After 1100 Years…
He couldn't remember how he got there. The TARDIS was playing crazy and the Doctor had been unable to control the machine. With a loud bang, which had sent the Doctor over the console the blue box had landed. It had taken the Doctor a moment to get up and check the scanner but of course it was unable to tell him where he was.
The Doctor was feeling strange. Uneasy. He had no idea about where he was which could sometimes happen but this time the Doctor simply wasn't sure. He stared at the door. Whatever was outside, he could feel that it was something he was unable to explain. Was it fear? The Doctor wasn't scared so easily and yet… He couldn't name it and yet he was certain that this feeling had occupied his mind before. It hadn't been there in a long while. He had to go outside.
The deserted beach brought everything back. The fear, the tears, the loneliness, the disappointment, the unspoken words he had desperately wanted to say but didn't. And she was there. How and why could she be here, the Doctor's mind wanted to ask but every thought disappeared in the rough wind over the sea.
She was alone; she had been staring over the waves, waiting. She couldn't explain why or for what, but also through her this strange, familiar feeling was passing and when she had heard that wheezing sound she froze and turned.
For a moment the Doctor was seriously considering just getting back into the TARDIS, slamming the door behind him and running away. So far running away had always gotten him out of almost every situation. But this was different. He couldn't leave. Not just like this. Not this time.
Obviously she was older, more mature. But she still had that golden hair, those rosy cheeks and even though she didn't show it, the Doctor could still see this bright smile on her lips that made everyone happy. He tried to force a smile, a wink or a wave of the hand, but couldn't.
She moved first. Slowly but without hesitation she walked towards the blue box. The Doctor was motionless. He still had the chance to get back in the TARDIS, but instead he now found himself moving forward as well, although much more reluctantly. They looked at each other while they walked, the Doctor's mind wanted him to look away, to sink his head, but he didn't and neither did she.
The Doctor was unable to read her face. He didn't know if he would get slapped, hugged, smiled or spat at in a few seconds. Every scenario ran through his head and yet it was as if he couldn't come up with any logical or illogical outcome.
They both stopped at the same second. Standing a metre apart, they looked at each other.
The Doctor was almost painfully aware how much different his grey hair and new face looked compared to the last time they had seen each other. But she didn't seem to have changed at all. She was still the young shop-assistant whose workplace he had blown up so many years ago.
"You've changed." she eventually said. "Again"
"Twice" he replied.
"Oh" She scrutinized him. "Well, you've never been one for the safe places."
The Doctor tried to smile but once again didn't manage it.
"She looks new too." she said and nodded towards the TARDIS in the distance.
"But she's still the same old girl." the Doctor replied as casually as he could. "I just redecorated."
"I don't like it." she simply said.
'Everyone's a critique' he normally would have said now but he couldn't say it to her.
"How long has it been?" he asked instead.
"Ten years" she answered.
"And are you and…" The Doctor needed to think for a moment before he could speak. "You and the Doctor are you still…." Why couldn't he say it?
She nodded as she pulled her blonde hair out of her face. "We have a house here. Sometimes we just drive over here, I can't really explain it…" She looked away. Even she couldn't say it.
The Doctor wasn't sure if he should feel relieved, angry or confused. For this one moment he decided to feel nothing.
"What about you?" It felt like she forced herself to ask. "Is there someone with you?"
The Doctor shook his head. "There were people I found acceptable enough to travel with but" Why was he so desperately trying to be funny? "As you know I work better alone anyway."
"No you don't." She said it with such ease and certainty. "What happened to them?"
It didn't feel right to tell her, but he also felt like he had to. "I've lost them. They die…" He looked away.
She didn't seem surprised or angry with him although he almost wanted her to be.
"How long has it been?" was she now the one who asked. "How old are you?"
"2000 years"
"Finally the face fits the number."
They both shared the smile.
"You've gone more northern again." she said amused. "Scottish now, are we?"
"I just picked it up." the Doctor replied, now more at ease. "I find the accent much more efficient to complain about things and correcting you humans."
There it was. This wonderful, uplifting laugh of which he had so many memories.
"Even after 1100 years you still need to work on your politeness." she replied.
"Has never been my strength as you know."
