This was written for AnnaBlume/mondfuchs, because she's possibly the sweetest person every and her Royai art is completely amazing! It's more serious than most of what I've written, but hopefully still enjoyable!
The creaking of the door woke Roy up, rousing his conscious from where it lingered on the border of sleep and awake. He scooted over in his bed, making room as the door clicked back shut and the light shuffling of bare feet against hard wood echoed through the room. He heard Riza sniffle a bit as she pulled the covers back and quickly slipped under them, curling her body up against Roy's back.
Roy wondered if Master Hawkeye knew that, after whatever had been routinely occurring between him and his daughter downstairs, Riza snuck into Roy's room for comfort. He wondered if Master Hawkeye cared.
The first night Roy had been woken by the screaming, he had immediately leapt from his bed to fly down the stairs and beat his fists against the door to Master Hawkeye's study. Master Hawkeye had opened the door an inch, telling Roy to go back to sleep, that everything was fine. It wasn't until Riza's face had appeared in the crack to convince Roy that everything was, indeed, fine that Roy relented to returning to his room. But he had noticed the tear stains running down her face while she insisted that nothing was hurting her.
Later that night, Riza had crept into his room, her usually-stoic eyes filled with tears, begging him to let her stay so that she wouldn't have to be alone. Roy had asked again if Master Hawkeye had hurt her, but she insisted that her father hadn't done anything that she hadn't agreed to.
"I'm helping with his research," was all she would say about what was occurring in Berthold Hawkeye's study.
Now, Roy knew not to ask about it, even though it occurred almost every other night. That first night, Riza had sobbed herself to sleep in his arms, flinching away any time he tried to embrace her beneath her shoulders. He had felt powerless, able only to hold her lightly and kiss her tears away from her cheeks until she was no longer awake. Tonight, she quietly sniffled against his back, her face buried in his shoulder and her thin arms wrapped around his torso. Roy let out a deep breath, trying to ignore the swell of her breasts pressing into the bare skin of his back through her thin nightgown. He tried to pretend that they were still the kids that they had been when he had started his apprenticeship, when she was the country girl trying to teach the city boy how to manage in a rural neighborhood. He tried to pretend that most people wouldn't think her sneaking into his bed at night was anything but appropriate and that he was trying to take advantage of her. He tried to pretend that nothing was hurting her, that she came in because of nightmares that had been plaguing her for weeks now and not because the father she claimed to love was doing something that caused her to cry out in pain.
Roy brought his hand up and squeezed her hand, letting her know he was there for her. He knew it was a lie, though; his mind had been made up for over a month about joining the military, not that he had told the Hawkeyes. Master Hawkeye had stopped teaching him new material months ago; if Roy was honest with himself, the reason that he didn't leave and join the forces as soon as possible was the girl wrapped around him now. Despite Riza's claims that her father wasn't hurting her, Roy couldn't bear the idea of leaving her alone with the man, who seemed to be steadily losing his grip on reality. Roy would leave for the army when he no longer heard Riza's muffled screams from the floor below at night, and when she didn't come up to his room for comfort immediately after.
Riza's warm, steady breath tickled the back of Roy's neck. She was asleep. Roy relaxed and started drifting back to sleep, trying to ignore something that was becoming painfully obvious to him: he loved her too much to leave her now.
The damaged skin on Riza's back was still hot when Roy brought his lips down to kiss it. Riza, her consciousness still threatened by the pain, flinched beneath his touch.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, placing a new cold rag over the burns. Water dripped from the rag to travel down the rest of Riza's back, making her shiver when it reached the base of her spine.
"Don't apologize." Riza's voice was raspy, her throat dry from her own involuntary screaming only hours before. Her back still felt like it was engulfed in flames; the pain refused to abate, no matter how many cold cloths Roy brought to ease the heat out. Riza almost wanted to ask Roy to cut the burns off with a knife; any pain would be an improvement on the ceaseless burning. Her fingers dug into Roy's mattress, clenching at any loose fabric. Roy had already replaced the pillow beneath her head, the original soaked from her screaming and tears.
