The song for this fic is Sam Tsui - Clumsy
I don't really know how this all started. One day I was breaking up things off with my fiance, the next I was dodging Team Flash, and then I had to train Ralph Dibny once we had gotten into the thick of things with DeVoe and the bus metas.
Ever since I ended things with Iris my life had swirled in chaos. My friends offered an ear on numerous occasions, I declined every time. What I was going through...They couldn't help me with it. Because of that, I risked losing everyone I cared about because of this secret I was not willing to come to terms with.
"Allen, what are you thinking?" Ralph asked. He swiveled in his chair across from mine. The lab was empty except for Caitlin tinkering at her station. "Pizza for dinner? Chinese? Oh," He wheeled closer. "Thai?"
I gave a slight shake of my head. "I'm not hungry."
He propped his chin on his clenched fist. "Isn't that like impossible for a speedster? Don't you have to consume about a billion calories a day?"
With a sigh, I logged out of the computer and pushed out of the chair. "Calling it a night."
"Suit yourself." He called after me.
The elevator doors opened with a ding. I almost ran into Iris as we both jockeyed for the opposite side of the doors. We awkwardly moved around each other.
"Sorry," I apologized.
"It's okay." She gave a convincing look like all of this had been okay with her. "You're heading home?" She paused. "To your place?" She rephrased.
I nodded. "Yeah, it's been a rough day." Or months.
She cleared her throat. "Okay," She bit the corner of her lip in thought. "If you need to talk give me a ring." Her eyes widened as her mouth formed an 'O'. "I mean call me." She backed away, then turned around.
I watched her leave knowing that I was breaking her heart and mine too. But there was nothing I could do. The doors closed and I rested my forehead against the wall. There really wasn't anything that I could say that would make her feel better about my abrupt calling off of the wedding and our lives together, something I had always wanted.
The thought of going to my new empty apartment, devoid of any touch of love left me feeling aimless. So I wondered the streets for hours until I ended up at a late night diner only meant for about five people to sit and eat really. There were a few people already inside so I ordered my food to go.
I sat at the window bar stools as I tried not to wallow. Times like these I wished I could get drunk again. Just for one night to alleviate the pain or the confusion. Just for one night.
My phone dinged with a notification from Grindr. I turned my brightness down as low as it could go, then opened it to read a message from a guy asking if I wanted to hook up.
Was I reduced to one night hookups as a curious man? Was it the worst thing possible if I couldn't even say the words?
"Guess you were hungry after all, Allen."
I jumped, then looked up at Ralph in the diner. I quickly locked my phone. "Hey," I tried not to sound guilty. "What are you doing here?"
He sat down next to me. "Can't a guy have a chili dog this late at night?"
My brow raised. "You get the runs if you eat anything greasy this late, something you've never failed to share with us." I found myself forming a grin at him from the memories.
He looked a little surprised but grinned back. "Okay, you caught me. I saw you in the window and wanted to chat."
My grin dropped. "About what?" I pulled away physically and emotionally.
He didn't fail to notice. "I'm not sure. Things have been tense lately. Actually, they've always been tense. With us."
I glanced at him but my eyes got locked on his brown gaze. "What do you mean?"
"I-I mean that we've never really made our bones with each other and if that's why you're in a funk then let me be clear, I'll leave the team." He shifted his eyes side to side until they focused back on mine. "If it's me, then I'll leave." His voice held a bit of fear and sadness.
As non-perceptive as he was, he sure picked up on that I was tenser around him. That wasn't under my control any more than the other thing was. But I couldn't tell him that.
I placed my hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to leave, Ralph."
He stared at me with vulnerable eyes. "So you don't hate me?"
I tacked on a grin as I squeezed his shoulder. "I wouldn't go that far."
He laughed.
I surprised myself by joining him. A lot about him had surprised me. The fact that he still had trouble coping with the case that lead to his termination those years ago that I had a hand in. The fact that he put up this front of world-class clown and jackass hybrid but really he was scared just like the rest of us. The fact that his eyes were light brown with flecks of green.
