A Tale of Two Schemers
PART 1
Chapter One: Much Ado About Something
I blankly drew little swirls around the edges of my parchment as Professor Slughorn droned on about the effects of some remedial herb.
"…what you can do with it next is grind it into a fine powder, which helps it to dissolve faster in your potion; however you need to also be wary of this…"
My eyes drooped and I got bored with my doodles, instead I took to just tapping my quill on the surface of my desk. My eyes simply wandered over the room as my head came to rest in my hand. To my right there was a kid completely passed out, his mouth hanging wide open with his head tilted back. I frowned as I watched drool start to run down his unconscious face. In front of me were two girls, one was doing the other's hair into a braid while the other painted her nails. Right beside me there was a guy who pulled out his gum and stuck it underneath his desk while looking around cautiously. I pretended not to notice.
I turned my head away from these people and tried to zone in back to Slughorn.
"…you see, toads can be mixed with it, however, St. Mungo's has banned the concoction due to too many incidents which I won't go into full detail about…"
The sound of a quill quickly scratching out words onto parchment met my ears and I looked a row ahead of me to see Severus Snape writing down all of what Slughorn was saying. I rolled my eyes. I always prided myself on studying hard and getting good marks, but Snape always got a better grade than everyone in this class.
As I watched the git, I came to realize that maybe paying attention to every bloody second of Slughorn's monologues was what gave Snape the advantage over me. I also discovered that if that's what it took to get the highest grade, Snape could have it all to his bleeding self. There was no way I would sit in Slughorn's class for over an hour and not take a few road trips into dream world. It was simply not plausible to me.
"….be careful if you try this though, boils are not something you want to get on your skin…"
As I continued to watch Snape, a small noise from the back of the classroom caught my attention.
My gaze flattened when I saw who had made it.
The walking stooges; or 'Marauders' as they preferred. If there ever was such a thing as teen royalty in this school, it would be them.
James Potter: the quidditch star, with good looks.
Sirius Black: rich playboy, with good looks.
Remus Lupin: yet another class genius to complete with, with good looks.
Peter Pettigrew: sidekick to first two, certain cuteness to him, maybe he'll be handsome if he ever hits puberty.
Yada yada yada; you get the point.
Now as I watched them I gave a mental sigh. I knew from experience that within the next two minutes, the Marauders would do something that would ultimately result in some part of Snape catching on fire, to which the same old "shit hitting the fan" routine would begin.
Let me describe what I saw that told me this was about to happen.
As per usual, Potter and Black were sitting together, both whispering hurriedly to each other while sending the occasional glances to both Snape and Slughorn. Lupin had his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as he muttered a few words here and there to the conniving two, to which the said two would ignore. Pettigrew would interject every once in a while, but mostly just sat there listening to Potter and Black with adoring eyes.
As they concluded phase one, i.e. Black and Potter both leaned back in the chairs with smirks plastered on their faces, I checked my position in the room. Snape was on one side of the classroom, the Marauders were on the other. I was sitting in the middle.
Usually not a good place to be…
I leaned back in my chair slightly and estimated where the line of fire would be. I also had to take into consideration that the likeliest of girls to go into panic mode and start trampling people in their haste to get out, were sitting right in front of me.
My gaze flattened as I realized my predicament.
"...what you want to look for when picking them is a tinge of yellow to the green leaves…"
Then came the subtle smell of burning robes.
Shit.
"…you do not want to pick ones that are a dark green however as they…"
My eyes snapped over to Snape who was still writing down every word of Slughorn's precious speech, oblivious to the fact that the hem of his robes was now smoking. I debated for a minute if he had simply become immune to the smell, as it did happened frequently, or that he was instead such a teacher's pet that he couldn't tear his mind away from Slughornland for two seconds and back to the reality that he was on fire.
I settled on the latter thought.
As I finished my ponderings, I looked to Slughorn and saw that he had finally noticed that something was amiss in his classroom. He had stopped his droning and was instead sniffing the air in confusion. Everyone else in the classroom seemed to snap out of their daydreams and were also looking confused as to why the professor had stopped his sleep enhancing lecture.
