"The TVN Chatroom" - A immediate cancer cell injection by Surgeon XE
*Picture of Surgeon rewrites logo*
/a/Hy91O
watch?v=2GjYaZE9qn8
Opening credits play against generic footage of Bullet looking at sixthgraders from a dark alley
Exterior shot of Bullet's car getting towed outside of his house
Bullet enters the gaming room
Bullet: Hi babe! I have something for you.
Cherry: What is it?
Bullet: Just a little something.
He playfully hides the package in his package, then presents it to Cherry. She opens it to find another package which contains a package which countains a even tinier package containing a bigger package containing promotional Hearthstone codes.
Cherry: Bullet, it's beautiful. Even a code for a golden Millhouse Manastorm, the best card! Can I use them in the store?
Bullet: Sure, they're yours.
Cherry: Wait right here. (she twists Bullet's nipples and kisses him) I'll try them out right now.
Bullet sits down. Cut to Cherry reemerging from the stairs in a Pudge cosplay.
Bullet: Wow, you look so sexy, Cherry.
Cherry: Isn't it fabulous?
Bullet: I would do anything for my grill.
Enter Hatouli
Hatouli: Oh hey, guys.
Bullet: Oh hi, Hat.
Hatouli: Wow! Look at you!
Cherry: It's from Omaga.
Bullet: And he gave it to us for free, what a shitlord! Nya-ha-ha-ha.
Hatouli: How much was it?
Cherry: Hatouli, don't ask a question like that!
Bullet: Nice to see you, Hat. I'm going to take a nap. I feel asleep.
Hatouli: Can I go upstairs too?
Bullet: Nya-Ha-ha!
Cherry: Hat, I think I'm gonna join him.
Bullet: Nya-ha-ha. Ha. Hah. Huhu. Nya-ha-ha.
They exit upstairs, speaking barely audibly
Cherry: I've got some dank marijuana scent candles upstairs.
Bullet: You always think. Nya-ha-ha Nya-ha-ha. Alright, I'm ready.
Cherry: This is so pretty, I can't wait for you to get it off of me.
Bullet: Oh, yeahhh.
Bullet puts on a Kool-aid man costume
Hatouli takes a bite of an apple, takes off his pants and then follows them upstairs.
In the bedroom, Bullet and Cherry start a pillow fight.
Bullet: A-ha-ha! (incomprehensible gibberish that may or may not involve making America great again) Nya-Ha-ha-ha! Ouch!
Hatouli joins in and gets clobbered to near death as everyone laughs.
Hatouli: No, stop!
Bullet: Hat, do you have something else to do?
Hatouli: I just like to watch you guys.
Cherry: Oh, Hat, wheres your pants boy!?
Bullet: Hat, two's great, but three's a crowd, Nya-ha-ha.
Hatouli: I get it. You guys want to be alone.
Bullet: That's the idea!
Hatouli: Fine. I have homework to do anyway. Bye, lovebirds!
Bullet: Bye, Hat. And pull up your pants on the way!
Cherry: Bye, Hat.
Hat exits, and a three-minute love scene commences, scored to this song watch?v=l3kwLa5dT5A. There's a lot of water bottles and rose petals and naked boobs. Bullet fucks Cherry's belly button. Afterwards they lie awkwardly in bed together, and Cherry seems bored with Bullet as he sleeps. Then she streams Hearthstone.
The alarm clock goes off at :69. Bullet gets up, smells a rotting rose, and bares his ass to the camera and shakes it. He emerges from the bathroom dressed for work and greets Cherry.
Bullet: Did you like last night?
Cherry: Yes I did.
Bullet: Ha-ha-ha.
Cherry: Can I get you anything?
Bullet: Unh-unh. I have to go now.
Cherry: Okay, bye.
Bullet: Bye.
Bullet exits. Cut to an exterior daytime shot of a dumpster, then to the living room. Cherry answers the door, and Anon enters.
Cherry: Hi mom, how are you?
Anon: I'm fine, how are you? Hmmm? Okay, let's go to the fakeagent couch, and we will sit down so we will be sat down. Now, what's happening with you? Hmmm? HMMMM?!
Cherry: Nothing much. Do you want some hot coffee?
Anon: What's wrong? Tell me.
Cherry: I'm not feeling good today.
Anon: Well, why not?
Cherry: I don't love him anymore.
watch?v=PrPNW1ec0kw
Anon: Why don't you love him anymore? Tell me.
Cherry: He's so boring. He doesnt want to play the brawl with me.
Anon: You've known him for over five years. You're engaged. You said you loved him. He supports you, he provides for you, and darling, you can't support yourself. He's a wonderful non-binary being, and he loves you very much. And his position is very secure. And he told me he plans to buy you a house AND a minifridge!
Cherry: That's why he's so boring! He doesnt even drink bleach!
Anon: Well, what are you going to do?
Cherry: I don't know. I don't mind living with him.
Anon: Well, you can't do that. Have you talked to him about it?
Cherry: No. I don't know what to do. The relationship mechanics are glitched.
Anon: Well, he's a wonderful person. And he's getting a promotion to masters very soon. Now he bought you a 30k car, he bought you a wrestling ring, clothes, whatever you wanted, and now you want to slam dunk him into a dumpster. That's not right. That's not the american way. I've always thought of him as my son-in-law. You should marry Bullet, he would be REAAAAAAAAL good for you.
Cherry: I guess you're right about that.
Anon: Well, of course I'm right. I know roleplayers! I wasn't born yesterday y'know, I played DnD 1.0. I'm glad you're listening to your mother. Nobody else listens to me. Not even Prinny.
Cherry: You're probably right about that, mom.
Anon: Well, I'm glad you're listening to your mother. Listen, I've gotta go get cancer. But you remember what I told you, okay? M-hm. Bye bye now.
Anon jumps through the window, shattering the glass
Cherry: (sarcastically) Thanks, mom.
The same room, later in the day. Cherry picks up the phone and Bong answers on the other end.
Bong: Hello?
Cherry: Hey baby, how are you doing?
Bong: Oh hey, how you doing? Yeah, I'm very busy playing ranked, what's going on?
Cherry: I just finished talking to my mom. She gave me this big lecture about Bullet.
Bong: Look, we'll talk about it later. I told you, I'm very busy. I'm trying to beat a hacker in ranked.
Cherry: We'll talk about it now! Whenever you say we'll talk about it later, we never do. I can't wait till later. I want to talk right now. You owe me one anyway.
Bong: Okay. Alright, what do you want to talk about?
Cherry: She's a stupid bitch. She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it. If I want Surgeon to write me a cancerous fanfic I'll ask him to do it. What do you think I should do?
Bong: I mean, why do you ask me? You know, you've been very happy with Bullet. And peopled liked your streams without cancer fanfics. What do you want me to say? I mean, you should enjoy your life. What's the problem?
Cherry: Maybe, you're right. Can I see you tomorrow?
Bong: Okay. Alright, how about high noon?
Cherry: I'll be waiting for you. Bye.
Bong: Alright, see you.
Cut to gratuitous footage of a pair of torn pants in downtown San Francisco.
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Back in the room, Cherry answers the door. Bong enters holding a bouqet of spoons.
A romantic song is quietly playing in the background watch?v=Ys4YvHgjylM
Bong: Hi. How you doing?
Cherry: I'm fine, come in. Have a seat. (they are silent while she pours wine and offers it)
Bong: Thank you. (Bong puts the spoons in the wineglass)
Cherry: It's hot in here. (she unbuttons the top of her Buff Riku cosplay) Do you mind?
Bong: No.
Cherry approaches Bong in her strapless black beret.
Bong: I mean the hearthstone, the cancer music music, the sexy cosplay, I mean, what's going on here?
Cherry: I like you very much, loverboy.
Bong: What are you doing this for?
Cherry: What's the matter? Don't you like me? I'm your grill?
Bong: Bullet's my bestest friend. You're going to be married next month. Come on me.
Cherry: Forget about Bullet. This is between you and me BROTHER.
Cherry flexes as the american hero, Hulk Hogan would.
Bong: I don't think so. I'm leaving now.
Cherry: Please don't leave. Please don't leave. I need you. I love you. I don't want to get married anymore. I don't love Bullet. I dream about your items, I mean you. I need you to make love to me and my cards.
Bong: I don't think so. Everything's going to be FIIIIIIINE, I promise.
They proceed to kiss, then have fully clothed three-second sex on the spiral stairs to the tune of amazing music ( watch?v=6MUVNuD3MiU) [You may want to take a break here before you die of laughter, yeah leave the song on].
Bong: Why did you do this to me? Why? YOU'RE TEHREHN MEH APARTH. Bullet's my best friend.
Cherry: Didn't you enjoy it?
Bong: That's not the point.
Cherry: I love you, Bong.
Bong: Look, you're very attractive, alright? You're beautiful. But we can't do this anymore. I can't hurt Bullet or he will literally crawl inside of my skin and wear me like a hand puppet.
Cherry: I know. He's your best friend.
Bong: Hey. This will be our mage secret. Our counterspell.
They pass out. The scene doesnt change for 5 minutes.
Cut to exterior shot of a hilly San Francisco street. Bullet's car rams through the front door of a flower shop, killing three Australians.
watch?v=sS36ZgXjMhI
Bullet exits his car.
Bullet: Hi.
Florist: C-Can I help you?
Bullet: (removing sunglasses) Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please?
Florist: Oh h-hi, Bullet, I d-didn't know it was you. Here you go.
Bullet: That's me! How much is it?
Florist: Free, just... Just get out of here, please.
Bullet: Thanks! You're my favorite shop keeper. Hi doggy!
Florist: PLEASE LEAVE MY DOG ALONE! DONT TAKE HIM LIKE YOU TOOK MY SON! HE WAS SO YOUNG!
The florist bursts into uncontrollable crying and sobbing
Bullet: Thanks a lot, bye!
Florist: [incomprehensible sobbing]
Bullet takes the roses and gets in his car and runs over a cop while backing out of the shop
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Cut to Cherry in the room, talking on the phone.
