Zak is the ultimate weapon
Zak Saturday stood on the edge of the world looking down at his friends and family. It was too much to bear.
"My eyes are going to start bleeding Fisk! Help me up," he said to the giant bo-legged sasquatch looking monster who was his best friend and brother from another mother but they adopted him out of sympathy because some Englishmen tried to set him on fire. The furry behemoth did but accidentally ripped of Zak's left arm because he didn't know his own damn strength.
"WUGA WUGA GOOGA ZUGGA," Fisk tried to apologize in his horrible non-decipherable monkey language.
"It's okay Fisk. I forgive you. There's no time to talk now because we've got to get to the dimension of purple walking string bean monsters before Argost does."
And Zak spread his wings and flew towards the cave of sullen midgets.
"I know you have the key to ultimate power so hand it over you wretched creature!" The psycho known as Argost yelled out to the chained fox child hanging on the pole of knives before him. His cape was made of skinned puppies.
"NEVER!" Tails screamed as tears flowed from his deep blue yellow eyes. "My Korean is rusty anyway. I can't read your pen pal letter."
"I'M NOT KOREAN!" Argost threw hot dogs at the furry because he'd misplaced his worm things and other freaky shit thanks to Munya his servant and male escort screwing up and ordering the wrong curtains last Thursday. He never did get teal and aquamarine right due to being colorblind.
"I'll kill your little friends then if you don't do as I wish!" Argost demanded and waved his mittens into the air.
They were so itchy.
"I'd love a tossed salad myself," burbled Brock as he twirled on the ballroom floor in his best sequin gown. You could barely see the mustard stains. Pikachu always made fun of them though.
"I WANT THAT KOOL AID RECIPE SWINE!" Argost screeched in anger.
"Go molest yourself crackpot."
Zak showed up and waved his pummlestick into the air and it began to snow bowling balls.
"OH SHIT!" Argost screamed and jumped into his secret dimension room where the walls were made of pancakes.
"LATER SUCKERS!" he choffed.
The day was his. But Tails was saved.
He cried to the air. "I'm so glad you came! Who the fuck are you?" Tails said to the little boy.
"I'm Zak Saturday and I am not Jonny Quest! And I'm not here for you little furfag dipshit. I just came to pick up my Pokemon cards and got lost in this cave. Why they have a comic shop in here is beyond me but I like the view."
He unleashed a fart that swept over the fox child and slowly melted him into a pile of goo on the floor.
"I don't think I can wait until Friday this time," Amy Rose said, drawing heart shapes into the chests of her former lovers with a shank while hundreds of Ethiopian children watched.
"You shouldn't take them out of the packages Amy!" Sonic shouted before taking an ax to the face. The pixies were watching.
The earth imploded with the force of their whispers.
It was going to be a good day for fishing this year.