Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Ghoul.
walk this road alone.
When her mother died, Akira was traumatized. Her young mind had never imagined living in a world without her mother; a person she'd depended on for almost everything for so long. Her father had been in immense pain too, but at least he was alive and breathing next to her. At least he wasn't cold and unresponsive like how her mother had become as she lay in the coffin.
For the longest time, Akira believed that her father would always be there for her. He wouldn't leave her like her mother did. So when Koutaro Amon came to her, delivering the news about her father's 'unexpected' and oh so saddening death; needless to say Akira went completely numb. She wondered how much more her grieving heart could take. She wondered how her father could be so cruel to leave her absolutely alone in this world filled with horrifying ghouls and even more horrifying human beings. Now, for the first time in her life; Akira Mado felt completely alone. The thought sent shivers down her spine.
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And then came Amon. She didn't like him at first, she didn't know why. He was annoyingly perfect in everything he did and reminded her of her dead father too much. His sense of justice didn't match with her and as a child of this society she automatically felt irritation towards him for having beliefs different to hers. As irritating as he was, he was also very kind too. It surprised her because she didn't expect kindness from him. Didn't she already tell him she didn't like her? Then what's with his overflowing sea of kindness. But Akira believed in professionalism, so she tried her best to work with him because that was her duty.
Chasing the ghoul named Rabbit was taking way too long; which also meant she had to spend a lot of time with Amon too. Surprisingly, or not, the more the days passed the more comfortable she got around him. Sometimes she found herself opening up to him after rounds of drinks on late nights and failed investigations. While she displayed no hesitation in showing her annoyance to him when she didn't agree with him; he never did so. Amon was very understanding, accepting and sometimes it made her angry as to why he was being so kind to her. Why was he even bothering hanging around with her after investigations when he could just go home and get the rest he needs. She falls asleep mumbling to herself and it is Amon who takes her home.
It is also Amon who is the third person to leave her life. By this time, she has become too numb to even thrash around in all the pain she's feeling because somehow she had come to love him and now he too was gone. So she sheds her tears silently but never moves on because really, does such a thing as moving on even exist? No one should ever have to accept a tragedy. Learning to live with it enough painful and exhausting as it is.
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Takizawa was a carefree and funny guy. But Akira knew that somewhere along their long years together a small part of Takizawa had come to resent her; just a little. Because she was always surpassing him and they were both the kind of people who absolutely resented failure. So she understood and never questioned him when she'd catch him frowning at her. She'd let it pass because after a while he'd forget and start making everyone laugh again, because that's just the kind of guy he was. Akira appreciated his presence because even she needed some amount of light in the dark cave known as her life. That light had just came in the form of a person named Takizawa.
But even he along with Amon disappeared. It was then that Akira realized that the men in her life were always leaving her behind. They were all cowards afraid to face life. She'd started to believe by now that any man she met would just engrave themselves in her life and then suddenly just mercilessly vanish. Apparently they thought she was strong enough to live on. She doubted that.
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Then came Haise Sasaki. This time she wasn't the one who was being saved. Rather she found herself saving him, a ghoul; the race she resented with all her passion. The race she was working to destroy. But something about the white haired boy was so tragic that Akira saw herself in him. She didn't see him as a ghoul but rather she saw him as just another lonely soul aching for affection. Before she even knew it she was pouring all she had to him.
They got along well. He was friendly and obedient and loyal and Akira felt like a proud mother when he climbed up the ranks so swiftly. She had seen him in his happiest and also at his worst when he broke down as he suffered from his identity crisis. She felt partly responsible because she was part of the CCG too that put him here but she knew it was all for the betterment of everyone so she held him as he'd cry until he was empty. He needed her and she needed him, or so she thought.
Betrayed wasn't even close to the feeling she felt when she heard her Haise, yes her little Haise- the one she loved like her own brother had killed Arima and left. Well, no surprises there. She had thought about how even Haise could leave her and had nightmares about it too. But she buried those thoughts deep inside because after what felt like eons she was finally a little satisfied with her life, not happy but just a little contended. Apparently nothing lasted for too long when it came to Akira Mado and the men in her life.
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Akira was fully prepared to live the rest of her life alone, fiercely single because no man could ever be trusted but just then three of the men who had left her came back like a destructive tornado and thrashed everything all over again. She didn't even have the energy to lash out when she saw Takizawa; no longer human and every bit a ghoul killing all her comrades mercilessly.
Who are you in my friend's body? She asked silently. But no one answered, who would? Takizawa Seidou was dead, for real this time and there was nothing that Akira Mado could do about it.
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Seeing Amon again was even worse. He was alive and every bit himself but in a way she couldn't recognize. She closes her eyes and the next time she opens them she is in a world she hates; saved by those she hates and she just doesn't know what to do anymore. Spent her entire life hating ghouls but what does she do now when the one person she had loved with all her heart-or still loves is one of them too. He even has the nerve to talk to her and hold her precious cat with God knows what he has done with those lecherous hands. So even though the child inside her wants to, Akira keeps quiet and doesn't say anything because it's better to keep quiet when you're deciding between life and death.
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He too has the nerve to talk to her, she thinks bitterly as she stands in front of Haise-no, not Haise anymore because the man in front of him is not Haise but Ken Kaneki the ghoul. In front of her is a man she doesn't know, doesn't even want to know and anger boils inside of her as to why he is talking to her as if he knows her. She turns around and leaves because Haise Sasaki is dead and she has no business with Ken Kaneki.
"Miss Akira, I'm so lonely!"
She sheds a tear and stops herself from correcting him or running back to him because she knows there are other people out there who can.
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Looks like the world is ending, she dryly thinks to herself as she watches the orange skies above the deserted playgrounds reeking with the smell of death. The world seems to be ending and Akira is tired of being alone and hating everything so she lets Amon stand beside her and lecture her on justice and other things that are just so like Amon. And then they kiss, because she's just a starved soul and so is he.
Melting in his arms she almost falls and he catches her because he is her savior. As she looks into his tired eyes which seem to have shed more tears than needed; she thinks back to all the men in her life who're always leaving her behind and this one man in front of her who came back.
Author's note: And that's the end. I'm not very satisfied with this story, I feel like I could've wrote it better. Anyways, if you liked it, please let me know through your reviews. Have a nice day and thank you for reading!