From the Author's Mind:

I have no idea what has possessed me to do this, but I undertook the impossible: combining 3 completely different stories into one. Tales of Symphonia (Namco), Invader Zim (His Holiness Jhonen Vasquez), and Harry Potter (The Great and Honorable J. K. Rowling). This may or may not have an understandable storyline, but that's alright. It's not supposed to make that much sense. So… let us begin!

*JULY 2011 – I've finally gotten around to reading through and fixing the glaring and embarrassing spelling/grammar/name errors that plagued this work. Also, as the series goes on, I crossed over with various other things including Titanic, Space Cases, Tales of the Abyss, and various other things that may be spoilers so I won't talk about them here! Please enjoy the updated version without the annoying errors (such as Colette being misspelled. Sigh I was dumb.)*

Chapter 1

Whitestone Preparatory School, just recently constructed, was to be one of the most advanced schools on the face of the planet. The classes offered were to be unmatched by any, all people would be accepted, and the school would grow to house over ten thousand students. And then the budget ran out. There was enough money to hire six teachers, keep the buildings up and running, and enroll eighty students. Not a good prospect for such an expensive school.

The students that did enroll came from all over the world: England, Iselia, and even a few from… well, the city's name is smudged, but that's okay. Most of the teachers came from these areas as well, ready to pass their knowledge happily on to their younger peers.

The first group to arrive, the Iselia Group, was made up of nine people. Three of the Professors (Ms. Raine Sage, Mr. Regal Bryan, and Mr. Kratos Aurion), along with students Lloyd Irving, Genis Sage, Colette Brunnel, Presea Combatir, Zelos Wilder, and Sheena Fuji…something… all crammed themselves into the small van for the ride to Whitestone. Predictably, Lloyd fell asleep and his snoring drove everyone crazy (except Presea who had brought headphones and was listening to something that sounded very much like a chainsaw).

"ZELOS! GET OFF ME!" snarled Sheena, socking Zelos in the face and getting his head and hand off her shoulder and chest.

"Owww… Sheena…" pouted Zelos, "Why do you hate me so?"

"You're a pervert," said Sheena, scooting as close to Presea as possible (she merely turned up her volume).

"Aw… come on, Sheena, we were made for each other… our bodies fit together perfectly… if you know what I mean," he finished with a mischievous wink.

Sheena replied with another punch, this one to the diaphragm. Winded, Zelos retreated away, his tail between his legs. In the seats in front of them, Genis was trying to read a few of their new textbooks, but Lloyd's snoring was making this impossible. Colette, on the other hand, was merely smiling out the window as various trees went by.

"Lloyd! Lloyd! Wake up!" Genis said, poking Lloyd in the ribs.

Lloyd snored.

"Lloyd! Get up!" Genis said, taping his shoulder.

Lloyd grunted and snored louder.

"I SAID WAKE UP!" Genis snarled, smashing his book into Lloyd's face.

"Huh? Wha-?" Lloyd gasped, whipping out his wooden swords in a rage.

"Calm down, Lloyd, you were snoring. I woke you up," said Genis, calmly returning to his book.

"Geeze, you don't have to hit me!" Lloyd said.

"Honestly, Lloyd, you sound like six-year-old," Raine Sage said from the front passenger seat, "Now be quiet, I need to finish these lesson plans…"

"Look! A doggy!" Colette said, smiling at a demented-looking Chihuahua sitting on the side of the road.

"He's kinda scary," said Genis.

"He's cute!" Colette said, "I shall call him Gorfy."

"What if it's a girl?" asked Sheena.

"Then she'll be Gorfina!" Colette replied gleefully.

"We're here, everyone," Regal said, driving slowly onto the grounds.

Everyone looked out the windows, hoping for a spectacular view. What they got was six red-brick buildings and an unfinished gymnasium. It was almost deserted, except for a few random students walking along the sidewalks.

"This is sad," said Zelos, "No hunnies, either…"

"Darn, looks like you'll have to transfer," Sheena said sarcastically.

"Not with you here," Zelos said, moving in for a kiss. He kissed her fist as it was hurled into his mouth.

"Knock it off, both of you," called Raine from the front, "If we have to stop this car, I will NOT be happy."

This shut everyone up. When Raine wasn't happy, there was trouble. And the pain was brought. Oh, how it was brought.

"Regal, Raine, and I have to go to our classrooms and get things set-up," explained Kratos. "Since we are short-staffed this year, we're going to have to cover more than one class. The rest of you, please sign in at the school registration, and then stay in your dorms for the rest of the day. Got it?"

"Yes, Kratos," they chanted.

"Presea, why are you listening to chainsaws?" asked Sheena.

