So, I didn't like Diamond Days very much. It wasn't even a matter of its own quality or merits; it was simply completely and utterly different from everything that had come before, and in that situation, disappointment is inevitable. I'm just not interested in Rose Quartz the runaway princess the way I am in Rose Quartz the rebel leader. So: This is a Rose Quartz is Rose Quartz AU. Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond are separate people in this fic.

Though this will be a rewrite, this is not how I expected the show to have ended; this story will go in directions I am quite certain the canon would never have gone. But I do feel it is more in line with the parts of the show I enjoyed.

All comments are welcome; I hope for this story to be a conversation, not a monologue. I genuinely would rather know you thought this story was the worst thing ever than not know what you thought about it at all.

We begin shortly after 5x17, "Can't Go Back".

It was their conversation that had been the last straw.

He had just come home from another day, another normal day of wondering and waiting, waiting for Lars to come home, waiting to see if the diamonds were going to make a move first, waiting and still not knowing anything that had happened or was going to happen, when he heard them talking, apparently not realizing he was there.

"I don't know what to do, Garnet!" Pearl was wailing in front of the door to the temple, hunched in on herself. "He hates her now, he hates Rose. That's why he – he did that, giving himself up to Homeworld, you heard him, I, I feel so awful it's all my fault, Garnet!"

Steven already felt rage bubbling in his throat, but his shock was stronger, keeping it lodged there like bile. He just stood there, watching as Garnet laid a hand on Pearl's shoulder and she started to shudder. "You should tell him. He deserves to hear it from you, not a Homeworld soldier."

"I know." Pearl sounded on the brink of crying. "I know I know I should but – but –" She clamped her hands over her mouth like she had said something bad – no, more forcefully than that. It was exactly like at the moon base when Eyeball had told him his mother had shattered another gem, like she was trying to crush her own voice, to stop any words from escaping. "I'm just…" And now she was crying, tears spilling over her clenched fingers. "I'm just such a coward."

"Geez, you're still on about this? What's the big deal?" Amethyst yelled from the kitchen, slamming the fridge door while balancing a plate of burritos. Garnet and Pearl both stiffened immediately. "You told him why she had to snuff the big baddie, isn't that good enough? He'll get the deep moral yadda yadda in his own time, just move on already!" She stuffed a burrito into her face, and finally turned to see him. "Oh hey, Steven!" she said more loudly than necessary, grinning cruelly to reveal the bits of food stuck in her teeth. "Pearl wants to tell you something!"

The two gems froze, Garnet hiding behind her shades and Pearl staring straight down, not even looking at him.

His hands curled into fists.

"I thought we were finally done with this! I thought you said you wanted to tell me everything!" he screamed.

"Steven –" Garnet started.

"You keep saying I'm supposed to be a Crystal Gem but you won't treat me like one!" He felt hot tears pricking at his eyes and clawed at his hair, not even looking at them anymore. "Lars and the off-colors are, are out there fighting for their lives trying to get to Earth and I don't even know what the diamonds are doing or what's going to happen if they figure out I've escaped and you're all looking at me like I'm supposed to know what to do but how can I when you WON'T! TELL ME! ANYTHING!"

"Steven!"

"You just keep lying and keeping secrets from everyone!" Steven raised his leg and stomped down hard, feeling the wood flooring crack under his foot. "You're just like Mom!"

There was a horrible silence, like he had just sucked the sound out of the world. Steven's anger left him in a rush, leaving him feeling cold and empty. His legs wobbled and he sank to the floor, more tears pooling in his eyes.

"Uhhhh," Amethyst said. "I'm… gonna go now, 'kay?" Steven heard the warp pad activate, and then it was quiet again.

Steven felt himself shaking as more tears blurred his vision, and took gulps of air to stop himself from sobbing. "'M… 'm sorry," he mumbled. He sniffed, and wiped his tears away. Looking up, he saw Garnet was standing ramrod straight, still as a statue. Pearl had hunched down, clutching at her mouth like she was about to throw up.