They looked into each other's eyes. It was like they could tell every story and yet display no image just by seeing each other. There were so many things to say and even more things they didn't dare telling.
"Are you still travelling then? You and the Doctor?" It was hard for him to imagine her with a man who both was and wasn't him without putting himself in his place.
"Sometimes" she replied slowly. "But we always found ourselves back here so we also kind of settled down…" She had something on her mind but was unable to utter it.
The Doctor desperately tried to find something to address, talking was the only thing of which he thought he could reach her.
"How's… Ti- Tom- Tommy?"
She shook her head and laughed. "Tony is fine, growing every day. Mum always tries to dress him up nicely but he doesn't like her taste in fashion and runs away from her."
"Well, she's always had that effect on people."
She punched him on the shoulder. But the Doctor studied her, deep in thought.
"Do you-"
"Mummy!"
She turned towards the coastal dune and smiled. The Doctor didn't move. He couldn't turn around.
The boy came running over the wet sand, his light brown hair falling in his face which was dominated by a bright grin. She walked towards him and picked him up then she looked towards the Doctor. Slowly she went back.
The child had his hair and her eyes and looked at the Doctor as though he was meeting a stranger.
"John, this is an old friend of mine." she said to him. "Say hello"
"Hello" The boy sounded almost lovingly shy.
The Doctor stared at the child. His mind was empty, his face blank, everything exploded and everything disappeared altogether.
"Hello, John"
In the corner of his eye he saw something move and now he turned towards the dune from where the child had come.
And there was him, up on the hill. It was almost strange to see the skinny silhouette not in a suit, but the spiky brown hair was unmistakable. He seemed to have grown a light beard although it was difficult to tell from a distance.
They both recognised one another in the same moment. The Doctor did neither move nor say anything and also the man didn't seem like he wanted to approach.
"You appear to be doing very well then." the Doctor eventually said simply and turned back.
She only nodded. She felt like she had to explain but she didn't know where to start or if he even wanted to hear about it.
"What's the police doing here?" the boy now asked as he was gazing towards the TARDIS and then at the Doctor. "Are you a policeman?"
"I try to be sometimes." the Doctor replied.
She chuckled. "He wants to be an explorer when he grows up."
"Oh, good choice!" the Doctor said and John grinned. "And I'm pretty sure your parents will be happy to accompany you on all your adventures."
John looked up to his mother who smiled and nodded. Then she carefully put him back down.
"Why don't you run up to dad and tell him about it? I'll be right with you two."
John said goodbye to the Doctor and rushed over the sand. He stumbled up the dune where his dad came towards him to lift him on his shoulders. The Doctor looked at them for a moment before he turned back.
"He's just like you." she said.
"No" Their eyes met. "He's like you."
Again a moment of silence. Both of them opened their mouths but neither of them found the words. They smiled gently and she turned to look up the dune.
"Do you…" It was unimaginably hard to utter the syllables even though it was only a simple question. "Do you want to come back with us, we could…"
She didn't know how to finish the sentence but the Doctor was already shaking his head.
"I'm sorry." he said.
"You don't have to be." she replied smiling.
The Doctor wanted to speak but even now his mind wouldn't let him. She closed the gap between them and kissed him on the cheek.
"Just be careful, okay?"
She turned away from him and walked towards the dune.
The Doctor stared after her, his mind and hearts racing. He had to say something, he wanted to say something to her, this one last time he couldn't just be silent. He hadn't uttered it in years.
"Rose"
She turned back. The Doctor just stood there but he didn't have to or wanted to do anything else. Once more there was this gentle smile as she waved towards him and then turned around.
Slowly the Doctor went back to his TARDIS. As he fumbled for the key he dared to look back one last time. She was taking John by the hand and leading him downhill. But he remained on the dune one moment longer and looked at the Doctor. The two Time Lords nodded then the lock of the TARDIS snapped open.
The Doctor stepped inside and remained next to the closed door for quite some time. He didn't sigh, he didn't cry, he didn't make one sound. Eventually he went up to the console, slowly pulling a few levers and pushing some buttons. He wasn't even quite aware of what he was doing but the column in the middle started to move and the engine hummed. The Doctor left the console behind him and walked into the endless corridors of the TARDIS where he would in time lose and find himself without saying anything.