Disclaimer: I do not own HP or any of the characters.
AN: So me and my friend had a conversation about the contents in this story after reading the last book and she said I should turn the conversation into a story. For those who read the story, yes I know it is a weird and rather random conversation to be having, but we got a good laugh.
The Untold Story of the Second to Last Battle
The battle field was a roar with chaos, death eater and order members throwing hexes and curses alike. Harry did battle beside Remus against McNair and unknown death eater. "Avada Ke …" yelled out McNair pointing his wand at Remus, but Remus was faster and quickly hit McNair with a stinging curse, before casting Petrificus Totalus on him. Harry had been battling with the unknown death eater while Remus fought with McNair, now he turned to help Harry. As he turned the death eater seemed to have a look as though a brilliant idea struck him, so jumped out of the way of Harry's hex then reached for his robe and threw it open. Harry stumbled nearly dropping his wand, before turning and dry heaving. Remus stood with his jaw a gape and most of the member orders were bugged eyed at the display.
The death eater took this moment to their advantage and quickly started to throw more hexes and curses at the order members in an attempt to render the situation to the advantage. The chaos renewed with vengeance and the order members took quite a minute to regain their composure. Voldemort who took advantage of the situation to get closer to Harry, saw how well his faith servants little distraction worked he chose to reenact the little seen. As soon as he reached Harry, who stunned and immobilized the death eater who flashed him, he threw his robe open. Everyone death eaters and order members alike stop and stare at the nude Dark Lord. It was shocking to say the least; he was sexless, hairless, and extremely pale.
Harry was the first to speak, shouting rather loudly, "Oh dear Merlin, he is missing his Princess Sophia!!!"
Every witch and wizard who understands the statement burst in to an outright fit of laughter, while others continue to stare at the spectacle that is the Dark Lord's missing privates.
Voldemort screams out, in an extremely livid voice, "It's not Princess Sophia, its Little Butch!" This only serves to cause the order member and death eater to laugh with added gusto.
Hermione manages to spout out from behind rolling laughter, "It's little alright, so little it is NONEXISTANT!" She and the others on the battle field now double over with laughter, several no longer standing.
Fred then burst out in a hyper, very over exaggerated masculine voice, "NO little Butch, ITS CAPTAIN HAPPY!" No one remained standing after this statement, even Severus Snape was bursting at the seams with laughter; it was quite a sight to behold.
Voldemort was now seething and clenched his wand tightly in his hands; however he was not sure who to kill first, his followers for the betrayal or the order members. He threw a few killing curses missing the people whom were rolling around on the ground gripping the aching sides, continuing to laugh and taking no notice to the curses thrown at them.
Harry managed to pull himself to his feet, staring at Voldemort's nudity and trying not to burst into another fit of laughter. Then suddenly it struck him and he yelled out, "He really isn't a he, cause he an it. Lord Voldemort's an IT."
Severus who along with several others had manages to make it too the feet, although most were on the ground again after that statement says with his usual drawl, "Way to state the obvious Mr. Potter." Did Severus Snape just make a funny? Everyone burst into renewed laughter and anyone who was standing tumbled back to the ground.
Voldemort was now a deadly shade of red and shouted, "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU ALL!!!!!" This caused everyone to snap out of their stupor and jump to the feet, expecting to renew their battle. However, this did not happen, the death eater and the order members look at each other and they all begin to snicker.
"I can't do this," they all practically shout as the laughter is renewed, yet again. Everyone apparates away, leaving Voldemort alone laughter echoing. Decidedly no one ever again speak of the event, for fear of instant death at the hand of HE WHO IS MISSING CAPTAIN HAPPY himself.
AN: When we had the conversation, Little Butch was orginally Little Hitler, but I did not want to rub anyone the wrong was, as I know that might be sensitive for some. But if you like to reread those few sentences, with that change some might find it funnier.