Amazing Grace! How Sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see.
Rodney listened as the all too familiar sound washed over him, as he stared at the casket of his best friend. How he wished bitterly now that he could go back in time and change it all; make it so it never happened. If only he had taken up Carson's offer to go fishing, but instead he had blown him off, claiming to had forgotten about fake arrangements with Katie.
Carson would not have died if Rodney had not been such an idiot. He reminded himself of this everyday, and he truly believed it would have made a difference. He could not, would not allow himself to move on. Oh, how Carson had saved them all on so many occasions. He had come through when Rodney needed him the most, but where was Rodney when all Carson wanted to do was go fishing with his best friend? He was off with Katie!
Sighing, Rodney stepped forward and with the help of the others, he picked up the casket, and walked through the gate, taking his best friend to his final resting place.
He was on one of the many piers on Atlantis, the wind caressing his face, and the waves gently lapping against the pier. All of this, however, was not noticed by Rodney as he stared incredulously at the man before him.
"Carson?" he whispered.
"Aye."
"But you're dead. . ."
"Aye."
"And it's my fault."
"No, Rodney. Nothing can change what happened, but you've got to stop blaming yourself. It's not good for you. They're all worried about you. I'm worried about you." Carson said, coming to stand in front of Rodney and placing his hands on either side of him.
"But it's my fault. If only I had. . ." Rodney began, but Carson interrupted him.
"If only you had what, Rodney? Gone fishing with me? That wouldn't have changed anything. I still would have returned to Atlantis, I still would have performed the surgery, and I still would have insisted on carrying that thing out of there myself."
"But. . ."
"No buts, Rodney. It . . . was . . . not . . . you're . . . fault!" Carson punctuated each of his words with a sharp poke to Rodney's chest, seemingly trying to drive his point home.
"It's time to move on Rodney."
A sense of understanding seemed to wash over Rodney's face, and with a smile Carson disappeared, his message sent.
Rodney woke the next morning with a smile upon his face. Carson was right, it wasn't his fault, and finally Rodney let himself begin to move on.