Nothing Could be Better
A/N: I'm in a sappy, mushy frame of mind hence the sappiness and the mushiness. This one-shot was inspired by the prompt 'sleepy' even though it ended up diverging from that for the most part. So, take it as it is, those who choose to read.
Mai's gaze lingered over the Earth Kingdom clothing she'd worn for the past week or so. While she preferred the colours of her own nation, the burgundies and blacks and reds, the greens and yellows had afforded her an enjoyable anonymity while wandering the upper and middle rings of Ba Sing Se with Zuko.
Instead of part of the conquering nation, she and the prince had been Earth Kingdom natives, touring the capitol city, enjoying what it had to offer. Instead of fear or hatred in the eyes of those they encountered, there was acceptance. And somehow, Zuko managed to forget his guilt and his anguish for those few hours. He stopped torturing himself long enough to enjoy Mai's company, to relearn the delicate dance of communication they had developed during their childhood moments together.
She would miss Ba Sing Se for that and that alone. Here, she and Zuko had been free.
Touching the pale green sash, then the wide sleeves in white and darker green, playing with the tassel that hung from the decorative belt, she laid the robes on the bed.
"Sentimental about clothes," she muttered to herself, giving her head a shake. "Careful, Mai; you're getting soft."
With a sigh, Mai checked her reflection, adjusted her black hair, smoothed down her Fire nation robes. It was time to go home, time to return to Capitol City and she knew not what exactly. Mai did know that she would be lonely once more, without Zuko's company. Remaining in Ba Sing Se with Zuko was not an option. Azula knew of the connection between her and Zuko, had even encouraged it in her own weird way, but the princess had no idea the depth of Mai's feelings. And Mai wanted to keep it that way. One day, when it was necessary or when she simply felt the moment was right, Mai would let Azula know. It would not be with words, most likely, but with some action, some rebellion. She would not be squished beneath Azula's thumb for much longer. Mai wanted more from her life than that.
"I tried one last time," Azula declared from the doorway. "But he's determined to stay here. You know Zuko; he's punishing himself for finally doing something right. Ugh, he's so melodramatic." She rolled her amber eyes. "And he's an idiot."
"It's his decision," Mai replied, her voice matter of fact. "I'm ready to leave." The evening before, she and Zuko had sat together, hands linked, no words, and parted with one soft kiss; a private goodbye. Both had wanted more; more time, more intimacy, more courage. It was true that Mai was ready to leave the Earth Kingdom. But she would never be ready to leave Zuko.
She joined Azula, not looking back at the outfit on the bed. She thought about it though, and about Zuko and about how dull life back in the Fire Nation would be without him. This taste she'd had of joy and companionship made the prospect even bleaker. Life could be hard and more often than not, it hurt. She had another painful moment to add to her list now, a heartbreaking one. But no one would hear it break; no one would see the devastation on her face.
Ty Lee pounced on them, wearing a cheerful smile, her walk more of a bounce. "Don't be sad, Mai." She gave her friend's hand an impulsive squeeze while sneaking looks at the space surrounding Mai's head and body.
"I'm fine; same dingy grey aura as always, I'm sure." Mai narrowed her eyes at Ty Lee, willing the girl to keep her mouth shut about whatever she saw or thought she saw.
"Yeah, you know, you're right. It is dingy and grey. Anyway, it was nice to see Zuko again, wasn't it?"
"Sure, whatever; I had to pass the time here somehow."
Mai could see the protest forming on Ty Lee's lips. The chi blocker knew very well there was more to Mai's feelings for Zuko than that. And she loved the idea of romance, would enjoy nothing more than to witness the blossoming of the relationship between Mai and Zuko, the culmination of their childhood crushes, their childhood bond. But Ty Lee had a healthy fear of Azula's manipulative skills too. The more information the princess had, the more she could twist you to suit her purposes. So she swallowed down her spontaneous words. Azula would have to observe on her own, gather information without help.
Grateful, Mai gave her friend a slight smile, a quick upturn of her thin lips. Ty Lee understood and suddenly Mai felt they had an unspoken alliance of sorts against the princess. But Mai would not depend on it for anything. Ty Lee had a strange loyalty to Azula too, despite the girl's harshness, her cruelty. Or maybe it was Ty Lee's desire to see the positive in everyone and everything that forged such a link; maybe Ty Lee could see in Azula what Mai could not. Or maybe Ty Lee wanted to see good so badly that she imagined what was not truly there.
~~~~0000~~~~
The palanquin ride to the harbour was slow and awkward and boring and Mai wished it over in her head dozens of times. She took out a blade and played with it, deadly weapon a toy in her hands. The movement of the shuriken, the way she made it spin, had a hypnotizing effect on the young woman. All she could see was the metal, bright and sharp, clean and beautiful. Her pale gold eyes fixed on it and the conversation between Ty Lee and Azula faded and became nothing but a whining in the background, two annoying mosquitoes.