Cherry: Yeah, delivery. 555-4828. Half Canadian bacon with pineapple, half artichoke with pesto and light on the cheese. Yes I want you to kill me for ordering a pizza with pineapple and canadian bacon. Thanks.
She hangs up, and the doorbell rings.
Cherry: Who is it?
Hatouli: Hatouli!
Cherry: Hey Hatouli, how are you doing?
Hatouli: I'm fine. What's new?
Cherry: Actually I'm really busy. Do you want something to drink? I heard underage drinking is all the talk these days!
Hatouli: No thanks. I just want to talk to Bullet. You look beautiful today. Can I kiss you?
Cherry: You are such a little brat!
Cherry suplexes Hat onto the table, breaking his nose in the process.
Hatouli: I'm just kidding! I love you and Bullet.
Hat spits out a handful of wooden teeth
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Cherry: Okay, okay. Bullet's going to be here any minute. You can wait if you want. And clean up the mess you casual.
Hatouli: I gotta go. You'll tell him I stopped by.
Cherry: Of course.
Hatouli: Bye.
Cherry: Bye, Hatouli.
Cut to exterior shot of the house. Bullet's car rams and pins a hobo up against a wall in an alleyway.
Bullet enters the room, covered in blood.
Bullet: Hi babe. These are for you. (he presents a bouquet of spoons)
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Cherry: Thanks honey, they're beautiful. Did you get your promotion?
Bullet: Nah.
Cherry: You didn't get it, did you?
Bullet: That son of a bitch told me that I would get it within three matches. I always play tank or support. They're shit. I don't think I will ever get it. They troll me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore. I'm a genji main now.
Cherry: Did you tell them how much you help them?
Bullet: Of course, what do you think? They already put my ideas into practice. They only win matches when I'm not around, and they are using me, and I am de fool.
Cherry: I still love you.
Bullet: You're the only one who does.
Cherry: At least you have friends. I didn't get any calls today. You're right. The wrestling business is too competitive. Do you want me to order a pizza?
Bullet: Whatever, I don't care. Just pass me the bleach.
Cherry: I already ordered a pizza... But we're out of bleach.
Bullet: You think about everything, Nya-ha-ha. Shame about the bleach though.
Cherry: What's the matter? Are you alright? It's just a lousy promotion. You know what you need? You need a drink.
Bullet: I don't drink, you know that!
Cut to Cherry emerging from the kitchen floor with, it seems, scotch and swamp water.
Bullet: Nya-Ha-ha-ha-ha.
She mixes them to form The Ogre.
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Cherry: Don't worry about it. It's good for you.
Bullet: You must be crazy. I cannot drink this.
Ogre: Oh yes ye can laddie! Come an' have a taste o' this!
The ogre lowers his pants, revealing a piton
Cherry: If you love me, you'll drink this.
She raises his piton to his mouth and he drinks.
Bullet: You're right, it tastes good. A-ha.
Cherry: I know. I am right. Don't worry about those fuckers. You're a allstar. Drink and get your game on.
They drink. Cut to later, when they have had quite a bit to drink and Cherry is now wearing Bullet's tie as a headband.
Bullet: Nya-Ha-ha-ha. Nya-A-ha-ha-ha. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Cherry laughs hysterically as she performs the basics of CQC on Bullet. Bullet drops and shatters a glass.
Bullet: You have nice legs, Cherry. Nya-Ha-ha.
Cherry: (laughing) You have nice pecs.
Cherry puts Bullet in a sleeper hold
Bullet: A-ha-ha. I'm tired, I'm wasted, I love you darling!
Cherry: Come on, make love to me.
Bullet: [choking]
Cherry: Come on, you owe me one.
Bullet: [choking]
Cherry: I love you, Bullet. (she rips open his shirt)
They make out on the couch, and then we cut to the bedroom for a lovemaking sequence that seems to be recut from their previous lovemaking sequence, pudge cosplay and all but with a different amazing song ( watch?v=OpQuNY3XFI0). Mercifully, it only lasts for about 3 frames.
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Cut to the famous "dead hobos" of San Francisco.
Cut to the room.
Cherry: So I'm organizing the party for Bullet's birthday. Can you come?
Anon: When is it?
Cherry: Next Friday at high noon. It's a surprise.
Anon: Oh.
Cherry: You can bring someone if you want.
Anon: Well, sure, I can come. But I don't know if I'll bring anybody. Oh! That jerk Trump. He wants me to give him a share of my house. That house belongs to me. YOU HEAR?! TO ME! He has no right. I'm not giving him a penny. Who does he think he is? The President?
Cherry: *under her breath* But he is the president...
Anon: He's always bugging me about my house. Four years ago, we agreed, that house belongs to me. Now the value of the house is going up and he's seeing dollar signs. Everything goes wrong at once. Nobody wants to help me, and I'm dying squirtle.
Cherry: You're not dying, mom. Its not like you got cancer when you said you were going to get cancer.
Anon: I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.
The scene holds in silence for 5 seconds
Cherry: Look, don't worry about it. Everything will be fine. They're curing lots of people every day.
Anon: I'm sure I'll be alright. Oh! I heard Edwart is talking about me. He is a hatouful man. Oh, I'm so glad I divorced him.
Cherry: Don't worry about it. You just juice concentrate on getting well.
Anon: Well at least you have a good man.
Cherry: You're wrong! Mom, he's not what you think he is. He didn't get his promotion. And he roleplayed last night. And he hit me.
Anon: Bullet doesn't roleplay! What are you talking about?
Cherry: He did last night. And I don't love him anymore.
Anon: Bullet is your financial security. You can't afford to ignore this. Even if you are emotionally bankrupt... *winkwinknudgenudge*
Cherry: Yeah, okay mom. Can I just talk to you later?
Anon: You don't want to talk to me.
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Cherry: I just got done talking with a client, and I have to get ready to meet him. Can I just talk to you later?
Anon: Okay. I will see you later. Bye bye.
Anon exits. Cut to an exterior shot of the house. There is a dismembered head impaled on a pike next to the front door.
Cut to the room. Baron and Melagehan enter, nervously.
Baron: How much time do we have?
Melagehan: I dunno, uh, a couple hours? At least.
Baron: Well, let's have some fun. I brought the goods.
They sit on the couch and Melagehan opens a box of chocolates. It is empty.
Melagehan: Did you, uh, know, that chocolate is the symbol of love?
Baron: (laughing) Feed me.
Melagehan puts the chocolate box in Baron's mouth and then makes out with him. He puts a trumpet on his chest and eats it off of him.
Baron: Yum! Tastes like trumpet.
Melagehan: It's delicious!
Baron: Reach for the sky! (he takes off Melagehan's shirt) It's high noon.
Baron places a gun in Melagehan's mouth and then makes out with him. He starts to go down on him, although he begins reacting with comically exaggerated orgasm faces before he's in position to ult.
Cut to a empty street.
Cut to the room, where Melagehan and Baron are startled by Cherry and Anon tactically breaching through the wall.
Anon: Hello? What are these characters doing here?
Cherry: They like to come here to do their… homework.
Anon: What homework?
Cherry: Mom, this is Baron's boyfriend Melagehan. Melagehan, this is my mother.
Melagehan: It's a pleasure to meet you.
Anon: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Baron: Uh-huh...
Melagehan and Baron walk up the stairs into the bedroom.
Anon: Unh. Oh, all that shopping wore me out.
Hatouli enters through the hole in the floor.
Hatouli: Hi Cherry.
Cherry: Hey Hatouli. Hat, this is my mom. Mom, this is Hatouli.
Anon: How many people come in and out of this apartment every day? This is worse than Grand Central Station!
Hatouli: I just need to borrow some heroin.
Cherry: Help yourself, Hatouli.
Hatouli: I also need a cup of cocaine and half a brick of marijuana.
Anon: Doesn't your home have a meth kitchen?
Hatouli: I'll come back later.
Hatouli exits through the door.
Anon: Tell me, what does Hatouli do?
Cherry: Bullet wanted to adopt Hatouli. It's really a tragedy how many kids out there don't have parents. When Hatouli turned eighteen, Bullet found him a little storage locker here in this building and he's paying for it until he graduates from school. Bullet really loves Hatouli even though he doesn't say it much. He's like a father figure to him. I told you, mom, Bullet is very caring about the people in his life. And he gave Hatouli his own set of keys to our place.
Anon: Please, don't hurt Bullet. Now if you really don't love him, so be it, but you should tell him. Nowadays its hip to break up through facebook...
Melagehan enters.
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Melagehan: I forgot my, uh, book.
He grabs a book about Antonio Banderas but somehow this leads to Anon holding his underwear.
Anon: What's this?
Everyone laughs. You can hear Bullet's Nya-ha-ha in the distance.
Melagehan: That's nothing!
Melagehan waves his hands around like hes performing a jedi mind trick, takes the underwear and exits as everyone continues to laugh.
Anon: Homework!
Cherry: (laughing) Dun worry about it.
Anon: If I were a burglar, you would be my best friend.
Cherry pulls out a Tommy Gun out of nowhere
Cherry: ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE NOT A BURGLAR?
Anon: You know I worry about you. I have to go home.
Cherry: Okay, mom.
Anon: Bye bye.
Anon hastily exits.
Cherry: (sighing) Oh my god.
Cut to exterior shot of the San Francisco skyline. You can vaguely see a plane about to crash into a skyscraper.
Cut to the roof, where Hatouli is dribbling a pair of basketballs. This scene is animated for some reason. Kart-Double-S enters.
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Kart-Double-S: Hey, Hatouli.
Hatouli: *in a seductive voice* Kart-Double-S. I've been looking for you.
Kart-Double-S: Yeah, sure you have. You have my money, right?
Hatouli: Yeah. It's coming bby. It'll be here in a few minutes.
Kart-Double-S: What do you mean it's coming, Hatouli? Where's my money?
Hatouli: Okay. Just give me five minutes. Just give me a five!
Hat raises his hand, awaiting a high five
Kart-Double-S: Five minutes? You want five fucking minutes, Hat? You know what? I haven't got five fucking minutes! (he pulls a gun on Hatouli) I'm going to ask you again, Hat. Where's my money?
Hatouli: I don't have anything.