Idiots.
Honestly, this routine happened almost twice a week; why were they puzzled?
I glowered at the stupidity of the room and shoved my textbook into my bag as I prepared to leave. I gave one last look to Snape, who had finally lifted his head from his notes and was now looking at Slughorn perplexed, before shouldering my bag and shifting in my desk so that I could exit swiftly once everything went to shit again. I let out an annoyed huff and looked to the door.
And then Snape's robes went up in flames.
"It could've been worse, you know," Marlene told me, idly filing her nails in the chair next to me.
She sounded completely unfazed by the current situation, as if it was just a regular event that occurred on a daily basis. Which technically it was, but that was beside the point. The point was I was not in the mood to be patronized after having a horrible, life scarring event befall me.
My fiery gaze landed on her, and she rolled her eyes when she saw it, "what? You're not dead, are you?"
My eye twitched at the casual brunette sitting next to me. Marlene McKinnon was not someone who jumped to theatrics easily; instead she would just watch on the sidelines as catastrophes, such as this, occurred to the people around her, looking on with a dull expression and muttering sarcastic words as only a true sadist could. That was my best friend in a nutshell.
"My wrist is broken you chit!"
I never said we had a healthy relationship.
"Oh hush," Madam Pomfrey admonished as she tended to my broken wrist, "I'll have this fixed in a second."
I turned to glare at the nurse now. Again, beside the point. Where was the sense of justice and fairness in this room? Did it run off with the sense of rationality? Fine. I would handle the injustice on my own.
"I'm going to kill them. All of them." I seethed.
"Miss Watson…" Pomfrey warned, her eyes narrowing at my attitude as she raised her wand and began healing my wrist.
So now she cared about students trying to kill each other? Great timing, no really, just brilliant.
"It's not the bimbos who set Snape on fire, Jack; they only trampled over you in fear." Marlene told me as she put down her nail file casually and sat back in her chair, "you can't blame the chaos, only the cause."
"I wasn't talking about the bints!" I received another warning glare from Pomfrey to which I yet again ignored, "I was talking about the bloody causes!"
"Language, Miss Watson…"
Oh, take a pill.
"Oh yes, you taking out the Marauders," Marlene said dryly, "I can see it now."
"I'm serious!" I protested and then promptly let out a painful cry when I felt my bone crack back into place. I snapped my eyes to Madam Pomfrey indignantly who only raised an eyebrow, as if daring me to complain. I swear the faculty here has it out for me.
"You'd be dead before the end of the day." Marlene continued, causing me to begrudgingly look away from the sadistic nurse and cradle my now fixed, but sore wrist. "The fan club would probably poison your evening pumpkin juice before you even had time to bury the bodies."
"Then I'll come back and haunt their arses."
I swear I saw Pomfrey roll her eyes before she walked away from us.
"You need better life goals." Marlene tutted.
I shot her another withering glance and then slid to my feet from the edge of the hospital bed, leaving the hospital wing with a strong desire to kill, or even slightly maim, a Marauder.
My eyes nearly caught fire as I watched with complete loathing as Potter took a seat next to Lily at supper, his goons following suit with Black taking the vacant spot next to me. Beside me Marlene dully put her hand over my wrist and pushed it down so that the fork I was gripping tightly returned to the table before I could lash out and shove it in the boy next to me.
Wee bit homicidal these days it seems…
"If your only reason for taking the spot on the bench next to me is to give yet another insignificant, pathetic plea for me to go to Hogsmeade with you, Potter, I suggest you return your mouth to its closed position before I once again trample over all of your apparent hopes and dreams with my incredible ability to see into the future and tell you what my response will be."
This carefully worded dialogue caused me to break out of my furious daze and turn to raise an eyebrow at Lily.
Apparently I have poetic friends.
The red haired girl said this all without even glancing at the boy who had his mouth half opened in attempt to greet her, and she only tiredly looked up when she had finished her little speech, waiting for him to respond. Potter blinked twice, his expression frozen from the time when he sat down.
"That's what I thought." Lily stated, regarding him with a look of distaste before returning to her notebooks that were scattered about her, her plate of food lying nearby forgotten.
