Title: Slytherin 101

Disclaimer: I do not own HP. I'm just here to give a good laugh.

"The world has gone barmy," Hermione said into space. "Even I have gone mad!"

"Hermione, you've been acting strange since awhile ago" Ron said, eyeing his best friend appraisingly.

"Ron's right, you know. What happened, 'Mione?" Harry, who was sitting beside Ron, finally talked after what happened. He seemed to recollect himself again.

"Wow Harry, never thought you would not ignore me—us anymore" Ron said sarcastically.

"Sorry," Harry said. "My life awhile ago was… how do you put it? I couldn't even think of the perfect word for it"

"In shambles" Hermione supplied. And her friends looked at her, ever the love-struck teenager.

Let's go back to what happened hours ago, shall we? Rewind x8. Once again, we're back in front of the Slytherin Dungeons where Ron, Hermione and Harry are sneaking. Why they were sneaking, you ask? Let's see for ourselves what happened, shall we?

"Malfoy's up to something! I can feel it!" Harry, who was clutching the Invisibility Cloak around them, said.

"Instincts aren't always right, Harry" Hermione said, irritated at them for dragging her out. She wasn't finished doing her Arithmancy homework yet.

"Ssshhhhh guys! Malfoy's arrived with his cronies" Ron pointed at the Slytherin Common Room.

It is the time of the year where the Slytherins are having fun playing truth or dare. Since their pride is higher than Mt. Everest, no one chose truth. It would only mean that they're weak. The more humiliation you get, the better. That's the motto and purpose of their game.

"Is that your dare, Zabini?" Malfoy was sneering at Blaise Zabini. "You know you can do better than that"

"Afraid, Malfoy? You can always tell me that you can't do it" Blaise taunted. Before Malfoy could talk back—

"Guys, let's move closer! I can't hear a thing from here" Harry whispered, moving forward. Ron, who was too focused on the conversation, didn't hear this. Hermione tried to pull the cloak but Ron didn't move. Harry accidentally stepped on the edge of the Invisibility Cloak followed by Hermione who wasn't paying much attention and Ron who wasn't moving. They tripped over each other when the Slytherins noticed their presence.

"Ouch! Ron, get off me!" Hermione hissed, not knowing that they've already been found out.

"I didn't know we were already moving forward!" Ron said defensively.

"You weren't listen—" Harry scolded but halted when he noticed that they were no longer covered by the Invisibility Cloak.

"Well, well. If it isn't Potty, Weasel and the Mudblood. Great timing! You just made our lives ten times easier" Draco said and turned to Zabini. "Now's your chance, Blaise"

"Let me correct that Malfoy. Ours. Our chance" Blaise smirked and walk toward the Golden Trio, followed by Draco who swallowed something that he got from his pocket.

The Golden Trio struggled to get up but Malfoy and Zabini were already in front of them. It was Malfoy who stepped forward first.

"What are you going to—" Hermione said and stopped when Draco leaned, touched both her cheeks and put something round on her mouth using his. Then he shoved his tongue on her, which made her swallow for effect. Hermione, who was too flabbergasted to move, stood there unmoving. Draco continued kissing her for another minute before pulling away. No one noticed about the little exchange that happened through their mouths. Draco looked at Blaise and he took this as his signal.

"What was that—" Harry and Ron said in unison, both were astounded from seeing what just happened. They were staring at Hermione that they didn't notice Blaise stripping in front of them.

"Potter" Blaise said. Harry shifted his attention to Blaise's hand that was clutching his. "What are you do—" Harry stopped when he felt Blaise's c*****.

"SWEET MERLIN, HARRY!" Ron exclaimed. "Get off him, Zabini or I'll hex you!" he withdrew his wand and pointed it at him. Blaise stepped back at once.

"Hermione, help me with Harry!" Ron bellowed but Hermione didn't move the slightest. "I'll do it, then!" He started shaking The-Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Just-Move but he was rigid like he was stunned by ten Death Eaters all at once. "Harry! You're still going to marry my sister, aren't you?!"

But Harry was no longer moving. And so was Hermione.

Crabbe and Goyle merely stood in front of their Common Room, mouths hanging with disbelief. Draco Malfoy looked triumphant as well as Blaise Zabini. When Draco looked at his cronies, they gathered themselves and started cheering for the success of their Slytherin prince and best friend.

"You've got soft lips for a mudblood, Granger" Malfoy said before entering their Common Room along with his cronies.

Inside the Slytherin Common Room, each and every one of the Slytherins hooted and screamed with triumph. Apparently, everyone saw everything that happened; thanks to magic. Way to go to bring Gryffindors down.

