Okay, okay, okay, I know you guys probably want me to work on chapter seven but I'm a little pissed at that story. You know when my flash drive got erased? Yeah, well, my flash drive is broken. Just snapped. In half. Complete destruction. So, shit. Also I'm typing this on a century old computer in my basement (for privacy). I got this idea when I was thinking about how awesome the game Maximo was. If you haven't played either Maximo game do so now. They rock, hard. So sit back and enjoy the beginning of a new story.
This is DEFINITALY AU. Definitely.
I don't own Naruto.
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Naruto was currently parallel with the ground; hovering a good two feet above terra firma; and staring down at his body.
"I can't believe that son of a bitch killed me." Naruto said glaring the corpse.
"I can't believe I killed him, son of a bitch!" Sasuke said staring at the corpse.
During their final charge Sasuke had managed to send his dark chidori straight into the heart of one Uzumaki Naruto. This, of course, killed the boy. Sasuke turned around and made a mad dash for the border, remorse beginning to take hold. He had severed his ties; there was no turning back now. Naruto, from his current ethereal vantage point, turned to see him leave.
"Yeah, you better run!" He shouted through cupped hands. Sighing he let them hang at his sides. "So, this is death? I wonder what happens now; cause if I have to stay floating here for all eternity I'm gonna be so miffed." Naruto wouldn't have to wait much longer.
"Hm, you seem familiar kid. You been killed before?" a rather amused voice sounded. Naruto's head snapped around and what he saw would have made him shit his overly orange pants. The Grim Reaper, scythe and all was floating towards him; his tattered black cloak billowing out behind him. His hood was down revealing a skull with two purple flames burning in the eye sockets; a crown of black lightning surging above his brow. "Say, I smell two souls on you kid. Care to explain?"
"Oh, uh, sure Mr. Death, sir. I um, had a tailed demon sealed inside of me at birth." Naruto said pushing his index fingers together.
"A demon?" Death's eye socket moved, reminiscent of raising an eyebrow. His skull seemed to be more like a face than hard bone. His flaming eyes had begun to burn orange, like normal fire. "Would you happen to know what this demon's name would be pal?" he asked, waving his hand making two chairs burst into existence out of a black and green mist.
"Oh yeah, Kyuubi. Kyuubi no Kitsune." Naruto said taking his seat. "Um, why do you want to know?" He asked patting his stomach.
"Well, that bastard hasn't been doing his job for the past thirteen years. He's also managed to dodge me the day he, hehe, 'quit'." Death answered, spinning his chair around and sitting with his bony arms crossing over the backrest.
"Job?" Naruto asked cocking his head to the side. He could feel something tickling his naval lightly. Inside Kyuubi was thrashing madly against the cage; doing anything he could to escape. Not only was his boss here but he was in so much trouble.
Sighing death began, "Yeah, job. I don't know why I always hire demons to do that particular job. They always get power hungry and stupid. You see, Kyuubi was a reaper; but the day he was 'sealed' his body was destroyed and his soul was…well, sealed." He said scratching his skull. Naruto nodded, he already knew this, except for the reaper part.
"Well, this means that he lost his job and, since his body was completely obliterated, I had to collect his soul so that I could appoint someone new to his position. Hmm, how'd you end up dead anyway? Fuzzy should be covering all your healing problems." Naruto then told him the story of Sasuke's defection.
"So, would want to kill Orochimaru?" Death said crossing his arms behind his head, skull looking contemplative. Naruto thought the Grim Reaper would be a bit more…dramatic, than this laid back guy he was chatting with. He was actually pretty cool.
"Of course! I'll make him pay for what he's done to everybody! But what does that have to do with anything!? I'm dead!" Naruto said throwing his hands up.
"This is true. But," Death raised a skeletal finger, "if you were to take Kyuubi's place you could do something." Good ol' Grim stated whilst wagging his finger.