"Who said we even wanted to take you bints?" Black questioned, drawing my attention back to the admittedly gorgeous, but egotistical grey eyed boy sitting next to me. "I just came here to eat."
His death was imminent.
"My flower is not a 'bint', Sirius." Potter was out of his Lily induced coma.
"Fine," Black rolled his eyes, before nodding his head in my direction, "Jack can be the bint."
His eloquence did nothing to sooth my anger. I had loathed the git since first year, ever since he 'accidently' pushed me in the lake after I told him he was an idiot for believing that there was a giant squid in the lake that fed off at least two first year students each year. Needless to say, it was the start of a long enmity. Throughout the past six years, his arsehole self just continued to grow, and I couldn't help but dislike him more as he was always 'pranking' somebody. Of course there was also several times where those stupid pranks would end up affecting me. Today for example…
"I'll show you bint, you wanker," I growled, and Marlene let out a breath of annoyance as she grabbed onto the loose end of my tie and pulled me back away from the boy I intended to strangle.
Lily had continued to study at this point while Potter sat there awkwardly serving himself dinner, and Lupin and Pettigrew were already eating their meal and chatting casually. I swear nothing fazes these people. Granted, these exchanges between our groups had become almost routine. I mean, Lupin, Pettigrew, and Marlene were keeping out of the arguments between Black and I as per usual while Potter tried to seduce Lily with impeccable failure every time. Why we even bothered with each other was a mystery to everyone. I only ever willingly joined up with them for quidditch, but besides that, it was really James Potter who forced us all together. He would seek out his 'Lily-Flower' and the rest of his precious Marauders would follow. Each time it would end with somebody getting bitched out and we would eventually drift back apart, only to start the same process hours later. Yes, we are all idiots.
"Violence is not a solution, Jaxiel," Black simply tutted, deliberately reaching in front of me with languish as he retrieved a biscuit from the table.
I ignored the jab at him using my real name and instead stared at his arm moving in front of me like a disgusting bug. Meanwhile a fan girl from the Hufflepuff table growled lowly to herself about me not being worthy of being in his, 'glorious yet intimidating presence'.
Future Minister of Magic right there, folks.
"It's Watson, Black." I snapped at him, slapping his hand out of my personal bubble and causing him to drop his biscuit back onto the table.
He didn't even acknowledge that I said something as he watched with a frown as his bloody pastry rolled off the edge of the table and landed on the ground. He sat looking at it for a moment before focusing back on me.
"That was rude." He pointed out, bringing his gaze back to mine, "You should work on your manners, Watson."
"I will hurt you." I threatened.
He scoffed, his stupidly perfect black hair tossing back slightly as he did so. I swear he used seven different potions a day on it. Nobody has hair that perfect.
"What did I ever do to receive such hostility?" He questioned, making a point of grabbing another biscuit and shoving a piece down his throat before I had the chance to swat it away again. My nose went upturned in disbelief, and in disgust, due to how fast he had inhaled the piece of food. I tried to ignore his obnoxious eating habits and focused on how much I hated him.
"How about breaking my bloody wrist?" I questioned, "Is that a big enough reason to break through the stupidity barrier of your brain and qualify as a reason for hostility?"
"Let it go, Jack…" Marlene commented, idly picking the raisins out of her oatmeal cookie.
"Breaking your wrist?" Black quirked an eyebrow in confusion. "What sort of rubbish is that? I haven't even touched you."
"You caused it, you daft git!" I said furiously, "You're the one who caused the stampede of panicked bints to run me over!"
He gave me a blank look, "Huh? I thought you were the bint?"
Castrating him in his sleep was always an option as well.
He looked to James who answered the unspoken question as he swirled his spaghetti on his plate while pathetically sending small glances at Lily.
"Potions, mate."
"Ahhh."He drawled back in realization, "Now I remember,"
Lightbulb.
If only it would catch fire now and blow up his thick head. Oh happy day…
His voice brought me out of the happy thought, "Yeah, sorry Watson, still can't recall laying a finger on you, let alone breaking one of your bones."