Presea merely glared at her, turned the volume up even louder, and turned to stare out the window more. Sheena raised her eyebrow, leaned back, and landed right into Zelos' arms.

"ZELOS!" snarled Sheena.

"STOP THE CAR, REGAL!" Raine snarled.

"RUN!" cried Lloyd, and everyone threw open doors and the back to dart from the car.

"GET BACK HERE!" Raine snarled, taking her staff out of the van, "I SAID HOLD IT!"

Colette ran straight for the nearest building, but, being the klutz she was, tripped over a crack and rolled twenty feet before slamming into two other students.

"Watch it!" Gaz Membrane said, angrily, as a blonde girl rolled into her, which forced her to be knocked into her brother, Dib.

"I'm so sorry!" gasped Colette, "I didn't mean to hurt you!"

Gaz grunted and walked off, her face buried in the new Game Slave 4. Dib, who had been reading Mysterious Mysteries Magazine, brushed his sleeve off and turned to Colette.

"Sorry about Gaz. She's… a little anti-social," said Dib.

"It's alright, really," Colette said, happily, "Are you guys new students here?"

"Yes," Dib said, "We were so excited when we got our letters! We might even learn magic!"

"Don't count on it," said Gaz, flatly, "They say only talented people get to learn magic."

"But your head is so big, that must mean you have the stamina for magic," Colette pointed out. Gaz snickered.

"Thanks," said Dib, annoyed that she had called his head big, "Are you here alone?"

"No, I'm here with my friends," Colette said. In the background, Raine chased Lloyd, repeatedly concussing him with her staff. Sheena and Zelos fought over in another corner, Genis, Kratos, and Regal are stood by the side of the van, shaking their heads, and Presea hadn't moved from her seat, the sound of chainsaws barely audible over Raine's threats of bodily harm to Lloyd.

"I see…" said Dib.

"We saved the world once, you know," Colette said, conversationally, "Some mean people wanted to rip the world to shreds, but we were like BAM! And POW! And then Sheena was like, 'OH NO DI-UN'T!' and did some funny snap thingy, and I died twice, but I'm okay now."

"Wow," was all Dib could manage.

"Well, I have to go unpack, see you in class!" Colette called as she skipped merrily back to the van.

"They saved the world?" Gaz said, eyes still glued to the screen.

"I don't know how…" said Dib, blinking.

"Maybe you should ask them for help in battling Zim," said Gaz, "I'm sure they could lend a hand."

"You know, Gaz," said Dib, "I really don't think they would. But I suppose I should try, huh?"

"No. Now before we register, let me make one thing PERFECTLY clear. We are not related in anyway. Got it?" Gaz replied, eye bugging.

"Yes, yes, let's go already," said Dib, the two walking away, "At least I don't have to deal with Zim while I'm here…"

But, unknown to Dib, Zim was to be dealt with. In fact, the little alien and Gir were both sitting in the Voot Cruiser, waiting above the broken gym. It was disguised as a Concorde, and it hovered there as Zim listened to the conversation between the Membrane siblings and Colette.

"BWAHAHAHHAHA!" Zim cackled, "If these are the pathetic humans that plan to defeat me, then this should be a VERY easy way for me to take over the world!"

"Aw, look, he's bleeding!" said Gir fondly, watching Zelos and Sheena's fight.

"Gir! Pay attention!" Zim said.

"Yes, sir!" Gir said, turning red for a moment.

"It appears we shall have to descend upon this new school in order for us to learn more about our new enemies. You will have to accompany me, so we need a new disguise for you," said Zim.

Gir gasped, "Can I finally fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a mongoose?"

"… no," said Zim, flying the Voot Cruiser away. Gir's disappointed moan was drowned out when Zim nearly hit six figures on broomsticks, all of whom swore angrily and dodged out of the way.

"Watch where you're flying, moron!" shouted Ron Weasley.

"Wait… why the heck was there a Concorde flying over the school like that?" Hermoine asked herself.

"I can't believe Hogwarts closed down," Neville Longbottom said, sighing, "Who'd have thought the House Elves could do such a thing?"

"Well, if Hermione had kept her BIG MOUTH CLOSED," Ron shouted.

"Oh, shut up, Ron, they were being oppressed!" Hermione retorted.

"Oh, yes, such torture for them to do things for us when they LOVED it!" Ron scowled.

"But didn't they embrace the idea of freedom?" Hermione asked.

"Only because Dobby ordered them to revolt," said Neville.

"Knock it off, all of you!" shouted Harry "We're going to have to land so we don't scare any Muggles!"

"What's the point?" Ron asked, "We're just gonna learn more magic here anyway."

"Harry's right!" Ginny Weasley, Ron's younger sister, said from below, "We don't want to frighten everyone else away."