"His place? What exactly did he do?" Naruto asked. He didn't want to be a giant, horrible, evil, monstrosity who ran around destroying cities and getting sealed in little babies.
"You see Naruto, I am a reaper of souls. I cannot make any kind of influence on the physical plane. But I can grant powers to a single individual at a time and they are my hands here. They are called Blood Reapers. They keep balance and order." Naruto sat there awestruck, the Grim Reaper wanted to make him his right hand man.
"You would lose the Kyuubi of course but what I will give you is much, much better. As the name implies blood will be essential. You won't be immortal but you won't be easy to kill neither. As long as you don't run out of blood." Death said while making what could be construed as a smile.
"Wouldn't that kill me anyway?" Naruto said raising in eyebrow.
"Well, yeah, but this is different. Blood will be your weapon, your power, your life. Let's say the top half of your body is blown to pieces. As long as you've absorbed enough blood prior, or even, during, you will quickly grow it back. You can change your clothes, your appearance, you can do anything as long as you have enough blood." Death explained while leaning back making exaggerated arm movements for his explanation. The flames in his eyes burning a jovial green.
"COOL!" Naruto said, eyes sparkling. "Wait, absorbed? You mean like a vampire?"
"No, more like a sponge. You'll understand more if you choose to accept. You can still live your life but when I give you a mission. It will be of utter importance that you complete it." Death said, taking a more serious tone.
"Well, will I change in appearance before I choose to?" Naruto asked turning the idea around in his head.
"No you will look the same and you probably won't age past twenty-six." Death said, his eye flames dieing down making it look like he had closed them.
"But I thought you said I wasn't immortal?"
"You aren't. If it gets to the point where your body is unsalvageable or just completely gone I'll be forced to collect your soul. Otherwise it's all good, because technically you will be filed under 'dead' back at the office." Death said sniggering at the thought of his lackeys doing all his paperwork.
"Well…just call me Uzumaki Naruto: Blood Reaper. Got a badass ring to it doesn't it?" Naruto said striking a pose.
"You bet yer Bad ass it does! Now get ready cause I'm gonna collect on your tenant's debt. It may sting." Death said a blue flame engulfing his right hand.
"What's it gonna do, kill m-hruugh!" Naruto was cut off as Death ran his bony hand right into the blonde spirit's stomach. He retracted the skeletal appendage and was holding a struggling mini-Kyuubi by the throat. 'He always looked bigger in my mind.' Naruto thought.
"Hey there Kyuubi. Just to let you know for losing your body you're fired; and for going off the deep end and slaughtering like a motherfucker we've got a big batch of interns lined up for you to train, four thousand years worth to be exact. Oh, and you're on call for tech support back in hell…for eternity." Kyuubi paled, impressive considering he was covered in fur.
"No, please! I'm sorry I'll never do it again! Just send me to the chamber of eternal sodomy. Make me spend eternity in a flaming pit full of angry fire ants and pissed off ex-girlfriends! ANYTHING BUT TECH SUPPORT PLEASE! PLE-" Kyuubi couldn't finish as he was sucked into a fiery pit opening below him.
"Now that that is taken care of," Death extended his hand out to Naruto. Naruto shook it with a smile, the biggest pain in his ass had just been removed for an eternity of dealing with incompetent morons, sweet. "Welcome aboard kiddo." Death smiled pulling out a cloak very similar to his own only blood red. "Here's your uniform," he said as the fabric began to glow red before it was sucked into Naruto's very soul. His ghostly body gave off a red shine before returning to normal, well, normal for a ghost.
"And this," Death flexed his bony hand and a small glowing ball came to life mere inches above it, "is your new weapon." He said as it too was pulled into the blonde.
"I thought you said blood was my weapon." Naruto said patting himself down to make sure nothing changed.
"It is, but what if you need it for something else? This weapon will also mark you as a reaper if anyone who can tell sees it. It will be a scythe, but when it is awakened it will be unique to you. Isn't that awesome!" Death said hands shaking at his sides clenched into fist and an excited expression on his 'face'.