"I know… you're just trying to keep me safe," Steven said. The gems didn't shift. "I know it's scary, and awful. The war, and Homeworld, and… everything. I wish I didn't have to know." He looked down, and took another gulp of air as he felt his breaths start to shake. "B-but not knowing… hasn't kept me safe. Not knowing didn't stop Lapis from draining the ocean, or the Cluster, or Dad getting abducted, or… anything." He looked up at the gems again. "It's scary. I know it's scary. I've seen how scared you are whenever someone even mentions the diamonds, I've seen how scary Homeworld is. But… it's more scary to not know anything at all."

The gems still didn't answer.

"...I've always told you I wanted to be a Crystal Gem," he said. "Back then, I didn't know what that meant. Even if I had, I don't think I'd have really understood. But now… I've seen how bad things can really get. Lars, he, he died in front of me and I don't know if I could have brought him back if I was just a second too late. I know that if I hadn't broken you out of Jasper's ship or stopped Aquamarine you'd have been captured or e-even, sh-sh-sha…" His voice cracked and he felt something squeeze painfully around his heart, preventing him from even finishing the thought. He squeezed his eyes shut, took a breath, and centered himself before opening them again. "B-but even now, even after all that, I… I still want to be a Crystal Gem. Even knowing it's going to be hard, and scary, and we might lose. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how bad it is… I want to know." He looked up at them, still impassive as statues. "Please," he finished.

He paused, staring at them expectantly.

Pearl jumped to her feet and ran into the temple without another word, not moving her hands from her mouth. Garnet sighed, shook her head, and disappeared into the warp pad.

"Oh, come on!" Steven wailed. So it was going to be like that again, everyone hiding secrets and leaving him no one to talk to…

Steven blinked, and stared at the temple door.

Actually, that wasn't entirely true. There was still one Crystal Gem he could talk to. Maybe the only one that would really understand.

He stepped into the temple's heart.

There was a time when Bismuth's bubble would have been hopelessly out of his reach. Now, it was as easy as breathing to float up, grab it, and free her.

Bismuth floated high into the air as she did that first time in Lion's mane. She shined brilliantly, shooting rays of light like a supernova, and reformed in a magnificent rainbow burst. She tensed immediately, silently locking eyes with Steven and wearing an unreadable expression. After a second she cast her gaze around the temple, slowly and carefully, like analyzing a battlefield.

When she saw the bubbles floating above, her face flashed to rage.

"Biggs!" she screamed. "Crazy Lace…!" She whipped her head around, staring him down with fire in her eyes. "What are they doing here? Did Rose bubble them for telling her to shatter our enemies too? Did she bubble everyone who disagreed with her?!"

"No –" Steven blurted out. "Rose shattered Pink Diamond!"

Bismuth opened her mouth to snap some response, but just froze in silence.

"I'm sorry I didn't know it before I'm sorry I kept you here so long I should have told you earlier but –" He stopped, and took a breath to get himself under control. "Rose decided you were right after all! So, so we don't have to fight, okay?"

Bismuth's eyes narrowed. "Oh, really? Then why did she keep me bubbled for five thousand years?!" She flung an arm out, coming dangerously close to popping one of the corrupted gems. "Why did she keep them bubbled for five thousand years?!"

Tears pricked at his eyes. "Because it didn't work!" he wailed. "The other diamonds did something to the gems – they're not shattered but they're, like, really messed up somehow, they turned into monsters and they'll attack you so please don't pop them!"

Bismuth just looked at him in bafflement, then turned back to the bubbles. "The diamonds did… what…?" she muttered. She squinted at one of them. "Crazy Lace… that must be her, but the patterning is… different… What in the…"

"But of course it didn't work!" Steven's lip trembled. "Nothing good could come of something so horrible! Why did she think it would? Why did she do it, Bismuth?" He felt tears falling down his cheek now. "I don't understand!"

Bismuth stared him down, eyes hard as flint again. "You said it yourself," she said. "She realized it was right. That I was right."

