Here I lay in the clovers in his garden. Enjoying the seconds I will have here, listening to the eerie songs of the blue jays and mocking birds. Today, their songs feel especially devastating. The sky today is filled with gray clouds, slowly drifting over head. Just as a drizzle started and the bird songs stopped, I let my tears escape my moist eyes. Silently sobbing. Letting out all of the built up sadness of the past years slowly drain out of my body and soul. Though crying will not erase the past, and tears will not erase the pain in my heart, I feel as though it will help me survive the hell I'm living, even just for a day.

….The sky soon broke open, and huge drops of rain came crashing down on my damp body. Loud and thunderous clouds boomed over head. Then deciding to let out all of my agony, I screamed out pain in to the weeping sky. I let out all the pain and resentment I felt out into the open. I let all of the horrid nights and never-ending nightmares escape my lips, in loud devastated sobs.

The rain kept pouring, as so I kept weeping. The hot tears that fell from my eyes were erased from my face by the cold comforting rain.

I can never un-erase the nights of pure fear and terror. I can't take back what I have lost, or prevent the disastrous future. I can never even think about escaping this place…..

The sky burst out into a thunderous scream, as I let out a devastating cry.

This man took everything I've ever had away from me.

My mother, father, sister, brother. My home, my security.

THIS PIG TOOK MY FREEDOM! STOLE MY VIRTUE. TOOK EVERYRTHING I HAD !STOLE ME AND KEPT ME AS HIS LITTLE SLAVE! EVERTHING I HAVE EVER LOVED WAS DESTROYED RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. And I become cold, and dirty. Emotionless and ghostly.

I wailed into the shrieking sky. Wishing I could spontaneously disappear through a large pitfall underneath me and sleep peacefully, for the rest of forever. For then, would I at least have me, for myself. And pretend to have everything I've lost come back to me. But as soon as I started to calm down and pretend, he was standing over head with a leash and caller. My time was up, and it was time to start again. And I was sucked back into my pain and expressionless face. To feel nothing, is to also feel everything. As he placed the caller around my neck and dragged my me back to the horrid satanic evil place, the only thing I could feel…was shame, and self loathing.