Full Summary: Senior year brings along excitement, adventure, and opportunity. It can be wonderful and a little scary to think of what's next. Sam and Freddie have been broken up for three months and with Graduation approaching, it could be forever. Can Freddie leave for his dream school without a second chance with Sam? And will Sam's stubbornness keep her from happiness? At the end of the day...there's Always Something worth fighting for, isn't there?

Chapter 1: Isn't It Funny

Sam's POV

Life can be pretty insane sometimes. Like, when something that seems so right, turns out to be so wrong. I guess that happens a lot. One minute you're living your normal life and then...boom, everything changes. By now I should be used to things like this. My life has been anything but normal. My family life is messed up to say the least, so I should be prepared for the unexpected. Yet, somehow I'm not. I've been taught to strong, stare pain and challenges in the face and take them down. Nobody has really seen me with my walls down or when that strength fails. I make everyone think I'm indestructible. I can't even tell my best friend what's going on right now because even though I know how broken I am, I'll never let it show. I never even believed it was possible to feel this way...heartbroken and lost. Of course that was all before I fell in love with one of my best friends, Freddie Benson.

Who in their right mind would have ever thought that Freddie and I would end up together? I never did that's for sure and if anyone would've told me that a few years ago, I probably would've punched them out. I actually wish I would have known, then I could have possibly stopped it and none of this would be happening right now. I guess I only have myself go blame, though. I mean, I am the one who let my guard down for a second and let my secret out. It was a secret I had for a long time before it came pouring out. Why couldn't I have buried it forever? Lately, I've been kind of wondering something, though. What if I never did kiss Freddie that night at school? Would we have somehow ended up here anyways? I never asked him, but I sort of wonder when he started to have feelings for me? Was it just because I kissed him, ran away, and gave him time to think of me in that way? Or did it run deeper than that? I mean we spent years "hating" each other. So, what changed suddenly? I honestly don't know and it kills me sometimes to think about. It's not like I can ask him about it now or anything. I lost my chance and that would be really awkward. It doesn't stop my mind from wondering, though.

I think about how things were when we first started hanging out. We were constantly fighting about anything we could think of. We were 13 years old then, and as time went on...well not too much changed. We argue a lot, but that's just part of who we are. If we got along and agreed on everything, we'd both be back at Troubled Waters. As we grew up, things suddenly started to change between us. We matured and so did our friendship. I didn't always realize it or appreciate it, but he's been the one person I could count on for anything. Even more than Carly sometimes. Even after all the torture he's endured and jabs he's taken from me, he still cares. He sometimes knows me better than I know myself and that scares me. He sees when I'm lying and when I'm hiding. He has never once hesitated on calling me out on something or getting me to open up. I don't even know how he does it. It's like he just knows when I need him and he's there without question. So, how did I let myself fall for him and possibly lose that great quality in him? I know we will always care about each other and have this strong connection. But the minute he told me he loved me...everything changed.

I spent years watching Freddie yearn for Carly's affections. It's kind of strange to even think about now. I remember thinking how insane he was. I would make fun of him every chance I got. I'd constantly tell him that she'd never love him. At first, it was because I thought he was a loser. I mean, we were 13 years old and I wanted to hurt him. As time went on, a part of me wanted to save him. I didn't want him to ultimately end up heartbroken over this massive crush he had. Then, out of some miracle she returned his feelings one day; after he saved her from that taco truck. That didn't last long and I knew it wouldn't. The hero effect can be amazing but it doesn't last. I knew it would wear off and when it did, Freddie would be the one to get hurt. I didn't want to see him in pain. Maybe I was a little jealous too. I knew I'd developed...something for him at the time and I couldn't watch him with her. She's my best friend but that doesn't mean I trust her in matters of the heart, especially when it comes to Freddie. At the time, I cared about him way too much to watch him get knocked down. I guess he understood that too, since he broke it off the next day. We never talked about it but I feel like I played some part in that.

After that, his crush faded and I saw him grow up. He started working out and caring about more than straight A's and Carly. I loved that side of him and even started to like spending time with him outside the iCarly studio. We started hanging out, just the two of us, after school either at the Groovy Smoothie or the park to take a run, and even at each other's' houses sometimes. We never told anyone about it, especially Carly, because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it. It was nice, though. It was so natural to be around him without a care and know that he was listening. I'd rant about my Mom's latest conquest and he'd tell me about his mother's overbearing antics. It is actually kind of nice to have crazy mothers in common. Eventually I started actually liking it there, it brought out my girly side a bit. We started influencing each other too. Like...we would go to the mall together. And I got him to start watching hockey, bringing out his real manly side. That was when I really started to like him, though. I didn't know what to do after a while...until it all exploded in my face.

