Summary: Amiboshi pays the price for his past sins in the ignorance of tomorrow.
Warnings: Angst, swearing, etc.
Spoilers: Most of the series past episode 25-26. (Somewhere around there.)
Japanese Terminology: Japanese references are in italics.
Aniki = Big/Older brother. Being the younger twin, Suboshi would probably call his other brother as such.
seishi = warrior/s
-sama = suffix added to the name of a highly important, prominent, admired, or powerful individual (In this case, Nakago because he's a shogun.)
Gomen nasai = gomen means sorry, adding nasai to it makes it more pronounced and sincere
Also, for references sake, Shunkaku is Suboshi's real name, and Amiboshi's real name is Kotoku. -_- I don't care what happened in the anime. Let's be realistic. Suboshi and Amiboshi are twins and have been together for life; they are NOT going to call each other by their constellation names.
Oh, and by the way, the word "Innin" means patience.
Obligatory Disclaimer: I own no part of Kaika, Amiboshi, Suboshi, or any characters mentioned in this story.
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PenanceThe melody of the flute wafted down through the peaceful village as the young man played by the riverside. The sight was odd by any standards, his body half submerged in the cool waters of the winding stream that made its way through the town. However, he played on, undaunted by the current that flowed against his body. Inhabitants of the village simply accepted the act and moved on with the smile, having grown used to the boy's odd gestures habits over the past few months he had been living in the town.
Kaika shifted a finger, changing the lilting tune abruptly to one of a mourning. Submerged in the water, his heart did not feel full, but empty. He was alone, empty, a man drowning in water. Drowning...He shut his eyes tightly, fingering another key lightly, the echoes of the notes beautiful remembrances of memories beyond his reach, of a past he would never see nor remember.
They had found him on the riverside...
The song ended suddenly as Kaika pulled the flute from his mouth. No longer could he play. The melody, one that not any of the villagers knew the name of, stirred emotions deep within the young man that he could not comprehend: images of green eyes that reflected his own, the sound of a young voice calling the name "Aniki" late into the hours of night, a feeling of brokenness that would overwhelm him each time he looked into a mirror, a sense of being fractured, incomplete.
Who was it that haunted him in the darkest hours of the night?
"Kaika!"
Responding to the call of his name, the sandy-haired boy turned to face the elder woman running to him. She made her way to the sandy back and continued to call out to him, "Kaika! Get out of that water now or you'll fetch a cold! It isn't summer around here, you know!"
"Mother..." The name did not roll off his tongue so easily. This woman was not his real mother; that he knew, for the couple had not dealt him any lies when he had awakened from the darkness of sleep and fever. Despite everything they told him, he had accepted their love. They had been a couple desperate for a child they could never again have themselves, and he had a been a boy without a past.
But still the sound did not sound natural in his ear, and the knowledge gnawed away at the core of his being to know it, adding to the emptiness that filled his soul every day since he had lost who he was.
Slipping off her shoes and weaving through the cattails, Kaika's mother, Innin, made her way closer to the bank, finally coming close enough to reach out a hand towards her son. "Kaika, take my hand. It's getting late, dinner's almost finished, and....by Byakko! You're completely soaked! These will take hours to dry. Come out of the water now, young man!"
Compliant to her wishes, Kaika waded over to her, grasped her hand, and allowed her to help him out of the water. He took the dry shirt she offered him, pulling it thankfully over his shoulders. She was right; it was getting cold out. Grasping his flute tightly against him, Kaika began to follow his mother to their home back in the forest.
Innin was not finished, though. "And another thing: Didn't I tell you that I don't want you going down to the river anymore? It's far too cold for you to be doing it as often as you do, and furthermore, it's dangerous! This area gets enough rain as it is, and there's never warning as is when a flood's coming. If you were to be in that lake when all that water came pouring down...Byakko, I don't know what I'd do! Just don't go down there anymore. Do you understand me, Kaika?"
Eyes downward, the youth trudged on. "Yes Mama." He wasn't about to argue with her; he had never enjoyed fighting.
"Good. Now, as soon as we get home I want you to hang those wet clothes up to dry and put some dry ones on. Honest to the gods, I'll never understand why you insist on doing such things! You'll catch your death out here."
Kaika looked once at her and blinked before turning his face to the ground once more and answering softly, "Neither do I, mother, neither do I..."
*********************
"Do you understand what you are to do, Amiboshi?"
The young man looked up reluctantly and nodded. "Yes, Nakago-sama, I understand. I will leave for the country of Konan tomorrow morning and locate the priestess of Suzaku as soon as possible."
Smirking slightly, the shogun nodded slightly. "Good. You will be accompanied by two of Kutou's best assassins in case you are discovered before the planned time. Keep in mind that you are the second part of this plan. Suzaku's warriors only need to lose one of their own in order to prevent them from summoning their god. With Tamahome under Lady Yui's restraint right now, that may just be possible. If measures can be taken to remove one before putting one of our own in possible danger, then so be it. Better their loss alone than two from both sides."