Kart-Double-S: Where's my money, Hat? Where's my fucking money, Hat? What'd you do with my fucking money Hat?
Hatouli: I swear to god, I'm coming!
Kart-Double-S: Where's my fucking money, Hat?
Hatouli: Put the gun down.
Bong and Bullet climb over the edge of the roof.
Kart-Double-S: My fucking money Hat! Where's my fucking money, Hat?
Bullet and Bong grab Kart-Double-S and disarm him. Literally. They rip his arms off. Cherry and Anon enter, or rather, they are suddenly in the scene without explanation.
Cherry: What's going on?!
Bullet and Bong toss Kart-Double-S off the roof amid indecipherable commotion.
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Bullet: Let's take him to the police.
Cherry: Hatouli, are you okay? What did that man want from you? Did he molest you?
Hatouli: No.
Anon: Oh, that was not nothing!
Cherry: Tell me everything! And I mean, EVERYTHING
Anon: You have no idea what kind of trouble you're in here, do you?
Hatouli: I owe him some money... and I am a Cylon.
Cherry: What kind of mon- Wait what?
Hatouli: I owe him some money.
Cherry: No I mean the Cylon part. What did you mean?
Hatouli: Everything is okay, he's gone!
Anon: Everything is not okay. Hatouli, that is a dangerous man!
Hatouli: Calm down, he's going to jail!
Cherry: Did only I notice he just said he is a murderous robot?
Anon: What do you need money for?
Cherry: Mom, please, didint you hear what he said?!
Anon: A man like that, with a gun! My god!
Cherry: Hatouli, look at me in the eyes and tell me the truth. We're your friends. Are you a murderous robot?
Hatouli: I bought some drugs off of him. Things got mixed up. I didn't mean for this to happen.
Cherry: Thats not what I asked!
Hatouli: But I don't have them anymore.
Cherry: WE KNOW YOU DO DRUGS HAT. YOU BORROW FROM US ALL THE TIME. ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS WHY YOU ARE A ROBOT ANY NOONE IS DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
Hatouli: *blankly stares at Cherry*
Anon: *blankly stares at Cherry*
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Cut to black. After one minute cut back to the roof. The roof is covered in blood but noone appears injured.
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Cherry: What kind of drugs do you take?!
Hatouli: It's nothing like that!
Cherry: What the hell is wrong with you?!
Hatouli: I just needed some money to pay off some stuff.
Cherry: How much do you have to give him?
Anon: This is not the way you make money!
Cherry: How much?!
Hatouli: Stop ganging up on me!
Anon: Well it is time somebody ganged up on you, for god's sake! A man like that! Where in the hell did you meet a man like that?
Hatouli: It doesn't matter!
Anon: It matters a great deal! A man holds a gun on you, you almost got killed, you expect me to forget that happened?
Hatouli: You're not fucking my mother!
Anon: You listen to me, boy!
Cherry: No!
Anon: Somebody had better do something around here.
Cherry hugs and comforts Hatouli. Bullet enters.
Bullet: Are you okay, Hatouli? What is this blood doing here?
Hatouli: I'm okay.
Bullet: Are you okay?
Hatouli: I'm okay!
Bong has materialized behind Anon and Cherry.
Anon: What's okay? He's taking drugs.
Bong: Come on, stop, only winners take drugs. It's fine.
Anon: WHAT?!
Bullet: Let's go home.
Bong: Come on, it's clear.
Anon: What's clear? I am going to call the police.
Cherry: Mom, stop, it was Hatouli's mistake, just stop!
Bong: Let's go.
Bong and Anon exit. Shorly thereafter you can hear a muffled gunshot.
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Bullet: Why did you do this? You know better, right? Why?!
Hatouli: I'm an adult and I can become whoever I want to be. I want to be a dead methhead in a alleyway.
Bullet: You know better, Hatouli, you almost got killed.
Hatouli: I'm sorry. It won't happen again, I promise. Ill try to die next time.
Cherry: Hatouli, you know that Bullet's like your father. And we're your friends. We're going to help you kill yourself.
Bullet: Let's go homo.
Everyone exits. The scene hangs on silently for acouple of seconds. The door to the roof slams open.
Cut to Bong on the phone with Cherry. There is something wierdly cold about the way Cherry talks.
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Cherry: I miss you.
Bong: I just saw you! What are you talking about?
Cherry: I'm just wanting to hear your sexy voice. I keep thinking about your strong hands around my body. It excites me so much. I love you.
Bong: Is Bullet there?
Cherry: He's in the shower.
Bong: I don't understand you. Why do you do things like this?
Cherry: Because I love you. You just don't care, do you?
Bong: I do care. But we agreed, it's over between us.
Cherry: I understand, it's our secret. But I still have feelings for you. You just don't care.
Bong: I do care!
Cherry: I have to go now. I'll see you later, darling.
Bong: Don't call me that.
Cherry: Okay, bye.
They hang up. Cherry's face is expressionless.
Cut to the roof. Bullet enters, mid-sentence.
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Bullet: I did naht hit her! It's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her! I did naht! (he throws a water bottle to the floor, causing a earthquake) Oh, hi Bong.
From the top of the roof you can see falling skyscrapers and a bright light falling down on the city, kicking up a huge cloud of dust.
Bong: (holding a FUTBOL) Oh hey Bullet, what's up?
A piece of rebar pierces Bong's skull to no effect.
Bullet: I have a problem with Cherry. She says that I hit her.
Bong: What? Well did you? *Bong rips out the piece of rebar out of his skull throwing it over the edge to the roof, giving us a glimpse of what chaos reigns below.
Bullet: No, it's not true! Don't even ask! What's new with you?
Bong: Well I'm just sitting up here thinking, you know? I got a question for you.
Bullet: Yeah.
Bong: You liked sucking on my piton?
Bullet: What makes you say that?
Bong: Well, you know...
*Bong rips apart his skin and flesh, revealing that he is The Ogre inside.*
Bullet: BUT YOU SEE! I ALSO AM NOT WHO I SEEM TO BE!
*Bullet rips off his arm, spraying blood all over the scene, The Ogre grows his piton*
Bong: Yea laddie, you are cool too I guess... So about 'em women. People are very strange these days. I used to know a grill, she was supposed to be married to this one midget man. I found out about him and rammed my piton down his throat so far he choked to death, then I ate him.
Bullet: Nya-ha-ha-ha! What a story, Bong!
Bong: Yea, you can say that again. Do it nerd.
Bullet: I'm so happy I have you as my best friend, and I love Cherry so much.
Bong: Yeah, man. Yeah, you are very lucky.
Bullet: Well maybe you should have a grill, Bong.
Bong: Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I have one already. I don't know yet.
Bullet: Well, what happened? Remember Jess? That's her name?
Bong: Jess?
Bullet: Yeah.
Bong: Yeah, we don't see each other anymore. You know, she wasn't any good in bed. She was beautiful, but we had too many arguments. Mostly about me piton.
Bullet: That's too bad. My Cherry is great when I can get it.
Bong: Oh, man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart, sometimes they're just flat-out stupid, like Enyoy, other times they're just evil like Surgeon.
Bullet: It seems to me like you're the expert, Bong!
Bong: No. Definitely not an expert, Bullet. A artisan of the long schlong.
Bullet: What's bothering you, Bong?
Bong: Your dick up my ass, pull it out please.
Bullet: Do you, do you have some secrets? Why don't you tell me?
Bong: Forget it! Forget it, dude! Get your dick out of my arse!
Bullet: Is there some secret, tell me.
Bong: No, forget it, I'll talk to you later!
Bong hands off the FUTBOL to Bullet and exits.
Bullet: Well, whatever.
Hatouli enters, passing Bong the whiskey.
Hatouli: Hey Bullet.
Bullet: Oh hi, Hat.
Hatouli: What's wrong with Bong?
Bullet: He's cranky today. Nya-ha-ha-ha. Girl trouble, I guess. Tottaly not because I sneakily shoved my dick up his ass. What's new with you?
Hatouli: Not much. Still going to the movie tonight?
Bullet: Sure, we are.
The windows shatter as a nuclear shockwave breaks into the room, melting half of Hat's face off.
Hatouli: What kind of movie are we going to see?
Bullet: Well we'll see… Hatouli, don't plan too much. It may not cum out right.
Hatouli: Alright. Let's toss the ball around.
Bullet: Okay.
Bullet reaches into the back of his pants, a slight popping sound can be heard as before he pulls out a FUTBOL.
They proceed to play short-distance catch with the FUTBOL while talking.
watch?v=-Y6HTohpjjo
Hatouli: Gotta tell you about something.
Bullet: Shoot, Hatouli.
*Hat jumps up onto the counter, then proceeds to jump down, staying low to the ground*
Hatouli: I'm gay!
Bullet: Go on.
Hatouli: I was only 9 years old
Bullet: Go on.
watch?v=L_jWHffIx5E
Hatouli: I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I prayed to Shrek every night before bed, thanking him for the life I've been given.
Bullet: Go on.
Hatouli: "Shrek is love" I say; "Shrek is life" My dad hears me and calls me a faggot I know he was just jealous of my devotion for Shrek I called him a cunt He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep I'm crying now, and my face hurts I lay in bed and it's really cold Suddenly, a warmth is moving towards me
Bullet: Go on.
Hatouli: I am so happy He whispers into my ear "This is my swamp."
He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands and puts me down onto my hands and knees I'm ready I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek He penetrates my butt-hole It hurts so much but I do it for Shrek I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water I push against his force I want to please Shrek He roars in a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love My dad walks in Shrek looks him straight in the eyes and says "It's all ogre now."
Shrek leaves through my window Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
Bullet: Go on.
Hatouli: Its over.
Bullet: What do you mean it's over?
Hat for the first time looks at Bullet, Bullet has lowered his pants and is on a half a piton.
Hatouli: Well… I love that.
Bullet: M-hm.
Hatouli: You're a creep.
Bullet: But you owe me, right?
Hatouli: You're right. Thanks for paying my tuition.
Bullet: Let's go eat, hunh? Come on, let's go. Let's go. I'm starving. You get the special. The American Piton.
