Chapter 1 – Recovery

Draco was hurting, but if it was more from physical pain or mental, right there at that moment he couldn't tell.

As he lay in the hospital wing, his eyes closed and the darkness unfolding around him, he sighed and thought back to the previous day.

All he had wanted was to be alone, he didn't like what he was doing as much as he thought he had, he didn't want to do this but he had no choice. Then he came, he came and he attacked.

It wasn't the fight that was the problem; Draco was a good enough dueler to hold his own, even against the precious 'boy who lived'. It was his eyes, the eyes that told him that they had drawn their own conclusions on him, that they would always hate him, that they would always blame him, no matter what.

He remembered hitting the floor, water seeping through his clothes as pain lanced across his chest and back, he remembered the warmth tickle his fingers as his blood flowed out over his body and into the water. He remembered the fear, the fear that he was going to die here, in the toilets, alone and helpless to a spell he had never seen or heard of, by the boy that everyone loved.

He remembered fighting to stay conscious, a black figure sweeping over him and muttering incantations under his breath, then nothing.

He woke up the next morning in the Hospital wing, he had tried to sit up and Madam Pomfrey had pushed him back down, telling him he needed to rest. He didn't want to rest; he just wanted to be alone. Relief washed over him as the skies darkened and he could be left to his thoughts, but now they were just a tangled mess.

He didn't hate Harry, he never had, he just didn't like not getting his own way, he always got his own way. He had never before been dismissed by someone and seeing Potter laughing and bonding whilst he had no real friends was painful. He longed to be able to confide in someone, to love someone and to not be so afraid.

If anything, he hated himself, he missed the part of him that had died when he had been called into the Dark Lord's service. Once, being arrogant, confident and brisk had been him all over, it was natural and easy to feel good about himself, now, nothing could overcome his fear and hatred. He put on a good show, oh yes, he always did, but behind closed doors he felt as helpless as a child.

Not long after he was up and walking, the scars now faint white lines across his pale body, they wouldn't be permanent he had been told. He had taken to trailing his fingers along them when alone, feeling their alien presence on him and wishing he had been able to fight back.

His fellow Slytherins had all welcomed him back with good cheer and threats against Potter, they enquired after him but he could see none of them really cared, no one ever did. He had lost to a Gryffindor; he was a shame to Salazar's name, which was what everyone was thinking.

He had been called to Professor Snape's office before he even got a chance to relax.

"What on earth where you thinking? Taking on Potter like that you foolish boy!"

"I didn't 'take him on' he followed me and attacked me. I just wanted him to leave me alone, I didn't even use proper spells I hoped he would just go away."

"You let your anger get the better of you, you always do! How am I meant to protect you when you constantly step into harms way?!"

"I don't need protecting, especially not from you!"

"Obviously not, tell me, what would have happened had I not found you in that bathroom?!"

Draco leant back against the wall and didn't meet his Professor's eyes.

"Exactly, had it not been for me you would have died! No one knew the counter curse to that spell but I, do you understand that, how that boy came to know it is beyond me."

Draco didn't raise his eyes, he kept scowling at the stone floor as Snape chided him. Finally he could bear it no longer.

"Maybe you should have just left me; it would make your job easier!"

"Left you? I made an unbreakable vow to your Mother to protect you, the easy route is never the right one, you of all people should understand that!"

"Yes yes, the stupid vow, if it weren't for that you could just let Potter kill me and be on your merry way."

"You think just because I am held by the vow that I would let harm come to you otherwise?"

Draco looked up then, trying to hide the surprise on his face as he met Snape's eyes.

Severus's voice softened as he continued.

"I have been friends with your family for many years Draco, your mother has always been kind to me, regardless of your father and I have watched you grow with interest. I would not let anything happen to you whilst it is in my power to stop it."

Draco sighed.

"Thank you Professor, but feeling sorry for me is not what I need right now."

"No, you need guidance and someone to talk to, let me be that person, I am sick of dragging you in here and shouting at you."

"Really, you seem to rather enjoy it." Draco sneered.

"Do not test me Draco, I am trying to help."

"I've told you before, I do-"

"Yes you don't need my help, but you do Draco and you know it."

"He chose me! Not you, me!"

"And are you happy with that?! Does it make you proud? Such an honour to be given to one so young!"

"Don't talk to me like you know what I am going through!" Draco turned his back on Severus, hitting the wall with his fists.

A hand grabbed his shoulders and forced him to turn around.

"Do not speak to me like that boy, I have been in the Dark Lord's service since before you were born! Do you not think I don't know what it is like? I have been through worse than you, stop acting like you are the only one to go through something like this!"

Draco tensed under his hands, feeling the anger coming off Severus in waves, and behind the anger a pain so intense Draco had to look away.

He looked at the ground for a few minutes and Severus released his grip, straightening up and flattening down his robes, when Draco looked up he was standing there as if nothing had happened, a slight smirk on his face.

After a few seconds of staring, Severus's smirk dropped. "Do stop staring Malfoy it is unbecoming of you."

"What happened to you then?"

"Excuse me?"

"What did you do? Why are you like this? There is obviously a reason or you wouldn't have exploded like that."

Snape looked taken aback and folded his arms. "That is of no concern to you; I suggest you remember who you are talking to."

"You said you wanted me to talk to you, so help me understand."

Severus looked him up and down for a moment, as if deciding what to do and unfolded his arms.

"I sold the one I loved to Voldemort, I didn't know, I was young and stupid and now they are gone, he murdered the only person I ever loved. You are lucky you don't have anyone you love just yet Draco, it is even worse than becoming a Death Eater, being in love."

Draco had nothing to say for this, except he felt a stir of pity for the man, but he brushed it away, shrugging off his stare and making to leave the office.

"Do not repeat what I have just told you Draco, I can be a powerful friend, or an even more powerful enemy, remember that."

Draco turned round and smirked, this was more like it. He opened the door and disappeared into the hallway, feeling slightly better despite himself.