Swallowing slightly at Nakago's brutal strategic, Amiboshi nodded again, closing his fist tightly and wishing he had his flute with him. It was always comforting to have the tool of his trade with him...
"You seem hesitant, Amiboshi."
The youth jerked, his expressive green eyes turning up to meet Nakago's emotionless blue ones...and ultimately succeeding in giving away all of his doubts.
Nakago's mouth twitched ever so slightly into a quick smirk before quickly fading back to its thin, unreadable line. If Amiboshi had known any better, he could have sworn the man was enjoying watching this game of cat and mouse. And Nakago was baiting him. Amiboshi knew he was. One thing he had learned about the shogun early on was his proclivity for discovering and exploiting a person's weaknesses, even with those among his own men. Knowing he had already loss the battle of wills, he gave in.
"Yes, Nakago-sama, I am worried, but it's not about the mission--"
"You are worried for your brother Suboshi."
Amiboshi silently cursed the man's ability to read him like an open book. How could one so devoid of worldly emotions interpret the feelings of others so well? He decided he didn't want to know. "Yes, my brother. I don't think he's ready to be separated from me in such a tense situation."
"Your brother will be perfectly fine for the short time you are gone. Do not forget that he is too a warrior of Seiryuu, and as such, I am perfectly assured that he will function well enough without you."
"But his powers aren't even fully develop--"
"He needs to learn and mature without you around for once." The blonde man leveled his eyes with Amiboshi again. "Your presence may in fact be hindering to his learning. The boy leans too heavily on you as it is. Alone, he may become more independent."
Amiboshi turned averted his eyes from the shogun. The man truly had no idea. Shunkaku did need him here to function. As twins, the two of them had never been separated. Not even when the war had ravaged their village and left them orphans had they been torn apart for even a few minutes. His younger brother needed his protection, he needed his love--
"Keep it out of your mind, Amiboshi, or else you'll lose focus." Nakago closed the distance between them with a few measured, intimidating steps. "And remember Amiboshi, if you lose focus, and the Suzaku discover who you truly are, then your brother Suboshi truly never will see you again, will he?" He grasped Amiboshi's hand, the one clenched by his side, and pulled the boy close. "Do you understand, Amiboshi?"
"Y-Y-Yes Nakago. I know what you mean perfectly."
Nakago mouth quirked slightly again, and he let go of the young man's arm. "I'm glad we understand one other...warrior of Seiryuu."
Amiboshi shuddered.
*********************
Kaika entered the room wearing a new pair of warm, dried clothing just as his mother was placing the final items of their meal on the table. In all the arguments he silently waged with his adoptive mother, her opinion on temperature and cold clothing was not one of them. He smiled faintly at the sight of their dinner. "Soup again?"
Innin returned the smile gently before putting on a mock glare and turning to her husband, placing her hands on her hips. "Well, I would be able to make something else...but this lazy clout demands that I, his poor, overworked wife, feed him the same gruel every night, over and over again until we all drown in it!"
Hatsui gave his wife a queer look, not subject to the same bouts of humor both she and their adopted son were. His expression only grew more puzzled as Kaika joined in his mother in her laughter, moving towards the table to give his father a comforting hug before sitting down and picking up his spoon to eat. The man finally gave up on both of them and went to work on his own meal.
Dinner was quiet for the most part, the trio having little to speak about, the youngest among them lost in his own thoughts from prior hours, despite the warmth and humor of his return home. His father had not questioned him on his wet clothing, simply regarding him with a warning glare before going back to whatever chore he had been finishing at the time. It was a routine Kaika had grown used to: break the rules, visit the river, play his flute, get caught, come home to a scolding, then move on. Nothing more had been done to hinder his actions, so Kaika had done nothing to limit them. It was the sad truth of teenage impulsiveness, or so the village elder had commented on another afternoon when Innin had dragged her young from the river and taken him home.
But it wasn't open rebellion or impulsiveness. Kaika was sure of that. He felt drawn to the river, almost to the point of obsession. He knew that his amnesia and appearance in Sairo had resulted from him falling into one months earlier, but there was something else, something important. It was almost like something from a dream, a memory he strained to reach every day, a glimmer of hazel eyes reaching desperately for his hand, then another set of green ones, crying out to him to return, cursing him for his betrayal.
Disloyalty to whom, though? There was no answer, there never was. All of his memories had been effectively removed from his mind. The only ones he knew of now were of the couple in front of him. The amnesia seemed too effective, too specialized. He could have sworn that, months before, he had remembered at least a little bit. Kaika strained now, reaching out again...and received nothing. The frightened child within him felt like crying. How had his past been so easily erased? Could a near drowning in a river really subject a boy to such forgetfulness? He did not believe it, but he had to. The only other option in mind was the ancient, memory-displacement soup recipe his mother had--
Kaika's mind suddenly leaped up at the thought. The soup? Could it be that this couple, this seemingly innocent couple, had given him the soup and--No. Kaika scolded himself for such thoughts. It was kind of them to take him in, a drowned rat of a boy, when they were so poor themselves. They would never do it...