"Number fifty-two," The employee called.
I realized my hand was still on his shoulder, I removed it with a tight grin, then grabbed my order. When I turned back he already stood.
"I'll walk you home."
My face reddened. "Oh, that's not necessary. If anything, I should be walking you home."
He held the door open for me. "Alright, I live nearby."
Not what I meant but I didn't find myself protesting.
We walked side by side in awkward silence riddled with the need to fill it with anything.
My phone buzzed with another Grindr message, I cleared it from my notifications and pocketed my phone into my pocket.
"So you and Iris," He started. "What's going on there?"
My wall came up. "I'm not talking to you about Iris," I stopped walking. "This was a bad idea. I knew this was a bad idea." I avoided his eyes. "I'm going to go."
"Hey, don't be like that, Allen."
I walked in the opposite direction.
"Barry," The way he said my name filled with different emotions made me stop in my tracks. He walked toward me until he stood in front of me with worrisome eyes. "I wasn't trying to make you run away."
I cleared my throat. "I know. It's just I have to get up early in the morning and run some simulations-"
He grabbed the bag from my hands and started for his apartment. "Looks like you're not getting up early."
I watched him walk away with my chilidogs. "Ralph,"
"Either you follow or I down your dogs now." He opened the bag. "And we all know how the bathrooms will be backed up tomorrow." His threat wasn't idle.
I ran after him, not as the Flash, but as old school Barry Allen. "Hey,"
He dodged my attempts to get my food back with a grin on his face.
"Ralph, come on." I reached high and low but he stretched so I couldn't without my speed. I don't know if it was the lack of sleep or what but I found myself smiling. "Just," I climbed his body, but he was good.
He was highly pleased with himself. "I can keep this up the whole way to my apartment, Allen." He locked his eyes on mine. "Your choice." He knew that I wouldn't let him further risk his secret identity or mine by keeping up the charade so I agreed.
We continued our walk.
"How about a deal,"
I looked at him. "What kind of deal?" I felt a little heady, maybe it was the laughter. The serotonin that came with being momentarily happy.
"I don't ask you about Iris and you promise not to wig out on me about everything else?"
The time that I spent with Ralph was less time that I had to go to the apartment and be by myself. So why not indulge him?
"Deal, but I don't wig out." I protested.
His head whipped around. "You be wiggin, Allen. Hardcore." His tone serious.
I tried to hide the grin that came to my face but he was ridiculous. "Maybe you're right."
He pulled an arm around my shoulders. "Admitting it is the first step. Say it."
"I be wiggin."
He held his ear closer. "I couldn't quite hear that."
My eyes rolled. "I be wiggin." I said a bit louder.
"I'm pretty sure Black Siren couldn't hear you, there."
"I be wiggin!" I said loud enough for a couple walking across the street to stare at us. "Sorry,"
Ralph tightened his hold around my neck and brought me closer to him. "Don't be sorry, you are who you are." He pulled away.
The words sat in my chest. I didn't know what to do with them. 'You are who you are'. That's my problem. I didn't know who I was anymore. Or rather, I didn't want to know.
I took a deep breath in and out. "What were you doing out this late?"
"I don't know, sometimes I get restless. Besides you guys, I don't have many friends or family to talk to. Any really."
A bead of guilt formed in me. Guilt from the alienation that he received because of his public wrongdoing. He'd lost everything because of me. So why was he inviting me back to his place?
"This is it." He headed up the steps to his building
"Ralph,"
"Hmm?" He looked back at me.
I stared into his deep eyes and confessed, "I'm sorry." My heart pounded fast in my chest.
He paused, his body rigid. "What for?" His voice was strained.
I took a step forward with a lump in my throat. "I'm sorry for turning your life upside down all those years ago."