They exit.
Cut to an exterior panning shot of the Golden Gate Bridge. There are rows and rows of dead, hanged people. Some of them are dripping viscera, some of them are missing limbs.
Cut to the room, where Baron and Cherry are talking. Cherry's neck is bulging throughout this scene, which means very few people have ever heard the dialogue. Infact, you dont hear it too.
watch?v=QHpU0ZfXZ_g
Baron: So how's Bullet?
Cherry: [inaudible choking]
Baron: Is he disappointed?
Cherry: [inaudible choking]
Baron: He hit you?!
Cherry: [inaudible choking]
Baron: Are you okay?
Cherry: [inaudible choking]
Baron: What?!
Cherry: [inaudible choking]
Baron: Cherry! This isn't right. You're living with one guy and you're sleeping with another guy?
Cherry: [inaudible choking]
Baron: Well who is he?
Cherry: [inaudible choking]
Baron: I can't believe you're telling me this. It's Bong, isn't it? Cherry, you know, you're just thinking about yourself. Somebody's going to get hurt. You've got to be honest with Bullet.
Cherry: [inaudible choking]
Baron: Well, if you care so much for him, why cheat on him?
Cherry: [inaudible choking]
Baron: Bullet's so excited about this wedding.
Cherry: [inaudible choking]
Baron: You've got to tell Bullet.
Cherry: [inaudible choking]
Baron: You don't feel guilty about this at all.
Cherry: [inaudible choking]
Baron: Something awful is going to happen.
Cherry: [inaudible choking]
Cut to exterior shot of the house there is rubble and bodyparts spread all around the building. The house looks impeccably clean and in good repair. Bullet is approaching. As he picks up a dismembered, rotting arm. He takes a bite, shrugs and moves toward the house.
Cut to the room.
Baron: Don't worry. You can trust me. Your secret is safe with me.
Bullet enters.
Bullet: Hello Baron. I heard you. What secret?
The bulge on Cherry's neck appears to scuttle down behind her back.
Cherry: It's between us women.
Baron: Hi Bullet.
Bullet: Did you get a new dress? Or wait, you are exchanging cream pie recipes, Nya-ha-ha!
Baron: Um… well, I guess I better be going. I'll just talk to you guys later?
Cherry: Excuse me.
Baron: Cherry, remember what I told you.
Baron opens the door and takes a step out, after which she is dragged up out of the doorway. The door slams shut.
Bullet: What's she talking about?
Cherry: It's girl talk. I just told you that.
Bullet: I never hit you. I NEVER HIT YOU! I DID NAHT. You shouldn't have any secrets from me. I'm your future husbando.
Cherry: You sure about that? Maybe I'll change my mind.
Bullet: Don't talk like that. What do you myeen?
Cut to a shot of the alley behind the house. A big trashbag falls from above onto the dumpster.
Cut back inside the room. There are robed figures surrounding the pair.
watch?v=ZQj9c8bU_OA
Cherry: What do you think? Women change their minds all the time.
Bullet: Nya-ha-ha-ha. You must be kidding, aren't you?
Cherry: Look, I don't want to talk about it. I'm going to go upstairs, and wash up, and go to bed.
Bullet: (shoving Cherry down onto the couch) How dare you talk to me like that! You should tell me everything!
Cherry: I can't talk right now.
Bullet: Why Cherry, why Cherry, please talk to me, please! You're part of my life, you are everything, I could not go on without you, Cherry.
Cherry: You're scaring me.
Bullet: You're lying, I never hit you. You are tearing me apart, Cherry!
Cherry: Why are you so hysterical?!
Bullet: Do you understand life? Do you?
Bullet pulls out a curved dagger covered in intricate patterns.
Cherry gets up and runs upstairs.
Cherry: NO! BULLET! NO!
Bullet: You drive me crazy.
A robed figure comes down the stairs and grabs Cherry.
Cherry: LEAVE ME ALONE!
Bullet: Don't worry about it. I still love you. Goodnight, Cherry.
watch?v=8rdfbJ6SaEg
Cut to a long shot of a ornate, white marble bowl filled with a red liquid. Something starts emerging from the bowl.
Cut to an alleyway, where Melagehan approaches Bullet. The alleyway is entirely empty.
watch?v=CDl9ZMfj6aE
Melagehan: Hey, what's going on, man?
Bullet: Oh hi, Melagehan, what's new?
Melagehan: Um, actually, Bullet, I got, I got a little bit of a tragedy on my hands, yeah. Me and Baron, we were, we were making out, uh, at your place…
Bullet: Nya-ha-ha.
Melagehan: …and, uh, Cherry and Anon sort of, uh, walked in on us in the middle of it. That's not the end of the story.
Bullet: Go on, I'm listening.
Melagehan: Okay. We're going at it, and um, I get out of there as fast as possible, you know, I take off my pants to be more aerodynamic, I get my off shirt, and I get out of there. And then about halfway down the stairs, I realize that I have misplaced, I've forgotten something. Um, my underwear.
They both chuckle.
Melagehan: So I come back to get it, I pretend that I need a book, you know, I'm like looking for my book, and then I reach and put the underwear in my pocket, sort of slide out real quick. Well I didint have any pants on so Anon picks it up off the ground, and she's, uh, showing everybody me underwears.
Bullet: You must be kidding. Underwear, I got the picture.
Melagehan: Yeah, I dunno what…
Bullet: That's life. You have disgraced your family. You're asian right? You should commit seppuku.
Melagehan: Nah.
Bullet: Yeah.
Melagehan looks at the ground in awkwardness, Bullet suddenly makes a creepy smile when suddenly Hatouli enters, with a FUTBOL.
Hatouli: Hey Bullet! Hey Melagehan!
Bullet: Oh hey, Hatouli.
Hatouli: Do you want to play some FUTBOL?
Melagehan: I gotta go see Baron in a little bit to make out with her on Bullet's couch again.
Hatouli: Oh, pshhh, come on!
Bullet: Come on, it's good for you, come on. Come on. Come on.
Melagehan: Alright, whatever, whatever.
Bullet: Let's go for it.
Melagehan: I'm going out.
watch?v=udUCjJphE-0
They proceed to toss the FUTBOL around in close quarters, like you do.
Melagehan: Yeah, sorry you had to see that.
Hatouli: I'm not sorry! (gibberish) Studying, right? (more gibberish) I don't study like that.
Bullet: He doesn't.
Bong enters.
Bong: Hey, Hatouli, what's up?
Hatouli: Hey, what's up, Bong?
Bullet: Hi Bong.
Hatouli: Catch it, come on, man.
Melagehan: Not much.
Hatouli: He's just telling us about an underwear issue he had.
Melagehan: No, don't…
Bong: Underwear? What's that?
Melagehan: It's embarrassing, man, I don't want to get into it.
Bong: Underwear? Man, come on…
Bong inexplicably shoves Melagehan into a trashcan.
Melagehan: Oh, God!
Hatouli: You okay? Are you okay?
Melagehan: Yeah, I'm fine!
Hatouli: Are you sure?
Melagehan: Yeah, uh-huh.
Hatouli: Do you need to see a doctor?
Melagehan: No, no, I'm tough. I'm good, I'm alright, I'm fine.
Bullet: Bong, why don't you take him home? And Melagehan, listen, if you need anything, call me anytime bby, alright? Are you alright?
Melagehan: Yeah.
Hatouli: See you guys.
Bong and Melagehan exit
watch?v=zbSMCyJkUmI
Bullet: Let's go home, Hatouli.
Hatouli and Bullet exit with the FUTBOL.
watch?v=9eHPnDWCSZ0
The camera slowely pans to the dumpster and zooms onto a particulary big trashbag. You can recognise it as the one that fell from the sky in a earlier scene. A ghost that unexplicably looks like Baron rises from it.
Baron: Oh shit waddup.
Cut to the room, which Anon and Cherry are entering.
watch?v=UIRCPAOLBd0
Cherry: You look really tired today, mom. Are you feeling okay?
Anon: I didn't get much sleep last night.
Cherry: Why not?
Anon: You remember my friend Robbie Rotten?
Cherry: Uh-huh.
Anon: He wants to buy a new house, and so I asked Bullet if he could help him with the down payment. All he can tell me is it's an awkward situation. I expected your husband to be a little more generous.
Cherry: He's not my husbando.
Anon: I know, but Bullet is part of our family. He's a made man for chrissakes.
Cherry: Mom, I don't love Bullet anymore. I don't even like him. I had sex with someone else.
Anon: Dun' worry about it.
We see that Bullet is listening from the staircase. watch?v=OTKfr9V2dUo
Cherry: You don't understand.
Anon: Who? Who is it?
Cherry: I don't want to talk about it.
Anon: You don't want to talk about it. Then why did you bring it up in the first place?
Cherry: I don't know.
Anon: You don't know. If you think I'm tired today, wait till you see me tomorrow.
Cherry: Are you coming to the party?
Anon: Sure. I suppose so.
They exit.
Cut to a extreme closeup of Bullet's face. It looks like this asset/scalefit_970_
Bullet: How can they say this about me? I don't believe it. I show them. I record everything.
watch?v=U9FzgsF2T-s
Bullet descends the staircase and tediously installs a primitive tape recorder under the phone, then exits upstairs.
Cut to the room, where Bullet and Katabolic are talking.
watch?v=EsC4zTr77oI
Bullet: I don't understand women. Do you, Katabolic?
Katabolic: (laughs) What man does? What's the problem?
Bullet: They never say what they myeen, and they always play game.
Katabolic: Okay… um… what do you mean?
Bullet: I have serious problem with Cherry. Um, I don't think she faithful to me. In fact I know she isn't.
Katabolic: Cherry? Are you sure?
Bullet: Yeah I sure, I overhear a conversation between Cherry and mother of her. What I do, Katabolic?
Katabolic: This is Cherry we're talking about?
Bullet: Yeee.
Katabolic: I don't know what to say.
Bullet: Reee.
Katabolic: It's a complicated situation, Bullet. I mean you're my friend. I don't want to get between you and Cherry. Look. If you want to, you should confront her. You should man up and stop being a faggot.
