A letter
My absolute first fanfiction from the year 2001. I overworked it a bit, of course ;)
I cannot sleep nor can I think clearly.
My mind is spinning around I can only think of her and I am not able to stop it.
The thought of her affects me in eating, sleeping, breathing, being… in life.
And I am too weak to hold it off. Or maybe I don't even want it to be held off.
But the more I let her control my mind, the more I suffer.
I want to be close to her, I want to feel her, caress her soft skin, kiss her tender lips and smell her discreet blossom scent.
I want to share my life with her.
But a life together with her cannot exist.
What is worse?
I'd rather rot in hell. The pain and guilt drive me crazy.
The pain, that consumes me.
She was the one to give me strength while we traveled around the world to defeat Sephiroth and destroy Meteor.
Her emerald eyes were my bread, her beautiful bright smile my water.
Sometimes I have to think about what could be, if she only was alive. How it would be to feel her warmth and lust for life again.
But then I want to find all the answers to my questions, which torture me every the night.
Would she even stay with me?
Or walk away… away from me?
Does she feel the way I do?
And then my soul is longing for all the answers to these questions, which control my nights.
But the most important question above all is:
Why her?
The woman with which I wanted to be happy forever is dead.
She gave her life for a world full of sin, hatred, death and anger.
What about love? It seems that love in this world is as worthless as the life of a human.
Fragile as a mirror.
I'm a wreck without her. A wreck with it's only way sinking to the ground of the deep, blue sea.
But she will life within me forever.
And if the memories of her start to fade, I'm going to fade with them.
And if they die... then I am going to die with them.
Now, tired, I am going to rest and dream a dream of the never ending love.
I hope that I'll never wake again.