A/N: So I get sidetracked easily from my other stories. This one shot might turn into two, I haven't decided yet, suggestions welcome.
Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal minds
Blessed Regret
It's simple really. All the moments in your life can be summed into two categories: The ones you regret and the ones that make you question how you got to be so blessed.
For Emily Prentiss, those perfect moments in which she found herself blessed beyond words had far out-weighed her regretted ones.
The first time she got to spend Christmas with her family all together, a rare experience when your parents were in politics. The time she had punched Bobby McMillan in the third grade for making fun of her pig tails, he had cried like a girl. Or then there was her first kiss, after track practice with Shelly Adkins behind the bleachers, when she was accepted to Yale, when she was offered her dream job as a profiler with the BAU, and the moment she had first laid eyes on Jennifer Jareau.
Yes, when the vivacious blonde extended her hand in welcome to the speechless brunette, Emily knew right then that her heart would only continue to beat for one person.
Of course the scale was not completely one sided, regrets along the way came. Their first fight and the look of such hurt in JJ's ocean blue eyes at Emily's callous words. The sound of the door closing behind her as she walked out of JJ's townhouse, her mind fighting desperately to convince her heart it was for the best.
But those regret were now distant images filed in one of her many compartments, taken out only to remind her she had learned from her mistakes.
Shifting slightly in the armchair that had long since molded to her lithe form, Emily made sure her fingers never left contact with what they cradled gently.
Those regrets could never amount to the time she had felt as though no one deserved to be as blessed as she felt in her life.
Most of them were microscopic, undetectable to the average person, but those small instances were what made Emily's life worth living. The even sound of her lover's breathing as her head rested against Emily's shoulder in the early morning light. The simple whisper of breath that caused Emily to shiver with pleasure when JJ wrapped her arms around her from behind. The overwhelming feeling of kindness, love, and belonging, she got whenever her wife locked her endless baby blues with Emily's mocha browns.
Her mind did not contain compartments large enough to hold those moments. No, her heart held the key to those.
Emily smiled at the moments her heart was privileged to hold, and every day as she sat in the same chair, by the same bed, in the same room, holding the same small hand in her own, those were the moments she clung to for sanity.
Because if Emily Prentiss allowed herself to be consumed by the one regret in her life that had tipped the scale in one fateful second, there would be nothing left of the girl whose life once only could be described as 'blessed.'
The familiar knock on the door made Emily to stand and place a tender kiss on the pale forehead of the figure lying in the bed before walking out of the room filled with monotonous beeping.
"How is she today, Peaches?" Emily couldn't remember when her friend's once bubbly voice had been reduced to one of concern and sadness.
"The same."
The two line conversation had become one of routine. Both knew their part, it was useless to stray from it.
Emily heard the door she had just exited shut quietly as she made her way to the large kitchen downstairs. The brunette had long since stopped arguing with Garcia over getting her to eat. Emily knew the tech analyst would make good on her threats of calling in the big guns if she needed to.
So now as part of the routine of what had become Emily's life, she sat down at the empty dining room table and opened the storage container labeled 'Tuesday' in Garcia's faded curly handwriting.
Exactly twenty minutes later, enough time for Garcia to believe she had truly nourished herself, Emily discarded her half eaten Caesar salad and made her way back upstairs to the master bedroom.
She stood in the double shower and let the scalding water burn away another day, another day that was supposed to have been so different.
Returning to the room she had left only an hour ago, Emily stopped before making her presence known. She listened to her friend talk softly to the small figure in the bed.
"You know one day you are going to have to quit all this," Emily could tell Garcia was trying to be funny but the crack in her voice gave her away.
Wiping viscously at a tear that paraded down her cheek, Penelope continued on never noticing Emily's form in the doorway.
"You have had your nap, and now it's time to wake up," the scripted words were mixed heavily with tears.
"She needs you Cupcake," Garcia gently brushed a blonde strand to the side of her best friend's face, "the team needs you… I need you," the last confession came as a whisper.
Garcia stood slowly, placed a kiss on the hand she had been folding for the last hour, and turned to leave unsurprised to find Emily in the doorway.
They both stepped out of the dim room, to get on with what was customary in their exchange.
Not meeting Penelope's eyes, Emily told her friend thank you for coming over and for lunch.
Garcia was about to announce her usual "sure thing, Sugar, I will be by same time tomorrow," but something stopped her.