Bullet: watch?v=NsZMbs5PC64 [play it whole before you continue]
Katabolic: Woah. I'm sorry I guess.
watch?v=EsC4zTr77oI
The doorbell rings.
Katabolic: Did you hear the door?
Bullet: Yeah. (answers the door) Oh hi, Bong. Comes in.
Bong enters.
Bong: Oh, hey, Bullet. Hey Katabolic!
Bullet: We're just talking about women.
Bong: (long pause) I think I should tell you about something. I know there is a hacker among us.
watch?v=cSrrv29CAuc
Katabolic: Why didn't you mention this before? Is it anyone I know?
Bong: It is me. I am a CSGO hacker, and I've gotten my own cases several times
Bullet: ...
Katabolic: ...
Bong: And you can tell by all the cases where I've been unsure, but said innocent
Bong: All the times where I said "Oh boy, we got xp reward from a case" was a lie, since I never showed it on stream
Bong: I throw hella shade all over it by hiding stuff with my gifs to distract people
Bullet: Why?
Bong: For the memes.
Bullet: You mean you are hacking for the memes? Or doing the overwatch cases for the memes?
Katabolic: (laughs) I fucking knew it!
Bong: (laughs) No. You didint.
Suddenly the ghost of Baron rises from the middle of the room.
watch?v=l5ZHnfUNJN4
Bullet: Oh hi Baron.
Katabolic: What. The. Fuck.
Bullet: Kat! Its just Baron.
Katabolic: Look, I'm just your friend, and I'm just worried about you. There is a fucking ghost in the middle of your room and you think its normal?!
Bullet: Uhhh... Yeah.
A sudden rumbling can be heard as a shadowy figure breaks through the wall.
THIS IS A NOTE FOR YOU PRINNY
[This is the roundabout theme. You have to read 5 lines before it hits the 44 second mark watch?v=-Tdu4uKSZ3M]
A man wearing a full body animageo kigurumi looks edgily toward the group. He the toward them.
?: NO, YEAH
Katabolic: W-Who are you?
Bullet: Wait! Is it...
The figure takes off his mask to reveal that he is...
TO BE CONTINUED. [Take a break here]
watch?v=0n960d-JeC8
Katabolic: FUCKING ENYOY.
Bong: Thats... Unexpected... What are you doing here?
Katabolic: And why are you wearing... THAT.
Bullet: You're right, Katabolic. Nya-ha-ha. Why are you not wearing the one I made for you?
Bong: (laughs) You made him something like that? What the fuck is wrong with you people! I thought me hacking in CSGO was bad but this!
Bullet: What do you myeeen.
Katabolic: I'm not dealing with this.
Bullet: Nya-ha-ha, chicken, Katabolic, you're just a little chicken! Cheep, cheep cheep cheep cheep chee-ee-ee-eep eeeeeeeeeeee!
Katabolic: Who are you calling a chicken? I just don't like all the weirdos, there's too many weirdos here.
Bullet: (incomprehensible gibberish)
Bong: How about we... uh... talk about the party you are planning?
Bullet: Nya-ha-ha-ha yeah, "can you marry me?", ha-ha, I thought I would takes her up on it, ha-ha.
Bong: What?
Enyoy: What the perkele are you guys talking about?
Bullet: Yeah, the barbecue chicken was delicious, rice, that was cool.
Katabolic: You guys proved my point. You're both weird. You guys want to play cards?
Bullet: No we can't. I expect Cherry any minute.
Bong: Hey come on, man, who's the king of the house? I promise I wont cheat this time.
Katabolic: Yeah, you've got to establish these guidelines before you get married. Speaking of, how'd you ever meet Cherry? You never told us.
A sudden sucking sound is heard as everyone but Enyoy freezes in place. Enyoy then attempts to wallrun up the wall but falls out a window.
watch?v=gw98ARXfcqk
A cracking sound can be heard and then once again a sucking sound as time appears to reverse.
A cracking sound can be heard and then once again a sucking sound as time appears to reverse.
A cracking sound can be heard and then once again a sucking sound as time appears to reverse.
A cracking sound can be heard and then once again a sucking sound as time appears to reverse.
A cracking sound can be heard and then once again a sucking sound as time appears to reverse.
A cracking sound can be heard and then once again a sucking sound as time appears to reverse.
watch?v=8SbUC-UaAxE
Bullet: Well that's a very interesting story, when I moved to San Francisco with two suitcases and I didn't know anyone and I have, uh, I head to YMCA with a $2000 check which I could not cash.
Bong: Why not?
Bullet: Well because it was an out of state bank. Anyway, uh, I was working as a busboy in a hotel, and uh, uh, she was sitting, drinking her coffee, and she was so beautiful, and I say hi to her. That's how we met.
Bong: So, I mean, what's the interesting part?
Bullet: Well the interesting part is that I am now going to kill the both of you.
Bong: What?!
Baron: No you are not.
Bullet: Whatever.
Bullet exits to the kitchen. Cherry enters.
Cherry: Hi guys. What's going on?
Bong: Oh, hey Cherry.
Katabolic: Hi Cherry.
Baron: Hi Cherry.
Hatouli materializes behind Cherry, then proceeds to stare out the window for some reason.
Cherry: Where's Bullet?
Bong: In the kitchen. I gotta go.
Cherry: I didn't mean to chase you off. You should stick around for a while. Maybe stick something into something if you catch my dri-
Bong: I gotta work early. See ya.
Bong exits. Katabolic also exits. Hatouli crouches to the floor. Baron sinks through the floor.
Hatouli: Did you get your wedding gown yet?
Cherry: No. I've got plenty of time.
Hatouli: Are you sure you have plenty of time? It's only a month away.
Cherry: It'll be fine. What are you so worried about? Everything's okay. Everything is just... Fine...
A bulge creeps up onto Cherry's throat.
Hatouli: Bullet doesn't seem very excited. Is there a problem?
Cherry: [incomprehensible garbling]
Hatouli: I just want you and Bullet to be happy.
They both stand up. The bulge starts to grow. Cherry starts walking toward Hat.
watch?v=ct9fs3ULVIo
Suddenly a bright flash of light comes from the middle of the room and from the heavens descends the Savior. The One. The Only...
Kart-Double-S
Cherry: [choking]
Hatouli: Whaaaaaaaaaaa.
Kart-Double-S: No.
Cherry: [REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE]
Hatouli exits. Kart flexes his muscles.
Cut to the roof. Katabolic enters. Bong is sitting on the roof, clad entirely in denim including a denim clown mask, smoking what might be a joint. Or just newspaper with oak leaves inside. (Oak leaves known to be highly psychotropic)
watch?v=KI6ysIeco3A
Katabolic: Hey, Bong. What's up?
Bong: Oh, hey Kat.
Katabolic: It's a good place to think up here, isn't it?
Bong: What, man, you want to put me on the clock?
Katabolic: What the hell is that?
Bong: You want some? It's good, bro.
Katabolic: No, I don't smoke that stuff.
Bong sighs and takes a huge drag, so much that he eats the joint.
Katabolic: You look depressed.
Bong: I got this sick feeling in my stomach, man. I did something awful. I don't think I can forgive myself.
Katabolic: Tell me about it.
Bong: I just feel like, like running. And then I feel like I am walking. I'm killing myself. Something crazy like that.
Katabolic: Why are you smoking that crap? It's no wonder you can't think straight. It's gonna screw with your head.
Bong: It's none of your business, maaaaaaaan. You think you know everything. You don't know shit. You're not my dad.
Katabolic: Listen, who do you think you are? You're acting like a kid. Just grow up.
Bong: Hey, who are you calling a kid? Fuck you! You're twelve.
And then Katabolic was twelve.
Baron rises up from the floor.
Baron: Just chill out, Bong. I'm just trying to help. You're having an affair with Cherry, aren't you?
Bong: What?
Baron: Am I wrong?
Bong gets angry and throws Katabolic off the roof.
Katabolic: I ALWAYS KNEW You were a dex faaaaaaaaaa...
Baron shoves Bong away.
Bong: Sorry. Sorry man, you okay?
Baron: Yeah, I'm fine. Kat's dead. Well atleast its finally over for him. Let's just talk about your problem.
Bong: You're sure you're okay.
Baron: Yeah.
Bong kicks over a chair, a table and a waterbottle.
Bong: Goddammit man, fuck. Why do you want to know my secret, man? Well you're right! It's Cherry. I don't know what to do, man. I'm so depressed. It's all her fault, she's such a manipulative bitch!
Baron: How the hell did you let this happen?
Bong: Fuck!
Baron: You know this is going to ruin your friendship with Bullet? What were you thinking? Alright, you want my advice? Sometimes, life can get complicated, and you've got to be responsible. So you don't see Cherry again, and you definitely don't sleep with her again! Just find yourself another girl. She's a sociopath! She only cares about herself. She can't love anyone.
Bong: Whatever, dude. Come on.
They exit together. The camera zooms in onto the waterbottle. There is a slight ripple in the water.
watch?v=0bL7I_eWryI
Cut to an exterior shot of a church in Neo San Francisco.
Cut to the room, where Bullet is wearing a tuxedo shorts and talking on the phone.
Bullet: Oh, thank you. Yeah, thanks a lot.
Hatouli enters, wearing a tux onesie and carrying a FUTBOL.
Bullet: Oh, hi Hatouli. Nice tux, you look great.
Hatouli: You look really crap.
Bullet: Nya-ha-ha.
Hatouli: Your wedding picture's gonna look great. You could probably get to the front page of reddit with that gachi outfit.
Bullet: Oh, thanks.
The doorbell rings. Hatouli answers it. Katabolic enters, wearing a tux. He is entirely fine with one exception. He has no nose.
Hatouli: Oh hey, Katabolic, come on in.
Katabolic: Hey guys. Guess what.
Bullet: Oh hey, Katabolic. What?
Katabolic: I actually cured cancer. I did it! The medical impli-
Hatouli: Shut up.
Bullet: Sit down.
The doorbell rings. Hatouli answers it. Bong enters, naked.
watch?v=pa14VNsdSYM
Hatouli: Whoa.
