364 More Days
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers. That goes to Nintendo. The only characters I own are those from the Golden Land, angels from Skyworld including the royal bodyguards, Angel Assembly and archangels along with all the other angels and of course the witch hunters. I also don't own Queen's Blade as that belongs to Hobby Japan.
Summary: Master Hand hated the holiday season because it meant that the Smashers were going to go all out during the event and he would have to clean up after them. This year was no different...except...he got to complain to the three divine fighters about what exactly occurred while he and Crazy Hand were out.
Pairing: Implied pairings
Rated: T (for teen)
Genre: Humor
Warning: Swearing, toilet humor, sexual humor, dark comedy and unintentional OOC
This is day 31 of the writing version of Inktober. Today's theme is "Halloween". Of course the final day is the aftermath of the party. Enjoy!
Halloween had come and gone. Master Hand wanted nothing to do with the holiday. The moment it was October 1st, Master Hand allowed the Smashers to prepare for the Halloween party. He had laid out some rules of what not to do. Like the idiot landlord he was, he believed that the Smashers wouldn't break the rules. They broke every rule as the right hand found out the hard way.
Master and Crazy Hand decided to spend Halloween with the other hands of the universe. It was an adult party but it was for mature people only. Naturally, Master Hand fit right in compared to his younger brother who wanted to return to the mansion the minute the Hand Party finished. When they returned, everything they built up was partially destroyed again.
The first thing the two hands saw when returning was Link's naked body in front of the entrance fast asleep. The Hero of Twilight's snoring hurt Master Hand's ears. Crazy Hand wondered how Link ended up completely naked seeing as how he didn't even have his hat on. He apparently had a body pillow to sleep on. Because Link was a heavy sleeper, he wasn't going to move anytime soon. Master Hand noticed that there were paparazzi around with their cameras. With the return of the hands, they fled the scene of the "crime".
Link was only the start of Master Hand's problem. The inside was unrecognizable. Half the mansion really was a complete mess. If Crazy Hand had to guess, the entire first floor became a deep forest. The second and third floor probably weren't much better, and the fourth and fifth floor were somehow safe. And that was only assuming that it was the East Wing. The West Wing could have been destroyed for all they knew, but they had to tread carefully. Crazy Hand noted how there was an oddly shaped figure that created something on the roof.
Once the two hands went inside, they saw the chaos. Candy wrappers were spread everywhere. Some of the candy was out of the wrappers and scattered over the floor. The carpet was wrinkled and torn. Some of the drinks stained the wall. The mansion had a terrible stench. Combine Peach's wonderful cooking with the smell of Wario's butt along with puke, alcohol and candy and you had this nauseating smell. The mansion needed to be aired out.
"This place smells like a pig pen…" Crazy mumbled as he covered his human face. "...What happened?"
"What happened?" Master Hand repeated. He did not want to step into his once beautiful mansion. Despite his anger, he desired the truth and explored the mansion.
The two hands picked up on many things. First, they noticed all of the toilet paper being scattered everywhere along with the candy. Most of the toilet paper either lead to the ballroom or up the stairs. Immediately, Master Hand saw someone was stuck on the chandelier in the ballroom.
"Pac-Man…" Crazy Hand grumbled, "Why are you stuck on the chandelier…"
Normally, Crazy Hand would find this funny. The problem was that from the way Pac-Man was hung, pellets were coming out of his body. The ballroom had many of the unconscious Smashers. Most of them had black ink on their faces. Jigglypuff was the clear culprit of the marker. As for why most of the Smashers were knocked out, the alcoholic stench gave away the reason.
They left the ballroom to check up on the other Smashers. Any Smasher that wasn't knocked out in the ballroom or the hallway were in their room safely. Some of the fighters were awake but not in the best of conditions. Most of the children Smashers were actually in the game room. This was fine except most of the candy got hoarded into the room. Looking inside, Master Hand realized that only half of the kids were inside. The other children were actually in Kirby's room. It was then did Master Hand notice an uninvited guest.
"Why the fuck is Gaius here?!" Master Hand asked.
The thief from Chrom's world snuck into the mansion again. Wherever there was candy, he would be there. Despite this being Kirby's room, Kirby was nowhere to be seen. Instead, DDD, Tink Ness and three of the five Rabbids from the Mushroom Kingdom were unconscious in the room. Tink and DDD had huge bellies as if they inhaled a large amount of food.
