waved "Why are we walking out on Cleopatra!... Never thought I'd say that"
The Doctor was fairly silent as he pulled Clara back towards the TARDIS. She had so many questions. "So that's your wife, eh?" She cocked an eyebrow. He didn't reply. "She seems like fun" Still no reply. "I like her hair. It looks really fluffy" He was beginning to crack. "Do you think she'd let me touch her hair?"
"I don't know, Clara!" He finally answered as they got to the TARDIS. Before they got to the door the Doctor stopped and held Clara by the arms. "Whatever you do Clara, don't ask her about her past, because I haven't lived it yet, it could ruin everything. But above all, never, EVER, read her diary" he begged
"Why not?"
"Because once you read it, it becomes fixed and you know what I told you about fixed points in time"
"They can't be changed" she nodded
"Exactly. River is the most dangerous thing in my life. Granted it's exciting, having a dangerous wife, it's fun, it is very sex"-
"Please don't say it again"
"Alright!" He was a bit offended so he continued "I just don't want it to get any more dangerous-er"
"Got it; don't ask about the past and don't read her diary" she clarified.
"Thank you Clara" He kissed her forehead and entered the TARDIS. She took a deep breath and followed.
River was in the console room, checking the monitors "You've re-decorated" she stated. The doctor looked around; he supposed his TARDIS was a bit newer than the last time River saw it. "I like the Gallefreyan symbols" she added "And I bet you just love that there's more buttons to press… It's a bit dark though, mind you"
"Since when are you an interior decorator?" The doctor asked with a playful smile as he made his way towards her. "Sploilers" she smiled playfully in return.
Their flirting sent a shiver down Clara's spine. It was a little sickening for her. She shook. River spotted her "Are you alright my dear?" asked.
"Right as rain" She said with a false smile as she walked towards them. She sighed before she spoke again "So, where are we off to?"
"Well, I'm off to get changed; leather boots and a winter jacket were not the best idea for Egypt, no matter how good I look" River answered
The Doctor smiled like a love-sick idiot trying to keep his eyes on the monitor.
"Oh shut up" river hit his arm playfully and left.
Clara stared at him as she moved closer to him. He was still smiling at the monitor but after a few moments, Clara's staring became too much for him. "What!?"
She began to laugh.
"What!? What is so funny to you today!?"
"When I found out your married; I had this image of a cute little lady, cardigan, crocheting, glasses, quiet, awkward, boring and doesn't like traveling; River is anything but!"
"I know" He began to smile uncontrollably before running about the console room pressing buttons
"How did you meet her?" She was curious.
"Well, it's quite a long and complicated story, really"
"Everything is long and complicated when it comes to you" Clara stated as she half sat on the main console. He sat in the seat opposite her.
"Well, it started in my last body, before I regenerated into this handsome devil"-
"Just tell the story" she interrupted
"Alright! Anyway, I ended up in the biggest library in the universe with my mate Donna, but there was no one around. Then River, Professor River, arrived with a team of archaeologists; the place hadn't been inhabited for over a hundred years, the computers kept saying 'zero survivors, 4,000 saved'. We discovered that they were all saved in the computer to keep them safe from the Vashta Nerada, microscopic piranha like creatures that hide in the shadows. River ended up dying to save all of the 4,000. She knew so much about me, I saved her to the computer so she could live forever" His eyes were watering, he took a deep sniff, composed himself and continued " Quite a way to meet your wife. Likewise, the day she first met me was the day I died, well, the day she killed future me. River and my present self have had a good few adventures in the meantime, We've seen galaxies and moons, but nothing could have prepared me for who she really was" He composed himself "Her real name, given to her by her mother, named after her parents best childhood friend, Melody Pond"
"Sounds like that Amelia Pond girl you told me about"
"Exactly"
"So, River is Amelia?"
"What? No! River's her daughter! Amy fell pregnant in the TARDIS, was kidnapped, had the baby on a ship called Demons Run, called her Melody, Melody was taken and raised to kill me in 1969 by the Silence – a group of interesting looking creatures that you forget about the second you look away from them, but she escaped and somehow got to England in the early 1990's where she was became her parents childhood bestfriend, Mels, thus being named after herself, she wanted to kill Hitler, she had no clue who I was, we went to Germany, she regenerated from Mels to River, peed-off some Nazi's, Rory put Hitler in a cupboard. Anyway, she was still out to kill me, and she poisoned me with a kiss. Before I died she found out who I was and gave me her remaining regenerations to survive . She was found again and forced to try kill me but she didn't. Instead she changed, she didn't kill me the second time around, she destroyed time. All of history happened at once, Area 52 in a pyramid in Egypt, crazy! And that's where we got married, we kissed and time started all over again. We did some newlywed things and then we met again in 1939, Manhattan where her parents died, she stayed with me in the TARDIS for a while to grieve and then she left. She spends her days in Stormcage, but her nights, well, they're between her and I, thus bringing us up to today!" He looked at her, hoping with all his hearts that she at least began to grasp who River was.
"So, she's your mate's kid, sent back in time to kill you, doesn't kill you and marries you instead"-
"Yep"
"And your timelines run backward to each other"
"Yes! You finally understand!"
"No. I really don't!" She laughed "Can we just leave it at you having a wife; that's enough of a shock for one day. My mind cant process it all at once. Try again tomorrow"