But the thought continued to pester him through the meal, soon ruining his appetite. True, he did not believe that Innin and her husband would be capable of such deceitful measures, but that did not mean that somebody else could have done it. Somebody close to him, whom he had trusted with his life, who had access to his thoughts, to his soul...
"Aniki!"
The spoon dropped from his hand, clattering on the table. Both husband and wife turned swiftly to gaze at the boy in reprimand, only to widen their eyes at the sight of their son, who now stood above his seat, hands pressed against the table, palms down, gasping for breath.
Hatsui was the first to speak. "Kaika, son...what's wrong?"
"Aniki, please don't go!"
He shut his eyes tightly again, shaking his head of the voices. It was nothing, just his mind playing tricks on him, nothing special--
The memory came to him like lightening, swiftly and without warning, leaving him dazed and confused in his weak. It had come and gone so fast: a flash of a green eyes, angry words and tears, a name...
Unbidden, it came forth from his tongue. "Shunkaku..." he breathed.
Kaika jumped as Innin's hand came down on his shoulder. He gasped in shock before realizing it was her. "Mo-Mother," he choked out.
"Kaika, darling, are you all right?" Her jade eyes bore deep into his soul, the warm hand closing tighter on his shoulder. Closing his eyes, Kaika turned from her, pulling his body away from her warm touch and moving back to his chair, swiftly dropping his body into it.
"Fine, I'm fine," he muttered, eyes blinking rapidly. Already, the memory was gone and fading. Now all he had left was a word: "Aniki." Who was Aniki? Turning to his father, Kaika narrowed his eyes slightly, striving to regain what he had just received. When nothing came, he finally put into words the answer that had plagued him all night. "Father...Mother...Do you know...anything about me before you found me at the river?"
Sparing her husband a glance, Innin shook her head faintly and spoke carefully, "No, Kaika, nothing. There was only you and the river. There were no identifying marks, no clothing we could recognize. That's all..."
"That's all you know," he probed, voice rising an octave in desperation, "Finding me in the river? That's all?!"
Innin closed her eyes painfully. "I'm sorry, Kaika, but...that's all..."
*********************
Amiboshi set the small bundle items he would be taking with him on his journey on the bed. There were pitifully few items, and they had taken hardly more than five minutes to gather together. Truthfully, the young warrior was just stalling. Though he knew the encounter with Shunkaku would be painful, he refused to leave without saying goodbye to his twin.
He didn't even turn as the door slammed open and Suboshi stomped into the room.
"Kotoku, what's this about you leaving?! I knew you had a mission coming up, but I had no idea it was this dangerous! What the hell do you think you're doing, Aniki?!" Suboshi ignored the reprimanding the look his brother gave him for his unflattering choice of language and continued to rant, "Answer me Aniki! If you go away, then what--what am I going to do?" He choked on the last sentence, his bravado and anger faltering under the burdening knowledge that his beloved sibling really was leaving him behind.
Hurrying over to his brother, Amiboshi wrapped his arms around the trembling boy as he collapsed, rocking the slightly younger boy back and forth gently.
"Aniki, what am I going to do without you? You can't leave, you just can't! What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to act around the others? I can't do this, you can't go Aniki!"
Resting his chin in Suboshi's hair, Amiboshi spoke soothingly, "Everything will be all right Shun, I promise. You'll see. I'll come back as soon as I finish with the Suzaku warriors in Konan. I won't be long at all, you'll see. I may not even have to deal with them; Nakago-sama has plans for the Suzaku warrior Tamahome who is here."
Suboshi did not accept Amiboshi's response. "No, no, I want you to stay here! Don't go away!" He grasped his brother's arm frantically. "You can't go Aniki! We haven't been apart since we were little, so how can you separate us now?"
"I'm not leaving you forev--"
"How could you agree to this?!"
"Shunkaku--"
"What am I going to do?!"
"Suboshi!"
The youth grew silent at the sound of his ordained name, ashamed to have angered his normally calm brother to such an extent. But what was he to do? The only reason he was able to keep on living every day was because of Aniki. Most of the others didn't understand; he wasn't like Aniki who was calm, rational, and mature. He needed his brother to guide him through life, take his hand and show him the way across the road. Shunkaku just could not manage on his own, and that was the end of the story.
Amiboshi sighed softly into his brother's hair. He knew this had been coming, had foretold Shunkaku's response to such a situation long before he had known he was a Seiryuu seishi. Wherever Shunkaku was, Kotoku was needed to quell the fire that his younger brother before the other did something rash and hurtful to both himself and others. All his life he had protected Shunkaku from the cruelty of the world around him. As long as Kotoku had been by his brother's side, there was nothing to fear.
But now it was time for Suboshi to move on alone.