In a moment, a glass of ice water appeared in front of her. "Drink," Roy insisted, helping her sit up. He sat next to her, giving the right side of her body something to lean against. The rag, having already warmed, fell onto the bed, forgotten. Roy tilted the glass against her lips, urging her to open them to swallow the water. Riza knew that the water would be a relief on her throat, but she wasn't sure she could keep anything down at the moment. Reluctantly, she took a sip. Three seconds later, she coughed it back up. Tears formed in her eyes at the additional pain. "I'm sorry," she gasped, noticing that some of the water she couldn't keep down had landed on Roy's lap.
Roy shook his head. "It's okay." He set the glass down on the bedside table, one arm still around her shoulders to help her stay upright. He reached up and brushed her bangs out of her eyes. His hand was still cold from holding the glass, and Riza found herself leaning in to it. Noticing, he paused, letting his hand cup her cheek until the cold seeped out of it.
"Thank you, Roy," she whispered, closing her eyes against his touch. Saying his name out loud again still felt strange; she had become so accustomed to using military titles in Ishval that she had occasionally wondered if they would ever address each other casually again. The moment Riza had entered Roy's apartment, however, Roy had insisted that they address each other as friends once more whenever they were alone together. She knew that it was his way of removing the formality of the situation; she also suspected that he worried she would resent him for the pain he caused if the act were anything other than that of a friend. No matter how many times Riza had tried to impress upon him that she wanted this, and that any pain was her own fault, she could tell that Roy wanted to shoulder the blame for her injuries. She could feel Roy watching her now. She opened her eyes to see him frowning, worry creasing his brow.
"I only burned enough that it should be unusable to anyone who tries to study it, so a large portion of it is still there. There's a mirror in the bathroom, if you want to see. If you don't think it's enough then-"
A violent, involuntary shudder overcame Riza. Roy's grip on her shoulder tightened, panic briefly replacing the worry on his face. His grip remained firm even after Riza's body began to relax.
"If it's not enough, then we'll find another way. Together."
Riza nodded, overcome with exhaustion. She let her head fall against Roy's shoulder. He leaned down and kissed her forehead before burying his face in her hair. She enjoyed the touching; it was a welcome distraction from the pain. It wasn't easy, but if she focused enough attention on the way Roy smelled or on how his thumb now stroked the skin on her bare shoulder, she could almost forget about the way her back still felt like it was being licked by flames. Almost.
"I want to see it," she heard herself say. She sat up straight and looked at Roy, who nodded as he released her shoulder. He stood, immediately turning to offer his hand to support her as she got off the bed.
"Can you walk?"
"It was my back that you burned, not my legs."
"Your body is in shock. Let me help you."
Riza sighed as she leaned against him. He was right - her legs began shaking the moment she put weight on them. She hadn't noticed that she had yet to unclench the muscles throughout her body since the burning began. Roy momentarily looked like he was at a loss as to what he should grab to support her walking form, since anything that involved his arm crossing her back was out of the question. She began to stumble, and he caught her just below the elbow. He frowned again.
"I'm carrying you."
Riza jerked her head away. "What? Roy, no-!" In an instant, she was in the air, her legs supported by one arm at the knees with the other arm supporting her shoulders just above where she had been burned. She hissed at the pain caused by her skin stretching. Agitated, she glanced up at Roy. Oddly, he was staring straight ahead, wide-eyed, his face entirely crimson. "Roy, what's wrong?"
"I, uh, didn't think this through," he stammered, walking across the room to the bathroom.
Riza suddenly became very aware of how completely topless she still was. The blush on her face soon matched Roy's. "Really, Roy. You've been perfectly professional about it up to this point, but you really do still have the mind of a school boy!" She sighed. "And you saw them back when you studied the tattoo, anyway," she muttered.
"You've... grown some."
"Roy!"
He set her down in front of the floor-length mirror in his bathroom, holding her steady as she craned her neck to observe the reflection of her back. She gasped. She had no doubt that Roy had been very careful in cleaning the wounds, but it still wasn't a pretty sight. She had wanted the tattoo to be destroyed, but the ugliness of the raw, red flesh still shocked her. Roy was right - he hadn't burned much, but it was sufficient. She had trouble believing how burns across such a small area of flesh could hurt so much; seeing them now only made her that much aware of the pain. She looked away, suddenly nauseous.