"Ridiculous…" Master Hand groaned. "Where is everyone else…"
Some of the Smashers were better off than others. Wario was the source of the scattered toilet as expected. Whoever got to Wario made sure he was humiliated to anyone who saw. The man was wrapped in toilet paper from head to toe. The only part not wrapped in toilet paper was his butt where there was a tear in his pants. A smaller toilet paper roll was shoved up Wario's ass.
"Disgusting," Master and Crazy Hand said at the same time.
In the back of Wario's room, there was a closet. The closet slowly opened and a mummy fell onto the floor. Someone was clearly wrapped in more toilet paper but the hands could care less who the victim was. They continued on.
Skull Kid stumbled around the third floor with a pumpkin on his head instead of his mask. He was helpless and cried for help the entire time. Most people on the third floor were either sleeping or puking. The two hands walked near the final rooms that were given to the Corrin twins, Bayonetta and Cloud. Lots of puking noises were heard. The two hands could hear the conversation going on in both rooms clearly.
"Cloud, why the hell did you pass out with your head in the toilet?!"
"Accident...uhh...don't feel…blehhhh…"
"Cere, I told you not to drink too much! Not only did you lose to Palutena but now you're sick!"
"Shut up...I won…"
The two hands got the story just from the conversation. If they found Palutena, they would be able to figure out what happened everywhere else.
Eventually, Master Hand decided it would be easiest to get all the divine beings in one place and demand an explanation to why everything had gone to hell. The two hands skipped the fourth floor and went straight to their rooms on the fifth floor. They then forcibly summoned the divine beings into the room.
There were three divine beings who were fighters but there were at least five goddesses in total. Shulk was the sole god in the fighting tournament and he wouldn't even acknowledge it. Either way, Master Hand had called him, Palutena, Rosalina, Viridi and Phosphora. Zelda was currently MIA and that only angered the right hand even more.
"Now, you all must wonder why I called you here after the...party," Master Hand started. "You're all going to explain to me what happened while I was gone."
When Master Hand was serious, he reverted to his human form to speak in a calmly manner. Palutena joked on multiple occasions he was one hell of a butler but Master Hand denied that he took the appearance of any demonic butler. In comparison, Crazy Hand looked more like a Japanese rock star with his hair style but no one wanted to address Crazy Hand being a weeb.
"Can we do this tomorrow?" Palutena asked in a slurred voice. "I want to sleep."
"It's November 1st…" Shulk mumbled.
"What? I thought we were still stuck in Halloween 31st."
Shulk looked over to Rosalina, hoping she could help her friend. Even when Palutena wasn't drunk, she still talked like she was...or was she?
Master Hand stomped his foot getting their attention. He had no time for Palutena's attitude problem. "I need details of every single Smasher!" Master Hand shouted at the divine beings. "Why is half the mansion gone again? Where did the food go?! Who are these people that are not allowed into the mansion?! Do you understand how stressed I am?!"
"And I'm playing on the world's smallest violin," Viridi snarked. "I don't think Palutena wants to be here."
Of course she didn't. Rosalina needed Palutena to stay in bed but until Master Hand was done yelling at them, they were all stuck here.
"What even happened to you?" Master Hand questioned.
"Palutena challenged Bayonetta to a drinking competition," Rosalina explained.
"And I won!" Palutena declared.
"Actually, you both passed out," Shulk corrected. "I thought you had a lot of tolerance but…"
"The drinks kept getting stronger," Phosphora hummed. "No matter how much tolerance Palutena has, her body is eventually going to reject the alcohol. The Umbra Witch is the same way. You two won't die from alcohol poisoning but you are feeling the after effects."
"I haven't thrown up!" Palutena shouted. "I'm just...really dizzy…"
"Bayonetta is sick," Rosalina added.
"So I win!" Palutena hummed. "Take that, witch!"
"You will be throwing up once we leave…" The Queen of the Cosmos said in her usual monotone voice.
Master Hand got a good idea on what happened on Palutena's side. He needed more information.
"Rosalina, what happened to the other Smashers?" He continued to question.
"As of right now, Corrin is helping Bayonetta with her sickness. Palutena pulled a mean prank on him though."
"What? People call Corrin ugly so I mixed the two ugly colors of him and his sister and got a pretty color. Watermelon is a great color!"
Rosalina disagreed. Corrin just wanted to stop Bayonetta from drinking too much. He truly cared for the older woman. Palutena wasn't having that and cursed the dragon prince with the odd colored hair. It wasn't washing out anytime soon. Even then, Corrin prioritized Bayonetta over his now ruined hair.
"Bayonetta tried to get back at Palutena and Ganondorf suffered because of it," Rosalina continued.