Instead she reached for Emily's hand. "You know Em one day you are going to have to quit all of this too."
Emily flinched back at her friend's unexpected words.
Garcia pressed anyway, "one day you are going to have to let her go. One day you are going to have to stop blaming yourself."
Emily felt the air being squeezed from her lungs, at Pen's proclamation. This was the battle she fought every day…the battle of regret. But knowing there was nothing to stop it now, she let the memory overtake her.
Flashback…
"Move in" came Hotch's call through the com link
Emily moved aside as Morgan thrust his shoulder against the house's back door sending it splintering inward.
Racing past him, Emily ran through the empty kitchen to the living room. She didn't acknowledge Hotch, Rossi, and Reid as they set up positions opposite her.
Her attention remained focused solely on the man in the center of the room, the man who held her wife with his forearm across her throat and a 9mm pressed against her temple.
She took a step forward, gun trained at the center of the Unsub's forehead. Emily's eyes met JJ's for a second as her wife's blue eyes swirled with a mix of fear and relief.
"Mr. Williams let Agent Jareau go," Hotch commanded from his position.
Williams gave a short laugh as he traced the gun down the side of JJ's cheek.
Emily reactively took another step forward.
"ah ah ah. Agent Prentiss, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Williams tightened his finger around the trigger.
"Ok, Ok," Emily said retracing her step.
"That's a good Agent," he chuckled again, "Lets play a game shall we?" His amusement with the situation was clearly ebbed on his face.
"No games Williams," Emily shot back, "let her go."
He sent her a look of mock hurt, "but Agent Prentiss I think you will like this game."
Emily wasn't about to bite at his taunts.
"Ok, well I will tell you the rules and we can play anyway," his eyes remained on Emily, "Agent Prentiss I am going to let you shoot me, right now, take the shot and your precious Jennifer walks away unharmed."
No one moved.
If it was possible, Williams' smile got larger. "What's wrong Agent Prentiss? Aren't afraid to hit someone else are we?" He pulled JJ closer against him.
"Em," Emily's eyes locked on JJ's, "It's ok baby," she told her softly as a tear fell down her cheek.
Emily's finger tightened on her trigger. She looked back to Williams, her mind rampant with calculations on how to hit Williams without hurting JJ.
Before she came up with an answer, Williams moved to swing the gun away from JJ's head and as if in slow motion she was now staring down the end of a barrel.
"Time's up." was all Emily heard before the deafening crack of a gunshot.
She waited for the pain, but it never came. Instead she watched as JJ pulled free of William's grasp and swung herself in front of the 9mm.
The gunshot echoed for what seemed like an eternity before six more rang out.
Both Williams and JJ stood frozen in the center of the room facing each other. Again a smile spread across Williams face before he crumpled in a heap on the hardwood floor.
No one could move as JJ continued to stand with her back to them. Slowly, they watched as a red stain began to spread across the back of her white shirt.
Emily lunged to catch her before she hit the floor. Cradling her wife while trying to put pressure on the gushing chest wound, Emily felt her world shattering around her.
"I..I love..you" JJ choked out as blood trickled from the corner of her mouth.
"I love you, baby. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Emily pulled JJ to her and began to rock back and forth not noticing JJ's eyes had drifted shut.
Feeling a light touch brush her arm, Emily was pulled back to the present.
Penelope stared silently.
"See you tomorrow Pen," Emily finished softly completing their ritual for the day.
The tech analyst nodded sadly before turning to leave as Emily re-entered JJ's room.
Garcia made her way down the stairs, grabbed the food container from the island, but paused before opening the front door. She looked out over the house.
She figured any person off the street could walk in and realize the people that lived there were truly blessed. Not blessed because of the nice furniture or expensive art that adorned the house, but blessed because of the feeling of life the walls exuded. She had always thought it was the numerous photos that jumped off their page of a happy memory, or the way the smell of fresh baked brownies lingered in the kitchen, or maybe just the general welcome the house seemed to emit.
But as Penelope took one last look, she knew truthfully that house had ceased to exist 8 months ago.
Because 244 days ago regret had heavily tipped the scales.
A/N: ok so I know you are probably thinking I am really mean to JJ in all my stories. I don't know why but I feel like the best emotions to write about come from trying times. Anyways, let me know what you think: good, bad, or ugly.