Innuendo
Has anyone ever walked into or eavesdropped a conversation at the wrong moment and thought they were talking about something completely different from the truth? No? Well, there's a first time for everything, and Ron and Seamus are the first victims of…assumption and innuendo.
Disclaimer: I do not make millions of dollars a minute which means I must not be JK Rowling. (Believe me, if I did, I would not be doing AP World History homework right now!) I only own the plot.
"Seamus, if Hermione catches us eavesdropping, Harry will send what's left of us in a matchbox to the Hospital Wing!" said Ron.
"Shh, Ron, they don't call me Sneaky Seamus for nothing," said Seamus with a mischievous grin.
Who's 'they'? thought Ron. They crept to the entrance of the tent as Seamus subtly threw a Weasley Extendable ear under the flaps.
"You know, Hermione, we don't have to do this if you don't want to," said Harry.
"I know, Harry, I really want to do this," said Hermione earnestly. Do what? thought Ron as Harry sighed.
"Okay then. Let's go."
"Wait, right now?" asked Hermione in a high pitch.
"Why not?" asked Harry, slamming his locker closed.
"There's isn't enough room in here!"
"There's plenty of room, Hermione. Don't tell me you're scared," said Harry in a teasing voice.
"I am not scared of you," said Hermione as Ron imagined her crossing her arms.
"Alright then."
They heard Hermione whimper, and Seamus mouthed 'What the bloody hell are they doing?'
"Doesn't it hurt the first time you do it for a while?" asked Hermione. A shocked Seamus covered his mouth with his hand before he could say anything.
"I guess. You get used to it, I think."
Used to what? thought Ron, starting to panic. They heard the drop of something onto the floor and blushed. Hermione squealed highly.
"Wow, I didn't think it was that long," said Hermione in a calmer voice. Ron blushed even deeper if that was possible.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I've never seen it up close before, Harry."
"Why would you even think that it wasn't long e-…just forget it. Could you put this in your mouth?"
"What? Harry, it's way too big! How am I supposed to get it in my mouth?" asked Hermione shrilly while ron looked ready to hurl
"I'm sorry, Hermione, but it's the only one I've got… Get over here." They heard even more whimpers from Hermione and some shuffling.
"Hermione, we're not going to get anything done from that position," said Harry. Ron was visited with a very bad image of the two of them that I am not even going to describe.
"But I like this position. I'm used to it." Used to it? How many times have they been shagging behind my back? thought Ron with an insulted expression.
"Live a little more dangerously, Hermione. I won't hurt you, at least not intentionally." There was some more shuffling as they heard Hermione whimper again!
"Harry, not so fast!" Harry groaned impatiently.
"Hermione, you can't expect me not to go fast. But for you, I'll slow down." They heard her sigh.
"It's not my fault I've never done this before. I don't know how you do it so well."
"Practice makes perfect."
Practice? What practice? Has Harry been fooling around with girls without me noticing? thought Ron.
"You should put your hands a little lower." Seamus's eyes widened.
"Are you sure, Harry?"
"Don't you trust me not to lose control, Hermione? I know what I'm doing."
"Of course. Wow, this is actually fun!"
"What did you expect? I should be insulted that you thought otherwise."
"Don't be so proud. Your head is big enough."
"Did you really just say that? I should punish you for that!"
"Harry James Potter, don't even think about it!" Apparently, he thought about it and did it from Hermione's shrieks. After a moment, Seamus and Ron heard deep breaths.
"Harry Potter, don't you dare let me go!" They were surprised at her forwardness.
"I'm not. I'm not. Wow, Hermione, you're better than I thought you'd be!"
"I'm not a Gryffindor for nothing." Ron had enough and burst into the room with his hand over his eyes.
"OKAY, YOU TWO, AS MUCH AS I AM SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR NEW RELATIONSHIP THAT I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DO THAT IN HERE! MERLIN, I'M NEVER GOING TO CHANGE IN HERE AGAIN BECAUSE OF YOU TWO!" yelled Ron, keeping his other hand in front of him in case he bumped into anything.
"Ron, what in the world are you talking about?" asked Harry. Ron dared to peek through his fingers and saw Harry and Hermione fully clothed and hovering on Harry's Firebolt. The vinyl broom bag Harry got for Christmas laid on the floor along with both their heavy robes. Both of them had windswept hair which meant Harry must have made them fly fast.
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" asked Seamus, walking in when he saw that Ron didn't faint, "I expected heavy snogging at most but not this!"
"What the…I'm just teaching Hermione how to fly a broomstick," said Harry with a shrug. He kept his arm around her waist to keep her from falling off since she was in front of him.
"Then why was Hermione talking about how something was too big for her mouth?" asked Seamus. Hermione groaned and took a green mouthpiece out of her mouth.
"I was saying that this thing is too big for my mouth. It's Harry's!" said Hermione, clearing her throat.
"Are you saying that I have a big mouth, Hermione?" asked Harry.
"No, Harry, I am simply saying that mine is smaller. I can never understand why McGonagall make you wear these things," said Hermione, giving Harry the still wet thing.
"After Wood landed on his jaw from a bludger hit, Madam Pomfrey insisted we have more protection," said Harry, wiping it on the end of his pants. Ron's mind went to a very wrong place when Harry said 'protection'.
"Then why were you guys talking about whether it was 'long enough'?" asked Ron.
"I asked Harry whether his broomstick was long enough for two people. I thought that it wouldn't be since a Seeker needs to have speed, it would be shorter to increase…wait, what did you think that we were doing?" accused Hermione, getting down from the broom.
"Umm…uh…er…yeah Ron, what did you think they were doing?" said Seamus, turning to Ron.
"Me?! You were the one telling me that Harry and Hermione were together!" said Ron, pointing at himself then Seamus.
"Why would you guys assuming that we were together make you so…what the…did you…bloody hell, what kind of minds do you have?!" stuttered Harry, realizing why the two boys looked ready to faint.
"Apparently, very wrong ones," answered Ron, turning rather green.
"I don't get it, Harry, what happened?" asked Hermione.
"Uh…it's probably best you don't know," said Harry in an obvious attempt to save his friends from total annihilation at the hands and the wand of Hermione Jean Granger.
"That's the last time I try eavesdropping," said Seamus. And from then on, Ron never looked at a broomstick the same way again.
A/N: Okay guys, you have to admit, some of you were thinking pretty wrong things when she was talking about it was long enough. I had the biggest smirk on my face while writing this part! Though, in all honesty, if Harry and Hermione were doing what Seamus and Ron thought they were doing, they would not be talking about it. They would most likely be moaning and getting on with their 'activity'. -mischievous smirk-