Hello~

I decided to dust off my old account here! And by dust off I mean deleting everything and starting anew, lol.

Anyway, this is sort of an experiment I'm trying out, so let's see how it goes, hm?

Now, about this story - it place some time after the latest SiH chapter - the one with Nao - as in the sotry Ritsu and Takano are at the end of their countdown, but not together yet. However, I've pushed the countdown a bit forward in time and made the story take place in September - since the plot deals with high school and all that. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the fic!

PS - You can always message me if you have questions about the story and if you'd like, you can even follow me on tumblr. :)

Chapter 1

The two hadn't spoken in a while. The room they sat in was completely dark, only the sofa was illuminated by the ethereal blue light that radiated from the TV. Ritsu thought about how weird it was that no matter what they were watching, the light pouring from the screen was always blue. He looked at the boy next to him. Yusuke seemed caught up in the movie they were watching. His narrow face was ghostly pale in the light and the lenses of his glasses reflected the scene that was currently playing.

Sensing Ritsu's gaze, Yusuke turned to face him. His lips twitched into a shy smile and he moved a bit closer.

"Masamune is really late …" he mumbled. His voice was slightly hoarse and wheezy. "You don't think … anything's happened to him, right?"

"Of course not! Your brother is just meeting up with an author and some producers. He must have told you that they're making an anime out of one of the comics he's supervising, right?" It was true that Takano usually never stayed out so late when he was dining with an author. But meetings about an anime production always ran long because there were a lot of things to be discussed. The authors always had requests, and the more popular they were, the more outrageous the requests became. "You shouldn't worry so much, Yusuke. Takano-san can take care of himself."

"Y-yes, I know, but …"

"But you're still worried about him, I know," Ritsu finished his sentence and smiled. "I understand."

"I just can't not worry," Yusuke admitted, a dark blush settling on his cheeks. "I know that my brother is fine. I really do. And yet … I can't not worry about him."

"I understand," Ritsu repeated. "I'm the same way."

Of course, he was talking in general, and not about this particular situation! He'd never be worried about Takano – and why should he? Takano was a grown man who could look after himself, so Ritsu had no reason to be feeling anxious.

But it is getting very late … he should have been home by now, shouldn't he?

He looked at the clock. It was late, almost midnight. Just where was Takano?

He frowned at himself and shook his head. He shouldn't lose his cool about that. He'd taken responsibility by agreeing to keep Yusuke company for the evening, and that was the only obligation he had towards his neighbour. How Takano was spending his time was not his concern.

He looked at the boy next to him and his expression softened. He'd always liked Yusuke, ever since they'd first met. Back then, Yusuke was only 5 years old – a small shrimp of a child with plump cheeks and sparkling eyes.

It was odd, seeing him all grown up now. Yusuke, only a teenager, was already taller than Ritsu. He had thin hands with long delicate fingers – an artist's hands, Ritsu thought. Yusuke loved drawing and he had a gift for it. Even Ritsu could see that.

Yusuke pushed his glasses up and then brushed a few dark curls away from his face. He hadn't calmed down entirely, Ritsu noted. He was fidgeting nervously with the cuff of his sleeve.

"Hey," Ritsu spoke, "don't think about it. I'm sure that Takano-san will be back soon."

"I don't like it when he's not home," Yusuke said, pursing his lips slightly. "I know that he can take care of himself. I'm not worried because I don't have faith in him, I'm worried because … well, because that's just who I am." He sighed. "When I was younger, I still worried about my brother, even though Masamune didn't stay out so late back then."

"Oh." Ritsu was surprised. "I … didn't know that." In his memories, Yusuke was always happy and his smile never left his lips. "Did you talk with your brother about how you feel?"

"No. I mean … I may have told him when I was a kid, but I don't remember what he told me back then. I don't think he even took it seriously, to be honest."

"You should talk to him again. I'm sure that he'll understand." Ritsu smiled. "You know that your brother cares about you, right? He wouldn't want you to feel like that about him."

"I don't know, I … Masamune works so much and sometimes he looks terribly exhausted …" Yusuke frowned slightly as he talked. "I don't want to cause him any more inconveniences. I'm not a little kid anymore, I'm a high school student now and I should be able to deal with things on my own." He pushed his lower lip forward decisively.

"That may be so, but I think that for an older brother, it's very hard to accept that his younger sibling has grown up." Ritsu smiled. "I'm sure that Takano-san feels the same way about you."

"Is that so?" Yusuke asked. "Do you think I'm a little kid too?"

