A/N: This is written in purely, good fun. I thought this would be hilarious to see and had to get it out of system. Thoughts? Comments?

I DO NOT OWN THE VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.

"Bonnie! Open up!" I can hear Damon yelling from my room, upstairs. Seriously? Does he always have to bother me at the most inconvenient times known to man? I groaned.

"Go away! I'm taking a personal day! My mental health needs it!" I hollered.

"So help me, Judgy! If you don't get your ass downstairs and unlock this door, I'll have choice but to break it down!" He shouted. I groaned. Mother of God. Can't a girl cramp in peace? It's bad enough my uterus hates me, but not I have to deal with Damon fucking Salvatore? Jesus Christ help me. I have no patience for this today. I climbed out of bed and dragged my practically lifeless carcass downstairs and unlocked the door.

"What the fuck do you want Damon?" I asked, clearly irritated.

"To annoy the hell out of you – is it working so far?" He asked, coming inside.

"Go away, Damon. I'm not in the mood for this." I told him.

"What were you doing anyway?" He asked, ignoring me.

"I was lying down and trying to enjoy the peace and quiet."

"Why would you waste your time doing that?"

"I don't feel well – okay, Damon?"

"Awe, what's wrong Judgy? Is being self-righteous too strenuous on your body?" He quipped. I rolled my eyes.

"Actually, dealing with too many asshats like you, causes my body to self-destruct." I sneered.

"I would pay big money to see that."

"Get out."

"But we're having so much fun." Damon protested. I sighed and grabbed his arm. I started pushing him towards the door. "Did you hurt yourself? Is that why you're so feisty today?" He asked, widening his eyes.

"No, Damon. I didn't hurt myself. Please, leave." I tried to keep pushing him.

"I smell blood and I know what yours smells like. If you didn't hurt yourself, why are you bleeding?" He asked me, suspicious. I sighed, fighting the blush that's making its way to my cheeks.

"I'm on my period, Damon. Okay?" I told him. He stopped struggling, but he wasn't budging. I fell to the ground. His mouth was gaping.

"Why do women always act like that's such a bad thing? It can't hurt that bad."

"Go through a period and then talk to me about it not being bad." I glared at him. He's smirking.

"You know, depending on the guy, I can be a turn on. I mean, don't get me wrong Judgy, you're too self-righteous, but you're hot. I'd happily fuck you into oblivion, anytime." He paused to wiggle his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes. I'm not even going to comment on that. If I told him that the attraction was mutual, he would never in my life, or afterlife, let me live it down. "And seeing as I am a vampire, I would never turn down the opportunity to eat you out while you were on your period. I mean –" He said, shamelessly. I cut him off with an aneurism.

"Don't even think about finishing that sentence!" I threatened him, now bright pink.

"You know what they say, orgasms bring endorphins. If you're really in that much pain… I could help." He winked. I face-palmed myself.

"I can't even talk to you. Why did you really come over?"

"I told you. And everyone else is busy. I was lonely. I came to see you. Come on. You know I'm going to wear you down, eventually." He backed me into a wall. I sighed. I'm never going to find out why he really came over here.

"Damon," I protested, but he cut me off with a kiss. I could blame my body. The fact that my hormones were in overdrive didn't exactly help the situation, either. But, I kissed him back. I let him take me upstairs. "We shouldn't do this."

"But that's what makes it so much fun." He smirked. God, I'm going to regret this. To hell with it.