What if Andy had overhead a part of Sam's session with 15's therapist?
Andy breathed out a sigh of relief as she ran out of 15's therapist's office, her legs feeling shaky as she realised she had just unloaded on a poor stranger, not letting her get a single word in as she rambled on about how quickly Sam Swarek had moved on.
"It wasn't meant to be." She repeated the mantra she had just created for herself in the shrink's office. She leaned against the wall outside the precinct, letting the cool air cool down her overheated body temperature.
She really needed to get a grip.
She had told Sam she knew when to walk away, so why was she still talking about him? Why was she still torturing herself with unanswered questions? Questions, she was sure, she would never get an answer to.
It was time to let go. She could do this.
Determined to turn over a new leaf, she made a move to walk home but quickly realised she had forgotten her scarf and it was getting chillier by the minute as the sun set over the busy city. Sighing, she headed back inside, deciding it was better to retrieve the lost item before she came down with a cold.
She waved at the officers coming in for the night shift, wishing them a good night as she headed up the stairs. She slowed down as she heard voices coming from the Dr Dyer's office. The door hadn't been shut completely and she could distinctly hear Sam's voice as he huffed. She wanted to laugh to herself, wondering how Sam Swarek had been ropped into going to therapy. But she sobered up quickly, remembering that she didn't know him anymore. That he had probably changed in the last 6 months.
"What do you blame yourself for?" The doctor's voice was soft. Andy stopped in her tracks, awaiting Sam's response.
"That list is long." She raised her eyebrows wondering what he was talking about. He was probably talking about Jerry, she decided.
"Well pick one off the list."
"Not being able to be the person I needed to be for the person I care about the most." From what she could see, Sam was just what Marlo needed. She wondered what he was talking about.
"Why not?" Suddenly ashamed at listening in on Sam's therapy session, she made a move to knock and ask for her scarf. He was no longer her business. She had no right to intrude.
"She's too complicated. She's an emotional sponge, you know. Feeling everyone's feelings..."
"Is this your girlfriend you're talking about?"
"My coffee is cold, I can't drink cold coffee."
Forgetting about her scarf, Andy ran out of there as quickly as she could. The word emotional sponge resonated in her head, the words too familiar to her ears.
He had been talking about her.
Not being able to be the person I needed to be for the person I care about the most.
She was reeling from the admission she had overheard.
Was this the reason why Oliver told her to fight? Because he knew something she didn't? Sam had made it abundantly clear that he was with Marlo and Andy had admitted defeat upon seeing him happy. Or was he? Why had he been talking about her in the first place if he was happy with Marlo?
The questions overflowed her brain, making her dizzy. The cold air took her by surprise as she ran outside the building. She leaned back against the wall, gasping for air. It felt like she had been hit in the chest and she couldn't stand anymore, her legs feeling weak under her.
"McNally?" She closed her eyes. No, this was not the right time for her to be confronted by Sam Swarek. "Hey, are you ok?" His worry lines deepened and he noticed she was breathing heavily.
"Yeah, fine." She waved him off, putting on her brave 'I don't care' face on. He gave her a look.
"McNally, you're out of breath and from what I can see you can barely stand without the help of the wall." He approached her, holding a hand out to her. "I don't bite, McNally. Come on, let me take you home."
"The walk and fresh air will do me good." Sam's eyes narrowed at her. She could barely look at him.
"Andy-" The use of her first name caught her attention. She lifted her head slowly and the vulnerability she saw in his eyes shoke her to her core.
"Sam, I-" The words failed her as she felt her legs giving out beneath her.
He caught her swiftly, helping her gain her balance before moving her towards his truck and helping her sit down. Her protests were futile.
"Drink this." She had barely registered his absence before he was back with a bottle of juice. "When did you last eat?" He looked anxious.
When had she gotten so weak around him? She gulped down a few sips of juice, trying to remember the last time she had eaten a proper meal. She shrugged her shoulders, unable to come up with a definite answer. She didn't have time to register what was happening… next thing she knew Sam was driving and they were exiting the station parking lot.
"What are doing?" She felt her energy levels rise just enough for her to rise her voice. "Stop the truck!"
"I'm not leaving you without getting some food into you." He said patiently. "You can barely stand on your own and you're white as a sheet."
"I'm fine." She muttered, feeling her resolve break as the car's movements lulled her slowly to sleep. "I'm not your responsibility." Was the last thing she whispered as she fell asleep.
Sam sighed, feeling his heart ache at the sight of the exhausted woman sleeping beside him as he drove. He somehow felt responsible for her state. She had always been full a life, a ball of spitfire… Seeing her like this worried him. Had the return from the undercover assignment taken its toll on her?