Running his fingers across his brother's shoulders soothingly, Amiboshi finally began to speak, "Shunkaku, this is something I have to do. For you, for me, for everyone in Kutou." He smiled sadly at a memory. "Even for Mom and Dad and the rest of our village. By stopping Konan's priestess from summoning Suzaku, Lady Yui will be able to summon Seiryuu, and then peace will finally settle over Kutou. No longer will we have to deal with the fighting here." Amiboshi paused again. "Do you understand, Shun?"
Suboshi shook his head stubbornly. "No, no I don't! Why can't Nakago-sama send someone else? Why you?"
Taking a deep breath, Amiboshi cautiously replied, "Because I volunteered."
It only took a few seconds for the elder's words to sink in, and soon Suboshi had pulled away from his older sibling's grasp and was backing away angrily. "You offered to go by yourself? You mean you wanted to leave me?!" There was betrayal in his eyes, bald anger in his expression. How could Aniki have deceived him like this? He bit his lip, fighting tears. "How--How could you?"
"Because I did it for you."
Suboshi opened in eyes in surprise, his anger dissipating as surprise took over his features. "For me?"
The other twin nodded. "Why else would I risk my life? For you, of course, Shunkaku. I'm only doing this so you and me can have a better life after this, away from all the pain and suffering here." Amiboshi smiled affectionately. "I did it all for you."
Disbelief and shame flooded Suboshi's being. "For me?" he repeated meekly. Receiving a nod from twin, Suboshi averted his eyes, staring at the suddenly interesting carpet. His heart was screaming for Aniki to stay, but if what Kotoku was doing would make everything easier for the both of them...Finally, he looked up, trembling, and gazed into his brother's identical green eyes. "Okay...If you have to go, I-I won't hold you back, but...that doesn't mean I want you to leave!" He added, "I would like it more if you stayed."
Nodding sadly, Amiboshi motioned for his brother once more, and the younger twin ran happily into his brothers arms, clinging tightly to the one he loved most like a drowning man in the ocean. Amiboshi fell back onto the bed, where Suboshi than proceeded to snuggle up closely to his elder as Amiboshi's arm came around him.
For a few minutes they rested like that in the quiet serenity of the room, not a sound to be heard other than their shallow breathing. Just the two of them, snuggled together, lost in the moment of what each hoped to be the future.
Suboshi lifted one hand and placed it over his brother's breast, feeling the slow cadence of his brother's heart so like his own yet so different. He moved his hand up further so that it came to rest around his brother's neck where it now followed the measured cycle of breathing. Finally, bringing his other arm up, he wrapped himself around his brother, resting his head against Amiboshi's shoulder, right where his Seiryuu symbol appeared. He wanted to feel the connection they shared one last time before his brother left.
Amiboshi smiled faintly at that white ceiling above him, simply immersing himself in the joy of being with his other half. How could one explain what it meant to be a twin? Not an individual, but a half of a whole. Two souls that formed two individuals yet only one being. The feeling was...indescribable. He pressed his cheek against Suboshi's forehead.
The silence was broken by his brother's voice.
"Aniki...I'm so sorry..."
"It's okay, Shun. You I can always forgive. Remember what Mom and Dad used to say? We all mistakes."
"I'm scared, Aniki...I'm scared of what's going to happen."
"That's all right. I'm afraid too."
"...Promise me you'll come back, Aniki?"
"You sound tired Shunkaku. Would you like me to play a melody--"
"Promise me, Aniki!"
Amiboshi suppressed another sigh, pulling his brother closer. How could one promise something they may not keep? He took a deep breath. "I promise."
Satisfied with that answer, Suboshi relaxed against his brother, his body no longer taunt with the anger and fear of before. Aniki had made a vow to return, and Aniki never broke his promises, so that meant everything was going to be okay...
"Would you like me to play you a song before I leave, Shun?"
Ignoring the reference to their imminent separation, Suboshi nodded happily. "Could you play the one Mom sang to us when we were little?" Amiboshi hesitated for a moment before nodding. Suboshi smiled. "Thanks Aniki."
Soon the room was filled with the pure, sweet notes of Amiboshi's wooden flute, his life-force pouring forth from the instrument as water from a stream. A peaceful stream, a calm stream, a soothing stream...Suboshi suddenly felt very drained, as if he could sleep for a thousand years filled with no care for the physical world. He yawned, stretching his arms out and unconsciously releasing his brother from his hold. It was only when he felt his brother mood that he was alerted that something was wrong. Suddenly, Suboshi realized that the song was not the one their mother sang to them. Instead, it was one of Amiboshi's...
"Aniki...What...what are you...doing?" Yawning again, Suboshi fought to keep his eyes going. "Where-Where are you going?"
"I'm sorry, Suboshi, but I didn't want to have say goodbye again. May you have pleasant dreams. I love you, Shunkaku..."
"A-Aniki...please don't...go. I love you...Aniki..." Finally, Suboshi could no longer fight the overwhelming tidal waves of sleep, and he descended into the darkness of dreams, his subconscious traveling back to the days of happy and carefree childhood where he and Aniki had nothing to worry about and were always together.
