The Game Plan: Role Reversal
By: Rhiza
"A woman knows the face of the man she loves like a sailor knows the open sea". Honoré de Balzac
Kim is lying on her bed. Tears are falling down her pale cheeks, it makes her vision blurry, but she just doesn't care anymore. This is what she needs, this is her only comfort.
It's February 14, every lovers is out on a date, enjoying this special day, sharing this romantic night with their love.
How about her, locked up inside her room, curled like a wet puppy on her cold bed, wanting the night to end just as badly as she wants to be held by those strong arms?
"Oh God, I missed him. I missed him so bad. I wish I could tell him. I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't. It's too late now." It was her silent confession. "Why do you have to die? Why you?"
She continues this silent litany until her eyes felt heavy, fatigue and grief draws her strength away. Surrendering to sleep is the last option. And that is not the option she wants, because once darkness took over her world, everything that happened that day flashes back before her eyes…
The "night", as she calls it, that tragic night she never imagined would happen, the night that broke her heart, took away her best friend, brother in everything but blood, confidante, and…
her secret love.
Quarter before midnight, she heard banging on their front door. She opened it and got almost knock off, when Mrs. Oliver threw herself into her arms, clinging as if her life depended on it.
".. they.. accident.. died.. David.. Tommy … he's.. dead.. he died.. Oh… God, Oh God." The words came out choked, stifled but makes sense. In Kim's ears they're like nails on the chalkboard, giving her goose bumps. It hurts. The audible pain in those words was too much.
Mrs. Oliver is practically crying her eyes out. Choking like crazy while telling her what happened. She understands that the older woman just want to vent out her grief over this tragic incident. Listening just for the sake of listening, her mind is caught in a whirlwind.
She just couldn't believe it. She refused to believe that one of them died. What happened? Who died? Why? Comprehension is one thing she refused to have. All she wanted is to wake up. This is just a dream… a nightmare.
She could have won the best actress by the show she's playing now. She perfectly hid how she truly feels after she learned what happened. She was good at it. Everyone knew that David was her boyfriend. He survived the accident and the only reason for her to grieve was that Tommy's a friend. During the funeral, with the strength she mustered, she pushed everything at the back of her mind, to the deepest part of her heart that she never knew existed. And the few drops of tears she's shedding tell only part of that story.
Every tear drop sings a different song. Whether she admits it or not, she only accepted David's love because she was frustrated. Tommy never showed any special feelings for her. Tommy treated her not more than but a friend, a sister in everything but blood. And she wanted more! She wanted more that to be his friend, more than a sister. But no! He's not interested or just simply dense. Stupid love!
That's why she reciprocated David's affection. She keeps on hoping that someday she might love him back. But life sets this game plan for them. They might be identical in every way, but she could not love David the way she love Tommy. Her heart just simply knows the difference.
Life: 2 , Kim: 0
That's the score now; life's not done playing its twisted game on her. Tommy died without even knowing how much she loves him. He might not feel the same way, and might pushed her away, she knew she could not handle that back then, but now, she's pretty sure, rejection is bearable.
This happened two weeks ago. Now, David has fully recovered from his injuries, but the wound in her heart is getting worst every day. To lessen the pain, she reestablished the part she's playing for years. Making herself believe that David's Tommy. Hoping her heart will play this time.
She knew this is not fair for David. He lost a brother, the least she could do for him is to be honest. But she knew as well that this truth would devastate him. He loves her too much, leaving her no other option but to play the part. But, the question is, until when?
Out from her reverie, she heard a sweet music. She almost forgot that her folks are having a romantic dinner at the porch and that's the reason of this voluntary bedroom arrest.
David asked her out on a date yesterday but she refused. She didn't know how she managed to say no. But she did, heartlessly. Probably it's just her wishful thinking, but David seems to accept her refusal without any fuss. Not even asking for that dreaded explanation, which deep inside she knew she can't give…
He could have asked why. How she refused his invitation should at least disappoint him, but no, deep in his heart, he was pleased. It's not that he doesn't want to be with her this Valentine's Day, he does. He loves Kim; he loves her so much that it hurts. But his very reason was buried in the depths of his heart. He does not want anymore lies to pile on top of this monstrous dishonesty, both to Kim and to himself.
"Mom, I can't take this anymore. I need to tell her the truth. This is tearing me apart. I'm not good at this." Tommy is pacing back and forth in their living room, making nervous gestures while explaining everything to her mother. In a soft muffed voice Tommy revealed the truth, more to himself. "I am not my brother. I've sacrificed so much for him. I gave up Kim when I learned that David loves her. And now, this? " placing his both hands on his chest, "I allow him to kill me when I agreed to be him and make Kim believed that it was me who died out there."
"I know you will resent your bother because of this." Mrs. Oliver shook her head clearing the thought. "But you love him dearly to refuse. But I agree. This has to stop, Tommy. It won't be long before Kim figures out. It might not be coming from you, but from other people."
"I didn't resent him that much, Mom. Actually, from the moment the words came out of his mouth, I did not have second thoughts. His request was tempting. If I pretend that I am him, I might have a chance with Kim. But every time she called me by his name… It..it just hurt so bad."
"So stop this game once and for all, and tell her the truth."
"Can she handle the truth?" he paused. Confused and terrified with his own idea, Tommy dropped and slouch on the nearby coach. His tears stricken face is covered by his hands. "I can't even handle the truth."
"It would break her heart, that's for sure. It would devastate her. But she'll learn to accept it."
"She'll be… she'll be mad and kick me out of her life. I can't take that."
"She might. But she may understand as well," stroking his hair, "go and tell her the truth."