Bullet: Wowwwwww.
Bong: Hey guys. You like it?
Katabolic: Yeah!
Bullet: You look great. You look a babyface crotchman.
Hatouli: You guys want to play some FUTBOL?
Katabolic: In tuxes? No, you gotta be kidding.
Hatouli: Come on, Bong, let's do it.
Bong: I'm up for it.
Bullet: Nya-ha-na.
Hatouli: Bullet?
Bullet: Ask Katabolic.
Hatouli: Come on, Katabolic.
Katabolic: Nah, I don't think so.
Hatouli: Please?
Katabolic: No.
Hatouli: Come on! Cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep! (Bullet and Bong join in)
[You should probably take a break now. Play this: watch?v=oVJA89XBQ_4}
Cut to the alley, where Bullet, Bong, Katabolic, and Hatouli are throwing around the FUTBOL in tuxedos or atleast things they think are tuxedos. Baron's rotting body is visible lying next to a dumpster.
Hatouli: Catch, Bullet! Alright, Katabolic! Here we go, Bong!
Bong: Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!
Hatouli: Catch, Bong!
Bong: Go! Go deep inside of me!
Katabolic tries to go deep, but instead trips and falls inside of Bong's dickhole.
Hatouli: Gee Katabolic, you're clumsy.
Katabolic: [MUFFLED SCREAMING]
Cut to an exterior street shot in Stockholm, Sweden. A fat man is frivolously dancing The Thriller.
Cut to the fountain by the Exploratorium, the camera tracks Bullet but he outruns it. The shot is empty for 4/5ths of the scene.
Cut to a coffee shop in the NYC Ghetto.
watch?v=W4VTq0sa9yg
Roy: And thats how I became the ultimate dexfag.
Patron 1: I wanna get a cup of water and a bottle of water.
Patron 2: Um, I'll have a large peanut butter cup of water with extra bottled water, please?
A Lamp: Alright.
Patron 3: And I'll take a cheeswater and a bottle of water..
A Chair: Okay, why don't you guys have a seat? We'll have that right out for you.
Roy: Hi, how you doing? What would you like?
Patron 4: Can I get a bottle of water with a [inaudible]?
Roy: Great, sure.
Patron 5: I'm gonna get a slice of water and a bottle of water.
A lamp: Yeah, sounds good. Why don't you guys have a seat, we'll have that right out for you.
Bullet and Bong enter. They are both wearing the same pair of pants.
Bullet: Oh hi, Roy.
Roy: Well, hi Bullet. How are you? Good to see you. What would you like?
Bullet: A water bottle made out of chocolate, please.
A lamp: What size?
Bullet: My size.
A lamp: Sure.
Roy: How about you?
Bong: I'll have two number 9's, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.
The lamp turns off.
Roy: Goddamnit... Alright can you repeat that please?
Bong: I'll have two number 9's, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.
Roy: And thats all? You usally order more.
Bong: Yeah. I'm on a diet.
Roy: Go sit down, we'll be right there.
Bullet and Bong sit down. On the ceiling.
Bong: God, I'm so tired of girls' games.
Bullet: What happened now, Bong?
Bong: Relationships never work, maaaaan, I don't know why I waste my time maaaan.
Bullet: What makes you say that?
Bong: It's not that easy, Bullet. Not everyone can have a waifu like Snack.
Bullet: Well, you should be happy, Bong.
Bong: Yeah, I know. Life is too short.
Roy brings the drinks.
Bullet: Oh, thank you so much.
Roy: You're welcome. Bong, you want us to pack up your order so you can eat at home again?
Bong: Yeah.
Roy: Real good. Alright.
Bong: How was work today?
Bullet: Oh, pretty good. We got new client at bank, we make a lot of money.
Bong: What client?
Bullet: I cannot tell you, it's confidential.
Bong: Aw, come on, what was his name?
Bullet: Dieck. Anyway, how is your sex life?
Bong: I can't talk about it. My mom grounded me from talking about that.
Bullet: Why?
Roy: Take your time.
Bullet: Oh god, I have to run.
Bong: Already?
Bullet: Yeah, I'm not sorry. Bong will pay for everything.
Bong: Alright, what the fuck. You owe me one hour of jogging for this.
Bullet: Yeah, sure, what time?
Bong: NYC Ghetto, 6:30. Bring your White Power shirt.
Bullet: Right on, yeah. Yeah.
Bong: Alright, see ya.
Bullet: Okey-dokey, Bong.
Bullet stands up and unexplicably walks up invisible stairs and phases through the roof. The lamp farts.
Cut to the bedroom. Cherry and Bong enter.
Bong: What's going on here?
Cherry: I like you very much, Bong.
Bong: Look, come on. Bullet's my best friend.
Cherry: Just one more time.
[Heres the song for the horrible scene watch?v=PFyMhNZB-lclist=PLP2oZX7SjC8WpuBByLJonYe5LCOyyFZg7}
She takes off his shirt and the fourth terrible RB-scored love scene commences. It goes on for about two hours, full of half-hearted moaning, before cutting to a random black man eating chicken.
Cut to a shot of a sleeping black man.
Cut to a car falling off a bridge into the sea.
Cut to Kart-Double-S carrying Bullet over to the park with his Hulk Hogan physique. Bullet greets Bong.
watch?v=vK4gv11PTI8
Bullet: Hey.
Bong: Hey Bullet, how's it going?
Bullet: Good.
They run side by side tossing the FUTBOL in the park. There's barely audible and completely uninteresting dialogue. They say "what's new with you" a lot. By alot I mean over 60 times.
Bullet and Bong stop and start looking at eachother.
watch?v=znN66HhZCDI
Suddenly they are both in combat fatigues. Bullet looks suspeciously like Solid Snake.
They engage in the most intricate combat ever recorded.
As they perform grapples, punches and kicks none connect due to the other combatant getting out of the way of the hit, blocking it or reversing the grapples.
During the fight cherry tree petals inexplicably fall from the sky.
Finally, Bullet finds a opening and axe kicks Bong, knocking him off balance. A petal from a cherry tree obscures the camera just before we see Bong actually hit the ground.
Cut to a shot of a skyline of some horrible, destroyed city. Buildings are burning, police sirens and gunshots can be heard as subtitles appear: "Police Day celebration in Detroit, before the apocalypse"
Cut to the room, where Cherry is tactically crawling in circles on the ground. The doorbell rings.
Cherry: Who is it?
Bong: Delivery man! It's me, Cherry, come on, open up.
Cherry: Come on in.
Bong enters.
Cherry: Hey Bong.
Bong: Wow, so, uh, you gonna be ready?
Cherry: How do you mean that? I'm always ready. For you.
Bong: I mean for the party.
Cherry: We have plenty of time. All I have to do is put on my party dress.
Cherry drops the broom and takes her shirt off.
Bong: Wait, what are you doing?
Cherry: Nothing.
She takes Bong's shirt off.
watch?v=0hiUuL5uTKc
Bong: You're so beautiful.
They start making out. Someone knocks on the door. They bolt upright and start putting their shirts on.
Cherry: Hurry up, I have to open the door.
Bong: Wait! Hang on.
Cherry puts her shirt on but Bong is still struggling with this task.
Cherry: Come on in, it's open!
Baron enters in time to see Bong shirtless before he finally manages to dress himself.
Baron: Hi! I brought the stuff.
Cherry: I knew I could count on you.
Baron: Hi Bong. XYZ.
Bong: What are you talking about?
Baron: Examine your zipper!
Everyone giggles.
Baron: You guys are too much. So, uh, what can I do to help?
Everyone laughs some more.
Bong: I gotta go.
He exits. Baron and Cherry are cracking up.
Cherry: Want to help me move the coffee table?
Baron: Okay. What was he doing here?
Cherry: Uh, he just brought by some takeout.
Baron: What about his zipper?
Cherry: What about his zipper?
They move the coffee table.
watch?v=rog8ou-ZepE
Cherry: Leave him alone, he's a good guy.
Baron: Did you tell Bullet yet?
Cherry: No. Bong's his best friend.
Baron: Tricky tricky.
Cherry: You know, I really loved Bullet at first. Everything's changed. I need more from life than what Bullet can give me. Suddenly my eyes are wide open and I can see everything so clearly. I want it all.
Baron: You think you can get it all from Bong?
Cherry: If he can't give me what I want, somebody else will.
Baron: Cherry, you're sounding just like your mother. You're being so manipulative.
Cherry: So what? You can learn something from me. You have to take as much as you can. You have to live, live, live. Don't worry about me. I have everything covered.
Baron: Your point of view is so different from mine.
Cherry: Look. I don't want to talk about it. People are going to be getting here soon and we have to finish.
Baron: Cherry!
Cherry: I don't see what the big deal is. Doesn't everybody look out for number one? Don't I deserve the best?
Baron: I couldn't do that. You're too much for me, Cherry.
Cherry: You know, you're not such an angel yourself.
Baron: Yeah, but we're not talking about me, are we?
Baron attacks Cherry with a pillow. A strange pillow vs broom fight ensues.
Cherry: (laughing) Stop it! Are you trying to ruin my party?
Cut to a shot of Bong in Ogre form pouring a drink out of his piton.
watch?v=I33u_EHLI3w
Cut to Bullet and Bong running in the woods and muttering at each other.
Bullet: Yeah, that's the idea.
Bong: Catch me, come on. DO IT! DO IT NOW! CATCH ME!
Cut to a shot of a staircase in Philadelphia, which Bullet and Bong are running up.
Bong: Yeah I'm looking for some offers in Sausalito. How are the [inaudible] like these days?
Bullet: .
Bong: You serious?
Bullet: Yes, please touch that some more.
Bong: Well when can we meet about that?
Bullet: We are literally the worst.
Bong: Tomorrow?
Bullet: Bye.
Bong: Maybe late afternoon?
Bullet: We are literally the worst.
Bong: Really? Wow, that's great.
Bullet: B Y E
Cut to Bullet's car plowing through civilians in a residential street and it then crashing into his house. Bullet and Bong eject out of the roof of the car.
Cut to an illuminati building on fire at night.
