Part 1: There Probably Isn't Going To Be A Part 2
Author's Note: As stated before, this is a retelling, not a roast. (Sorry to disappoint.) This is not to be taken seriously, either; it's just for fun. Also, feel free to criticize, because unlike the original author (from what I've seen), I will not be upset if you think this is really dumb and stuff.
P.S. This is obviously non-canon, but I'm going to assume this takes place in another timeline split. The Hyrule Historia is complex enough as it is, what's another few branches?
P.P.S. - writing this has seemed to take an interesting toll on my mental health
Princess Zelda watched from the gates with anticipation as a green-clad figure quietly made his way up the path to the castle. Though she was sure he wouldn't like what she was proposing, her father was quite insistent on his arrival today. And Link, never failing to meet expectations, had arrived right on time. The guards saluted him with the reverent enthusiasm, a reaction that came with Link's favored status, and ushered him through the gates.
"Welcome back, Link," Zelda said with a small smile. As usual, Link hardly looked tired at all, despite having left Kokiri Village before sunrise to arrive on time. She motioned towards the path leading to the castle, and the two began to walk. "I apologize for bringing you here on such short notice, but my father insisted. I trust you fully read the letter he sent?" Link nodded. Zelda sighed. "I know it is your wish to travel the world alone. You must understand that my father only wants what's best for his people. He believes that a strong line of descendants from the Hero of Time will pave the way for prosperity for our kingdom. On that note..." Zelda cleared her throat. "I hear you haven't had any success convincing anyone to leave with you."
Link looked down, a little embarrassed. It was true; he wished to see the world, but all of his potential suitors were either princesses bound to their kingdom, like Zelda, or flat-out unwilling to leave their home and family, like Malon. Granted, he hadn't been very persuasive. It wasn't in his nature to coerce others into doing anything they didn't want to do.
Zelda smiled, looking away at the castle. "My father has been unusually proactive about the situation," she explained. "Tell me... do you know what a 'blind date' is?" Link looked shocked, but quickly regained his composure. Zelda smiled and continued, "He has sent certain... operatives, one could say... to scour the land in search of a suitable companion for you. He believes he has found one, and that is why he has summoned you here." Upon reaching the castle, the drawbridge was lowered and Zelda guided Link towards the garden. "We have already met with this girl, of course. She is a simple clothing merchant, accustomed to traveling alone, who peddles her wares wherever she goes. She says she possesses some skill with a bow as well, in case it is ever needed."
Zelda turned to Link as she stopped in the garden. "Please try your best to be receptive to this girl. I know all of this has been thrust upon you rather suddenly. Remain here for a while. My father wants you to make a good first impression, and he believes this is a good setting for it. I will be back; I am going to bring her here. My father wants to ensure this girl feels welcome." She began to walk away, but turned back for a moment. "Please forgive my father. The life of a king can be a dull one. I haven't seen him so interested in a task in ages." With that, she continued walking.
Link stood silently as he waited. The garden looked exactly the same as it had years ago. He was glad to have spent the rest of his youth in Kokiri Village, but as he aged naturally, a persistent wanderlust started to set in. He tried to readjust to life in his quiet forest home, but he had undeniably become accustomed to a life of wandering. Of course, he told the princess of his planned departure from familiar lands, but evidently someone was listening, and word traveled quickly. In hindsight, he supposed he shouldn't have waited so long to leave.
As he stood lost in thought, absentmindedly shining his sword, he became aware of voices behind him. He suddenly realized that one of the voices was Zelda and, quickly sheathing his sword, turned to face them. There was a slim brunette girl standing next to Zelda with a wide-eyed, awestruck expression on her face as she looked straight at Link's face. She wore a merchant's dress of plain undyed material, though it appeared to be well constructed, unlike some of the locals' homespun outfits. This was surely the woman that the king expected him to court. No doubt the princess had already told her everything about him.
"Link, this is Jenna," Zelda said. Link nodded and extended his hand to her. She looked like she was about to pass out, but she took his hand anyways. He shook her hand politely; she looked slightly disappointed, but smiled back at him.
"P-pleased to meet you," Jenna stammered. "Um... I'm Jenna, from the Great Lebian Coast."
Link looked questioningly at Zelda. "It's a difficult land to reach," Zelda explained, "and there isn't much there besides a small village."
"Zelda told me all about your exploits. She and the king have been so kind to me since I arrived here. I'm not used to such a warm welcome. Um..." Jenna's face began to glow red. "Zelda also told me of the Spring Festival that Hyrule celebrates around this time every year, and I was wondering..." She paused and looked at Zelda, who just nodded. "Would you show me around Hyrule before the festival? Zelda tells me you've seen all there is to see on your adventures. Hyrule is so big, and there's still so much I haven't seen."
"Perhaps you could show her the forest you were raised in for the Spring Night festival," Zelda added.
Link paused, looking at Jenna's eager yet nervous expression and Zelda's expectant stare. He nodded.
"Oh, thank you so much! Sorry, I'm not usually this nervous around people. It's not every day I get to meet a legendary hero. Oh, but first I have to go bring in my wagon and my wares. Will you meet me at the town gate in about two hours? I have some things to attend to." Link nodded. "Alright, see you then!" With that, Jenna hurried off, still blushing.
Zelda walked closer to Link. "That went well. I'll send word to Saria to expect a guest. I'm sure my father will be pleased with this news."
"I heard everything," a voice boomed from nearby. A portly man with white-trimmed red robes and a full, graying chestnut beard emerged with a huge grin from behind a hedge.
"Father...?" Zelda asked, visibly confused. "What in the goddesses' name are you doing?"
"I just came to see how Link and Jenna are getting along!" the king said as he sauntered towards them. "Is there anything wrong with that?"
Zelda sighed heavily, putting her hand to her forehead. "Father, surely you have more important matters to attend to..."
"Yes, of course, but they're all so very boring. And goddesses know I could use a break!" He threw his arm around a startled Link and led him through the garden. "You know, my boy, I was quite the ladies' man when I was your age. I could go on for ages about all the trouble my young self got into, but I think two hours should suffice. Now, where to start? Ah, yes..."
Zelda watched with exasperation as her father sauntered off, talking Link's ear off. Link would certainly have his hands full for a while. Wearily, Zelda headed to the throne room to sort out the royal business her father so casually neglected.