Running away seemed like the only logical thing to do after that fateful night at school. I knew that I messed things up big time and nothing would ever be the same. Somehow I knew in the back of my mind that somebody was going to get hurt in the end of this. I never thought he would feel the same way and when he did...it was the best day of my life. I felt like I was living in this dream world. I mean, Freddie's like the perfect guy. He's handsome and kind and exactly the type of guy girls dream about bringing home. So, why would he pick me? Especially after all the abuse he's taken from me throughout the years. I'm glad he gave me a chance, though. Our time as a couple seemed to fly by and then it was gone. I wish for a moment I could have it back, just to remember what it felt like. But since that's not possible, all I have is memories. I love to just sit here and think about it all, if only for a moment.

"Sam? Sam? Sam!" Freddie yells, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah? What?"

"Are you okay? You look like you were in another world."

"I was." I say low enough, so he doesn't hear me. "No. No, I'm fine. What's up?"

"I gotta get some stuff ready for the show. What are you doing here so early?"

"What do you mean? I'm here for the show."

"45 minutes early? Who are you and what have you done with Sam Puckett?" He says, laughing at himself.

"You are just hysterical, Benson. I can be early. I'm early...sometimes."

"Yeah, right. About 30 seconds."

"That is so not true. Remember that one time when we were doing the...or the time I..." I said, trailing off trying to remember.

"That's what I thought. We've been doing iCarly for five years and I've never seen you here before show time, especially without Carly."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Yeah, whatever." He says, mocking me and I give him a death glare and he gets the hint. "But...I guess there is a first time for everything."

"I guess there is. Never too late to turn over a new leaf."

"So, does this mean you're gonna be on time from now on?"

"Yeah...no. But when I'm not, just remember this moment and how proud you were of me that I was here." I say and he laughs at me, and for a second things feel normal again. We stare at each other for a moment too long and I take notice, breaking the silence that fell between us. "So...what do you have to do anyways?"

"What?"

"For the show?"

"Oh, right. Um, I have to connect..." He starts but is cut off as Carly enters the studio.

"Hey, Sam! Can we talk about something? I was just..." She starts but stops when she notices Freddie. "Oh, hey Freddie."

"What's up, Carls?" I ask when she awkwardly stops mid-sentence.

"Uh, nothing. Hey Freddie, do you mind if I talk to Sam for a sec?"

"Um...I don't know. Is everything okay?" He asks her.

"What? Yeah. It's just...girl talk for a minute."

"Ugh, fine. I'll be back." He replies and heads for the door.

"Is everything alright with you and Freddie?" Carly asks, slightly curious.

"Yeah, fine. Is everything alright with you, Carls?"

"Yeah. Wait, no it's not. Look, Sam...we promised each other a long time ago that we'd tell each other everything, right?"

"Yeah, of course. And I've...kinda kept that promise."

"Yeah, right! You never even told me you liked Freddie!"

"Oh that's right. I just knew you'd...Carly it up."

"Carly it up? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh nothing, Carls. But...this isn't about me keeping that a secret. What's really up?"

"Okay. Well, I was downstairs and you left your phone on the counter. It was ringing, so I picked it up because I thought it was your mom." She said, holding up my phone.

"Okay, cool. What did she want?" I reply, grabbing it from her.

"It wasn't your mom."

"Who was it, then?"

"Sam, why would you turn down New York?" She blurts out and I freeze.

"What?"

"Sam...you and I have talked about going to college together in New York for as long as I can remember. And I know we're only a few months into senior year and everything, but I was kinda still banking on that."

"Carly..."

"Why would you turn down an interview with Parsons? It's been your dream forever. You'd go to Parsons, I'd go to NYU and we'd stick together, taking on the big city. What's changed?"

"I..." I start and go sit on the stairs in the studio. I didn't quite know what to say. I had turned that offer down months ago. How did she find out? I was hoping she never did. "How'd you know I did that?"

"When I answered your phone...it was a lady from admissions. Saying you turned down their offer FIVE months ago! Why'd you never tell me?"

"I didn't want you to know, Carls."

"Why? Why would you turn down an opportunity like this? I thought we agreed on applying Early Action, so we'd be able to plan for next year. Why would you do this?"

"I just...decided maybe...New York wasn't for me. It seems so stupid now."

"Yeah, it's stupid! Sam, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. And I know I'm the only one who knows about it...but this has been your dream since we were 10 years old. This is a mistake, Sam."

"I know that, Carly!" I say and turn my head away from her so she can't see what I'm feeling.

"What's really going on, Sam? Why did you really turn it down?"

"I...what does it matter? I blew it! It's done!"

"It does matter. Come on, I'm your best friend...you can tell me anything."

"Fine! It was last year when I started to rethink things. Like, maybe my dream wasn't everything. It doesn't even matter! It was five months ago, before Freddie and I..." I blurt out and stop myself from saying anymore but I think it's too late. Carly's a smart girl, she'll piece this together in a second.