"Oh! T-that is … it's a bit different for me," Ritsu stuttered.

While he was in high school, he'd spent numerous afternoons and even some weekends with Yusuke and his older brother. But when his relationship with Takano had dissolved, he'd lost all contact with them. It was only after he'd started working at Marukawa, more than half a year ago, that he met his ex-boyfriend again. And with Takano forcefully dragging him into his private life, Ritsu had renewed his acquaintance with Yusuke as well. Not that he minded, of course – his friendship with Yusuke was the only good thing to come out of this whole complicated story.

"What do you mean by different?" Yusuke asked curiously.

"Well … I hadn't seen you in over ten years," Ritsu replied. "When I last saw you back then, you were five years old. And a few months ago, when I saw you again after all this time … well, you'd changed drastically. You're a teenager now, Yusuke. Somehow, it's hard for me to imagine that you're the same little boy who used to run around the garden, hunting for pixies."

At the mention of his old hobby, Yusuke blushed and turned his head away.

"T-that … everyone believes this sort of things when they're a kid!" He insisted. "And back then I was ready to believe anything people told me. It's really unfair of you to remind me of something so embarrassing, Ricchan." He added accusingly.

"Sorry." Ritsu chuckled. "I didn't have anything bad in mind when I said that. Actually, back then I thought it was really cute to see how excited you got when you and your brother were looking for pixies in the flowers."

"No, no!" Yusuke shook his head rapidly. "Please, don't say anything more. You're making me feel so stupid!"

"Well, don't." Ritsu smiled. "As you said, everyone used to believe in something silly as a child."

"Did you do that too?"

"Oh, yeah. Well, I didn't believe in pixies, but I had my own fantasies."

"Will you tell me?" Yusuke asked, moving closer to him.

"A-ah ... you won't laugh at me, will you?" Ritsu inquired and the other just shook his head. "W-well ... I used to believe that all the characters from the books I read were real. I thought that they must live somewhere and I used to beg my parents to take me to see them. You see, with my father being the president of a publishing company, I thought that he must know where those characters lived."

"That's not so bad. A lot of children think that. I suppose it's more wishful thinking than actual belief, though." Yusuke smiled. "What other things did you believe in?"

"The usual stories we told in school," Ritsu replied, shrugging. "You know, when a student moves everyone starts making up stories about them, or the terrible secrets some of the teachers had, things like that. It was fun."

"Y-yes, I bet it was ..." Yusuke was silent for a while and then looked at Ritsu. "Ricchan, I ... um ... can I ... um ... could I ask you for some help? It's about school ..."

"Oh ... I guess. I don't think I'll be able to help you much with your studies, but at least I'll try." Ritsu smiled.

"Ohh, n-no, it's not about that." Yusuke looked uneasy. He pushed his glasses up again. "I ... um ... there's this ... um ... y-you know when ..."

At that moment there was a noise in the hallway. The front door opened and closed and a short time later Takano entered the living room.

"I'm home."

In the dimness of the room, his skin had a glowing paleness to it that made him look exhausted when in fact, he really wasn't. Ritsu noticed that Takano was dressed just a tad more formal than usual. Apparently, this meeting had been quite important, more so than Takano had shared with him before.

"Welcome home," Yusuke greeted his older brother with a smile.

Takano turned the lights on. The sudden brightness made both Yusuke and Ritsu groan and rub their eyes.

"Yusuke, you have school tomorrow, right? You should go to bed."

"Sure ... I just wanted to wait for you, Masamune." Yusuke stood up and adjusted his glasses. As he walked out of the room, he turned to Ritsu and gave him a slightly sad smile. "I'm sorry, I ... you'll forget what I told you, won't you? It's not really important ..."

When he left, Takano took his place on the sofa and looked at Ritsu inquiringly.

"What are you supposed to forget?" He asked.

"I d-don't really know ..." Yusuke hadn't given him any particular details, so Ritsu didn't see it as betraying his trust. "Yusuke wanted to ask me something about school, but you came home and he couldn't. I think he needed help with something."

"Why the hell is he asking you and not me?"

Ritsu shrugged. He didn't think that Yusuke would ever hide something from his brother, and he replied in the same spirit.

"He probably thinks that I'd give him a better advice in this particular case, whatever it is," he said. He looked at Takano and saw that he looked worried. "Is Yusuke having problems at school?"

"No, I don't think so. He hasn't said anything about having problems with his studies or anything like that," Takano replied, frowning slightly. "But ... I don't think he has any friends at school."

"Oh ..."