He watched me carefully, then took the necessary steps down to meet me. He held a ghost of a smile on his lips. "Thank you," He laughed at the confusion on my face. "My life needed a facelift. If you hadn't, I wouldn't be where I am now." His eyes ventured across my face in a way that sent my heart into hyperdrive. "And right when I thought it was settled here you come turning it upside down again." There wasn't a bit of malice in his voice, just a slight fondness.
I fumbled for words to say in response but nothing intelligible came to mind.
He took the bag from me again with a smirk and started for the door. "Coming?"
My gaze went to his jeans. Well, his butt. I wasn't quite comfortable calling a guy's butt his ass. It made it all so sexual and I wasn't there. I didn't know if I'd ever be. But I was staring at his butt.
He turned around. "If you need more encouragement, I have Tahitian fruit punch."
He remembered?
I braved the stairs. "If you think this means I'm sharing my food you're wrong." I teased.
He smiled at me. "To the elevator. You were never big on sharing,"
"Not the important things." I passed him as he held the door for me, a wave of heat passed through us. It continued to warm my back while I walked ahead of him, it felt like his body heat tickled my skin with his closeness. "Maybe you can have one." I joked to diffuse the one-sided tension I felt. I looked over my shoulder when we neared the elevator.
He was right behind me, his gaze was intensely green with his focus on me. He leaned forward.
I held my breath.
He cracked a grin when he pushed the button to summon the elevator.
Oh.
Great, now he thinks I'm into him. Well, I wasn't.
The doors opened.
We shuffled inside the tiny space.
He pressed for the four floor after the doors closed. He shoved his hands in his pockets. It was as if the air was sucked out of the space. I could taste the tension in the air. My pants tightened a bit. It wasn't like Ralph wasn't attractive because he was. Like insanely handsome. And tall. It was rare someone was taller than me. Well, someone I was interested in. But I wasn't interested in Ralph Dibny, was I? Even if he had a chest thick enough to cut bacon out of.
"Are you nervous?" He asked, his voice a bit husky.
"No," I realized mine was similar to his. "Why?" I chanced a glance at him.
"You've never been with a guy before,"
I froze.
He eyed me.
The doors opened.
Wh-wha-what?
He stepped out of the elevator with a knowing smirk.
I stood there unsure of my next move.
He held the door open. "It's okay. I'll go easy on you."
We stared at each other. I didn't know what to say.
"I've seen you looking at Grindr before, Allen. You're really not that great at hiding it as you think you are." He tried to be funny but he saw that I wasn't laughing. "Look, I'm not going to tell anyone, okay. Being that we're both a bit lonely I figured why not." He started for his apartment.
"Ralph." I stayed in the elevator.
He looked back.
"I'm not...You know." I held my arm out to stop the door from closing.
He shrugged. "It doesn't matter. You can come in or you can go home and we never have to talk about this again." Maybe it was as easy as that for him.
However, I put one foot in front of the other and went after him.
He didn't look back to make sure, he was just that confident. He unlocked his door. Shockingly, his place was clean and organized. Comfortable. Totally unlike him. He turned on a few lights.
I placed the bag of food on the counter. "Where do you keep your plates?" I went on a search for them.
His presence behind me produced all kinds of tingly delicious feelings I didn't think another guy could ever produce in me. His body pressed into mine, I could feel his erection poke into me. He reached into the correct cabinet and grabbed a plate. His breath danced along my skin, drawing blood to my own cock. "Here,"
"Thanks." I said breathlessly. I began to place a few on the plate.
He planted his lips against the skin of my neck several times. He grinded his jean covered erection into my ass.
I shuttered. "Ralph," A few breathy moans caught in my throat.
He grinded against my skin, then proceeded to keep torturing me. His hands undid my jeans, pushed them down, then one hand dipped into my boxers and wrapped around my hard cock.
I sucked in a breath. My head lolled back against his chest when he stroked me. "Fuck." I couldn't contain my groans with the speed he picked up.
He looked down at me with lust filled eyes. "Hearing and seeing you come undone at my hand is the hottest thing I've ever seen, Allen."