"Yes, that's enough." She reached up and circled her arms around Roy's neck, resting her face against his chest to thwart off the dizziness. Something warm dripped on her shoulder. Surprised, she looked up at Roy's face, just as another tear descended and landed on her cheek. "Roy..."
"I've hurt you." His eyes were hooded, avoiding making contact with Riza's. "Back when I used to hear your screams at night, which I now know was your father tattooing his research onto you, I would lie there and swear to myself that I would never make you scream like that. I swore that I would never hurt you the way he did. But, today..." His words were choked off in a quiet sob. He pressed his forehead against Riza's shoulder, his tears running down her collarbone.
"Shh," she whispered, stroking his hair. "I'm okay." She brought her hands down, cradling his face. She brought her lips to his wet cheek and kissed right below his eyelid. "It was my idea, and I'm glad for the pain." His eyes met hers, confused, as she pulled her lips away. "People have suffered because of this tattoo. My suffering - our suffering - can never compare to theirs, but getting rid of it is a step in the right direction. So, if you must cry, I'd rather you cry not because you hurt me, but because you hurt them."
Roy nodded, pulling his face out of her hands. He looked exhausted, and Riza realized just how stressful it must have been for him to control the flames so that they wouldn't injure her severely. He moved to gently pick her up again. "You should rest now, Riza."
"And you. You need to sleep."
"I'll take the couch once you're settled. I want to put more disinfectant on your wounds, and see about bandaging it up a bit."
Riza shook her head. "You should sleep on the bed. Next to me." She looked up at him. "Please? I just want to be able to reach out and know you're there. I need to know you're there."
Roy looked dubious for a moment, but relented with another nod. Riza sighed, relieved. If she could focus on his breathing, on his touch, maybe she could forget the pain and sleep at last. If she could remind him that they were in this together, perhaps neither of them would have to feel like they were alone in this.
Roy grumbled as Riza led him through the door of her apartment, collapsing on the couch with a huff. The resulting pain in his side from his rough movement led him to immediately regret the action. Even so, he still thought it was drastic that the hospital demand he stay with someone until the puncture wound in his side no longer pained him. If he was healed enough to leave the hospital, he should be healed enough to take care of himself. But he did suppose that staying with Riza beat staying at the hospital any longer. Roy grimaced as he thought of Havoc, now alone in the room they had shared. He still refused to accept that Havoc was paralyzed.
Riza set the two bags she had carried in down on the coffee table; one bag was of medical supplies from the hospital, so that she could care for Roy's wound in its final stages of recovery, and one was of clothing they had picked up from Roy's place. Roy imagined that he probably looked as defeated as he felt when RIza glanced at him.
"You take the bed. I'll be fine on the couch for a few nights."
"But-" It was bad enough that Roy had to be taken care of; he disliked the idea of putting Riza out of her bed even more.
"Every time you sleep on my couch, you fall off and wake up on the floor. I don't want you opening your wound back up."
"We can share the bed. It's not like we haven't done so before."
Riza blushed, looking at the wall to avoid eye contact. "Things are different now, Roy. Besides, sometimes I lash out in my sleep - I wouldn't want to hurt you."
"Or I could go home and sleep in my own bed, and call you if I need anything, which I doubt I will."
Riza shook her head. "You can hardly get dressed still without crying out in pain. And you need someone to change the bandage. And someone to help bathe you."
"Bathe me?"
"Preferably today - you smell like a hospital."
Roy instinctively crossed his legs. "I'm not sure how comfortable I am with you helping me bathe." Childhood friends or not, he was her superior officer; this entire situation was completely lacking in decorum.
Riza clicked her tongue. "Remember that time we went skinny dipping back when you were my father's apprentice? I've seen it all, Roy."
"We were kids; it doesn't count! You were still flat!" Roy could feel heat spreading from his neck to his face.
"You've seen my chest several times."
"It's not the same! And each of those times, I was focusing on your back!" Roy's blush continued to deepen. Not that he hadn't noticed how well-endowed Riza was, but to be fair he had recognized that the task on hand each time was more important that ogling his former teacher's daughter, no matter how much he liked her.