Grabbing his items from where they sat on the bed, Amiboshi began to leave, only turning back once to look at his brother's sleeping form. He looked like an angel...Wiping the tears away, he continued on.
"Goodbye Shunkaku."
Forgive me.
*********************
"Do you think it was something I did?"
Innin turned from her dishes at the sound of her son's voice, fixing Kaika with a curious glance and a slight smile. "Something you did for what, darling?"
"The river," he said softly, "I was just thinking...What if the entire reason I fell into that river in the first place was because I deserved it?"
Kaika jerked his head in the direction of his mother as the sound of a shattered plate filled the living room. He watched her bend down, still in shock, and begin to hurriedly pick up the pieces. As she pulled out a broom and begin sweeping the smaller pieces into a pile, she began to speak, "My gods, child, what a horrible thing to say." She shook her a head and fixed Kaika with a troubled gaze. "A truly horrible thing. Why would anyone possibly want to throw such a wonderful boy like you into the rivers?"
"You only know me from when you found me," he pointed out, turning his eyes to the ceiling. "I was just thinking about how I could have ended up in the river in the first place."
"You probably were caught in a storm or some other terrible accident. Honestly, how could you think that someone would throw you into a river?"
He pulled his gaze away from the ceiling, threw a glance in her direction, then drew them back to the floor. "I don't know...It's just a feeling. I don't know how to explain it. Ever since a few weeks ago I've felt like..."
Innin eyed him curiously, speaking softly, "Like what, child?"
"Like I don't belong here!" The words came out more explosively than he had meant them to, and he turned away shamed at the pained look that crossed his mother's face. How could he have been so callous? They had taken him in so kindly, had done everything they could to help him regain his memory, and when all attempts had failed, they had let him become one of their own.
Yet though his shame ran deep at his thoughtless words, Kaika had spoken the truth. This place was not his home, and he could feel it. Part of a him was missing, an important and integral part of his being. Here, in the safety and warmth of their cabin, he was not home. There was another place, somewhere far away, that called to him. It was if he was walking in a dream, a floating entity suspended above an ever moving kaleidoscope of shapes and colors that had once been his memories. He felt so alone...
"Well, do you remember hurting anyone?"
Kaika's head snapped up at the sound of Innin's voice, turning to her with confused eyes. "What do you mean?"
She sighed. "What made you think you were drowned on purpose? Have any of your memories returned?"
"Not really...but I always feel as though I'm forgetting..." Kaika tapered off mid-thought before whispering softly, "Aniki..."
"Aniki? Perhaps you had an older brother at one point."
"Perhaps..."
Placing a hand on her hip, Innin cocked her hide slight and smiled wryly. "I won't lie my darling, you are a strange one sometimes. Please, enough of this dark humor...Would you like to help your mother clean up this mess she's made?"
"If it makes you uncomfortable, and of course I will."
"Thank you, Kaika."
"You're welcome...Mother..."
*********************
Somebody had disrupted his melody.
That was the only thought that flashed coherently through his mind. He did not know who or how, but those answers were not important right now. Amiboshi only knew that he had to escape, had to get away from the two Suzaku warriors pursuing him. If they caught him...he did not like to think about would follow. The Suzaku warriors did not take betrayal lightly, far less did they tolerate threat to their comrades and beloved priestess.
Run. Get away.
He had to find a way back to Kutou, back to Suboshi. Once he reached the river he would be okay. Ahead, he could already see the swollen banks of the river splashing against the stone walls. Almost there...
"Mister, I need you to launch this boat now!"
"It's impossible today. With the recent downpour, the river's too high. Since yesterday, people have been swept away by the current and drowned."
"No, you don't understand! I have to--"
"There you are."
The voice was quiet. Deadly.
Shivering, Amiboshi turned, coming to face the coldly outraged visages of Tamahome and Tasuki. He shuddered slightly; now how was he going to get out of this situation? He had promised Shunkaku...
Tamahome took a few steps towards him. "You can't escape." He closed his tightly for a moment before reopening them and glaring at Amiboshi coldly. "You say you're Amiboshi. How many of Seiryuu's Guardians are gathered, besides you and Nakago?"
Before he could answer, Tasuki broke in angrily, "What's th' use talkin' ta this scumbag?!" He shook his head violently, an action that showed the inner turmoil of the fiery warrior. Anger, fear, sadness, betrayal, hurt...Words could not describe how pained Tasuki was at the reality behind Amiboshi. The boy he had come to accept as his...friend. Holding back tears, he regarded Amiboshi with the most furious of gazes. "I thought you were our buddy." His hold on the tessen tightened. How could he have betrayed their trust?
A moment of deadly quiet fell between the three seishi. The air was heavy around them, thick with the taint of Amiboshi's sin. He had shattered the strongest of bonds, had used and manipulated the love and companionship of seishi in a fashion that was inexcusable.
Unforgivable.