A part of me was angry at him for bringing me here and insisting that we do this but he quite literally left the door open for me to walk away, to go home and pretend that this was never an option.
I was the one that pumped into his hand, I could've moved my hips faster if I wanted to but I wanted to enjoy it and that was scary.
"Do you like this?"
I nodded.
"It feels good."
He spoke into my ear. "What feels good?" He jerked me off faster.
"Ahh, your hand on my cock." I admitted. "God, it feels good."
"Mhmm and what are you going to do if I keep going?"
Fuck, I was close.
He stopped his motions. "What are you going to do, Allen?" He started tugging me again.
My eyes squeezed shut at the pleasure. "I'm going to cum all over your hand."
He all but growled into my ear. "Fuck, say it again." His voice demanding and aroused. He rubbed his thumb over my pee hole.
My hips bucked but I kept up with his strokes. "I'm going to cum all over you hand."
"You're going to what?"
I was so tempted to speed this along myself but I had to learn to revel in the present. Just a few more strokes.
"I'm going to cum all over your hand." I promised.
"I don't think you got it in you." His strokes became harder, like he was punishing my cock but it felt oh so good.
I nodded. "I do," My lower stomach tightened. "Uhh, I do." I put all my weight against his body because I couldn't support myself any longer.
He spoke directly into my ear. "Then what are you going to do?"
"I'm-" I lost control. "I'm going to cum all over your hand." I gushed as promised. "Fuck," I moaned as he continued to pleasure me. I leaned against him while I caught my breath. Never in my days did I think that Ralph Dibny would jerk me off and I'd enjoy it. But I had. So had he.
He kissed along my neck. "Eat up, you need your energy." He grabbed my cock through my boxers.
I was already getting hard again. I turned around to find him backing out of the kitchen with a sexy smirk. He looked like he was ready to drop to his knees and take me in his mouth and bend me over the counter and take me from behind. All of that sent fear through me that I still wasn't ready to confront but I liked what he made me feel just moments ago. So whatever I had to do to feel more of that I would do. No matter how we hadn't thought of our work implications of tonight. Or the fact that DeVoe was still hunting the bus metas and he was one of them. Or the fact that either way you cut this was probably not going to end up well.
A/N: Ive been going through some family and life issues lately, so sorry for not uploading as much as I used to. The inspiration just isn't there sometimes. Anyway, I started writing this because it seemed so blatantly obvious that Ralph and Barry had feelings for each other, like especially in episodes 17-19. I had them as a crackship in the back of my head most of the season. I just caught up today on 17-20 and it seemed so in your face that they were flirting and like the show was going to have the plot that Barry was figuring out he was Bisexual, which I thought was interesting because he's married and to a woman who he's pinned over his whole life. When Ralph told Barry he didn't want to lose him and the gang it felt like he was saying it more towards Barry. THE SCENE WHERE THEY HAD DEVOE CUFFED, the way they looked at each other when they talked about new beginnings and deserving a new life. Dead. I was dead. Then Ralph was dead and the way Barry mourned was so gay. Hella in a good way guys. Like I thought it was so obvious he had feelings for Ralph and when Iris came to the office and when they went to the therapist I thought it was her being accepting of his Bisexual side which was even cooler! AND LET'S NOT FORGET HOW LEGEND HIMSELF LEONARD SNART, QUEEN GAY OF DC SPECIFICALLY ASKED WHY HE DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH RALPH'S DEATH WHEN MOST OF SNART'S PLOT WAS ABOUT HIS GAY WEDDING (YASSSS) AND HELPING BARRY COME TO TERMS WITH RALPH'S DEATH.
I think the thing that has me the most livid is that there's literally no footprint online of anyone talking about this. There's maybe two edits on YouTube and that's it. No one else is acknowledging that the clearly had a connection that was more than two hetero guys getting close because if Ralph would've been a girl it would've raised brows and Iris would've had some questions. Everyone on social media would be talking about the new love interest that slipped through Barry's fingers. So why aren't they about Ralph? Anyone with answers? Please let me know what yall think :)