Title: The Pyrotechnician

Author: KobaltWolf

Rating: T

Summary: Helene Burton, also known as Mrs. X, decides to pay a visit to the renowned explosives expert Deidara, who, rumor has it, is also a super. However, her plans go awry when the finest pyrotechnician in the world proves to be something much more dangerous.

Warnings: Rated T for minor violence and D.E.I.D.A.R.A (dangerous explosive idiot doing awesome resplendent art)

Deidara raised an eyebrow at the red-haired woman across from him.

". . . .so you see, by agreeing to work with us, a symbiotic relationship is formed. You get paid, and I get information!" The woman, who had introduced herself as Mrs. X, smiled broadly, and far too congenially, for the blonde's liking.

He closed his eyes, a vein beginning to pulse on his temple. What an annoying voice. And, the fact that he was surrounded by a pack of gun-slinging idiots didn't exactly help the appeal of her proposition.

He sighed and rubbed his aching forehead with one hand, but otherwise remained silent.

"Well?" she pressed. "I really don't want to have to resort to more. . . .drastic actions." She leaned forward in what he guessed she thought was a both sexy and menacing way.

It was anything but.

"Ha!" The bomber's stark burst of laughter echoed through the room, and, immediately, ten gun barrels were pointed at his head. He took no notice and self-importantly crossed his arms. "And I suppose that's supposed to be threatening, un?"

She cocked her head.

Deidara smirked. He had to admit, she could keep her cool. But that wouldn't help the consequences of her appearance at his North African bunker. The place was a secret lost in the Sahara, and he intended to keep it that way. His clients did need a non-arrested supplier.

A maniacal grin split his face. "Ah, see, here's the thing, un. I'm not one of these things you call a 'super.' Such easily-controlled creatures are far below my standards. I have been alive for centuries, faced down demons both human and non-human, and am part of an organization of the most powerful people in the world, un. You, on the other-hand, are a pathetic superhero wanna-be."

And just like that, all sense of congeniality disappeared. "Okay, I see that you aren't willing to cooperate Mr. Deidara. And, because a pyrotechnic super—"

The bomber snorted derisively.

"—of your caliber is invaluable, I guess I'll have to resort to force." She smiled slightly as the guards closed in. She wouldn't have to waste hard-earned money after all.

"Baka."

Something white flitted through the air.

"KATSU!"

BOOM!

The guards flew backwards, slamming into the cell's walls with a sickening crack! Deidara watched with unchecked glee as they slowly slumped to the floor, trails of red following their bodies.

"What the—"

'Mrs. X' was pinned to the cold cement wall in an instant, the blonde's hand placed precariously at her throat. He smirked defiantly at the helpless gaki. "Now, because I'm a nice person, I won't kill you, un."

She stared at him in disbelief.

"And don't worry, it's not because I sympathize with you or anything, un." He smiled cheekily. "It's just that you might prove interesting in the future. The world has been so very boring since the destruction of the Hidden Villages, un. There's no one with any power, making, as one would expect, life very boring. So, here's the deal, un." The blonde leaned forward, brushing his hair from his left eye to reveal his glinting metal scope. "You make me something interesting, and I don't come back to kill you, un." He snapped a picture for later use.

The woman spat in his face.

He sighed, shaking his head sadly as he wiped away the saliva with the edge of his Akatsuki cloak. "Here's the thing, un." Deidara shoved her further up the wall, hand gripping her oh so delicate throat ever tighter. "I don't need your permission, yeah, un?"

BAM!

The pyrotechnician watched with a deadly smirk as the woman, her bravado vanished in the depths of unconsciousness, slumped to the floor. Slowly, he knelt down, gripping her chin in his hand and pulling it towards him. "Don't disappoint me, okay, un?" The tongues of his hand-mouths licked their lips.

"Anyways, un." Deidara yawned, having savored the moment long enough. Stretching, he rolled back on his heels as he stood. "I have other, more important things to attend to. After all," the blonde cracked his neck, "Sasori no Danna doesn't like to be kept waiting, un."

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Yo', peoples! Been a while since I posted. I went on yet another vacation and, at the same time, got sick with the flu and a cold—simultaneously. :( It wasn't too fun. So, I've been on the couch for the last few days, my head too stuffed up to think clearly. It's only today that I've managed to start feeling better.

The Emerald Curtain chapter 2 is in production (don't worry, it hasn't stopped) and should, hopefully, be out in the next week or two. :) Ulquiorra's time on Little Garden will be detailed, and he will gain a crew member, though unwillingly.

Anyways, back to this story. Me and my family have been watching No Ordinary Family on Hulu, and I noted that the show's characters weren't the only ones with freakish abilities. Characters from shows like Naruto, Bleach, One Piece, etc. all have awesome powers, too, most even more awesome. Deidara was used in this story simply because he's one of my favorite characters, and I already had a vague plot line in mind for him.

For those of you who don't know what No Ordinary Family is, it's a television drama about a family who gains superpowers after a plane accident over the Amazon River. It's pretty entertaining, though it can get a little corny at times. :P I recommend it if you're in the mood for just watching TV.

Peace out peoples!

KobaltWolf

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*EDIT* I've been getting some messages about whether I will make this story into a series. I may make more chapters at some point, each revolving around a different Akatsuki member, but it will remain a one-shot for the time being as I'm currently focusing on other projects. Sumimasen!

Sincerely,

KobaltWolf