Bayonetta couldn't get back at Palutena in comparison. The most she could do was summon Madama Butterfly while drunk and punch a hole in the roof. Who got hit? The King of Evil Ganondorf. That man was nowhere to be seen. Crazy did see the wall silhouette that was created. That explained why Ganondorf couldn't be found.
"...What else happened…" Master Hand asked. He was already tired.
"Michiko, nothing bad happened," Palutena lied with a smile on her face.
"Everything happened!" Crazy exclaimed.
"I can give you a list to make things easier," Rosalina told them calmly. "Palutena is going to throw up on your floor very soon."
"That's not true, Rosa!" Palutena cried even though she started to gag after saying that.
"Don't you dare," Master Hand hissed.
"Cory is with Cloud," Rosalina began, "Pit is with Rob. Ryu and Roy are asleep in their room. Falco, Sheik, Marth, Fox, Sonic and Pink went trick-or-treating in Smashopolis. I am certain they spent the night in one of the hotels. Bowser said something about having a plan that would make Mario journey on an odyssey and then left. Mario left to another kingdom."
Crazy Hand shook his head. This was too much information. Palutena's face turned white as she held her face. Eventually, she excused herself and teleported out of the room. Viridi eyed Master Hand as if he was the bad guy.
"As for Ike, he wrote a note saying he was going home until further notice. That Rabbid cosplaying as Peach chased after him," the Goddess of Space continued to explain. "As for Douglas…"
"He locked Chrom in the closet, punched the punch table and tried to kill Red for trying to promote his Helix religion again," Phosphora finished. She couldn't help but laugh at the last one. "And then he passed out after he Falcon Punched a wall."
Master Hand wanted to cry. Why were his Smashers acting like this?
"Shulk...why are you in your underwear."
"...Because I was really feeling it?" Shulk answered with a question.
Master Hand did cry. He pointed to the door weakly and shook his head. He sighed in defeat. "All of you...just give me a report of everyone and leave. I'm too tired to deal with this."
Viridi and Phosphora saw this opportunity and dipped the moment Master Hand allowed it. Shulk was concerned for the right hand but decided to leave and check up on Rob. Rosalina did not leave her chair.
"I can report on everyone's whereabouts." The sandy haired Goddess reminded him. "I made a mental note to tell you when you and Caito returned. I think it will be important to keep an eye on these Smashers for Thanksgiving and Christmas."
Master Hand didn't want to think about the future holidays. It meant a bigger headache than what he already had.
"I wish I could take a permanent vacation…" Master Hand complained.
"Hey! At least it's 364 more days until the next Halloween Party!" Crazy Hand exclaimed earning a punch to the face by his older brother.
Me: Done with 2731 words. Happy Halloween! Notes!
1. The reference to the aftermath of the party is from Fallen Angel where Captain Falcon thought it would be great to throw a party and lift everyone's spirits. Suffice to say, shit hit the fan and Master Hand was pissed.
2. The location of most of the Smashers/assist trophies…
Falco, Sheik, Marth, Fox, Sonic and the Pink Villager were out trick-or-treating.
Zelda, Calum, Lyn, Megaman, Mewtwo and Saki were all MIA as in they were in Smashopolis and wanted nothing to do with the party.
Pit only took Rob to bed after he got tipsy. Nothing happened but Pit passed out too from fatigue. Shulk was not all too happy.
Chrom got knocked out by Captain Falcon and thrown into the closet. K and a few others wrapped him in toilet paper.
Gaius, Toon Link, Ness, DDD and the three Rabbids ate until they passed out. Tink and DDD have a balloon belly.
The rest of the Villager children, the Koopalings, Lucas and Spawny barricaded themselves in the game room.
Link got drunk, stripped and passed out butt naked in front of the mansion.
Wario was wrapped in toilet paper and his pants were ripped. Someone shoved toilet paper up his butt.
Pac-Man was hung on the ceiling like an actual disco ball. He wasn't a wrecking ball.
Skull Kid lost Majora's Mask and was stuck with a pumpkin for a head.
Bayonetta was the one puking and Corrin was trying to help her out but he's stuck with hair dye mixing green and orange together (terrible alternate colors for him).
Cloud was also puking but he passed out in the toilet and Cory called him gross.
Magnus scored with Dunban.
Captain Falcon punched the table but he fell through the roof chasing after Red for his Helix shit again.
Roy was sleeping with Ryu but it's also friendly given Roy drank and passed out and Ryu tucked him in.
Ike wrote a suicide note because Rabbid Peach is with him.
Bowser came up with a plan for Mario Odyssey.
Everyone else was accounted for.