Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Falling in love didn't hurt as much as Nick thought it would. Well, there was the thought of being murdered the next day that loomed over his and everyone's heads…but beside the point…it was practically painless.
The first time he looked at the country boy in a more than tolerable way was in the disgusting and small shack back at the Swamps.
It was in the night, when the only light source came from a rusty and crooked lamp hanging by the door of the Safe House. Ellis's face was illuminated by that simple light, giving him a beautiful glow to his face. Cheekbones and jaw stuck out to him. Light, barely visible freckles dusted his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, and plump lips were partly opened to let out a peaceful snore. His lashes were long for a man's (yet not feminine, although Ellis would still look gorgeous even with feminine lashes). He looked so happy, so at peace with the world in his sleep.
Nick could look at him forever.
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame
He tried to tell himself time and time again that this…what he was feeling was just his desperation for a good and easy fuck, to get out his frustrations in the act of rough sex, but even he couldn't lie to himself for long. Because, when he would look at Ellis, with those thoughts in mind, they would vanish. Instead of those lustful thoughts, almost loving ones took their place. Instead of thrusting wildly into the hick's backside, all he wanted to do was hold that frightened country boy in his arms and lull him to sleep.
All he wanted to do was protect the kid, and boy was he in denial just for that.
One night, as the hick lay there on a pile of coats, his coveralls acting as a blanket and bandages wrapped around a naked torso, Nick slept next to him. He kept vigil, almost. Nick just…laid there and watched over the hick, making sure he was still breathing, checking up on his wounds, everything…
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
This time was the first time Nick touched Ellis in a way more than just to heal way. It was also the first time Ellis returned the touch.
The gambler leaned half of his body over the hick, one palm cupping Ellis's jaw, the other splayed on his bandaged chest. He stayed there for a moment, feeling his chest rise and fall raggedly, the bandages becoming slowly seeped in blood. His own blood. Man that just…pissed him off. Why did the witch come for Ellis…why not him?!
He didn't notice the mechanic's eyes flutter open as he was in deep thought. He didn't notice the smile that graced his pale lips. What he did notice was a warm hand covering Nick's on his jaw. The older man's gaze whipped up to meet Ellis's, and they stayed there, stock still for a moment, eyes locked.
"Yew worried bout me er somethin'?" Ellis asked breathlessly, fingers slipping in between Nick's. They laced together, and Nick swore he felt his heart flutter in his chest.
"Yea." He said a moment. "Yea I was…"
Ellis smiled more, eyes fluttering shut as he let out a pain filled cough. "Tha's nice ah yew…" He let his head lean against the hand cupping his jaw. He practically nuzzled it. "Yew always watch me while ah sleep, Nick?" He asked, a chuckle following it.
"Sometimes." Nick responded in all seriousness, the hand on his chest moving to cup the other side of his jaw. "It's fine…I never really sleep anymore anyway…"
Ellis's eyes opened again, baby blue eyes glazed with pain. His eyes watered suddenly, and a wider smile grew from plump lips. "But yew gotta sleep some time, dontcha?" He asked, lips parting a little more as he looked up at him. His cheeks flushed red.
Nick got closer, lips inches from the hick's. His eyes became half lidded and he let a chuckle bubble up, though it was broken. "And you gotta get better, don't you?" He asked in response. Ellis blinked up at him lazily, not knowing how to respond.
Warm me up
And breathe me
Lips met in a blanket of warmth and passion. The hick was caught off guard, and almost didn't return the passionate kiss back, but after a moment he relaxed underneath those warm hands and heated lips, and returned the kiss.
It was long, and slow, and full of passion that Nick would never admit to. And when they finally pulled away, their breathing was shallow, though not gasping. The mechanic opened his mouth to ask what that was about, but Nick shook his head, and applied soft kisses to his jaw, the corners of his mouth, to his chin and neck. "Hush. Go to sleep…and get better for me."
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
Ellis didn't wake up the next day. His chest didn't rise and fall in the slow, calming pattern that Nick grew to find comfort in. His lips were parted, but they were pale and lifeless and no breath escaped them. His eyes were closed, and behind them set lifeless, cloudy blue orbs. His hair was almost limp on his head, and his hand was limply holding onto Nick's. His fingers no longer tangled between his, no longer grasped.
Waking up that morning and finding that, when just a couple hours ago that body, that corpse, was full of life, of love, of carefree childlike innocence, was worse than dying. It was almost as if Nick awoke to himself being a lifeless corpse. Was there any worth to living now? What was the use? He put…all of his attention toward this boy... this optimistic kid that he grew to enjoy so much. He had kissed those plump, pink lips that were now pale and flat.
Yea I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
He probably screamed, because Rochelle and Coach ran to him as Nick leaned over what use to be Ellis. Screaming into that dead face, sobbing against that still chest. They had to pull him off. It took more than Coach to keep him back. Nick screamed profanities, sobbed, threw punches, begged to be let go. He couldn't leave him, even when he wasn't a person anymore. He couldn't…
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
"I LOVED HIM." He cried, fighting against the hold of Coach. He could hear Coach grimace, hear him grunt and shake his head. He could feel Rochelle's gentle hand on his chest, keeping him back, hushing him. He couldn't shush; nothing could keep him back anymore. He came back to Ellis, throwing his arms around the lifeless body, sobbing into the bloody bandages, holding him tight, as if the hick was still alive. He sobbed his apologies and other incoherent sentences as he buried his face into the hick's cold neck.
And breathe….me