"It's not right!" Steven sobbed. "The shards, they're so scared, they're in so much pain, how could anyone think that was right?"

Steven took a shuddering breath, trying to hold back his sobs –

And Bismuth laughed.

It was a single, sharp bark, no joy in it at all, like a slap to the face. He looked up, and saw Bismuth staring at him, the fury in her eyes now a chilling cold. "Rose was a better liar than you!"

"Wh… what?" Steven blubbered dumbly.

"You think I don't see what this is?!" Bismuth roared. She took a step forward, silhouetted against the light of the furnace, just like in that dark forge –

Steven's breath hitched.

Bismuth waved her arms, in fury. "You're just lying to shut me up! Oh Bismuth, Rose totally decided you were right so you can't be mad anymore!" She snorted. "You know, you really had me going there, but – the shards are sad? That's the best you could come up with?!"

"B-B-Bismuth…" He didn't have his sword. He wasn't sure he could fight her again even if he did. Could he run? But then he knew what Garnet and Pearl would say, see, this is why we can't trust you…

Bismuth snapped her attention away from him to look at the bubbles, and it was like a weight lifting. He gasped a deep breath. "Do you need me to prove it?!" She leapt into the cloud, and brought down the bubble of gem shards. "Look! There is nothing left in here!" She slammed the bubble down, popping it with a final scream of, "They're DEAD!"

The shards clattered onto the stone, a haphazard mix of shapes and colors. Without glowing, they formed into hands and arms, flailing aimlessly for a second before scuttling away at speed. "Oh, no!" Steven groaned, jumping on one as it crawled past him. "It was so much work getting them back the last time!"

The arm was still moving, dragging him roughly against the ground. He reached up, gripping the arm by the wrist, and squeezed as tightly as he could. The arm poofed under his hands, the shard clattering to the ground. He picked it up, and looked back.

Bismuth was on her knees, her pupils contracted to pinpricks as she stared at the shard in his hand.

Steven glanced down. This was one of the smaller shards, the right size to fit comfortably in his palm. It was a deep cobalt blue, slightly darker than Lapis' gem.

It felt like a lifetime ago, the last time he saw this. He hadn't really known what it was, then. He hadn't really known anything. Now… He turned the shard over in his hand, and felt a heaviness in his gut. This had been a whole gem, once. One of Bismuth's friends. One he'd never know.

"See, they're not… completely gone," he said, trying to sound optimistic. "That's… kinda good, right?"

Bismuth's eyes started to shimmer. He swallowed.

"I… talked to them," he said. "Homeworld, they took a whole bunch of shards and fused them together into this… thing. They called it the Cluster. It was going to destroy the planet when it formed, so I talked to it and… convinced it not to." He clutched the shard to his chest and looked down. "It was so scared, Bismuth. They were all so scared. They didn't know who they were or what was going on, but they could still hurt. I think I helped them, but…" He looked up, and Bismuth was openly crying now. He felt himself tearing up again, too.

"This isn't death, Bismuth," he said. "This is torture."

Bismuth finally looked down, and grimaced.

"…You didn't know," Steven said with realization. He allowed himself a weak smile. "Then, then Mom must not have known either. That's the only reason… the only reason anyone could possibly…"

"I thought I knew," Bismuth said. She passed a hand over her gem. "I felt it. I felt them die."

Steven felt his eyes go wide. "You have empathy powers too?"

Bismuth just looked baffled. "What? No, I mean…" She flinched suddenly, and looked away. "…Like what happened to Pearl," she said more quietly. "She was the first one, but… it happened to me too."

Steven stared at her for a second, then said, "What are you talking about?"

Bismuth gave him a quizzical look that slowly simmered into indignation. "Wow!" She threw her arms in the air, but the anger wasn't directed at him. "They really didn't tell you anything, huh?"

An ear-piercing scream split the temple. Steven turned and saw Pearl drop from a passage in the ceiling, spear already formed and eyes blazing. "Get away from him or I will shatter you, Bismuth!"