"Hell yes it is!" Naruto said mimicking the Grim Reaper's pose. "Hey, I was thinking. What about shinigami? I thought they dealt with death?"
"Pfft, they wish. They work for me. They do all the jobs that I don't want to do. Like my laundry." Death said leaning on his scythe. Meanwhile back at the office a shinigami was neatly folding a black cloak; at least he didn't have to deal with tech support.
"Oh. But how will I use my powers? Will it just come naturally or is there a pamphlet?" Naruto asked.
"Hm, I've never done it before but none of the past reapers seemed to have trouble with it. So I guess naturally."
"Okay…well, boss, I think it's about time you sent me back. Kakashi-sensei has my body right now." Naruto said looking down at his body again. Sure enough Kakashi was walking away with it.
"Oh, sure thing. Before you go, I want you to know that this is the first time I've let a human do this job, but if you mess up it's no big deal. I'll just send you to hell." Naruto laughed nervously as Death raised his scythe. The elder reaper brought it down and, piercing Naruto's soul, forced it back down into its body. "Good luck kid, make me proud."
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Kakashi was holding Naruto's body as he carried it back towards Konoha. He couldn't believe his prize student was capable of such an act. When he had found the blonde it was far too late for him to do anything. The boy had been dead for too long to heal him. If he had been faster, if he hadn't taught Sasuke the chidori, if he had taught Naruto more; maybe this could have been avoided. He had failed Obito, he had failed his sensei, but most of all, he had failed his students. He let the tears flow as he walked into the forest.
The members of the retrieval group who had been left intact enough to continue forward found the broken man with his broken student. They gasped at the lifeless eyes of the once exuberant Uzumaki Naruto. He couldn't die, it just wasn't possible, he was the embodiment of the will of fire. Just as they were having a moment of silence for their fallen friend the boy's chest jerked forward and he gasped for breath like he had just received a major jolt.
"Dammit. He could have given me some warning first." Naruto complained as he rubbed his stiff neck. Looking around at the shocked faces he could only get out a simple "What?"
Shaking out of his stupor Kakashi grasped the boys shoulders "Naruto is that really you? Please tell me this isn't a genjutsu." He said as he uncovered his sharingan to make sure.
"Yeah it's me, who else would it be?" Naruto asked with amusement, slowly standing on wobbly legs.
"Well, you've been legally dead for," Kakashi stopped to check his watch, "two hours."
"Oh, that. Well, you see...I don't know. Bloodline?" Naruto said nervously scratching his cheek. The others anime fell while Kakashi vowed to train his students harder, better, to never allowing something like to happen again. With that said and done they began their trek home. Naruto feeling something, he couldn't quite explain. It felt…good. He couldn't wait to try out his new lifestyle and his, "Blood"line.
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"No, sir. Sir…sir please listen to me. No this isn't- sir please! Just try to turn it on. Sir, no please, sir!" Kyuubi said exasperatedly as his current customer complained about his toaster not working correctly. This wasn't even that kind of support line! It had only been an hour and he already had begun gnawing on his paws. It was going to be a long, long, LONG eternity.
A/N: Heh, cool. Well, I just had to write this and I can't wait to start doing the new fight scenes. Only problem, have no idea where to go with this right now. Like, plot wise is him fighting and doing his reaper job while living his 'normal' life. Also, no pairing yet. If anyone could offer suggestions to either of these problems I'll gladly accept. But please give me a reason for the pairing. No Naru/Saku or Naru/Hina, far too many of those already.
A/N: I edited this because lord knows it needed it. Also I have an Idea that I got from Allahee4life. Make it a crossover fic where Naruto travels to the different worlds to do death's bidding. Crazy Harem shenanigans will ensue and Naruto will kick ass on a level never before seen. I mean come on; he's Death's, DEATH'S assistant; he has to be strong to do his job.