Riza leaned back against the kitchen table, eyeing Roy skeptically. "For a man who goes out with as many women as you do, you sure are being conservative." Her eyes widened. "Unless-!" She stood up straight and walked over to him, sitting next to him on the couch so that she could look him square in the eye. "You don't sleep with them!"
Roy gulped. Riza knew most things about him, but he had yet to fill her in on how his dates with his foster mother's "girls" were just meetings set up to exchange information. He clenched his fists. "A man can seek the company of women at his leisure and enjoy himself without being sexually involved, you know." It wasn't that he didn't occasionally sleep with women, but that he would never sleep with Madame Christmas' women; they were like sisters to him. And the women he did date had a tendency to grow less interested around the fifth time he mentioned how amazing his lieutenant was.
"Unbelievable." Riza fell back into the couch cushions, the corners of her mouth tugged up in a grin.
"Riza..."
"Don't worry - I won't tell anyone. I wouldn't want to tarnish the reputation of Amestris' most notorious womanizer!"
"You're amused by this?"
"Extremely. Especially now that I know that most of the stories you tell the guys in the office are fabricated." Riza glanced up at the clock on the wall. She stood up, stretching as she did so. "Take your shirt off, Roy."
Roy's eyes widened in shock. "Look, I know we've liked each other for a while, but don't you think that right now is a bit inappropriate?" Roy was stammering. "I'm still wounded, after all!"
Riza rolled her eyes. "It's time to change your bandage."
"Ah." Roy unbuttoned his shirt as he stood. It had only been a few hours ago that Riza had helped him put it on before they left the hospital. "By the way, thanks. As much as I complain about not needing help, thanks for being willing to do this." He focused on the buttons, trying to avoid eye contact. It was as close as he was going to get to admitting that he potentially needed help.
"I know you would do the same for me. You have done the same for me, and more. It's the least I can do, really."
Roy involuntarily flinched at the memory of her scarred back. Having recently burned his own flesh, he shuddered to imagine the pain that Riza had gone through when he had burned her. He felt a twinge of guilt as he realized how much more graciously Riza had accepted his help then than he was accepting hers now. He tried to turn his attention back to taking off his shirt. Removing his arm from one sleeve was easy enough, but he immediately hissed in pain when his tugging of the other sleeve stretched his side. Riza's cool hands were immediately there to guide the sleeve off his arm. Before he could thank her, her quick fingers were already working on removing the bandage.
With the bandage removed, Riza paused, staring at the wound in Roy's abdomen. Roy noticed her worried frown.
"You watched them change the bandage in the hospital over a dozen times. I'm sure you can re-bandage it expertly."
Riza shook her head. "It's not that, it's-" She took a deep breath, her eyes beginning to water. "This is the first time I've been so close to it since that night. It reminds me of how close you were... we both were..." A tear rolled down her cheek as she looked away from the wound and into Roy's eyes. "When I thought you were gone, my whole world turned black." Riza turned and reached for the bag of medical supplies that she had set down earlier. She and Roy were both silent as she cleaned the scarred flesh and rewrapped it. Roy watched her, focusing on her face.
The moment Riza stood, Roy wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips to her cheek, the salt from her tear lingering on his lips. He felt her tense up before relaxing into him. "In the future, don't believe I'm dead until you see a body. And if you do, don't mourn me until you're out of harm's way." He pulled away a bit and stared into her eyes.
"But-"
"That's an order, Lieutenant."
Riza pressed her lips together and nodded, her mouth forming the ghost of a smile. "Yes, sir."
Roy leaned his forehead against hers and sighed, relieved. "Good."
"But I have order for you, as well, sir."
Roy's eyebrows shot up and he pulled away, looking at her incredulously. "Riza, you can't-"
"Don't die." Riza's stare was hard and serious. "You're even more useless to me dead than you are in the rain. So don't die."
Roy watched her unwavering expression for a moment before nodding. "Understood."
Riza smiled, her gaze softening. Roy cupped her face in his hand, bringing his lips down to meet hers. Her arms pulled free of his embrace, reaching up to tangle her fingers in his hair.
Roy broke away first, bringing his lips up to her ear. "When my side is healed, I'm considering taking a certain Elizabeth out to dinner. Do you think she'd like that?"
