"Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead." ~ Benjamin Franklin

When Squirrelflight told Ashfur that Jayfeather, Lionblaze and Hollyleaf were actually Leafpool's, it was all over. It was an act of desperation and Ashfur knew it but he couldn't let it slip. Squirrelflight hurt him and somehow, he needed to get back at her. He knew it wasn't intentional but it wasn't enough to heal the wounds in his heart.

It was practically common sense that nobody can trust each other with secrets, even cats who seem to be the closest to you. Leafpool was lucky that her bond with Squirrelflight was close enough not to let the secret slip, not even to Brambleclaw or the kits themselves. Ashfur knew that if he was Squirrelflight's mate, he won't tell anybody either. It'll be hard but that's how much he loved her. He won't even get mad at her for lying. If he was with Squirrelflight, it'll be like a dream coming true. A simple lie of Leafpool's kits won't tear that dream apart. When they were still friends, Ashfur still had the privilege of imagining them as more than friends but now it was impossible.

Ashfur realized that if he told the whole clan about the truth of Jayfeather, Lionblaze and Hollyleaf, he would feel like he betrayed his crush. In fact, he probably would have betrayed her even if it wasn't fair. He could imagine the empty and hollow feeling he would feel when the clan exiles Squirrelflight or do something cruel to her because of him. That has to be better than being heart-broken. Besides, her relationship with Brambleclaw would probably be ruined. Isn't that what he wanted? Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw to be gone so she is free to be mates with him again?

He really thought he had something with her. Brambleclaw..Brambleclaw was too perfect. Sure, his father is Tigerstar and nobody really trusted him but of course, he had to prove himself loyal to the clan and make himself a hero. Squirrelflight doesn't need somebody so heroic in her life, she had plenty of greatness inside of her. Ashfur was convinced she needed somebody like him to contain her fire. They would make a perfect couple together.

Squirrelflight did apologize but it wasn't enough. 'I'm sorry' doesn't mend broken hearts. His heart has already been torn into pieces, he figured out long ago that it couldn't revive the way it was before. They can't be just friends. He can't even gaze at her without the burning pit of jealousy knowing she would never be his.

It's perfect, isn't it? A total cliche. The leader Firestar's daughter with his enemy Tigerstar's son. The gorgeous she-cat with fire inside of her, the flawless hero who as Ashfur knew didn't make a single mistake. The cats who used to hate each other and now love each other. Ashfur knew cats who would cry when they hear this supposed faultless love story but there always had to be somebody in the sidelines and now it's him. He didn't like it a bit.

He should have known making friends with Squirrelflight was a bad idea but he was stricken by her beauty. Squirrelflight always caused trouble even if she didn't want it to happen. She obviously can't do anything about the fact he's fallen for her.

"Now blame it on me." Ashfur mewed to himself bitterly. It seems like everything came back to him. He was the deranged puzzle piece in the puzzle of Thunderclan. His rivalry with Brambleclaw haven't even been taken seriously especially when Squirrelflight forgave Brambleclaw that quickly. He never even got a proper chance to compete with him. The other cats probably didn't even notice that Ashfur resented Brambleclaw. Maybe Brambleclaw himself, didn't realize either. Squirrelflight definitely didn't. She thought he was perfectly fine with it and will get over it as soon as possible.

I'm sorry, Squirrelflight, Ashfur thought. He's sorry he couldn't just be happy for her. He has to be sorry for all the things he didn't mean. What can he say to Squirrelflight anyway? I'm sorry for falling in love with you? I'm sorry you're just so…beautiful and amazing? I'm sorry Brambleclaw exists? I'm sorry for starting all the 'drama' because I think you're worth everything? I'm sorry for the fact I thought you can be mine?

Why did he ever thought Squirrelflight can be his? It's like a dream that can never come true. It's like…it's like a goal that you can never reach. It's like Squirrelflight saying three simple words to him that will never happen. I love you. Is that too much to ask? It's so simple but so hard at the same time. I love you. It's not hard at all. Ashfur can say that to Squirrelflight anytime.

Did Squirrelflight think that once she revealed the secret about the three kits, the secret would be safe? The Ashfur before she became mates with Brambleclaw would probably keep it but now, not a chance. If it can hurt Brambleclaw, he's willing to do it. If it can ruin Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight's relationship, he's willing to do it. If it hurt those wretched kits of theres - or rather Leafpool and Crowfeather's, he's willing to do it.

Brambleclaw got hurt. Squirrelflight got hurt. Leafpool got hurt. Crowfeather..probably got hurt. Jayfeather got hurt. Lionblaze got hurt. Hollyleaf got hurt. Is it worth it? Ashfur sighed. It is, isn't it? They deserve it. They fucking deserve it.

Squirrelflight, that's what you get for keeping secrets. That's what you get for revealing them. That's what you get for hurting. That's what you get for being so damn perfect and ditched the cat obviously in love with you for one that is supposedly better. I'm really sorry Squirrelflight for all that's happen but I cannot help it. It was perfect. It will be perfect, really, if we have gotten together. Ashfur's mind raced angrily. Why Brambleclaw? Why that stuck up child of the bastard who almost ruined the clans?

We could have been the best mates ever, Ashfur thought as he lay his heavy head on the grass. He couldn't think of it anymore. Is there a way to just get out of this world already? Away from Squirrelflight, away from Brambleclaw, away from secrets, away from hurt, away from everything Ashfur was in. He couldn't do it anymore. His life is heading straight down to the bottom.

Secrets like that are never meant to hide. They always get discovered and this time, Ashfur only sped the process.

AN: I always thought Ashfur is an interesting character to portray and write about in his point of view. He is just full of hate, love and jealousy... I seriously love how he is made and I hope this isn't too OCC.

In case I don't update before Easter, Happy Easter guys! Good luck finding the easter eggs ;)

~Kisses, Emily