"Oh my god..." Carly started and stopped as she had a realization. "Wait, you didn't give up Parsons because you didn't want to go anymore. You gave it up for...Freddie."

"What? Carly, that's insane." I say, getting up, not wanting to face her.

"No, no, no. You didn't want to leave him or be separated or whatever. You were thinking you'd still be together a year from now."

"That is not true."

"Yes it is, Sam."

"Well, I mean sure. Who really thinks of the day you're gonna break up?"

"Okay, I give you that. But, why would you do this anyways? Isn't he going to...that school..."

"MIT."

"That's it. Isn't that in Massachusetts? It wouldn't have been that far from New York."

"I know that. Look, Carly…this wasn't about being apart or not seeing him as much as I'd like, okay?"

"Then, what was it?"

"Okay, this does have to do with Freddie. But not for the reasons you think." I say and she looks at me confused. Since Freddie and I broke up, I guess there is no harm in telling her now. "Like six months ago, Freddie and I were talking about next year. He told me he really wanted to go to MIT for as long as he could remember. I told him of course and he shouldn't think twice. And then…"

"And then what?"

"He asked me go to Massachusetts with him."

"No way."

"Yeah, he told me that if I came… we could learn to take on college together and not be at strange colleges by ourselves. Besides you, he is one of the only people that believes I'm not as dumb as I let everyone think. So to be closer to him…I applied to the University of Massachusetts."

"Oh my god, are you serious?"

"Yeah, and I got used to the idea of going to Massachusetts with him next year."

"I can't believe it. How come neither one of you told me?"

"Because, New York's where you belong. You've been talking about NYU since we were like eight years old. I didn't want you to think you had to give that up to come with us."

"Wow…so what are you gonna do? If you get into UMass, are you gonna go?"

"I don't know. I mean, maybe. Since I blew it with Parsons."

"Maybe you didn't."

"What?

"Well, I never told you why they were calling. They wanted to give you another chance. They wanted to schedule another interview."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. I told them you'd call them back. You have to go to New York, Sam. Not just for me, but you have to do something for yourself for once. You've spent your entire life putting other people first."

"Not really."

"Sure you have. You just act like you don't. Like…you know you could have gotten into that boarding school Melanie goes to. But you knew your mom could only afford to send one of you. So you told her to go, even though you wanted to."

"Well…"

"And then, how about that time you saved iCarly from being brought down by that nasty Valarie girl? She was ready to take you and Freddie, and leave me forever."

"Yeah, she was a nut job."

"Yeah. And now, you were willing to give up your dream for…love. That's amazing, Sam."

"Look, yes all those things happened but…I did all those things for myself. Going to UMass would be an amazing opportunity."

"As amazing as Parsons?"

"Of course not. But…I still don't know if I want to go,"

"Can I ask you something, Sam?"

"Sure."

"Are you hesitating because of Freddie?"

"What?"

"I mean, are you waiting to see if you and Freddie…work things out and asks you to still go with him?"

"What? No. Why would I do that?"

"Because if he doesn't…then it will really feel like it's over forever, right?"

"It is over. I can't change that"

"What if you could?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean, if you could have Freddie back…would you take him?"

"Carly, I…" I started, then stop when I hear the elevator ding and watch my dark haired ex-boyfriend exit.

"Hey, are you guys done talking? Because I really have to connect these cables. Show starts in 20 minutes." He says, and Carly glares at me, wanting to finish this conversation.

"Yeah, were done. There's nothing more to say here. Um…I'm gonna go for some pre-show ham. I'll be back." I say, making a run for the door.

"Be back here more than 10 seconds before we start!" Freddie yells after me.

"No promises." I yell back and shut the door behind me.

I ran out of that studio as fast as I could, praying Carly didn't follow. I've spent the past three months trying to forget that huge mistake I made, turning down my dream school. At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. It may have had to do with the fact that I was blissfully in that relationship, never once thinking something would go wrong. When it did, I didn't know what to do or where I was going. Honestly, I still don't. Maybe Carly's right. Maybe the reason I've been avoiding applying to another school or thinking about the future at all is because of him. I guess somewhere...I was hoping that breaking up with Freddie wouldn't be forever. Just a break until we figured out how much we needed each other. Now time has passed...and the longer it becomes, the harder it becomes to really believe in "us" at all. Isn't it funny, how you really don't know what you have till it's gone? How you never will admit you were wrong or need a second chance...until you lose the one person you ever truly loved.

A/N: This is a story that I had started on a different account and never had the chance to finish, so I thought I would take the time to that now. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and throw me a comment or a suggestion if you want. Otherwise, just enjoy! Thanks again for reading!