Draco and Blaise high-fived each other as they remembered the stunned faces of the people they dislike the most.

"It's your turn, Parkinson" Draco said as he sat on the couch. Pansy looked at him with a disgusted expression and stood up. Draco suddenly looked defensive. "Don't look at me like that. It wasn't me who gave you that dare"

"Yeah, right. Thanks Astoria, you fucking bitch" Pansy glowered and Astoria Greengrass, who was standing by the window, tried her best to look innocent in spite of how evil the dare she gave to Pansy.

"Don't worry, Pansy. At least I didn't tell you to snog a lousy Gryffindor like Millicent told me to. Go on now" Astoria sneered.

Pansy scowled and went to the girl's dormitory and started looking for some outfits.

Typical Slytherins. Now, now. That's not all that's left of the actions. Let's go back to the present, shall we?

"I still can't believe that Malfoy kissed you!" Ron seethed.

"He said I've got soft lips, Ron" Hermione said in her most dreamy voice. "I think I… I like him"

"Harry, you've got to help me. Did you think Malfoy has done something to Hermione?" Ron said with a lot of concern. He was the only sane person now.

"I think he didn't," Harry contemplated. "Because… I didn't see him use his wand nor the others."

Just then, the bell rang indicating that free time is over and that the Great Hall is now ready for dinner.

"Let's go. I think food is what we all need" Ron said and they all went to the Great Hall only to be welcomed by full of smirking Slytherins.

"They'regoingtopayforthis" Ron said as he ate a mouthful of Lamb chops along with the Mashed Potatoes.

"Yeah, Ron" Harry said sarcastically. "Pour out your heart into eating those poor innocent food. I pity them" he sighed dramatically.

"What's happened to you, Harry? You've become mean in just minutes." Ron said after he swallowed everything on his plate. He was now going for puddings.

"Try touching Zabini's…" Harry trailed off, feeling embarrassed.

"Something wrong, Harry?" Ginny asked, touching Harry's hand affectionately. Harry flinched but relaxed after a second. Ron took this as his signal and was about to explain when Harry gave him dagger looks behind Ginny's back.

"It's nothing important, Gin" Harry said and kissed Ginny's cheek.

"Just how blatant can you two be?" Hermione said, standing up. "We're in the Great Hall!" she shouted, making everyone including the teachers look at her which she massively ignored.

"Calm down, 'Mione. It's just a kiss on the cheek." Harry whispered.

"A kiss!" Hermione screamed. "It was only just a kiss?" Her voice was shrilly. Draco from the Slytherin table looked at her at last and knew that it was working. "I feel odd!"

"Yes, mudblood. It was only just a kiss" he gave her his infamous smirk. Almost everyone in the Great Hall gasped at the news.

"Why is it that Malfoy affects you? And what is it about the kiss?" Ginny demanded but before Hermione can answer her, she fainted.

As they took her to the hospital wing, they filled in Ginny the information she needed including what happened with Blaise. "Oh Merlin!" was the only thing she said and was hesitating whether to hold Harry's left hand or not. ("She reckons that I need to wash my hands first in front of her bajillion times before she holds it again" said a crabby Harry)

Few hours passed and Hermione hasn't woken up yet so Madam Pomfrey told all of them to visit her tomorrow when she's fully healed. She reckons that Hermione's just exhausted and nothing more.

It was midnight when Hermione woke up. She was feeling a lot better but something wasn't right and she couldn't point a finger to where it was. Then, she sneaked out and went to the Gryffindor Common Room. There she saw that the insanity didn't stop just yet.

In front of her was Pansy Parkinson, who was dressed in just a lacy bra and super shorts. Next to her was Goyle who was singing an outrageous muggle song while she was doing a sexy dance in front of Ron... who looked like as if his life was just sucked out from him by seven dementors.

"Merlin's beard!" she muttered. "BLOODY POOOOOOOORRRRRRRN!" she screamed and ran to the girls' dormitory. Soon, every Gryffindor went to their Common Room and gasped as they saw Pansy.

Everyone tried to stifle their laughs as Pansy glared at them, but still continued dancing. She undoubtedly knows that if she stopped this, more humiliation will come her way and this is the most decent dare she's ever done.

"I'm never gonna dance again" Goyle sung at the top of his lungs. The song was also not in the right tune. The Gryffindors all sat beside Ron and watched the embarrassed Pansy, dance.

"She sure knows how to dance!" Seamus said and murmurs of agreement were heard.

"Why did they all have to wake up? Stupid Granger, she'll pay for this. Two more stanzas and I'm done" Pansy muttered under her breath.

"Woot-woo!"

Then Fred and George were dancing along both sides of Pansy and she turned into a shade of crimson. Ron was still lifeless.