"Yeah." He nodded. "I was pretty much a loner back in high school too, but that was by choice, so I enjoyed it. But Yusuke ... I think that he'd like to have friends. I think he suffers because he's sort of an outsider."

"Why doesn't he join some school club? He should be able to meet people with similar interests there, right?"

Takano waved his hand.

"He's in his drama club already and it hasn't helped at all. Yusuke is just far too shy to socialize with people." He stood up. "I'll have to talk to him about that."

"Y-yeah, maybe you should ..." Ritsu got up as well. "Uh ... good night, Takano-san. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Onodera."

Before Ritsu could react, Takano had pulled him closer and kissed him. By now, Ritsu shouldn't have been so surprised, yet somehow his boss's actions always caught him unprepared. With blood rushing to his face, he pulled away and glanced at the door. If Yusuke had come in ...

"Y-you ..." He stuttered. "You shouldn't do things like that. Yusuke might catch us."

"So?" Takano raised an eyebrow.

They'd had this discussion a million times before, and still hadn't reached an agreement over it. Ritsu didn't want Yusuke knowing what was going on between him and Takano, whereas Takano had nothing against his brother knowing the truth. Their argument always went the same way - Ritsu claiming that they couldn't tell Yusuke anything, because they themselves didn't know how to define their relationship, which prompted Takano to urge him to "make things simpler" by confessing his love already.

"You know very well where I stand on that matter," Ritsu said hotly. "And if you're thinking of saying even a word to Yusuke about anything that's happened between us, I ... I'll never forgive you!"

Takano was too surprised by his words to reply. Ritsu took advantage of his silence and left.

He didn't want to fight with Takano, least of all about this. And he didn't really think that Yusuke would treat him any differently if he knew about their past relationship. He knew the teen well enough to be sure that Yusuke was too kind-hearted to hate anyone. What was truly stopping him from being open with Yusuke was that he didn't want Yusuke to know the truth until Ritsu was able to take responsibility. And that could only happen when he found the courage to admit to Takano how he truly felt about him.

I don't want Yusuke to think that ... that I have half-hearted feelings towards Takano-san or that I'm just stringing him along ...

Ritsu wasn't certain if Takano was angry at him or if the piles of documents and manuscripts that were accumulating on his desk were because it was the end of the cycle. The result, no matter the cause, was that he spent two consecutive nights in the office while trying to get all the work done. When it was all finally over, Ritsu somehow managed to drag himself to his apartment building without collapsing from exhaustion.

Yusuke caught up with him while he waited for the elevator. He was holding some letters in his hands. He gave Ritsu a sweet smile and asked him how he was.

"Masamune said that you have a lot of work right now. I hope everything's fine in the office?"

"We're done with work now," Ritsu replied. "It was very tiring. I haven't even come home these past couple of days." He thought that he must smell appalling, having worn the same clothes for so long, but Yusuke said nothing about it. "How's school going?"

"Very well, I think. I'm doing well in geography; my teacher even wants me to attend some advanced classes next semester."

"That's great!"

The two stepped in the elevator and Yusuke pressed the button for their floor.

"Y-yeah … but I'm not sure I want to do it … I don't think I'll like it very much …" Yusuke blushed lightly while he talked. "A-ahh … Ricchan? C-can I … Are you very tired?"

"No." A lie – Ritsu was actually struggling to remain conscious. "Why do you ask?"

"I … um … I would like for us to continue our conversation from that night. If you don't mind, that is?"

"No, no, of course not!" Ritsu waved his hands. "You wanted my advice for something, right? It was about school, if I remember correctly?"

"Y-yeah …" Yusuke nodded and said nothing more.

Ritsu also remained silent. Soon they arrived on their floor and Yusuke suddenly asked if they could talk in Ritsu's apartment. He explained that he didn't want his brother to interrupt them like he had done last time. His words made Ritsu think that perhaps Yusuke was having some troubles that he didn't want to discuss with Takano.

"Look, Yusuke, if you have any problems, you should tell your brother about them," he began, but the boy silenced him with a gesture.

"It's not a problem. At least … it's not something bad. I … I just have no idea what to do. I've never had something like that happen to me before."

After uttering these enigmatic words, Yusuke fell silent again and went into the apartment. Ritsu followed him inside and shut the door behind him.

They went in the living room and Yusuke sat on the sofa, right onto a pile of jumpers. He usually scolded Ritsu for being so messy and explained to him that the state of his apartment wasn't hygienic. But it appeared that he had bigger worries at the moment. He kept tangling and untangling his fingers together and his thick curly hair had fallen in front of his face.