Steven looked back at Bismuth, and her expression broke his heart. "Pearl… I…"

Steven clenched his eyes shut and wailed, "NO!"

He opened his eyes just in time to see Pearl's spear rebound off his bubble, just above Bismuth's chest. It struck the ground with a clang. Bismuth immediately pressed herself back, openly terrified. "STARS ABOVE, PEARL!"

"Drop your bubble, Steven!" Pearl ordered, already drawing another spear.

"N… no!" Steven wailed, choking back sobs. "P-please, please stop…!"

"I'm trying to protect you! You can't trust her –"

"And can he trust you, Pearl?" Bismuth had stepped forward, the fear gone from her eyes. She pointed at Steven, but it was protective now, not aggressive. "You lied to him! You told him Pink Diamond was shattered!" For a single instant Pearl's face flashed with horror; then it was gone again, so quickly Steven might have just imagined it. "We both know Rose would never allow that! What else are you filling his head with? Why are you –"

"Because it's true."

Bismuth stood still for a second, then threw her hands up with a suddenness that made Steven jump. "No." She turned her back and tapped her head against the bubble. "No." She banged her head again. "No. No. No. I can't deal with this." She sighed heavily, and the fight seemed to go out of her all at once. When she spoke again, her voice trembled with hurt. "Just bubble me again if all you're going to do is jerk me around."

"…Do you really think I'd lie to you?"

Steven looked back. The fight seemed to have gone out of Pearl, too. Her speartip tapped against the ground, her arms and head falling limp.

"…I don't know, Pearl," Bismuth said quietly. "You threatened to shatter me just now."

"That was just–!" Pearl clutched at herself and looked away. "I was just trying to scare you off. I'd never shatter…" Her face tightened, and her gaze looked far off for a moment before refocusing. "…I'd never shatter you."

Bismuth turned, and for the first time since she reformed, there was no hardness in her expression at all. There was just – exhaustion, so incomprehensibly vast Steven felt he could lose himself in it. She raised a hand to the wall of the bubble, sank slowly to her knees, and began to cry.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, so quiet and fragile it sounded like a different person was speaking. "I'm sorry."

Pearl just looked at her sadly.

"I… I want to trust you," Bismuth said. "I want this to be right again."

"So do I," Pearl said.

Steven waited, listening to Bismuth's quiet sobs, until his heartbeat stopped being deafening. He took a few breaths. "So… is everything okay now? You're not gonna fight anymore?"

Pearl's spear dissolved into light. "Yes," she said, though her tone was flat.

Steven let the bubble fall away. Pearl hesitated a second more, then stepped forward and laid a hand on Bismuth's shoulder. Bismuth's sobs grew quieter, then finally stopped.

"…I just can't believe it," Bismuth finally said. "Rose… would never do that." Steven's face twisted at the familiarity.

"She didn't want to, Bismuth," Pearl said. "But we didn't have a choice."

Bismuth didn't look up. "…You're sure."

Pearl blinked. "What… do you mean?"

Bismuth stood up carefully, but she lacked her looming presence now. "You're sure she really did it? She didn't just bubble her and leave her somewhere without telling you, like –" Her eyes hardened for a moment. "– like she did with me?"

Steven saw Pearl's fingers twitch, just for a second. "Pink Diamond was shattered, Bismuth," she said firmly. "I was there."

"Then show me the shards." Bismuth stepped towards her. Pearl didn't surrender an inch. "If she really shattered her, you can show me the shards."

Pearl hesitated. "We… bubbled them," she said. "Rose was afraid Homeworld would come after them, so she hid them… somewhere."

Bismuth leaned back and scoffed. "Oh, and she never told you where this 'somewhere' was? You?"

"No. Not even me."

Bismuth actually looked taken aback at that. After a second's pause, she lowered herself slowly onto the lip of the furnace and gripped her knees.

"So there's no proof of this," she said. "No actual proof."