"Doesn't look like there'll be anyone to frighten away," remarked Luna Lovegood, who was flying upside-down.

"Luna, hasn't the blood rushed to your head yet?" asked Hermione.

"Maybe," Luna said serenely, "Maybe that's why I can see the pretty colors…"

"Well, we're here, everyone. Let's go," said Harry, coming to a stop right inside the destroyed gymnasium. Bricks lay across the un-waxed floor, and only half the bleachers were up and functional. One of the baskets was completed, the others sat, disassembled on the floor.

"Muggles are weird. What fun is a game where you gotta run around a court and aim a ball into a little basket?" asked Ron, flatly.

"Come on! I want to register before everyone gets here!" called Hermione, who was already dragging Crookshanks and her trunk out of the gym.

"And some of us would rather have LIVES apart from SCHOOL," Ron called after her. She made a noise and continued out of sight.

"Let's go, then," said Ginny, picking up her trunk as well, "We have a long day ahead of us."

"Right…" said Harry, as he and the others followed.

By this time, the Iselia Crew had gotten themselves under control. Raine had done her deep-breathing exercises, Sheena had sufficiently kicked Zelos' ass, and Presea's batteries had run out. All, except Kratos, Raine, and Regal, were now arriving in the student hallway, accompanied by their bags and such. Gaz was already waiting in the foyer, playing her GS4 and ignoring everyone, grunting occasionally as she was hit by an enemy attack. Dib arrived after Iselia's group, having gotten lost.

"What do we do now?" asked Genis.

"We wait," said Presea, simply.

"For what?" asked Lloyd.

"The computer. Duh," said Gaz.

"What computer? I don't see one…" said Sheena.

The doors slammed open. Zim and Gir had arrived. Zim had his normal disguise, while Gir has been disguised poorly as a blonde, a lot like Colette. Her name, as printed on the nametag, was Girtrude. They strutted in, Zim walking boldly through the Iselia group, while Gir skipped happily, colliding with things, like the wall, a plant, and Zelos. He was knocked into Sheena, who shoved him with enough force to slam into the wall and not move for a second.

"ZIM!" Dib shouted.

"Ah! Dib! I see we've been invited to the same school," said Zim, feigning friendship.

"Don't play that with me, Zim! I know you're here for some sinister purpose! No doubt plotting to take over the world!" snarled Dib.

"Foolish Earth Rust!" shouted Zim, "I am the superior being here, and I am here to gain knowledge! KNOWLEDGEEEEEE!"

"What is wrong with these guys?" asked Zelos in an undertone.

"And why is that kid green?" asked Lloyd.

"Isn't it nice to watch a friendly conversation?" asked Colette happily.

"… Colette, where do you see friendship in that?" asked Sheena, looking as concerned as she had when Presea had been listening to her chainsaw music.

"You know what, Zim? I know some people who can stop you! Some people who have experience in saving the world!" Dib roared.

"Oh, you mean… them?" Zim asked, pointing to the Iselia group, who looked stunned, "They couldn't save a… a… SAVINGS ACCOUNT!"

"What kind of comeback was that?" Genis cried.

"Silence, foolish child!" Zim replied.

"Hey, don't tell him to shut up!" Lloyd snarled.

"Who are you?" asked Dib.

"Give me your name, and I'll give you mine," Lloyd replied.

"I thought you gave that up," accused Sheena.

"Lloyd missing a chance to show off his ego? Yeah, right," Genis said.

"Hey, shut up, Genis!" Lloyd said, smacking him.

"Ow!" Genis cried.

"WILL YOU ALL BE QUIET?" Gaz roared, her rage building over into a fire that consumed the room, "YOUR VOICES ARE CAUSING MY BRAIN TO HEMMORAGE, AND I AM REALLY CLOSE TO THIS NEXT LEVEL. IF I MESS UP BECAUSE OF YOU, YOU WILL ALL BE PLUNGED INTO THE CLOSEST THING TO HELL YOU WILL EVER KNOW!"

Everyone was silent. Then, the doors opened, and the Hogwarts group arrived, chatting animatedly about nothing. They stopped when they saw the fire-like atmosphere of Gaz's rage.

"What the bloody hell…?" Ron asked, startled.

"OHMYGODSPLOSION!" Gir suddenly freaked, "PEOPLE FROM IRELAND!"

Gir threw himself… or rather, herself, onto Ron, clinging to him with happy eyes. Ron, more perplexed than ever, tried to untangle himself from Gir's grip, while everyone else took a few steps back. Everyone else stared. Zim slapped his palm to his face.

"Gerrof me!" Ron called, muffled, "Help me, guys!"

"Um… Gir…trude…" said Zim, "Get off his face."

