Macedonia, Summer 339 B.C.E.
--Alexander's PoV--
As a friend, I've been aware of Hephaistion for as long as I can remember. Together, when we practiced wrestling, at our schooling, and everything else in between. He was always there for me. Kept my secrets and earned my trust like no one else ever tried to.
How I've seen him as a man... now that is a different story entirely.
At first I was just appreciative of his looks, the feel of his hands on my shoulders, the way he would look at me with those obsidian eyes of his.
I felt bare in front of him whenever he turned that piercing gaze on me. I felt frightened when we'd speak because I never knew if he was going to ask me what I could not answer. I felt desire whenever we would lie on the floor of my room, by the fireplace, talking of our futures and dreams.
His voice always shook me when I heard it. The low vibrations of his laugh caused my heart to beat a little faster in my chest and the feel of his fingers in my hair caused my groin to grow uncomfortably tight.
I don't know when my feelings towards him changed. Or if they ever really changed at all. I had always been drawn to him, but not always aware of my feelings. At least not the true nature of my feelings.
But more and more, as the days grew longer with summer, I found myself falling out of lust and into love for him.
I wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to whisper in his ear as I laid him down on my bed. I wanted all of this and so much more.
There was only one way I was going to get it. I knew that I had to tell him, or else my fantasies would stay just that. Fantasies.
--Hephaistion's PoV--
It was more with love that I approached my relationship with Alexander than with anything I could offer him from my friendship.
I knew from earlier this year that he has started to look at me differently. It was no longer the innocent brown eyes that had captivated me as a youth, but with the eyes of a man.
Eyes that were full of desire and wanting.
Of course I would have given myself to him had he only spoken the right words, but I could not bring myself to just go to him. To give myself away to him. Alexander is the most noble man I have ever met in my life. And I know he would hold me well in bed, but that wasn't what I wanted.
Well, not all I wanted anyway.
I wanted his mind and soul as well as his body. I wanted him to look at me with those warm brown eyes and know that I'm the only one he'll ever look at like that.
I want him to love me.
But I can't ask him for that. He's my friend and for right now, that will have to do. I don't think either of us is really ready for our relationship to move beyond what it has developed into over these seventeen years of knowing one another.
Perhaps, maybe, we could work ourselves into a different relationship. But I wanted us to be in it together.
If I was going to have him, I wanted him for forever.