The word hung like gun smoke above their heads. They could never forgive him for this action, this lack of fidelity. Amiboshi would pay for the pain he had caused to their priestess...and to all of them as well. Tamahome and Tasuki shifted, preparing to strike.
"Tamahome, Tasuki, don't fight!" Miaka's voice echoed loudly in the ears of the three, temporarily breaking the barrier of hatred between them as she and Chichiri came to land on Tasuki's back.
Tamahome gasped. "Miaka?"
Ignoring her beau, the priestess ran towards Amiboshi, hoping to speak with him, ask him why he had done this...and change his mind. "Chiriko," she cried. Miaka fell back suddenly in fear as Amiboshi launched himself from the platform, flute raised above his head to strike. Tamahome protected her, but Miaka was not one to be swayed in matters as serious as these. Pushing his arms away, she screamed, "Stop it, Chiriko! You don't need to hurt anyone! Your tunes are lovely, aren't they?! You can use them to cheer and comfort! You don't have to play the flute in cruelty!"
Amiboshi froze at her words, his body halting mid-jump. He didn't need to hurt anybody: his tunes were lovely, and he could just play to comfort others. That was not what Nakago had said. Nakago had seen nothing beautiful in his music, their destructive powers the only aspect that had caught his attention. He reeled back, suddenly confused. Who was right?
He fell back, unaware of the edge behind him. It was not until he landed, until he felt the stone crumbling beneath his heels, until he felt his body falling towards the engorged river that had once been his prison now his Grim Reaper. Amiboshi shut his eyes tightly as he fell backwards, the furious rush of water and cries of people near the dock echoing in his ears.
His body jerked up abruptly as somebody grabbed the edge of his flute. When he opened his eyes, he found himself gazing into the hazel eyes of the priestess of Suzaku. Innocent eyes. Merciful eyes.
"Chiriko..."
She still thought of him as one of her warriors, one of her innocent followers. Gods bless her.
"Chiriko..."
But he was not an innocent. The knowledge slammed into him at the same speed as the rushing river below him. He was a sinner; he had betrayed the ones who had cared for and trusted him the most. They had received him without question among their ranks, and by accepting the title of Suzaku warrior Chiriko, Amiboshi had taken on the duty of completing that circle of trust.
And he had not.
There was only one other being in the expanse of the four gods' realm whom he had shared such a close-knit relationship with, only one other who had been granted a glimpse of the deepest hollows of his soul. That person was expecting him to return.
But Miaka...though he had known her only as a enemy, her depthless eyes seemed to gaze further into his soul than any dive Shunkaku had ever attempted in his life. How could the one he had betrayed know him better than the brother who loved him? Could they...love him?
"Chiriko?"
Her voice floated over the haze of his conscious mind, forming a dark cloud over all of the beliefs he had come to know and accept before. Everything he had ever known about the Suzaku seishi was a lie...
But there was a hope. A single, solitary ray of hope that pierced the blackness of the looming clouds and opened his eyes to the anticipations all of them had for the future. Some expectations would never come to be, but there were others, some that he could still fulfill. As he gazed into her sad, war-torn eyes, Amiboshi smiled faintly.
There were some errors he could still rectify.
Miaka's eye widened in horror as his grasp on the flute voluntarily loosened, his fingers loosing their tight grip around the wooden handle. As he began to fall away, he closed his eyes, allowing the world to disappear. The one in Kutou would have to wait for another day for Amiboshi to fulfill his promise to him.
"Chiriko!"
And as he fell, the sounds that had echoed so loudly in his ears seemed to fade away, and the only thing he could hear was the enchanting, happy melody of a wooden flute playing in the distance...
*********************
Kaika gazed at the ceiling of his room blankly, eyes fixated on beings beyond the thin walls of the cabin home. He was looking at the stars, seeing their constellations form in his own mind in a dazzling display of white diamonds. Lifting a hand, he stretched one arm towards the ceiling, encircling the white gem with his fingers, clutching it tightly and pulling it back to his body.
Of course, when he opened his hand, there was nothing. There never was.
He was floating on a river, his destination unknown as the swift currents carried him away from all he knew. There were no undercurrents to slow his course, no rocks for his feet to dash against as he was carried off into oblivion towards some unknown climax of memories. What dips in the river awaited him? What waterfall would allow him to overcome this painfully stationary position, trapped at the pinnacle between one life and next?
Kaika clenched his fist around the flute in his right hand, pulling it to chest close to his heart. Nighttime had always been a battle for the young man. Unable to play his tunes in fear of waking the others, he was forced to bury himself in blurry glimpses of memories that were no only pale shadows of their former selves. There was no melody for him to focus on, no notes to comfort his weeping soul.
There was no resistance to the flood of tears that poured down his cheeks minutes later, creating small streams of their own as they marred his features, stark and pale in the luminescence of the moon.
When would this painful journey down the river end? When would his waterfall come? When would his dreams be peaceful and serene once more and no longer would he have to suffer beneath the memory of sorrowful betrayal reflecting in green eyes?