"But he's a leprechaun!" sobbed Gir, "And I like hiiiiiiiim!"

"So ask him out on a date first, really!" Hermione said, taking out her wand.

"Wizards!" Dib said, gasping, "Can you do magic?"

"Yes," said Genis and the Hogwarts group at the same time.

"You can do magic?" asked Neville to Genis.

"Yes, I am a Half-Elf after all," said Genis.

"And I can, too!" Zelos added.

"But you suck," said Sheena.

"Ouch… that hurt," said Zelos.

"What spells do you know?" Genis asked, enthusiastically, "I know tons, like Spread, Indignation, Prism Swords…"

"Wait, what?" Hermione said, frowning, "What kind of magic is that?"

"Well… the class here calls it Symphonian, I guess," said Genis, "Why?"

"What about Protego, Wingardium Leviosa, and all those spells?" Hermione queried, confused.

"Why would I waste my time on that useless magic when I could be trying to learn Holy Lance and Meteor Storm?" Genis replied.

"Useless? Does your precious Symphonian Magic clean stuff and make stuff move on its own?" Hermione shouted, dropping Crookshanks (he immediately ran off, and was then pursued by Gir.

"Oh, honestly, we're not THAT lazy," said Genis, flatly.

"THE VOICES! THE BLEEDING! SHUT UP!" Gaz snarled, the fire back. Everyone quieted down, though Neville was whimpering.

"The computer arrives…" said Presea, looking more possessed than usual.

"Eh?" Colette said, looking up. She screamed and fell backwards as a giant computer thing fell to the ground, crushing a desk and shaking the room half to pieces.

"WELCOME TO WHITESTONE PREP!" the computer shouted, "PLEASE SUBMIT SOME DNA SO WE MAY ASSIGN YOUR SCHEDULES!"

"Eh? DNA?" asked Ginny.

"YES. SOMETHING THAT WE MAY GET YOUR DNA FROM. YOU KNOW… HAIR… OR BLOOD! BLOOOOOOOOD! GIVE ME !"

Everyone was horrified by this point. The computer was actually drooling.

"Or some spit. Or some skin. OR BLOOOD!" the computer added.

"This is mental…" said Ron.

"The Irish man has a point," said Zim, "This… is… utterly stupid."

"We're not from Ireland, you know," Ginny pointed out.

Presea walked forward and ripped out a piece of her hair. She placed it in the computer, which spat out a few numbers and then produced a schedule. Without a word, Presea walked to Gaz.

"Do you have spare batteries?" asked the pink-haired female.

"Here," Gaz, said, producing a battery from her pocket.

"Thank you," said Presea, placing it inside the CD player. The chainsaw music returned, and Presea walked off.

"Well, since you're all too WEAK to move, I GUESS I'll go NEXT," Gaz said, placing her own hair in the machine. It, too, gave her a schedule, and she stalked off. Colette, fearing nothing, it seemed, came next. But, as always, she tripped over the carpet and smashed her head off the computer, denting it.

"Martel…" muttered Lloyd, slapping his palm over his face.

"Did I break it?" Colette asked.

"No, it just spit out your schedule. Must've gotten some skin from your forehead," said Genis, who had already placed his hair in.

One-by-one, everyone put their names in. Many used hair, though a few used saliva (Ron, Ginny, and Lloyd), and Zelos used blood when Sheena cracked his head off the side of the machine when his eyes travelled a little too low on her body. The computer retreated to its home, and everyone else went to their dorm rooms.

"Look at the Professors!" Colette said, happily, "We'll have Professor Sage for a lot of them… and I wonder who this Ms. Bitters is, we have her for a ton as well…"

"Oh, you don't want to know…" said Dib, horrified at his schedule and the many classes his former teacher taught.

"I can't wait to start magic," said Genis enthusiastically.

"Have you seen Crookshanks?" Hermione asked, suddenly.

"What about Gir? Trude?" Zim added.

As though on cue, Crookshanks came out of the shadows, Gir on his heels. Gir was chasing the cat with an insane grin on his face, while everyone stared. They darted straight for a window, and Crookshanks turned. Gir didn't, and he soared right out the third-floor window.

"Girtrude!" called Coltete, rushing to the window.

"Are you alright?" added Ginny as they all crowded around the window. On the ground, three stories below, they could see him rolling around on the ground slightly.

"Gir! Trude! Answer us, now!" Zim called.

"I found a nickel!" Gir called up to them, "I'm gonna buy Arkansas, k?"

Everyone stared at Gir, and then at Zim. Then, one-by-one, they went to their assigned rooms to rest up for their classes the next day. It was sure to be a long one.

From the Author's Mind: (June 2011)

Not much to say. You've only got 16 more chapters to go!