With the strength he didn't know he had before, Tommy grabbed his jacket and walked out. Crossing the lawn, and almost dragging himself. There are moments when he felt like backing out. Petrified with the idea of losing her, however he needs to do this, to set himself free, to set Kim free. And if losing Kim is the price of this lying fiasco, he'll pay for it and just deal with the pain later.
But for now, the game is over.
Standing on the lawn, just outside the porch, Tommy saw Kim's parents dancing. They are so engrossed with their sweet moment and almost didn't notice the young man. Tommy made a sound by clearing his throat to announce his presence. Kim's father smiled at him and gave him a nod, a mute sign inviting him in without interrupting their dance.
Before he can even grab the door knob, he felt a soft tap on his left shoulder. He turned and was greeted with a sweet smile from Kim's mom. "It's about time, Tommy."
As if hit by a truck for the second time, Tommy could not form any coherent response, he just nodded without even knowing if he understood.
They knew?
Still dozy, Kim heard footsteps on the stairs. Her body is screaming to stay on her bed and just ignore whoever is coming, but she could not get the feeling that something is about to happen.
Refusing to believe that the footsteps are from either of her parent's, she musters herself and walk towards the door. She can still hear the soft music coming from the front porch. "It couldn't be one of them." She went out of her room only to find David standing in front of her door.
"David, you scared me. What are you doing here?" she asked, face flushed and eyes are still swollen from crying.
Tommy fished out something from his pocket. It is a small, black case. He opened it and took the eyeglasses out. He put it on.
"It- it's Tommy's eyeglasses." She blinked, just couldn't believed of what she's seeing right now. " W-why do you have them?"
"K-Kim. I'm so sorry." Tommy is pretty sure his stomach is doing back flip right now. He didn't know where to start. So he said just that.
"Sorry for what, David"? Totally oblivious of what is happening. "Tell me, you are sorry for what?"
"I lied to you, Kim. I lied to you when I told… let me put it this way… it's that night, he asked me to... No, it's actually more of.."
"Stop the chased, will you." cutting him off. "Tell me, NOW!" She knew something is wrong. The David she knew is never nervous around her. He's just too cool to be terrified with telling things. It's Tom… No, she dismissed the thought. She's afraid that she might actually believe it.
"I am Tommy." Almost a whisper, Kim was not even sure that she heard him. But she knew she did and...
"What? What did you say?" totally stunned by his revelation, she almost fainted.
"I am not David, Kim. It's David who died that night. Before he died he asked me a favor." Telling the story the second time, did not make it easier. In contrary, Tommy never felt so terrified like this before, so scared. And what scares him most was the vacancy on Kim's face. No emotion. The only apparent sign of her distress was the silvery droplets tracing her face. It seems like the world stops spinning.
For a moment, everything ceases to exist but the woman in front of him. Tommy couldn't stand the deafening stillness.
A cold, almost grief stricken chuckle broke the emptiness. "You are Tommy? Th-that was so funny. I like your game."
Her words make him shiver. They are cold, bitter, almost soul gripping. But the irony is audible; there was this hint of relief. And it confused him more. Forcing his vocal cords to operate, Tommy blurted out what was foremost in his mind. "To be my brother was not hard, Kim. Ha, we were doing that since we became aware that we are identical. But it is learning that with this role reversal, I am hurting you, makes it the hardest."
"H-how could you do this to me? How could you…" Kim is now slamming her fists on Tommy's chest. She was angry, so furious… but not so sure with whom.
"I'm sorry, Kim. I know you love David and I don't want to see you suffer because of his death. I'd be happier to die. I love you Kim. I'd me happy to trade places with him for real, if it would make you happy." Unlike Kim, Tommy blinked back the tears that are threatening to fall; he refused to shed them just because once they start falling he's afraid he won't be able to stop.
"How d-dare y-y-you say that!" Kim shouted on his face. "You don't want to see me suffer? But you know what?" pointing her finger on his chest, Tommy flinched. He didn't know what to make of Kimberly's outburst. "Because of you I suffer more. Believing that you died out there, almost killed me, and part of me did!"
"W-what?" he was stunned. He was caught off guard. He was pretty sure he was prepared for the confrontation, but not a revelation. "Are you saying…"
"All these years, I never loved David. It – it's you, only you, Tommy. I am hoping that one day you would loved me, but you remained numb. I loved you then, and still do, but I just don't have the nerve to…." pausing, she remembers the significance of his earlier revelation, "…if only you have the nerve to tell me, things would not end this way!" Kim sobbed, literary at the end of her emotional rope.
The choked sound proved to be too much for Tommy. Kim rarely cried, but when she did, he couldn't stand it – not then or now. He was furious, he doesn't want to hurt Kim, but look at what he did! Mentally, he kicked himself. And a raging voice screeched. How could you do this to her, I thought you love her more than anything. But another voice butt in. I didn't know! I had no idea she loves me too. A debate is taking place inside his head!
He shrugged all those voices; instead, he focused his attention on the petite figure in front of him. He closed the remaining distance between the two of them and pulled Kim roughly into his arms.
Where she belongs.
Kim stiffened as she felt those strong arms she'd long for so often and so long in depths of her heart close around her back, and then lost the fight against her tears. She wanted to remain like this forever. To be trapped in his embrace.
Now in his calm reverie, Tommy sighed, "all these years we love each other but neither have the heart to fight for it. It was my fault, Kim. We love each other from the start. You waited for me, but I remained numb.
On the other hand, while pressing her head on Tommy's chest, Kim uttered under her breath. "It was you all along. I didn't know. The unshed tears and pain blinded my heart. I didn't recognize you. Yes we are together physically, but my love was buried together with the person that I thought was you. I was so stupid."
And in the end, all is fair in life's game plan.
~ The End ~