*********************
"Suboshi?!" Amiboshi gazed at his brother in shock and horror as the ryuuseisui impaled Tomo, tearing through his body and slaying the Seiryuu seishi as quickly as the sun was rising in the east. Since when had murder come as easily as breathing?
The illusionists vines fell away from his broken, beaten body, and he collapsed from the strain, both from the injuries he had endured under Tomo's hands and the spiritual suffering from having a piece of his soul torn away as his fellow ordained died. He shivered in the cold of the dawn, his body trembling with the memory of blood and feathers. Tomo had almost raped Miaka...Amiboshi shut his eyes tightly and thanked both Suzaku and Seiryuu for the miracles that came with sunrises.
He opened his eyes as Suboshi's arms came up around him, his spirit reaching out to brush against his own. For a moment, he reveled in the warmth. No matter how much he justified his stay away from the land of Kutou, his spirit would never truly be complete without Shunkaku at his side.
And then there were voices.
"Aniki?" Amiboshi was shaken slightly by his brother's urgent hands. "Aniki, don't worry, I killed him, everything's all right now!"
Kill. Right. It seemed so wrong to hear those words in the same sentence. What was right anymore? No, Shunkaku, not everything is all right. Nothing's been all right since we joined up with the Seiryuu seishi. This wasn't Shunkaku, the beloved young man he had grown up watching over for the past eight years, who had needed his guiding hand in every aspect of life in order to make his way through the wide world without falling down. This boy was a stranger. This boy was...Suboshi. Amiboshi shut his eyes again. He knew what he had to do to save both his brother's soul and his own. "Suboshi..."
His brother's more urgent voice broke through his thoughts. "Why didn't you come, Aniki, why didn't you come back to where I was?" Suboshi's grip on his older brother tightened slightly, clutching the other boy's prone body close. He fought the tears that rose to his eyes as Amiboshi turned a battered, bloody face towards him, clasping his own arm slightly.
"Go-Gomen nasai. It wasn't as though I forgot about you." He turned his gaze slightly to the side, catching a glimpse of a half-dressed Miaka watching them intensely, a slight look of worry on her features. A faint smile appeared at the corners of Amiboshi's mouth. So much they fought for, yet so little they would gain from such ill-bred battles with one so innocent. He turned back to Suboshi. "Suboshi, let's stop...let's stop fighting Miaka and the others. We shouldn't summon Seiryuu." Raising a broken hand slightly, he pointed a finger towards the east. To the sunrise. To a new beginning. "Let's go...to the town. With me. We can live a peaceful life with a new and very nice family." He reached down, grabbing the pouch from his waist, and brought it within reach of both of them. "If you drink this Bohkyaku syrup, you can forget about everything. If you want to live with me...drink it, Suboshi."
The younger boy's hands grasped the pouch, grabbing the cap and screwing it off. He glanced once at Amiboshi, who simply smiled back tenderly. Finally, both he and his brother could live together peacefully. Once again, Amiboshi had taken his brother's hand and guided him along. As long as he was in control, everything would be okay. He could protect Shunkaku, and they could be happy together...
Suboshi's features twisted slightly, as if in great pain, as he met his brother's familiar emerald gaze. Was this the path to take? He was at a moment of indecision, standing at the edge of a waterfall and looking down. In what direction would the current take him? Or could he still...make his own path? Lifting the pouch to his mouth, he drank a mouthful of the liquid, filling his mouth with the familiar taste of soup. It tasted of onion and herb, just like the kind his mother used to make when they were little. Looking down, he was met with the tender visage of his older brother, and his features hardened.
All his life, Suboshi had traveled the road of destiny holding somebody's hand. First, it had been his mother, and after her death, his father's. Then came the war terrible years, the war years, his other half had became the light in the darkness for him. The last few months without his brother, without a guide, had left him so disoriented and confused. Aniki had been his world, his everything. To have found himself stranded in the waters of life without an oar to paddle his way back to shore...It had devastated Suboshi in every way a man's heart could be ravaged.
And then there she had come into his life, a brilliant star in the vast expanse of his lonely universe. Lady Yui, the priestess of Seiryuu, had comforted him while he suffered in the throes of deepest hell, had opened his heart where the black fist of a death had sealed it shut. He loved her. One day, he hoped she would love him too. If he gave up now, he would never have that chance.
His boat rocked unsteadily in the waters of his soul, his heart split between the two people he loved most of all. Kotoku had given him everything, had taught him all he needed to know. Yui was the girl of his dreams, the one he hoped to one day find solace in. Closing his eyes, Suboshi came to a decision.
Though he loved his brother with all his heart, Suboshi knew that he could no longer hold his brother's hand. The oil in Kotoku's lantern had burned out, and his light had faded from the world. He had held onto Shunkaku long enough; it was time for Suboshi to take his place. There was only one bright enough to guide him now...