My threshold for conniption fits always seemed to lower when Sirius Black was around. It was like he had this secret ability to connect with my being, run through my veins, produce a surge of energy, and give me a very strong, desperate desire, to stab him repeatedly with a blunt spoon. This time was no different.
"You sent Snape up in flames, you twit!" I blew up finally, "You caused everyone in the bloody classroom to come charging towards the door, which was where I was at! You caused the random bint to trample me!"
He blinked twice.
"I didn't even touch you." He repeated finally, taking yet another biscuit.
I couldn't even say anything for several seconds; beyond outraged at the wizard oblivious to his impending death.
"I'll bet you two galleons that she socks him within the next two minutes." Mary MacDonald nudged Marlene.
"That's a given at this point." Marlene responded dully.
I didn't even glance at the two as I kept my flashing green eyes on Black, "Don't you give me that bullshit! You broke my wrist!"
"Again, no physical part of my body touched you,"
"Does this face look like it gives a flying rat's ass about technicalities?!"
"Oh for bloody– you know what? There. That's me touching you, see the difference?"
...
"GET YOUR HAND OFF MY ARSE!"
Slap.
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT FOR?"
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU DEMEANING PI–"
"Oh for crying out loud," Marlene growled, finally having enough and physically getting up and dragging me from my chair, "That's it! I'm done! We're moving to a different seat!"
I was pulled roughly from my seat and I protested indignantly at the raven haired girl. Then I noticed Black had a hand to his reddening cheek and was muttering curses under his breath while shooting me dirty looks. My eyes narrowed even further and I grabbed a biscuit off the table as Marlene pulled on my other arm and I chucked the pastry straight at the insufferable git's face. I watched in victory as it hit him directly between his stupidly gorgeous grey eyes and then bounced off his perfect nose.
Stupid Black.
"Don't give me that look. I'm just saying you could exhibit a little bit more self-control. I'm not asking you to join Slytherin or anything, relax."
My glare did not change as I looked back at Marlene from my place on the floor of the common room. She sat behind me on one of the couches surrounding the crackling fireplace, my essay for Transfiguration laying forgotten on her lap as she stopped halfway through proofreading it to complain yet again about supper. I huffed out a breath and leaned back against the couch and stared at the fire instead. And she thought I was the one who couldn't let things go.
"So you had to sit with the first years for dessert, big deal. Must I remind you that Black was the one who sat next to me?" I questioned in annoyance.
Admittedly, sitting with the first years wasn't something many people wanted to do. They were still getting over the novelty of the feasts we got every day and deemed it necessary to stuff in their mouths everything they could see at once. Watching them choke on their own meal while also spitting out pieces of mauled food as they shouted needlessly to one another, was not exactly something you wanted to witness while trying to eat your own supper. However, sitting next to a wizard who never outgrew this stage of life wasn't a life goal for me either. Cough, cough, Black, cough, cough.
"You didn't have to slap him and cause a scene," Marlene countered, no doubt giving a pointed look at the back of my head, "Just once I would like to eat a meal in peace."
"He bleeding groped me!" I hissed, twisting back around to look at her again, completely scandalized that she could forget that wee bit of information, "I should have hexed his sorry arse instead of just slapping him!"
She raised an eyebrow, "He barely touched you, let alone 'groped' you."
My eyes narrowed slightly and I simply shook my head as I looked at my best friend, "I was molested."
She rolled her eyes in response and simply lifted my essay back up for her inspection, "We already knew he was a pervert, Jack, it's nothing new."
I knew I wasn't going to get any sympathy from her so I blew out air through my nose and looked back to the fireplace again, "Just read the bloody essay."
She seemed to heed my request as she didn't say anything for several minutes. My attention soon switched to looking around the empty common room. Most of the house was up in the dorms, either getting ready for bed or studying. It was only a week in to the new school year and already the senior years were getting piles of homework, hence the essay Marlene was proofreading. It was already seventh year for us; our last year at Hogwarts before we had to actually go out and get a life. How and where, few of us actually knew. The past year had shown that the wizarding world was getting darker and darker, and it seemed to make the entire graduating class rethink their life plans. Not that I had any plans in the first place.
