Hey guys! Another random story that popped into my head. NO idea where it's going, it's just going. And I'm having to just copy and past crap onto stuff I already have loaded 'cause for some reason I can't upload stuff right now. Stupid microsoft word. *sigh* Anywho, yeah this is mostly told from Burt's pov. Enjoy, review, no flames. I kinda like the way I'm writing it. 'S different. And just so ya know, NSS stands for Non-Serious Story. which means i'm not planning to finish it, it's just a story i'm writing randomly when i have nothing else to do and can't concentrate on my other stories. so...ja. have fun reading! :D

Disclaimer: NOT MINE! all i own in this story is the plot, Sir Buffoon, and the terrible Tyler wumping (please don't kill me).

Sir Buffoon Introduced

I'm not sure what's worse right now. The fact that some over-muscled buffoon managed to break into my bunker, or that said over-muscled buffoon is now telling me that I brought this on myself for ruining his life all those years ago. I have no idea what he's talking about. Pretty sure I would remember someone like him. He looks like a body-builder on steroids. Ok, so maybe not that big but…well he's a lot bigger than me is the point. Not to mention he's got a pretty big pose with him, two of which are holding me by the arms. I have a feeling I'm not getting out of this very easily, which is annoying me to no end. I leave Perfection for 4 days for lectures and I come home to some idiot I don't know blaming me for something I didn't do.

"HEY! Are you listening to me?" No. "I promised myself back then that I would get revenge for what you did to me. And now I can." Buffoon's breath smells like a mixture of cigar smoke, beer, and something else I'm not keen on knowing. Nice.

"Look Mr., co-"

"SIR!"

"What?" I glance over to find another, smaller buffoon glaring at me full force.

"You will address him as, Sir," he replies heatedly.

I roll my eyes and turn back to Sir Buffoon. "Fine. Look Sir, could you at least tell me what it is I did to you exactly before erecting your revenge on me?"

He glares. Badly. Damn, even Larry can glare better than that. "If you don't remember then that's your problem. Either way you're paying for it." He motions at the two holding me as he stomps off into my safe room. "Throw him back with the other one."

Other one? My guards tighten their grip on me and drag me down to my bedroom, open the door, toss me inside like I'm a sack of potatoes, and slam the door shut and lock it. I glare after them a moment before picking myself off the floor. Such gentlemen. And what the hell did he mean by other one?

I turn around to survey the room and my eyes are instantly drawn to the lump on my bed. I hurry over, not even needing to turn him over to know who it is. Hell, he's the only one in town with that messy, reddish-brown hair.

"Tyler?" I shake him gently. A pair of handcuffs anchors him to the bed and it's obvious from the blood smears on his arms that he had been struggling. His wrists are red and scabby from rubbing and the cuffs themselves are so tight they're digging into his skin. There's also a remarkably hand shaped bruise around his throat and he looks a little pale. What the hell had Sir Buffoon and his men been doing to him?

I shake him again a little harder. He opens his eyes slowly and stares at me for a moment before he recognizes me.

"Burt?" His voice sounds weak and scratchy. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask the same of you. What happened? And who are those guys out there?" I dig around in my vest pockets for moment and pull out a small pick and set to work on the cuffs.

"Old friends of yours I guess. Said something about revenge on you and I'm supposed to help him somehow." He winces as I finally free his hands from the restraints. His wrists look a lot worse now. I help him sit up and inspect the bruise on his neck.

"Where'd this come from?"

"The boss guy's got a thing for choking people I guess." He sways a little and now that I can see him better I notice something else and my eyes narrow.

"Tyler, when was the last time you ate anything?"

"…Nancy's pasta 'fore you left."

"What? Tyler that was 4 days ago! When did they grab you?"

"Mornin' after. I was supposed to go to Rosalita's' early to fix…something in her car before she left for Bixby but I woke up late. Figured I'd grab somethin' there but when I was driving by I noticed a black sedan inside your compound so I stopped to investigate. Someone nabbed me on the steps."

Great. Now if only I had thought to stop in town on my way home I might've realized this sooner. Then again we'd probably still be in the same situation. So never mind.

I sigh heavily. This wasn't going to be a good day. "Come on." I grab Tylers' arms and pull him to his feet. Lying tied up on a bed with no food for 4 days had taken its toll. His legs are too weak to hold him up and I almost end up having to carry him over to the 2nd bathroom joined to my room. Which is good because I doubt Sir Buffoon would let us use the one in the safe room.

I help him sit down on the floor against the wall and then grab a towel, soap, peroxide, and a bowl I left in the bathroom for these purposes, filling it with warm water.

"Here," I sit the bowl of water on his lap carefully before sitting down. "Soak your hands in it for awhile. Might help." He obeys quietly, wincing a little as his wounds connect with the water. After awhile I wet part of the towel and add some soap and gently start cleaning his wrists.

I just finish applying the bandages when 3 of our captors storm into the room. Sir Buffoon glares at Tyler but doesn't say anything. He just throws an MRE at us and leaves. The other two stay behind, standing on either side of the door.

"Hurry up. We leave in 20 minutes."

"Where are we going?"

The guard just glares at me. Again. These people really like glaring.

I shrug and pick up the MRE, pulling out a small piece and handing it to Tyler. I watch to make sure he doesn't eat it too fast. Honestly I'd rather not give Tyler any solid food but since we probably won't get anything else for awhile it's the best I can do.

It angers me that someone would do this. Sir Buffoon said he was mad at me so why drag Tyler into this? How is he supposed to help the idiot get revenge? And why starve him? I mean really, what good is starving someone you need to use? These guys are a bunch of idiots, Sir Buffoon the biggest one of all. To top it all off I still don't know why he's mad at me anyway. And for some reason I have the strangest feeling things were just going to get a whole lot worse.

Sometimes, I really hate my life.

Ja, ja, i know, it's weird. but please still review. pwetty pwease? *puppy eyes*