Well, this will most likely be the worst thing that I ever write, but I don't care. This is a parody, so I really don't mean everything that I write. I just had this idea and my muse forced me to write this. So, I hope you enjoy and for once I don't mind flames, so keep 'em coming. But still review anyway. PLEASE! Oh, and just to let you know, the time frame is about the summer in the beginning of the fourth book.
Disclaimer: E-mail My Heart belongs to Britney Spears and assorted Harry Potter stuff belongs to J.K. Rowling. (the song lyrics are in pink, the colour of looove)
Owl My Heart
Penelope Clearwater stepped out of the Daily Prophet office where she worked, squinting in the midday sun. I hate my job, she thought to herself, nothing but sorting files for that bothersome busybody old cow, Rita Skeeter. She never lets me alone, always questioning me about Percy and his family, looking for some sort of inside story. As if I know, Percy hasn't even talked to me for months, so busy with his job and that *brilliant* Mr. Crouch.
Penelope sighed. But I do love him, ever so much. oh, Percy, why are you doing this to me? Maybe I should send him a letter with Hermia (A/N: her owl, goes with Hermes, awwwww....).....
Forever...
It's been hours
seems like days
since you went away.
And all I can do is check the skies
to see if you're okay.
You don't answer when I owl,
guess you wanna be left alone.
Oh Percy, we've been going out for two years. I thought you loved me. Penelope, sensing the tears beginning to gush out of her eyes, put her head down and wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her jacket. I mean, our names even go together, Percy and Penelope, that's alliteration. I wasn't put into Ravenclaw for nothing. I thought.... I thought you loved me, no matter what I do. You even, you even, she stuttered as her tears increased their flow, you even stayed by my every day when I was petrified in our sixth year, after classes and doing your homework and looking after your family of course. Well, at least you said you were there.
With that thought, poor Penny started convulsing uncontrollably, receiving quizzical looks from the people passing on both sides of the street in busy downtown London. But still, no one came over to see if the poor eighteen year-old was okay.
Yeah, I'll send him an owl, that's what I'll do....
So I'm sending you my heart my soul (by owl of course)
and this is what I'll say:
I'm sorry
oh so sorry
can't you give me one more chance
to make it all up to you
Owl my heart
and say our love will never die
I know you're out there
and I know that you still care
Owl me back and say our love will stay alive
Forever...
Owl my heart
She sung this out loud, increasing the frightened glances, in particular from the muggles, who found Penelope's burnt orange robes (A/N: Rita Skeeter's employees all had dress codes), if not intriguing, strange.
Inattentive to the world around her, our heroine continued her ballad,
I can see you in my mind letting Hermia in and opening this letter
that I've sent a hundred times
Here's a picture of us two (it moves) I look so good on you
and can't you please forgive me for the hurt I put you through.
Now she was speaking her thoughts out loud as well. "Oh Percy, how was I supposed to know you'd catch me and George snogging at the Quidditch world cup. I mean, I am a teenager. And he is cuter than you. And you weren't giving me any attention. Oh Percy, I miss you so!"
Rita Skeeter, who was exiting the Daily Prophet building, came up alongside Penelope, her eyes glinting with determination as she fished her Quick-Quotes quill out of her handbag.
"You wouldn't by chance be talking about young Percy Weasley, son of Arthur, who works for the Ministry of Magic, Mr. Bartemius Crouch, to be exact?"
"Of course," the distressed teenager replied, "we've been going out for two years now, and I don't think he loves me anymore!" Her bawling continued.
I'm sorry
oh so sorry
can't you give me one more chance
to make it all up to you
Owl my heart
and say our love will never die
I know you're out there
and I know that you still care
Owl me back and say our love will stay alive
Forever...
Owl my heart
"Aw, you poor dear, why don't you tell your Aunty Rita all about it." Rita Skeeter had her quill poised for action, and it was in fact already describing the bleary eyed Penelope: 'Penelope Clearwater, a bright yet sensitive young adult, becomes teary-eyed at the mention of her beloved boyfriend of two years, Percy Weasley. It has been an abusive relationship since the beginning, as history has shown that all Weasleys are cruel and heartless when it comes to matters of the heart....'
Penelope glanced down at the parchment, and though it was blurry through her teary eyes, she realized what it was writing.
"Alright deary, please tell me what happened. NOW!" Rita tapped her turquoise French-manicured nails impatiently on the stone pillars outside of the office. "You know, I'm thinking of writing an advice column for the paper."
"No, you ugly old hag! Get away from me right now!"
"Listen, girly, tell me the story if you don't wish to lose your job!"
"Never! I will not let you violate me!" Penelope did one of those nifty things when you kick someone in the shins (that you learn in gym class), and a catfight over the piece of parchment ensued.
Suddenly, with a flash that only results when someone apparates, Percy Weasley in the flesh was standing there.
"Unhand her, you dirty little, um, cow! Oh, um, sorry m'am, didn't mean to offend you, you are my elder."
Penelope, in distress, called out to Percy,
I'm sorry
oh so sorry
can't you give me one more chance
to make it all up to you
Owl my heart
and say our love will never die
I know you're out there
and I know that you still care
Owl me back and say our love will stay alive
Forever...
Owl my heart.
"Oh, Penny darling, really? I've missed you so. Let's kiss and make up!"
Penelope, forgetting Ms. Skeeter, ran into the embrace of her boyfriend with the passion of young love. As they stood there, kissing very passionately in the middle of the crowded street, Rita Skeeter snuck quietly away into the crowds, her parchment and quill in hand.
After coming up for air, the two young lovers walked away hand in hand, ignorant to the future challenges in the relationship, in the form of an article entitled, "The Soap Opera of the Young Wizarding Generation".
Penelope, staring, lost in the eyes of Percy, quietly whispered as they walked away into the sunset,
Forever, owl my ...
Forever, owl my heart.
****************************************************************
Well, there you go everybody. Hope you like. If you don't tell me. If you do, tell me. If you have no idea, tell me. I suggest that you tell me in the form of a review. Thank you muchly.
Just to let you know, I don't like Britney Spears (sorry to those of you who do) and this song (the original) was just an inside joke between me and my friends, because this is really one of the worst songs I have ever heard (my sister owns the CD, once again, sorry to you BS [hee hee, bullshit] fans, flame if you want).