I thought back to the conversation I had had with my mum over summer break. Being a muggle, she didn't understand why I was scared to make any plans after school, and kept insisting that I get some sort of idea in my head so that I didn't end up sitting on my arse for the next year wondering what I should do. I did see her point, and I would get a job, but whether I would start looking for career options was an entirely different story.
I let out a sigh and leaned my head back against the couch, looking up at the ceiling.
"Is that a word smudged out or an actual word?" Marlene questioned, handing the scroll over to me.
I absently took the scroll and squinted my eyes to see the spot she was pointing at.
"Do you need your glasses?" She asked dryly, watching as my face scrunched up.
"I can see just fine," I growled in annoyance, always bothered when she brought up my slight inability to read up close. Truth was, it was my horrible penmanship that was the main factor of why I couldn't read it, "It's a word… I think…"
"Don't you dare 'Lily-Flower' me!"
Marlene and I both looked up to see Lily storm into the common room from the portrait hole, her face an angry shade of red as James Potter trailed after her, his own face a mask of confusion.
"How the bloody hell am I to blame for that worthless snake's actions?" Potter questioned, but Lily ignored him as she ran straight up the stairs to the dormitories, "We have rounds in half an hour! You're head girl! You can't ignore me forever!"
"Watch me, you bastard!" Her angry yell came from somewhere up the stone stair case, and I could hear the slight choke to her voice. Lily didn't cry easily, so whatever Potter did, it had affected her. I felt my entire body go into battle mode.
"What the hell did you do to her?" I demanded, dropping my scroll to the floor and getting to my feet as I narrowed my gaze on the frustrated boy across from me.
"Jack," Marlene tried to intervene.
Potter stopped running his hands agitatedly through his already messy hair and turned to look at me with a glare of his own, "What did I do? Well that's bloody typical isn't it? It's always me to blame, never that snivelling friend of hers! I'm through with the lot of you!"
Before I couldn't even think of a cutting reply, he turned around and went back out of the common room, the portrait slamming shut behind him. The Fat Lady would be unimpressed for the rest of the week. That was not the reaction I was expecting though, and it left me stunned for a moment. I blinked twice before turning to look at Marlene, "What just happened…?"
"Dear old Snape called his beloved friend a mudblood." A voice dripping with dark sarcasm replied, and I spun around to see that in all the commotion Black had entered the room and was currently leaning against a wall nearby.
"What?" I questioned, my voice sharp.
He pushed off the wall and walked closer towards us, "James and Snivellus got into a bit of an argument. A fight started up and Evans tried to stop James. Snape told her he didn't need any help from a mudblood. You can imagine where it went from there."
I heard Marlene take in a sharp breath from behind me, and I internally cursed Snape. After six years of Lily backing him up when we questioned their friendship and the arse goes and does this. Lily was probably already strewn across her bed crying, feeling completely devastated. I brought my hand up to my forehead and groaned.
Black's intense gaze on me brought me back to reality.
"What?" I asked impatiently.
He raised an eyebrow, but his stare was still as intense, "You're not going to go and castrate Snivellus?"
I shot him a dirty look, "No. That would only upset Lily more at this point."
He nodded to the side, "Well that would explain her attitude towards James at the moment."
"Idiot," I muttered, not really wanting to know the details of what the Marauders did to Snape.
"You know Evans very well, don't you?" Black suddenly questioned, causing me to look at him suspiciously as he still had that stupid intent look on his face.
You really had to have spent years with the Marauders to know that when they were thinking about something, it usually wasn't something you wanted to get involved with. You just kind of strayed towards the sidelines and hoped they wouldn't lose you even more house points than they already had in the past day.
I settled for the neutral response. "What's your point, Black?"
He took a step back and shrugged casually, "I just find that very interesting. It may prove to be beneficial."
Shit. That answer spoke volumes of trouble.
With that he backed away entirely and strolled up towards the dormitories without another glance back at me. I went to look to Marlene but she was already gone, probably up to the dorm to comfort Lily. Just hours ago we were all bickering at supper as always and now I was standing alone in the middle of the empty common room.
"What is going on around here?"