"…the way I dance with youuuu" Lee Jordan sang as well. Soon enough, everybody was dancing along much to Pansy's dismay.

"That's what happens when you mess with us" exclaimed Parvati as Pansy hurriedly ran outside followed by Goyle.

How they got the password? Trust their Slytherin tactics.

First rule of being a Slytherin: Use any methods you can muster to get something that you want. And by 'methods' it means that even if you have to go through dangerous methods, you do it in the name of Slytherin.

When they got back to the Slytherin's Common Room, everyone was laughing hysterically. Due to some bewitched wall, they can see everything that's happening regarding the dares. Special thanks to Salazar Slytherin.

"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA" Astoria was laughing like a maniac. "Oh my gosh. Did you see that? HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH"

"Very funny, you whore" Pansy scowled. "Just wait 'til your turn" she grinned and all the humor in Astoria's disappeared.

"Blaiseeee" Pansy cooed and walked over to where Blaise was. She sat on his lap and they did the deed.

"Astoria's next" Draco said in a bored voice.

Astoria paled and said, "But they are all awake! I can't do that. It would ruin my reputation!"

"We don't care how you do it or when you do it! Just get on with it!" Millicent said impatiently.

"But… but…" Astoria tried to say but was stopped by the looks she's getting from her fellow Slytherins. "Fine!"

She stormed out of their Common Room, earning smirks from the Slytherins. This was going to be a long night, considering that they weren't still finished with the game.

When Astoria entered the Gryffindor's Common Room, everybody hasn't got over the shock and stared at her. Some was up for another show while some were curious. How no professors noticed what's been happening was a big question mark.

"What are you doing here, Greengrass?" Harry was the only one who got over the shock as of yet.

Ignoring The-Boy-Who-Lived, she searched for that certain Gryffindor. 'This won't be hard' she thought.

"I need to borrow Dean Thomas for awhile" she didn't look at anyone as she went near him. Before he could protest, she grabbed him and ran outside then locked the Gryffindor Common Room with some spell so they can't go after her for a few minutes.

Soon, she found a broom cupboard and shoved him there. It was dark so she was half thankful. She started kissing him and then unbuttoning her shirt.

'I've got thirty minutes. This won't be hard' she smirked to herself. "Let's get on with it!"

Meanwhile, in the Gryffindor Common Room, everyone was in a state of panic.

"Wake Hermione up! She would know how to unlock this door!" Harry said while banging on the door. "Faster!"

"We've got to save Dean or else! Who knows what will happen to him?" Ron was panicking more than anyone. He's seen more than enough for a day. He wouldn't want to see another thing happen to his friend.

"Hermione's awake! She's here!" cried Ginny as Hermione emerged from the girls' dormitory. "Hurry, 'Mione! We've got to save Dean! Astoria took her!"

"Guys? I—I'm here" Dean raised his hand and the room felt silent. Extremely silent.

"If it wasn't you… then who was it?" said an astounded Ginny.

Going back to Astoria, who was clearly enjoying herself, she's still kissing the guy she's with. After about twenty minutes, he finally started kissing her back. Who knew this guy would do something like this? Especially with a Slytherin?

"Hmmmm…" Astoria grunted as he kissed her neck. Suddenly, the tip of her wand glowed, indicating that her time's up. Smirking, she dressed again and went out of the cupboard, followed by the guy.

She glanced at him and saw that it wasn't Dean Thomas. Her eyes widened in horror as she recognized who it was. It was a reddened…

"Neville Longbottom? MERLIN, NOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed at the top of her lungs and ran back to their dungeon.

She was wiping her mouth furiously as she entered the Slytherin's Common Room.

"HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA" it was Pansy's turn for revenge. She couldn't even say anything so she just laughed. The scenario with Draco was long forgotten for a second. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"YOU KISSED LONGBOTTOM! HAHAHAHA! That slimy, icky Gryffindor!" Millicent roared. It seems as if they won't stop any moment now.

"Merlin! That show almost killed me!" Draco was laughing really hard now. "Of all people to kiss! I'd rather kiss the mudblood. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Astoria wiped a tear that slid down her eye. "We're not finished yet, Draco dear" she said in a sweet voice. "You haven't forgotten your dare, right?"

Draco stopped laughing and glared at her. "I know, Greengrass. You don't have to remind me"

"Well then. I'll help you enjoy disappointment" Astoria grinned and it made Draco feel slightly uncomfortable. "Show's over" she said and waved her wand on the bewitched wall and the drawing of the empty cupboard was now gone.

A/N: Reviews, anyone? Please tell me what you think about it ;) So yeah, I'm back with my new story. Hope you like it :")