"Do you want some tea or water?" Ritsu asked him.

"No, thank you."

Ritsu sat down next to him. It seemed that Yusuke was unsure whether he wanted to talk or not. He opened his mouth a few times, but he ended up only making some trivial comments about the weather and his brother. Ritsu tried to placate him, talking to Yusuke as if the two were having an ordinary conversation. His strategy paid off and Yusuke soon began to reveal what was on his mind.

"I … I'm already 16. And, biologically speaking, I'm developing normally." His voice was stable, but he often paused so that he could express his thoughts better. "That's why it's not odd for me to … develop … certain physical and emotional needs." He looked at Ritsu expectantly.

"Needs, as in …?"

"I … think that I'm interested in someone. Um … romantically interested." Yusuke explained.

"Oh!" Ritsu blinked. "Ahh … and who is this person?"

"I-it doesn't really matter!" Yusuke blushed. "They are from my high school, but they're older than me. And we … uh … we don't know each other. I … I think that they don't even know that I exist …"

"Then … how are you so sure about your feelings for this person?"

"I … um … we spend a lot of time in the same place. And I … um … I've been sort of watching them for a while now." Yusuke's blush deepened, but his voice became more confident. "I'm sure that I love them."

Ritsu suddenly had a vision, not of the future, but of the past. A naïve 15-year-old boy, peeking shyly from behind a bookshelf. His heart started beating faster when he remembered how happy he'd been every time he got to see his senpai, even from so far away. More than ten years had passed, but he could still remember the smell in the school library – of dust between the pages of old books, and of cherry blossoms.

"-but after all, this is something new for me." Yusuke's voice sounded as if it was coming from somewhere far away and Ritsu struggled to extract himself from his memories. "And I don't know what to do. Ricchan, can you help me?" He looked at him desperately.

"Help you?"

"Yes. I … have no idea what to do." Yusuke looked down at his hands. "Love is … very strange. I feel both happy and sad at the same time. I … I think I'd like to confess my feelings to this person, but I don't know how to do it exactly."

Yusuke went quiet, waiting for Ritsu's reply. For a while, Ritsu wasn't sure what to say. That, which was whirling in his mind – an empty library, save for two people, a hastily scribbled name in a book, and withered blossoms in a math notebook – wouldn't be of much help. He felt a lump in his throat. There was such naïve hope in Yusuke's voice, the same optimism that Ritsu himself had felt years ago. He suddenly felt closer to Yusuke than he'd ever been.

"Yusuke, I …" He paused to figure out how to say what he wanted more tactfully. "I don't think that you should say anything to that person. High school relationship never last long, and they often end in tears and pain. I think … I think that you'd be much happier if you keep whatever feelings you may have to yourself. I realize that this may not be what you expected to hear … but my advice is coming from personal experience."

"Oh!" Yusuke couldn't hide his disappointment. He was silent for a minute, moving away from Ritsu. "Are you sure? What if … I regret not saying anything for the rest of my life?"

"That's always a possibility. But trust me, if you keep your feelings locked in your heart, you'll still have this fantasy of what might have been. You can still believe that your first love has been pure and real. But if you say something … you risk losing that, and then you'll have nothing but bad memories and regrets." Ritsu covered his eyes with his hand. Just keeping them open caused him pain. "Yusuke, I think you should talk with Takano-san. He knows more about relationships than me. At least, I now he's dated more people than me." He couldn't help the spite that wormed its way into his last words.

Yusuke didn't notice it. He was pondering Ritsu's advice. While he did so, he absent-mindedly arranged a few magazines that were scattered on the coffee table.

"I think you're right, Ricchan," he finally said. "I … I don't think I'm a catch, as they say. I think that really, the smartest thing to do would be to spare myself the pain of rejection." A sad smile graced his lips. "Really, I myself knew that it wasn't a good idea to do something, but I told myself that you probably knew better. I was hoping … well, I was hoping that you might have a better idea. But I guess there's no hope for me, huh?" He suddenly stood up. "Ricchan, you look tired. I think I may have taken too much of your time … I apologize." He left the room so quickly, that to Ritsu it seemed as if he'd run away.

Later, when Ritsu was lying on the piles of clothes that were on his bed, he thought that for the first time since they'd known each other, Yusuke was disappointed in him. But he had no other choice, he told himself. A high school love, between a shy boy and an older student who didn't even know him? No, it was never going to happen.

He may be sad now … but at least I spared him a lot of pain in the future. Yusuke is way too kind; I can't allow him to become like me.