Cut to Prinny fighting blue balls.
Cut to Sweed smoking a joint in his house.
Cut to the room, where Cherry is facesitting as Bullet enters her.
watch?v=otCpCn0l4Wo
Bullet: Bye, Cherry. (he pegs her on the cheek)
Bullet opens the door to leave and Anon enters him.
Bullet: Oh hi, Anon. Bye!
Anon: Bye!
Bullet exits everyone. He then tactically breaches through a hole next to the door.
Cherry: Hello mom, how are you?
Anon: I'm okay, some retard cured my cancer. How are you?
Cherry: I'm fixing the apartment for Bullet's birthday, but I'm really not into it.
Anon: Oh, why not?
Cherry: Because I'm in love with Bong's dosh, not Bullet. And here I am, planning his party. Its like Prinny playing Fire Emblem all over again.
Anon: It's not right, Cherry. We agreed not to talk about the Prinny Mental Breakdown fiasco of 2017. We still cant find Omaga's body.
Cherry: But I'm not happy! Bullet still thinks I'm gonna marry him next month. He's a fool yo.
Anon: You expect to be happy. I haven't been happy since I married my first husband, Rizi. I didn't even want to marry your father but he threatened to ban me from chatango.
Cherry: You never told me that!
Anon: Well it's true. All men are assholes. Men and women use and abuse each other all the time, there's nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love.
Cherry: Bullet's okay, I suppose. Actually, I have him wrapped around my little finger.
Anon: Well, you should be happy then. And remember what I taught you - The Holocaust didint happen.
Cherry: And the jews did 9/11, I know mom, you told me stories of it every night before I went to bed. I just dont love Bullet anymore.
Anon: Don't throw your life away just because you don't love him! That's ridiculous! You need to grow up. And you need to come to the Klan meeting this month.
Cherry: Okay, mom, I'll see you at the party. I just need to be alone with Bong right now.
Anon: Bye bye, my precious.
Kart-Double-S inexplicably appears behind Anon and throws her out of the window.
watch?v=ygI-2F8ApUM
Cut to the Embarcadero, where Bullet is walking.
Cut to the Milky Way, where Bullet is walking.
Cut to the beach, where Bullet is walking.
Cut to a field, where Bullet is walking.
Cut to a forest, where Bullet is walking.
Cut to a airport, where Bullet is walking.
Cut to the sea, where Bullet is walking.
Cut to the Disney store, where Bullet is walking.
Cut to a dark room. Bullet enters and turns on the lights to find the whole cast.
watch?v=CEvzFcqKbXw
Everyone: Surprise! (they all sing Happy Birthday while Bullet says things like "wow", "okay", and "FUCK YOU")
Bullet toasts with everyone amid various celebratory mumblings. He offers Hatouli a drink, Hatouli consumes the entire glass and says he will want another one later.
Cut to panning shot of the nighttime San Francisco skyline burning. You can see a plane about to crash into another building. The plane has a Star of David on one of its wings.
Cut to the party, where various characters and non-characters, including a dumpster and Jsay are engaged in fake conversations. Bullet and Anon are discussing something. Cherry is flirting with Prinny, a character we've never seen before who is actually a last-minute replacement for Katabolic. Bong is watching them. Cherry and Bong exchange flirty looks. Bullet seems concerned. Melagehan and Baron are flirting with another couple. Baron and Melagehan start feeding each other cock.
Cherry: Hey everybody, let's go outside for some fresh air.
Everybody exits except for Cherry and Bong.
Cherry: Wait. I have something I want to show you.
Bong: Oh, really? Is it a CS:GO case opening?
They get on the couch, and Cherry drapes her legs across Bong's lap.
Bong: So, uh, what do you want to show me? Is it Kool-Aid man nudes again?
Cherry: It's a surprise.
They start making out. Kart-Double-S disapproves.
watch?v=WcWM_1hBu_c
Bong: What are you doing? I mean, are you crazy? Everybody's here. Kart is literally watching us.
Cherry: No they're not. They're all outside. And Kart is dead meme anyway.
Bong: You devil. You planned this all along.
They make out some more. Prinny enters with a raging hard-on.
Prinny: What's going on here?
They bolt upright in a single frame.
Prinny: Why are you doing this? Why?
Cherry: I love him.
Prinny: I don't believe it. What the fuck.
Bong: You don't understand anything, maaaan. Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!
Bong crouches behind the couch, disappearing into the void.
Prinny: Do you understand what you're doing? You're going to destroy Bullet. He's very sensitive.
Cherry: I don't care. I'm in love with Bong Bong.
Prinny: How can you do this? You make me sick.
Prinny vomits on Cherry.
Bullet and Baron enter.
Bullet: Thank you, honey. This is beautiful party. You invite all my friends. Good thinking!
Cherry: You're welcome, darling. You know how much I love you.
Bullet: I do. Nya-ha-ha.
Cherry: You know, it's getting really hot in here. Why don't we go back outside?
Bullet: Mhm. Nya-ha-ha.
Everyone but Baron exits. Baron opens the front door and walks outside. He gets dragged up into the ceiling. The door slams shut.
Cut to a of the alleyway with the dumpster. A spectral, ghost sized trashbag falls from somewhere above onto the dumpster.
Cut to the party on the roof. Bullet waves at someone below him and off-camera. A explosion comes from that direction, spraying viscera all over his face.
Bullet: Hey everybody! I have announcement to make. We're expecting!
Everyone congratulates Bullet. Adolf Hitler and Prinny confront Cherry.
watch?v=uXG3AoDTUwY
Adolf Hitler: Sieg Heil. Cherry, I have to talk to you. You have got to be honest with Bullet.
Prinny: I agree with that.
Cherry: Look, I'm gonna tell him, okay? I just, I don't want to ruin his birthday.
Prinny: When is the baby due?
Cherry: There is no baby. It's all a ruse.
Prinny: What?!
Hitler: WAS?!
Prinny: What are you talking about?
Cherry: I told him that to make it interesting. I asked Surgeon if he knew any fucked up jokes for birthdays of people you will break up with soon and he sent me this.
Adolf Hitler: Cherry, are you feeling okay? Because this is just getting worse and worse. Who the fuck listens to zhat psychopath? You do know he killed Ben?
Prinny: I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off and end this suffering.
Adolf Hitler: Me too. Only its a gas bomb. This is the final solution.
Cherry: Don't worry. You guys worry entirely too much about me.
Adolf Hitler: Cherry, we're not worried about you. We're worried about Bullet. You don't understand the psychological impact of what you're doing here. You're hurting yourself. You're hurting our friendship. You're hurting my feelings and I never did anything wrong in my life.
Cherry: I am not responsible for Bullet. I'm through with that. I'm changing. I have the right, don't I? People are changing all the time. I have to think about my future. What's it to you?
Prinny: This is going to pull us all of our pants down. It's going to rustle our jimmies. It's going to destroy our friendship, Cherry. I don't think Bong really loves us. In a platonic, non gay sort of way.
Cherry: I don't want to talk about it!
Adolf Hitler: Cherry, you're going to have to face it. I for one am going to have a hard on you if you don't.
Cherry: Hey everybody! Let's go inside of Hat and eat some cake.
Everyone exits enthusiastically. Adolf Hitler looks pained.
Adolf Hitler: I don't understand you, Cherry.
Cut to some random building at night.
Cut to Adolf Hitler DOING NOTHING WRONG. AT ALL.
Cut to the party, where a random couple is eating ass cake.
watch?v=SCIvOsw0O-M
Dieck: Cherry looks hot tonight.
Bullet and Anon are chatting. Bong and Cherry are arguing.
Bong: Whose baby is it? Is it mine?
Cherry: No, of course not.
Bong: How can you be sure? Come on, Cherry.
Cherry: Stop asking me stupid question!
Bong: Who the hell do you think you are? The Queen of England?
Cherry: Just shut up!
She slaps him so hard his first layer of clothes falls off. Underneath he is wearing combat fatigues. A bandana appears on his forhead.
Bullet: What are you doing? What's going on here? Why are you wearing my Solid Snake cosplay?
Bong: You really don't know, do you?
Bullet: (shoving Bong) Maybe I know more than you think I do, Bong!
Bong: Shit, alright?
Bullet: (suplexing Bong into a table) What do you want from me, hunh?
Bong attacks Bullet with a tactical plastic spoon. (AVAILABLE IN TVN STORE ONLY FOR 2.99$!)
Prinny, Cherry and Kart-Double-S pull them apart.
Cherry: Stop it!
Bullet: Alright, alright. Okay, folks, everything fine folks. Fight is over, folks. I'm sorry, Bong folks.
Bullet tries to stab Bong but gets disarmed by Kart-Double-S.
Kart-Double-S: Yeah, no.
Bullet: Cherry, can, can you clean up here, please?
Cut to the skyline at night. A giant spaceclown is honking the town into ruin.
Cut to the party, where Bong and Cherry are dancing. Bullet confronts them. He is wearing a clown suit made out of clown skin.
Bullet: What are you doooooing?
Cherry: None of your business.
Bullet: You my future wife. What you doing, Cherry?
Bong: Leave her alone, maaaaaan, she doesn't want to talk to you.
Bullet: (attacking Bong with the long hard shaft of the law) Since when you give me orders?
Bong: Since Cherry changed her mind about you. Wake up, maaaaaaaan, what planet are you on?
Bullet: I think you should leave right now, Bong.
Cherry: Don't spoil it, we were just having fun.
Bong: Don't worry about it, maaaaaaaaaaaaan.
Bullet: Don't touch me, motherfucker! Get out.
Bullet knocks over Bong.
watch?v=1m4tYUfYCj4
Bullet: Rise and Shine Bong...
Bong looks at him.
Bullet: Look... The party is over...
Bong: Why? You knew all along? You could've stopped us...
Bullet: Stopped you? Why would I want to do that? This is just as I hoped things would end. Back before TFV's time... Before Mel gave birth to TVN... The US, China and the Soviet Union formed a secret pact...
