Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
And I wouldn't dream of goin' nowhere
Silly woman, come here, let me hold you
Have I told you lately?
I love you like crazy, girl
- Eli Young Band
"Fuck" Alec says to himself. I didn't mean... I mean I'm not a saint, I'm a normal red blooded guy who just has a lot more patience than normal for her. I just want her to be happy. She should have that - happiness. I should have noticed something, seen the panicked look in her eyes or felt her tense up, something, i think as I see the flash of blond hair out the window as she heads towards the roof.
At least I know where she's going this time. We solved that problem after the first couple times I did something that made her panic. She totally got that she just couldn't run off anymore without worrying me. So we worked out a couple spots she could go that I could find her in eventually. A solution for both of us, a way for her to work out her initial panic and a way for me to relax that she wasn't running for good.
I should probably head up, I think heading to the stairs I had installed so I could access the roof like a normal person. No way was I going to keep climbing out of my own window. I'm not really prepared for what I see as I open the door, but then I'm never prepared for Parker's tears.
She's sitting on the edge of the roof, arms around her knees, chin resting on top of her knees. I can just see the tear tracks on her face, but it doesn't look like she is crying anymore just staring off into the distance. She doesn't seem to move when I step out onto the roof, but I know she's aware that I'm there. She always knows when someone is nearby.
"Parker, do you need more time up here?" I see a quick shake of her head.
"Can we talk?" A quick nod. "Maybe not by the edge of death?" Parker knows I don't like to go to close to the edge without equipment, I remain convinced that we are going to fall to our death there one day. When I hear her quick giggle in response & she pops up, I know everything is going to be fine.
When she gets close enough, I reach out grabbing her and pulling her down into my lap, cuddling her up against me. "I love you. No matter, what I will always love you Paker. I will always be here for you, no matter what happens. I know you love me even though you can't say it" I feel her nod against me chest & break into a grin.
"You're supposed to say stop when you're feeling overwhelmed. We've talked about this. No matter what we're doing, we can always stop if you need to. You have to"
"Alec," I hear against my chest, "it's not...I didn't want to stop. I never want to stop. I just feel, I don't know. I feel too much and then I can't breathe and I freak out."
"I know baby. It's not a big deal. Eventually, you'll feel safe enough, comfortable enough with us to say whatever you need, to feel whatever you want to feel." I feel her relax against me & know everything is going to be fine. "Now, can we go back inside? It's freaking freezing out here without all our clothes on." Next thing I know she's through the door which is a surprise in itself since she never takes the stairs.
I wandered back down the stairs & spot her curled on a blanket on the couch with the TV already turned on and I know everything is going to be ok.