"I was there," Pearl repeated.

"Yes," Bismuth said carefully, "and I believe that you believe that's what you saw. But –"

Pearl's hand clenched. "I was there."

Bismuth looked up at her. Something passed between them that Steven couldn't understand – Pearl still as impassive as a rock, Bismuth's eyes shimmering with something more complex than just sadness.

"Then why?" Bismuth's voice was soft, but it gained force as she continued, "Why did she keep me bubbled all those eons? Why would she bubble me for wanting to shatter gems, then turn around and do it herself?"

Pearl looked away. "I don't know."

Bismuth looked up at the bubbles, and her expression darkened. "It was because she didn't want to admit I was right." She snapped an arm out towards one of the corrupted gems, and Pearl and Steven both tensed. "Steven said the diamonds did something to our gems –"

"Don't pop them," Pearl said immediately.

"Yeah, yeah," Bismuth said, lowering her arm. "Well, what I'm seeing here, Pearl, is…" Her eyes narrowed. "Too little, too late. If Rose had just shattered Pink Diamond before they did this, we'd have won."

"Bismuth," Pearl said, "they did this because we shattered Pink Diamond."

Bismuth's eyes widened. Her mouth opened silently, closed, opened again. Finally, her eyes grew glassy, and she drifted back to sit on the lip of the furnace, staring into nothing.

After a while, Steven spoke. "Bismuth." She didn't move, but Pearl startled a little and turned to watch him. "What did you mean before? How did you feel people die?"

"It's something that doesn't matter now!" Pearl said too quickly and too loudly, her posture suddenly stiff. "The war was difficult and hard, but it's over and done with."

That made Bismuth look up. She sputtered for a second before exploding, "Seriously, Pearl?"

Steven crossed his arms and huffed. "I'm pretty sure I asked Bismuth, Pearl. Because, you know, she doesn't keep secrets from me."

Pearl held out a hand to silence Bismuth, and gave Steven a long, pitying look. "Steven… you're still a child. I know you want to know, but… there's some things you're just not ready to hear."

Bismuth blinked. "He's a what now?"

"A young human." Pearl started to relax as she rattled off the information easily. "I've read books on this, Bismuth. There are some subjects that shouldn't be brought up with 'children' until enough time passes for them to become 'adults'. Otherwise it can have terrible effects on their mental and emotional well-being."

Steven felt his cheeks flush. "So what!" he snapped, though it came out as more of a squeak. "Homeworld didn't pat me on the head and let me go just because I'm a kid, Pearl. If I'm fighting in this war I need to know everything about it!"

Pearl sighed, and looked away.

"Yeah, why should he, Pearl?" Bismuth's voice was a burning calm, righteous fury straining against the edges. "All tools need to know is how to follow orders."

Pearl flinched like she'd been struck. "That's not it!" She clutched at herself, unable to face either of them. "This isn't – this isn't like what people did on Homeworld!"

She clamped a hand over her mouth, and started to curl in on herself. Bismuth's expression softened, and she shuffled sheepishly.

"That's not what she's doing, Bismuth," Steven said. "It's not her fault that I have to fight. But… I do." He turned. "Please, Pearl. Please tell me."

Slowly, agonizingly, Pearl untensed, and stood up again. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.

"…Fusion," she said. She looked at him, but her eyes were distant. "It was the rebellion's specialty. My specialty. Garnet was the first, but Rose and I worked out how to synchronize between all sorts of gems. It became our way of life, and our greatest weapon." She laughed weakly. "What did you say Jasper said? 'Fusion is the only tactic Crystal Gems know'? That wasn't far from the truth. Especially when so many of us started off with no experience in battle, it let us face our opponents together. But, when you feel everything your partners are feeling…" Her gaze dropped from him. "…that meant feeling it when they shattered, too. Feeling when a part of you dies."