Amiboshi gazed proudly upon his brother's features as the boy drank the soup, his body relaxing in his brother's grip. Now everything was all right. He had taken control, rescued his brother from the horrors of the Seiryuu seishi, and was now about to begin a new life with his brother. A brighter life. A better one.
There were no words for the shock as the warmth of his brother's mouth covered his own. He choked as warm liquid was forced into his mouth and down his throat, trying to spit it out before the drug took affect. What was Shunkaku doing? Did he not the hand Kotoku was offering him?
His body too weakened to fight his brother's advances, he fell back helplessly as his younger self pulled away. Already he could feel the drug ravaging his mind, erasing memories of events past one by one.
Why? It was a question he could not answer alone.
Suboshi appeared before him again, tears in his eyes. "Gomen, Aniki, but...I love Yui-sama."
Yui...The girl's name floated through his mind vaguely as he struggled to stay conscious. Was this the reason his brother was leaving him? For their priestess...for the Seiryuu? For the ones who had destroyed them? There was no energy left for emotions, so he simply struggled to speak. "Su-su..."
Gomen Aniki, but I love Yui-sama. I love you...
Yui? Who was Yui? Trembling with fatigue, Amiboshi collapsed into the darkness. The last thing he saw was green. Depthless green stretching on into eternity.
And then there was darkness.
**********************
He awoke with a start, his body trembling at the memory of a nightmare, its images fleeting and irreplaceable. There was no remembrance, no release from his damnation. For he had sinned, and he would have to pay.
Green eyes...
Slipping quietly out of bed, he tugged on his clothes, grabbing his flute and making his way out of his house. To the river. Down to where the answers to his suffering lie ruined, swept away by the unforgiving tides. Down to where his soul could be quelled if only for a few moments.
The water was unforgiving and cold as he entered the water, chilling him the marrow, causing his body to tremble and his grip on the flute to grow shaky. Ignoring the cold, Kaika waded in farther until he was the very thick of the river, the current flowing around him, pushing him back as if warning him not to go any deeper. He ignored these warnings as well, forcing his mind to focus the flute he now brought to his lips, his fingers shaking.
Stark and pale, the moon rose full overhead, bathing the young man in brilliant blue-white light. The stars, illuminated by the light of their gods, burned brightly overhead, sparkling like dragon's tears in the great blackness of the sky.
The notes that poured from his flute did not float on the air as easily as they had before. Instead, they stabbed viciously, tearing a piece of his soul away, forcing a place for themselves in the grand scheme of the universe. The melody was one of requiem, of remembrance that would never come. Here he would remain for all eternity, drifting on the current, taken farther and farther away from the island that was his sanctuary and deeper into the isles of his misery.
For he had sinned, and the price of penance was great.
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Final Notes From the Author:
I never did quite understand why Amiboshi was labeled the "good" twin. Did he not kill as many, if not more often, then Suboshi did? Amiboshi is a character that I feel many underestimate. He is a creature of deadly grace and fury, and though he tends to keep his emotions quelled more easily than Suboshi, he can be driven into justified violence just as easily as his brother. Did he not, after all, attempt to kill Suzaku's followers to help the Seiryuu seven summon their god first?
The basic idea behind this story is that Amiboshi's memory loss can be looked on as a curse rather than a blessing, a kind of penance for all he had done. He is now forced to live his life with only bare glimpses of what was. Quite frankly, I do not consider that a blessing. It's no different than Suboshi being held down by the members of Tamahome's slaughtered family as his ryuuseisui comes flying back and impales him. Let's be upfront about the whole topic: The Seiryuu seven were not the greatest bunch, and I feel that many of them received punishment beyond what death offered them in the anime.
However, please note that this fic does have a tint of hope about it, and I think that is the case with all of my Seiryuu fics. While Amiboshi may have to pay a heavy price for what he had done, this story is meant to hint at the idea that perhaps one day he will pay that debt and find salvation, just as Nakago did in my story Loyal Redeemer. (Shameless plug, shameless plug!)
Conclusively, this story is NOT meant to be offensive to Amiboshi fans. I'm a huge Seiryuu fan myself, and I don't hate Amiboshi. This fic is also not a call out against being a fan of Amiboshi. However, as a fan, it is of an even greater importance for me to hold true to the actions of the characters and my beliefs as to what their fates are. I hope this story left you with a sense of justification and awareness, or, at least, I hope it was thought-provoking enough to make one or two people reconsider Amiboshi's character.
Oh, and quick detail, remember that Kaika's mother lives in Sairo, hence why she swears by Byakko.
I hope you enjoyed it! And, yes, this is part of the Written in the Stars series. (No relation to Ryuen and Purple Mouse's fic. I had claim on the title first.) And remember, reviews are an author's best friend!
Credits and Grace:
· Thanks to Fushigi Yuugi: Never Ending Story for its scripts.
· Also, this fic was semi-inspired by one of Gerald Tarrant's fantastic Fushigi Yuugi stories found on this site: The Four Gods Earth and Sky
· Finally, thank you to everyone who reviewed!