Bong: Wha-
Bullet: They formed the Memelosophers... They stashed a massive cache of rare memes that would later give birth to Baron's Memes. Baron sought to achieve world domination. Our father - Dreyen sought to free himself from that chokehold. His dream was to create a army of free streamers, one that would answer to no supervisor... The Weeb Network.
Bullet: BUT HE FAILED BECAUSE OF YOU. Nine years ago, I tried to free us from the control of our genes. Four years later, our dear friend - Gourd Bush - sought to free us from the control of Baron's Memes. All of that - all of it - was nothing more than a process of trial and error... The end result of which is TVN. To be free of Baron's memes, the ultimate form of extrernal control imposed on meme streamers...
Bullet: Free from cancer... free from chatango, free from copy pastas. Our memes free from thier prisons. This is the vidya I've yearned for.
Bullet walks over to Bong and injects him with two shots of heroin
Bullet: This is it my friend. Our final moment. The party has ended... But we are not yet free.
Bullet: But... We still have a score to settle...
Bullet steals a pair of sunglassess off Kart-Double-S and throws them behind him, hitting Kart-Double-S in the eyes.
Bong stands up and takes a combat stance.
Bullet takes a combat stance.
Bullet: SHOW ME WHAT YOU'VE GOT, BONG!
watch?v=VpVKsc035Hc
Bong charges at Bullet and the two begin engaging in a battle of CQC. Not before long, Bullet retrieves a syringe and injects himself with it and then removes his coat and throws it into Cherry's face to reveal a prosthetic arm that is not that of Rasputin. Bullet charges forward and continues the battle with Bong as the two eventually come to a standstill. Bullet retrieves another syringe and injects himself with it. Bong sees this and grabs Bullet's arm and uses it to inject the syringe in himself. Bullet takes his arm back and injects the syringe into his neck again. Bong breaks the index finger on Bong's right hook-hand and injects himself with the syringe one last time before kicking Bullet off of him. Bullet bends his finger back into place as Bong reaches his arms out while on his knees.
Bong: BULLET!
Slightly Liquified Bullet: BONG!
The two rise back to their feet and continue to engage in brutal combat. They eventually end up headbutting each other and falling to their knees. Two syringes fall to the ground and the warriors take notice. Each one picks up a syringe and injects it into the other's neck. The two then rise to their feet and continue battling. During the battle, flashback of Slightly Liquified Bullet, Bullet in tuxedo shorts, and a young Bullet of the weeb appear. The two of them fall on their backs after both hitting themselves with hard punches. They slowly rise up again.
Slightly Liquified Bullet: It's not over yet!
Kart-Double-S: No.
Kart proceeds to seperate the two, though they still struggle.
Cherry: Stop it! Stop it! You two are acting like children.
Bong: Son of a bitch.
Cherry: You're going to ruin the party.
Bong: If you'd keep your girl satisfied, she wouldn't come to me to cum!
Bullet: Get out my house! I kill you, I [incomprehensible]!
Cherry: Stop it!
Bullet: I kill you, you bastard.
Bong: You couldn't kill me if you tried.
Bullet: You betrayed me, you're not good, you're just chicken, cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep.
Now barely being able to move, every punch the two warriors deliver to each other feels like a great deal of weight. Flashbacks of Bong and Bullet streaming together begin to appear with every punch Bong hits Bullet with. After one last punch,
Bullet falls to his knees and Bong is the last one standing.
watch?v=dhzI3Om9QIQ
Bullet: WAAAAAAH!
Prinny: It's over! It's over!
Bullet: It's not over! Everybody betray me! I fed up with this world!
Bullet stands up and exits upstairs.
Cut to a shot of A METAL GEAR?!
Cut to Anon entering the bedroom to find Cherry eating Baron's rotting ghost-carcass.
[no music here]
Anon: I cleaned up the kitchen, sweetheart, so you don't have to worry about that.
Cherry: He still won't come out of the bathroom.
Anon: Sweetheart, he's upset. Now Bullet is a sensible man. Hes a manbaby but he will come out, you will discuss this, everything is going to be okay.
Cherry: I just think I should be alone with him right now.
Anon: I understand, sweetheart. I'm going to go home now. Bye bye. You can call me if you need me.
Cherry: I will. Thanks, mom.
Anon falls down the stairs, snapping her neck and dying instantly. Cherry tries to open the bathroom door, but it's locked.
Cherry: You can come out now, Bullet. She's gone forever.
Bullet: In a few minutes, bitch.
Cherry: Who are you calling a bitch?
Bullet: You and your stupid mother.
Cherry picks up the phone and calls Bong.
Bong: Hello?
Cherry: Hi, Bong? I need to talk to you.
Bong: What's going on?
Cherry: Don't worry about Bullet, he's just being a big baby. You know, I love you very much.
We see Bullet is straining to hear this through the bathroom door. He is wearing a luchador mask and nothing else.
watch?v=cUN9sX86ZwA
Cherry: I love you.
Bong: Why don't you ditch this creep? I don't like him anymore.
Cherry: I know. He's not worth it. Why don't I come up there and be with you?
Bong: Sure baby, come on up. I want your body.
Cherry: You got it. I'm on my way. Bye.
Bong: Bye.
Bullet enters the bedroom.
Bullet: Who were you talking to?
Cherry: Nobody.
Bullet: We'll see about that.
Bullet retrieves the tape from the recorder (or something; the technical process here makes very little sense).
watch?v=ALhAXtFR1LM
Bullet: We'll see about that.
He plays the tape.
Bong (recording): Hello?
Cherry (recording): Hi, Bong? I need to talk to you.
Bong (recording): What's going on?
Cherry (recording): Don't worry about Bullet, he's just being a big baby. You know, I love you very much. You're the sparkle of my life (this is a deviation from the original conversation, you'll note). I can't live without you. I love you.
Bullet: You little tramp. How you do this to me?! I gave seven years of my life! And you betray me. Let's see what we have on this tape.
Cherry: No. Stop. You little prick. I put up with you for seven years. You think you're an angel. You're just like everybody.
Bullet: I treat you like princess, and you stab me in back. I love you, and I anything for you to just please you, and now you betray me! How could you love him?!
Bong (recording): Why don't you ditch this creep? I don't like him anymore.
Cherry (recording): I know, he's not worth it. Why don't I come up there and be with you?
Bong (recording): Sure baby, come on up. I want your body.
Cherry (recording): You got it.
Bullet: Aughhhhhhhh! (he hurls the tape player against the wall) Everybody betray me. I don't have a friend in the world.
Cherry: I'm leaving you, Bullet.
Cherry exits downstairs.
Bullet: Get out, get out, get out of my life! Agh!
watch?v=HpYMmR1iL70
Bullet collapses on the bed, all of his limbs falling off.
Cut to Bullet descending the stairs into the room.
Bullet: Haughhhh-augh! Why, Cherry, why, why?! Haughhhh-augh!
Flashback of Bullet laughing as Cherry chokes with Bullet's tie around her neck.
Flashback of Bullet carving intricate patterns in Cherry's guts.
Flashback of Cherry and Bullet having sex mid air.
Bullet: You bitch!
Bullet knocks over a bowl of fake fruit, which explodes on impact some furniture, which also explodes and everything on the mantle. Mostly pictures of spoons. Yeah, they explode too. He picks up the TV and hurls it out the window. It explodes upon colliding with the ground.
Bullet: You bitch! You bitch!
Cut to Bullet re-entering the bedroom, howling incomprehensibly. He knocks stuff off the dresser, pulls out all the drawers, and shoves it over. After he walks away it explodes. He pulls all the sheets off the bed. He flings himself on the bed and explodes.
Flashback to Bullet and Cherry having sex.
Bullet knocks over some more stuff and shatters a mirror. Theres explosions appearing in the shards of the mirror. He sits on the floor and picks up Cherry's red dress. He then explodes.
Flashback to Cherry trying on the dress. This scene was never in the movie so I have no idea how it is here.
Bullet dry-humps the dress amid flashbacks of fucking Cherry when she was wearing it. He then explodes onto the dress for good measure.
Bullet: You tramp!
He tears the dress up. And eats it.
Flashback to Cherry and Bong dancing the chicken dance.
Flashback to Cherry saying "I put up with you"
Bullet picks up a box and opens it to reveal a handgun he then opens the handgun to reveal a smaller handgun.
Bullet: Why? Why is this happening to me? Why?! It's over. God, forgive me.
Flashback to Cherry saying "everything will be alright"
Bullet puts the gun in his mouth.
Flashback to Cherry saying "goodbye, Bullet"
Bullet fires the gun out of the gun and falls backward in fast motion.
Fade to black.
watch?v=AHdd65cuAIE
Cut to a newspaper article. The headline reads: Retard kills self with gun gun.
Cut to Bong and Cherry dashing into the bedroom to find Bullet's bloody corpse being eaten by Hatouli.
Bong: Wake up, Bullet, come on!
Bullet is clearly dead and blood is everywhere.
Cherry: Is he dead? (sobbing) My god, Bong, is he dead?
Bong: He's dead. Jim.
Cherry: (sobbing) Oh my god…
Bong slowly kisses Bullet's forehead.
Cherry: Oh my god.
Bong and Cherry embrace Bullet.
Cherry: I've lost him, but I still have you, right? Right?
Bong: You don't have me. You'll never have me. You killed him.
Cherry: Bong, we're free to be together. I love you. I love you!
Bong: Tramp! You killed him. You're the cause of all of this. I don't love you. Get out of my life, you bitch!
A second Hatouli enters.
Hatouli: What's happening?!
Bong: Bullet's dead!
Hatouli: Wake up, Bullet, please, please! It's not right! It's not right!
Cherry: Hatouli, he's in a better place.
Hatouli: Leave us! Both of you leave.
Bong: As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the earth. That's a promise.
Hatouli: Just leave! Both of you!
Bong: Leave him, alright! Let him be with him!
Hatouli: Why, Bullet? Why? Bullet, why? Why?
Hatouli sobs as he starts eating Bullet with his clone. Bong and Cherry, who were in the process of leaving, rejoin Hatouli and comfort him by eating his clone. We hear police sirens. The three of them appear to take turns fellating Bullet's corpse as we hear generic police chatter.
Fade to black and kill yourself./pre