They sat together under the moonless sky, their eyes peeled for stars shining out from behind the clouds. It was cold; it was approaching winter. Caen had offered Ganna his cloak. The two sat close in the grass, wind gently flicking at them, both boys leaning back on their hands. They didn't exactly know why they'd come out of their homes, sitting here, watching the drab sky. There was nothing to see except darkness. Regardless of reason, they were here.
"I.. We never.. really talked about it," Caen murmured, glancing up weakly at Ganna. "I apologized so much but.. We never talked about it."
"..It?" asked Ganna, but he already knew.
"Mm."
Ganna glanced at the ground. "I suppose we didn't."
"I was.. despicable," he said quietly, feeling ill at the memory. "I didn't know what I was doing at the time, either. God.. Just-.."
"I kept.. Y'know, I kept saying it'd be fine," Ganna argued, shuffling a bit closer to his friend, looking at him concernedly. "I should've spoken my mind."
"Don't even suggest it was your fault," Caen mumbled, stopping Ganna from moving any closer with a strong hand to his shoulder. "I don't deserve what you think is comfort."
"Caen-.."
"Even when you spoke your mind I just.. kept you trapped," he grunted, pulling up his knees and leaning forward, leaning his folded arms on them. "Those thoughts and ideas I had were so poisonous," he murmured, leaning his head down as well. "You're better off forgetting about me and getting rid of me now."
"I don't want to do that," Ganna argued, watching him with a hint of sadness in his eyes. He glanced away, hurt. Hurt because talking about this was bringing back bad memories, and because he didn't want Caen to be sad. "I want you to stay."
"Don't even look at me," he spat quietly, gritting his teeth. "Can't you see I'm a monster?" Caen barked, glaring up with a wild glint in his eye.
"I don't think you-"
"Stop it!" he yelped, hands pressing over his ears. "Don't lie to me, Ganna! God, don't even try to defend what I did to you!" His voice was getting louder, and Ganna was admittedly frightened.
"Caen.." he murmured, at a loss of words. He'd never seen Caen in such a catatonic state. It was quite concerning.
"What if I do it again?" he asked softly, weakly, voice tired already from the little shouting he'd done. "What if I start acting like I did again?"
"You won't," Ganna reassured firmly, taking a deep breath and moving closer, pulling his thin arms around Caen and embracing him. "I believe in that."
"You don't know," Caen mumbled weakly. "Where's your certainty?" Ganna didn't have an answer.
It was quiet for a while, Ganna holding on softly to his friend and Caen staring dully up at the greyed sky.
"I trust you've changed, y'kno," Ganna said, breaking the silence. He looked up at the bulkier guy, who just glanced back with his one pitiful eye. "I can tell you're good now."
"I don't know if I can control how I act," he admitted very softly, running a hand through his hair and unmeaningly revealing his disgusting burnt eye. "Ugh.. I don't know how you can stand to even look at me after everything that I did."
"You.. Caen, you hurt me a lot, yes, and I can't forget that, but I can believe you're able to change." Ganna argued, gently bumping Caen's shoulder with his head. "I believe everyone is. Just like anyone else, I want to give you the chance to be better."
"I'm not even worth that."
"I think you are." Ganna replied firmly, looking up at him. Caen sniffed and turned his head, about to cry.
"You're too kind on someone who hurt you like I did," Caen muttered softly, wiping his eyes and looking at the ground. "I don't know how I could ever make it up to you."
"Just stay here," Ganna answered simply, softly, curling his thin arms around one of Caen's. "I want you here. I can see you're a different man now." Caen sighed and looked at his friend, a weak smile cracking onto his lips.
"Ganna?" called a sleepy voice from somewhere behind, accompanied by a young woman with bleary eyes and a yawning expression set hard across her face. "Ganna, it's the middle of the night.." she murmured, squinting in the dark to see who he was with.
"Ah.. sorry," he laughed quietly, letting go of Caen's arm and standing up, stretching out his spindly limbs. "I wasn't feeling so hot."
"That's alright," Suika mumbled, stumbling sleepily towards them, leaning against Ganna. He gently rested one hand on her head, and the other on her back. Caen only needed to look at them for a moment before he turned and made to leave.
"H-hang on, Caen-" Ganna called, turning his head, wondering if he'd said too much. Suika didn't like them hanging around each other. But chances were, she already knew it was Caen, even in the dark here. The only other guy as big as him was Norven, and he and Ganna weren't close at all.
Suika had flinched at the sound of his name, although, of course, she'd already known who Ganna was here with. Caen had stopped too, hand in his pockets and shoulders tense. "Um," Ganna murmured quickly, unsurely, letting go of Suika and skittering around to Caen, turning him around and pressing against him in a hug that seemed to end too quickly. Caen had let go earlier than Ganna had expected. "Goodnight," he said softly, looking down at his friend and flashing a meek smile.
"Night," Caen nodded, before turning and heading off.
Ganna felt fiery eyes on his back, and turned to see Suika glaring at him. She seemed to get like this a lot when he'd been chilling with Caen somewhere. "Why were you with him?" she mumbled, holding his arm and going back inside with him. "At this hour, too."
"I dunno," Ganna answered truthfully, although it sounded like a piss-weak excuse.
"You don't know?" she asked, clearly skeptical.
"We just talked," Ganna clarified. "About stuff. Y'know." Suika still seemed unimpressed. "About.. back then." There was a noticeable falter in her step. They went inside, and silently went up the stairs to Ganna's room. "You don't need to worry," he insisted, feeling as if he'd done something very wrong when she didn't even murmur a reply. "It's fine. I'm fine." They lay down together in their bed, Suika meekly putting an arm around Ganna's torso.
"I'm.. scared, I guess," she said softly, biting her lip. "Of him, of what he did to you, of you two.." she trailed off, not wanting to say any more, at least at this point.
"He's my friend," Ganna said, hoping to dismiss her problems with Caen. "He's not how he used to be, I bet my life."
"Don't joke about that," Suika muttered quickly. "If you're wrong it might just cost you your life."
Ganna creased his brow, sitting up a bit and looking down at her, clapping once and turning on the leaflights so he could see. "He'd never do anything like that."
"How do you know-"
"He wouldn't!" Ganna barked, hands balling into fists. After letting his anger out for a moment, he frowned, relaxing his muscles and glancing away. Suika had let go of him, shrinking back away from him. It was rare anyone saw him angry. It bothered her that he was the catalyst.
He kept his eyes off her, and sat up a little straighter. "I'm going to sleep downstairs," he murmured, upset at himself for getting mad.
"Please stay," she insisted softly, tugging at his shirt when he tried to move away. "Im.. sorry I made you mad."
"I'm sorry I got mad," he insisted, sighing and laying back down, clapping tiredly and turning off the lights. "I shouldn't have snapped at you."
"He's your friend, I'd get defensive of Conna." She argued, shaking her head and curling up against him. He was warm. Ganna said no more, just settling in with her, pressing his lips to her head, and wearily closing his eyes.