"Andy-" She woke up slowly, wondering who was trying to lull her out of her sleep. She lived alone, who could possibly try to wake her? "Come on, you need to eat something and then I promise you can sleep all you want. All weekend if that's what you need." She was suddenly aware of the aromas wafting through the truck. The truck? Where was she?
She opened her eyes and was met with Sam's concerned eyes. Was she dreaming?
"Hi." She smiled, reaching her hand out to touch his face. She stiffened as she was met with his day old stubble. Okay, not a dream. "Sorry." She muttered, looking around her. "Where are we?" The evening's happenings were slowly coming back to her.
"Oliver's cabin." She raised an eyebrow. "He lent it to me for the weekend and I was on my way here when you had your dizzy spell." He smiled, his dimples creasing. She realised it had been a while since she had seen those. It made her want to smile too.
"Why did you bring me here?"
"I-" He scratched the back of his head. "I thought you could use a bit of peace and quiet, good food and good company." He illustrated by holding up the large bag of takeaway.
"I-" She was speechless.
"Don't worry, McNally, I won't hold you hostage… but only after you get food in your belly." He unloaded the truck and motioned for her to follow him. She looked around, taking in the cosy old cabin. They remained silent as Andy walked around the cabin, peeking into the different rooms. Sam quickly loaded their plates with food and encouraged Andy to sit and eat. She didn't realise how famished she was until she tasted the delicious Indian food. It was exactly what she needed, she realised, as each mouthful restored her energy.
"Olly lent me the cabin for the weekend. Thought I deserved a trip out of town, pure mountain air and some quiet to think." He explained slowly. She nodded her head, still not understanding where she came into the picture. Why wasn't he with Marlo anyways? "I'm worried about you, Andy." She laughed humourlessly. "Before you start, I know you think it's none of my concern, but I care about you." She wanted to scream upon hearing that. He had gone from loving her to "caring about her"! What a joke.
"Well don't." Was her cold reply. He wasn't surprised by her reaction, she was probably very confused by his actions.
"I can't." He sighed. "I know everybody thinks you are fine but I know you better. I know you are not." He held his hand up to stop her from interrupting him. "I'm fine, totally alright is not going to cut it this time. I've heard it way too many times to believe it."
"I skipped lunch, I had low blood sugar. No big deal." Her smile was fake, they both knew it.
"Andy, I know what it's like to come back from undercover and feel like you missed out on your own life." If only he knew. "There were a lot of changes while you were gone, I can only imagine how it makes you feel."
"How would you know how anything makes me feel, Sam? You are no longer a part of my life." Her eyes flashed at him. How dare he presume to know her after all this time. Her words cut through him like a knife. He was trying to take care of her and she was lashing out at him. Hurting him in the worst way possible. He hung his head, regret eating at him. How had he manage to make her hate him like this?
"You're right, I'm sorry." He got up and pulled out a blanket from the cupboard.
"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have lashed out when you are being nice to me." She rolled her neck, hoping to ease the tension build up there. "I just don't know how to act around you." There, now it was out there she hoped she wouldn't have to deal with it.
He stopped in his tracks, turning around quickly to face her.
"You don't know how to act around me?" He glowered. He took hold of her arms, forcing her to look at him. "I told you I loved you and you left for 6 months with another man." His eyes flashed at her. She rolled her eyes.
"I already explained I didn't have time to tell you, Sam! And I left with Nick for an undercover assignment. Nothing happened between us." It did nothing to relax him.
"Do you really expect me to believe that when it's obvious the guy's in love with you? He follows you and does everything you want like a puppy dog." She shook her at him.
"Nick and I are friends." She breathed out, willing herself to remain calm. "I think I should go. Thanks for the food but you shouldn't have brought me here." That got his attention.
"Andy, wait." He let out a breath and rubbed at his temples. "I'm sorry. I really meant what I said earlier. I thought the fresh air and some time away from Toronto would do you good." He tried to smile. "You haven't had a break in how long?" His eyes begged with her and she felt her resolve break. It was that easy for him to make her do what he wanted. She sighed.
"What about Marlo? Does she know I'm with you?"
"Marlo put in a transfer." He responded quickly, looking away from her.
"What? Why?"
"Things haven't been the same since you came back." Sam's bluntness surprised her. And scared her. Was he blaming her for his failed relationship? "It's not your fault." He said quickly, anticipating her next retort.
"Then whose is it, Sam?" Her eyes narrowed at him.
"Mine." He smiled ruefully, feeling pathetic. "But don't worry about it tonight, we can talk about it another time. How about a movie?"