(Precious Roy music starts)
Olly: Hi, folks. Welcome to the Precious Roy Home Shopping Network. Now, if you're like me, you have a pet unicorn. But y'know folks Unicorns can get very aggressive around your gnome slaves. And folks, this can get very dangerous. I mean…. Heh…. it's got, like, a freaking weapon attached to its skull!
Sifl: Aw, dude, you know the problems I've been having with skull weapons.
Olly: Sifl, you have some serious-ass weapons attached to skull problems! But now, thanks to Precious Roy, you don't have to worry about a Unicorn-Gnome civil war happening ANYWHERE IN YOUR HOME! Folks, Precious Roy is proud to reveal another one of its high-quality; top-of-the-line products: The Precious Roy Peace-Making Tear Gas!
Sifl: Dude, what the-
Olly: Here's another nightmare scenario for ya' folks: You're hosting a Sunday brunch to show off your brand-new pet Unicorn. Your gnome slave comes in to serve tea and those little cucumber sandwiches…..when, all of a sudden, Little Sparkletoes FLIPS OUT! Well, this is where the Precious Roy Peace-Making Tear Gas comes in. You pull this little sh*t-kicker out, simply pull out the safety pin, and BAM! You've got yourself a Gnome Slave and Unicorn love-fest! Let's take some calls!
Caller 1: Hi—um…Am I—am I on the air?
Sifl: You sure are. Caller go ahead.
Caller 1: Oh, ok! Great, thanks. Um….I just wanted to say I love these tear gas thingies.
Sifl: That's great! What do you love so much about them?
Caller 1: Well, yesterday was "Bring your pet Unicorn or Gnome Slave to Work Day"….
Sifl: Oh, that's a terrible idea!
Caller 1: I know! I tried to tell my boss, but he wouldn't listen!
Sifl: So what happened?
Caller 1: Well, as soon as I had gotten to work the next day, ALL HELL had already broken loose—
Olly: Oh, mighty Hades, I call upon thee! Grant me the power of Cerberus! Nemesis, strike down the non-believing mortals! IN THE NAME OF THE GREAT GOD ZEUS!
Sifl: Dude, you always do this! Cut it out! Sorry, caller. Please, finish your story.
Caller 1: Uh, yeah. Thanks. Anyway, there was blood, EVERYWHERE.
Sifl: Yeah, I bet.
Caller 1: Uh-huh. There were gnome intestines in the coffee, chunks of Unicorn meat all over the bagels, and the Conference room was being used to hold all the dead bodies!
Sifl: Oh my god! What did you do?
Olly: You bastards! How dare you sully the beautiful name of Freyja! PRECIOUS!
Precious Roy: Oh, it's you freaks again! I WANT MY YOGURT BACK!
Olly: Precious! Tell us about your Peace-Making Tear Gas!
Precious Roy: Buy my pubic hairs! SUCKERS!
*Precious Roy, Precious Roy –Making lots of sucker out of boys and girls!*