There's cold, pounding rain against my skin; my throat hurts from how much I'm screaming for you to come back- I stumbled and tripped, falling into a puddle- now my fur is caked with more mud. The buildings around me are towering shadows, with little variety between them. Behind me, my friends told me before that there wasn't a chance- you'd left this place for good. I think they're chasing me now.
But they're wrong, I think. I think you're still here, waiting for me to find you… One way or another. As the night progresses, my legs are starting to get sore from all this running; not only that, but what little clothes I'm wearing are soaked through entirely. It's just a pair of pants and the scarf you gave me… But I don't want to stop. If I stop, then I'll give up any hope of finding you again.
I start to smile; no, I guess you wouldn't really call it a smile. It was more of a smirk, laced with tears and blood from tripping so many times tonight. I… I don't think I can take much more…
Olley-olley oxen-free? No? Can't you at least give me a hint as to where you're hiding?
My breathing is starting to get labored; God knows why. Usually I can run much farther than this. I think I'm just tired, way too tired to keep running… But I don't want to stop running. I briefly consider stopping my yelling, but how else will I be able to find you? What if you're waiting to hear my voice, and decide to call back?
…
So I ignore the pain in my chest and continue. Barely outside my hearing range, I hear everyone telling me to come back- they keep saying they're sorry for something or another. I don't know.
I think they're sorry for what SUPPOSEDLY happened to you. But that's absurd; why would they sorry for something like that? You can't die- you're practically invincible! You've been everywhere, seen everything there is to see! They're wrong. I can feel it.
God I'm freezing; and the wind is starting to pick up again, which is freezing me more. I'm in pain- my lungs are about to explode, along with my heart, or whatever's left of it after mom died.
But I keep running. I keep screaming, screaming your name. It's not true- they're wrong. You would never die- you promised you'd come back, and you've never broken a promise before, right? But then my chest starts to ache again- I feel like I'm about to throw up my dinner from earlier. Please… Prove them wrong…
My screams turn into wails, but no one who passes by stops, or even looks up. Is this what you wanted to protect? They're so focused on one thing, focused on their own pitiful lives… They can't even look up? Why won't they look up? Don't they understand?
…
I'm feeling exhausted; I can't remember the last time I've felt this drained. And my scarf is about to blow off of my neck. My beautiful, red, muddy blood-soaked scarf. It was a gift you gave me last year…
I finally stop in my tracks, panting with my tongue lolled out and everything. I want to collapse, but I know if I do, then I'll never see you again. Why are you still hiding? I'm dying out here, dad. This isn't funny anymore; please, come out, wherever you are! I need to prove them wrong! Please, dad! I… I… I need you to prove them wrong…! You… You and Peppy, you can't die- you're the greatest of all heroes and… HEROES NEVER DIE! PLEASE! PEPPY, DAD! CAN YOU HEAR ME?! PLEASE!!! TELL ME!!! TELL ME THAT HEROES NEVER DIE!!!
…
Even though I've stopped running, I'm still screaming. Behind me, one of my friends has caught up; I don't even bother turning around. I'm too focused on my own pitiful life. He wants me to lie to myself, something I don't plan on doing. And despite the rain, I can still feel my tears overflowing. I don't remember crying like this before.
"Fox… They're gone. C'mon, let's go back…" He trails off. For some reason, I can't even hear myself think. My knees wobble, and my lungs begin popping. My heart… It's dying…
Falco put his hand on my shoulder. Silently, he tries to pull me away. I resist him, and he pulls harder. So I clench my fists and spin around, aiming to punch him in the beak. He catches it like it was nothing.
Now I can see his face. His feathers are also a bit dirty and his clothes are all wet- he must've tripped like I did. His face is adamantly serious. He looks disgusted. And in his yellow eyes, I can see myself. And… I can see. I can see my heartbeat, and my blood pulsing through my veins with every beat. I can see my stomach fluttering, and my breathing getting shallower. But more importantly, I can see my father.
He's disappointed.
…
In that moment, I fell backwards; luckily, Falco caught me in his arms. Weakly, I looked up, to see that he's crying now too. He's trying hard to stay composed, but… Now, suddenly, want to vomit again- but not out of exhaustion. It's out of self-pity. This isn't me. Falco…
I scream one last time. Then… I collapsed. I'm not sure if I ever want to move again. My eyes are closing… Falco… Dad… Peppy…
I'm so sorry… This… This is entirely my fault, isn't it…? Everything…
…
…And all I saw before I went unconscious was Falco, crying over me, with the dark clouds raining behind him. I… I want to say something… But…
…
…I can't scream anymore. So I blacked out.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
January 3rd, 2486:
About a week ago, Peppy came back, which surprised everyone. It's an understatement to say that I was happy to see him. But even when he was gone, Falco and Slippy and Bill helped me out a lot. Things may have gotten a whole different level of worse if they hadn't been there; after my initial "episode", I woke up in a mental hospital! Ha! They let me out yesterday with a clean bill of health, citing something about depression. The whole time I was in there, they gave me medication (which, by the way, I still have to take) for depression; and my friends, including Peppy, showed up whenever they got the chance. But I think the only reason I'm not in there still is because of Peppy. He was always good at comforting me, and I was relieved when he said he last saw my dad alive. I'm glad I have friends like them.
I'm also considering dropping out of school- I know that will make everyone worry about me, but I can't help it. I have to go find my dad. When Peppy came back, he said dad was still alive, but captured by Andross's men.
Peppy also told me about Pigma. I swear if I ever see his sorry hide I'm going to eviscerate it. Even now, while I'm typing this, I can feel my blood boil.
But it's a good kind of anger. It's a natural feeling… It's kinda hard to explain. I just hope I can control it for the right time. A long time ago, I think dad told me something about channeling my anger into something positive. I want to do that.
I want to make my dad proud.
-Fox McCloud, Age 19