Once the servants set the palanquin down and the three girls stepped out, Mai scanned the area for Zuko. Perhaps he wanted to see her off, despite their farewell the evening before. Or perhaps the prince needed to solidify his decision to remain in Ba Sing Se. The sight of the ship and all his countrymen would tempt. If he could resist, than his decision was a firm one. Sure enough, there he was, watching the proceedings, standing alone amidst the bustle of the harbour. Mai made her way to the prince, Azula and Ty Lee forgotten about. Funny how he could do that, make her forget about everything and everyone else around her.
Wearing Earth Kingdom clothes still, the breeze off the water blowing his shaggy brown hair, Zuko was out of place, awkward looking and so forlorn. But he smiled when he saw her and Mai felt delicious heat pool inside. She smiled back.
"Hey," she began, linking her arm through his.
"Hey."
They walked about the harbour, immediately in their own tiny universe. How was it possible to feel so much? How could her heart be full to bursting with, was it love, and sorrow too? How could she ache so much, want to cry and scream, grab hold of Zuko and kiss him so long and so deep that he would shout out for release?
"Mai, I, are you okay?" He tilted his head and snuck a glance at her.
She ignored that question and asked one of her own. "Are you coming with us, with me*?" Cupping his ruined cheek, a hopeful expression on her face, Mai waited.
One final chance but when Zuko hesitated, Mai knew the answer. She was not enough of an incentive and a part of her was crushed by that realization.
"I'd like to, Mai. I'm just not sure I…."
The shame and guilt he felt for 'betraying' his uncle and siding with Azula ate at him and tainted any bit of joy he felt. Now that he finally had what he wanted, the opportunity to return to the Fire Nation after three years, he denied himself. No, she was not enough to overcome all that. Still, she saw affection and desire in his gold eyes, a softness that he reserved only for her. Perhaps one day…..
The clanking of shackles distracted Zuko. He turned and spied Iroh, defeated looking, so sad, shoulders slumped, walking between Fire Nation guards. Mai saw the prince's body grow rigid, couldn't help but see the way his expression darkened.
Without warning, Azula was upon the couple. "Poor, poor Uncle…." She made her way toward the gangplank. "I wonder if he'll even survive the trip home. Well, we must be going. I suggest you bid farewell to your little girlfriend, brother." She didn't have to look at Zuko to know the effect her words had; manipulation at its finest.
Mai frowned at Azula's retreating back, her eyes narrow slits, her fists tight little balls. She hated the princess for what she had done but at the same time was grateful. Mai knew very well that now Zuko would leave Ba Sing Se. He could not tolerate the idea of something tragic happening to Iroh on the voyage home. Zuko would watch out for the man, whatever way he could, both to appease his guilt and to express his love.
"I, I'm coming with you. I'm going back to the Fire Nation."
And so they boarded the mammoth ship single file, Zuko last, holding on to Mai's hand with care. Shoving aside thoughts of the future, Mai decided to concentrate on the present. Zuko was with her and right now, that was all that mattered.
~~~~0000~~~~
Zuko headed below deck right away. He mentioned something about checking on Iroh before retreating to his cabin. They were comfortable enough, with serviceable beds, a place to put their clothes, a table and a chair. Mai headed to hers as well and settled in, placing the three books she never traveled without on the table and her clothing in the small wardrobe. Bored already, she found Zuko's cabin and knocked on the steel door.
"It's me," she called.
His chair scraped against the floor, and then they were face to face again, the door yanked open. Zuko stepped aside to let Mai in.
"I'm glad you're here," he managed to say before dropping his gaze and fingering the fabric of his new Fire Nation clothing.
"You look like you again," Mai stated, indicating his robes. "Well, except for the three years of growth, and your hair."
"And this," Zuko added, placing his right hand on the left side of his face.
"And that," Mai agreed, not flinching from the idea of Zuko's scar. It was a part of him now, as much as his bending, his deep gold eyes, his pale skin, his awkward shyness, his brooding.
His undamaged eye widened for a moment, Mai's blasé attitude toward his scar surprising and delighting him still.
"So….."
"So…"
The space was small with the bed the only comfortable place to sit. They both yawned, thinking simultaneously of sleep.
"Um…" Zuko gestured at the bed.
He wanted her to stay. Mai could see that plainly enough. There was no reason not to, no parents to disapprove, nothing else needed doing. And then there was her own desire to remain, curled up against Zuko, relaxed, safe for the moment, loved. No matter that the words had not been said. No matter that in three years the young couple had only spent a few days together; the love was there. It burned in Mai and it burned in Zuko. Nothing need be spoken aloud, not until they were ready or felt the need. Right now, in that moment, everything was as it should be.
Mai kicked off her shoes and climbed onto the bed, nestling down in the pillows. Zuko did the same, his face wearing a silly sort of grin. He pulled Mai close and she rested her head in the crook of his neck. He felt so good, the little bits of his exposed skin radiating warmth. Mai snuggled deeper and sighed, not with boredom for once, but with a deep sense of contentment.
What could be better, she wondered as her eyes began to close. Shifting a bit, Zuko placed his lips against her forehead, letting them linger there. His body was limp now, all its tension vanished, and Mai knew that Zuko felt the same contentment. Nothing could be better.
*portions of dialogue are lifted from the "Going Home Again' comic.