"I'm sure she'd enjoy it very much, sir," Riza whispered back. "But she might find it unfortunate that you don't go home with your dates."
Roy chuckled. "Exceptions can be made," he murmured, before kissing her again.
The hospital room door clicked closed as Riza and Roy's visitors left.
"Are they all gone, Riza?" As nice as it was to have the team visit, Roy had found himself craving privacy after only a few hours.
"Not a chance!" A gleeful voice snickered back. Roy sighed.
"Go away, Fullmetal. Go use your new arm."
"Yeah, yeah. I'm going. Wouldn't want to interfere with your alone time with 'Rizaaa!'" Roy listened to his heavy boots shuffling toward the door. He had slipped up, and Elric was unlikely to ever let him hear the end of it. "Goodbye Lieutenant Hawkeye! Hope Colonel Jackass doesn't give you too much trouble!"
"Goodbye Edward; it was nice seeing you! Tell Alphonse to visit as soon as he's walking!"
"Will do!"
Roy tried his best to glare at Edward Elric as he left, letting the door slam behind him. "As glad as I am that he saved the world, he can still be a brat sometimes."
"You're fond of him, though."
"He's like the annoying nephew I never had."
Riza chuckled. Roy listened as she got off her cot and gracefully stepped across the room to his own. The covers were soon lifted and replaced, her body pressed close against his. It wasn't unusual for the nurses to walk in and catch them like this; they had learned not to comment or chastise the pair for it after the third or fourth time. Riza's lips met Roy's in a short kiss before she rested her head on his chest. He could feel her warmth, smell her, taste her, and hear her, but his inability to see her was driving him mad.
"How is your neck?"
"Better. It still hurts to turn my head in either direction, but the doctors said that the risk of the wound reopening is very slim. And your hands?"
"They're sore, but I can clench them into fists now without difficulty. They should be more or less back to normal in a few days."
Of course, each of them knew all of these things. They both listened intently whenever a doctor came in to examine them, each eager for the other's recovery.
"And your eyes?"
Roy hesitated. Every ophthalmologist who had been brought in had been unable to do anything for his vision. "Black. Unchanged." He played with a strand of Riza's hair, soft and silky between his fingers. "The cruelest part is that I still dream in images. In my dreams, I can see everything, and everyone. I can see you." Angry, frustrated tears built up in his eyes. "Every time I wake up to darkness, it's like my sight's been taken all over again." He gritted his teeth, the tears spilling onto his cheeks. "But I'm worried that one night, I'll go to sleep and my dreams will also be black. What if I forget what it is to see? What if I forget your face?" Roy didn't think he could ever forget Riza's face, but he found himself overcome with fear. Ever since he had almost lost her on the Promised Day, every new form of separation between the two of them had felt like losing her all over.
Roy's face was suddenly covered in soft touches, butterfly kisses from Riza's gentle lips. "If you forget, I'll remind you." She kissed his mouth, her lips salty from kissing his tear-soaked cheeks. He felt her take his hands in hers, which she brought up to her face. He ran his thumbs over her brows, her cheeks warm beneath his palms. "And if you're worried about forgetting, all you need to do is reach out, and I'll be here."
Roy found himself smiling as he leaned forward to kiss her again. "Promise?"
"Promise."
He wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him, pressing his mouth to the nape of her neck and breathing in her scent. When the door clicked open, he assumed it was a nurse coming to check on them, and didn't move.
"Just getting the jacket I left. Didn't mean to interrupt something." Edward Elric whistled as he stomped back into the room. "Don't mind me."
Roy felt Riza sigh against him, "Goodnight, Edward."
Roy growled against her shoulder. "Word gets out about this and you're dead, Fullmetal."
"Yeah, yeah - just remember to use protection."
If Riza hadn't been on top of him, Roy likely would have launched himself at the former-alchemist, but the door had already clicked back shut as Edward left.
"Just like an annoying nephew," Riza repeated Roy's own words in his ear. Despite the interruption, Roy found himself smiling. Cupping Riza's face, he brought their lips together once more.
Feedback is both helpful and appreciated (and encourages me to write more)! Please tell me what you thought!