Steven's breath caught in his throat. The image of Lars sailing through the air flashed across his eyes. He heard the crack as his head hit the stone, and then it wasn't Lars there but Connie lying still on the cold ground –

But even that wouldn't be the same, would it, it would be like if he was Smoky Quartz and Amethyst – he remembered the way her body twisted and distorted when it was just cracked, remembered the shard monsters screaming in pain, thought of feeling that happen to her –

He forced himself to stop, to focus on the here and now before the grief swallowed him whole, but his heart still felt like it was being torn to shreds. He couldn't stop the tears, hot and cold running down his face before falling onto the stone below and fading into nothing.

"…You're trying to imagine it," he heard Bismuth say. "You can't. You can't…" There was a second of silence. Steven couldn't hold back a sob. "It changes you. Makes you willing to do anything to stop it from happening again."

"H…" Steven gasped until he regained his voice. "How could you?" He looked up, but he could barely see Bismuth through his tears. "You felt it! You felt how awful it was! How could you even think of doing it to anyone else? How could you, Bismuth?"

"How could I not?" she replied instantly, her voice cold. "They were my friends. I swore I'd do anything to save them. Anything. Rose –" She said the name like a curse, but stopped. When she continued, her voice was just sad. "…Well, I guess she did feel the same way, in the end."

Steven breathed, trying to keep himself steady. He ran a hand over his gem, gently. "But it didn't save them," he said quietly.

Bismuth leaned back, and stared up into the cloud of bubbled gems. "No," she said finally. "I guess… maybe nothing could."

They stayed in silence for a while. After a few moments of stillness, Pearl walked over to Steven with janky, uncertain movements, and laid a hand on his shoulder. She looked like she wanted to say something, but stayed quiet.

Bismuth sighed, and leaned her head forward again. "…I never thanked you for unbubbling me," she said. "That's more than Rose ever did. So… thanks. I'm sorry I yelled at you, and… I'm sorry I tried to shatter you." Pearl clenched him tighter, her grip suddenly like iron. "I… I shouldn't have done that."

Steven's heart fluttered. "So it's okay now? You're not gonna hurt anyone?"

Bismuth laughed gently, and gave him a weak smile. "No, Steven. I'm not gonna try that again, I promise. We're all that's left of the Crystal Gems now. We gotta stick together."

Steven grinned. "Then you can stay with us! That's great!"

Bismuth looked nervous, and her eyes flicked to Pearl.

"If you hurt him again, you're going back in the bubble," Pearl said.

"Fair," Bismuth said.

Steven ran forward. Pearl held him for a second, but he shrugged out of her grip and took Bismuth's hand. "Come on, come on! There's so much great stuff on Earth I haven't shown you yet! Oh, and I bet Garnet's gonna be so happy to see you again!"

Bismuth smiled, but it was crooked. "Uh…"

"Actually," Pearl said from behind him, "there's something else I want to talk to you about, Steven." She walked up, and laid a hand on his shoulder again, more firmly this time. "Come to my room, please."

"Is Bismuth coming with us?" Steven said, nearly bouncing with excitement.

"No."

"That's fine," Bismuth said. She stared up at the bubbles again, a deep sadness in her eyes. "I… think I'd like to stay here for a little while, anyway."

"O… okay." Steven stepped awkwardly after Pearl, who was already moving. "We'll come back soon, Bismuth!"

Bismuth didn't respond. Pearl jumped up onto a vein, and he followed. Steven climbed it easily. He had been so confused the first time, clinging on for dear life and letting himself slide at the whims of gravity, but now it was so easy he barely had to think about it.

Pearl's room was beautiful as always, water fountaining up from below in perfectly symmetrical blossoms to cascade down in an endless waterfall. Pearl hopped effortlessly up the fountains until she was on the large central platform, and Steven floated down beside her.

Steven splashed water on his face, wiping away the residue from his tears. "So what are you gonna tell me about? Something cool?"

Pearl turned. Her eyes trembled with sadness, uncertainty, and – fear? She took a breath, and then her face was unreadable again.

"I need to tell you," she said, "what really happened with Pink Diamond."