Hella Hoes
AN: So just discovered a song from like a few years ago, and it got me thinking. Wrote this last night, so here we go!
"Alright, Art Club! We're gonna take attendance, so everyone shut the fuck up." Evan said to a noisy classroom, phone in hand. As the room quieted down, Evan cleared his throat and read off the roster.
"Daniel?"
"Here."
"Justin?"
"Here."
"Kate?"
"Here."
"Max? Max? Where the fuck is Max?" Evan asked, looking around. Everyone shrugged their shoulders. Evan sighed as he went through his contact list. As he was about to call Max, he heard something gradually getting louder. As it got close to the door, it was very clear it was music. When Evan turned his head, someone slammed the door open and the music was blaring very loud.
Max came in holding up a bluetooth speaker in the air like that guy from Say Anything, blaring some rap song as she walked in like she owned the room. As she went to her seat, she shot Kate a "What up, girl?" type of look, which Kate replied with a giggle and a wave back at her.
"Max. You're late. Again." Evan said disappointingly.
"Sorry, bruv. I was very busy with important shit. You know how I is." Max said.
"Hanging with your little harem isn't 'important shit', Max." Evan said, including air quotes.
"Hey! How dare you talk to my hoes like that. That's disrespectful." Max said.
"Like calling them 'hoes' isn't?" Evan retorted, back at it again with the air quotes.
"Bah, fuck you. You'll never understand me. Maybe one day if you get some fine girls, you'll understand. If." Max said, getting up. She snapped in Kate's direction, which Kate complied and followed her out the room with a little skip in her step. Max slammed the door as she left.
"This is, what, our second meeting as a club?" Evan asked those left in the room. Everyone nodded. Evan ran a hand through his hair.
"This is ridiculous."
...
Trevor was walking to the girl's dorm to go talk to a certain someone. As he approached the main entrance, he found who he was looking for.
"Hey, Dana. I was just looking for you." Trevor said.
"I was wondering, you know, since it's, like, the weekend. I was wondering of you wanted to go to the movies with me?" Trevor asked. Dana smiled a small smile.
"Trevor, I'll love to, but I can't this weekend. Maybe next week?" Dana said. Trevor nodded sadly.
"Okay." Trevor said meekly.
"I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. I promise." Dana said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. As Dana walked past him, he continued to watch her, on the verge of tears.
As he turned completely around, he saw Dana approach Max, donned in sunglasses and Kate wrapped in one arm. Dana gave Max a kiss on the lips as she got close to her. After Max cut off the kiss, the three of them walked away from the dorms as Max started playing a song through her speakers.
Trevor, overcome by sadness, threw his skateboard hard on the ground, which proceeded to hit him in the genitals.
...
Hayden was chilling under a tree with his girls. He took a deep inhale, taking the fresh air, and exhaling.
"Hold on, girls. I gotta go real quick. Be back soon." He told them, getting up and heading inside the school. He went to the bathroom for a quick trip. After he relieved himself, he went back outside. However, as he returned, Max was sitting in his spot, Dana and Kate accompanying her with his girls resting on her lap.
"Max, what you doing, bro?" Hayden asked.
"Chilling, fam." Max said, looking at him through her sunglasses.
"Well, can I get a place to sit?" Hayden asked, wanting to chill.
"Don't worry. I was about to leave anyway. Come on, girls." Max said, getting up with Kate, Dana, and Hayden's girls close behind. Max started blasting her rap musics as she left. Hayden just looked on.
"Huh. Ain't that some shit." Hayden said as he sat down and resumed chilling.
...
Victoria looked at her phone for like the fifth time in the span of 15 minutes.
"These whores are late. They're making me, Victoria Maribeth Chase, wait. The fucking nerve." Victoria said, tapping her foot. Wanting to cool down, Victoria headed back to her room. As she headed towards the dorm, she noticed a large mass of people. Her curiosity getting the best of her, she investigated.
She heard rap music she didn't know of. She will have to correct that. As she got close, she saw what this group was for. Max. Freaking. Caulfield. She was dancing like an idiot in the middle of this small group. Victoria was about to put her in her place until she saw something.
"Taylor?!" Victoria said loudly. The group turned to Victoria, opening up to a half circle with Taylor in the middle, wrapped around Max.
"Hey, Victoria. Fancy seeing you here." Taylor said calmly, like nothing was odd about her right now.
"What are you doing here?" Victoria asked, confused as hell.
"Max is pretty cool. She such a bro." Taylor said. Max gave her a thumbs up. Victoria grimaced.
"Well, okay. Sure, but what about... Courtney?" Victoria said, noticing Courtney in the crowd. Courtney came out towards the middle of the half circle.
"What are YOU doing here?" Victoria asked.
"I'm just here because I follow the in crowd." Courtney said plainly. Victoria grimaced again.
"Oh, don't be jealous, Victoria." Taylor said, hugging Max.
"The more the merrier." Dana said, coming up behind Max.
"You heard 'em, Victoria. You what they say. If you can't beat them..." Max said, as she started playing her song again. Victoria huffed.
"Fine, but this is just to make sure my 'friends' don't do anything bad with you, hipster." Victoria said. She followed the crowd.
...
Principal Wells walked around the halls of the school, looking for someone.
"Samuel. Have you seen Ms. Grant? I have something to discuss with her." Wells asked.
"Samuel did not see her anywhere. Samuel is sorry." Samuel said, mopping the floors with a broom.
"It's alright, Samuel." Wells told him. Wells went to his office and was met with a big surprise.
"Ms. Caulfield? Ms. Grant?" Wells said, dumbfounded. Max sat in his chair surrounded by Kate, Dana, Taylor, Victoria, Courtney and two other girls with Ms. Grant sitting on his desk.
"Hey, Wells! Doing wells?" Max asked, accompanied by laughter from Max's little peanut gallery. Wells just rolled his eyes.
"Ms. Caulfield. You do know that you're being a disturbance to students around here, as well as failing several classes, correct?" Wells asked.
"Bah! They're just haters who don't understand me." Max said, brushing off his words.
"Quote 'I would totally bang the new gym teacher' unquote? Yeah, they just don't understand." Wells said, a hint of sarcasm in his words.
"'Bang' is probably just some new slang term these kids use these days. There's no harm in it." Ms. Grant said.
"Ms. Grant, are you defending her?" Wells asked, completely dumbfounded.
"Bah, you're just being a hater. You just don't understand her." Ms. Grant said, getting off the desk and following Max out the office. Principal Wells just stood there.
"I need a drink." He told himself.
...
David Madsen sat on a stool in the two whales. Licking his lips and fixing his out of date mustache, he made his move.
"Excuse me, Ms. Joyce?" He asked. The waitress came to him.
"I heard there's a new big hit movie coming out this weekend and I was wondering if you would like to accompany me?" He asked like he was slick. Bitch, please.
"Oh, that is very generous, David. I really wish I could. I could've brought my husband along. He loves movies. But I can't. I'm going to be busy. Real busy. Maybe some other time?" Joyce said, looking at the clock and taking off her apron. She walked out, her work day done. Madsen looked on, on the verge of tears.
As he watched her walk outside, he could see Joyce meet up Max Caulfield and a little entourage of female students. Overcome by emotions, he threw his security guard baseball cap on the ground, which somehow proceeded to hit him in the genitals.
...
Chloe sat in her bed, bored as hell. She looked at her phone.
"Rachel was suppose to meet me like right now." She said to herself. Just then, the doorbell rung. Chloe jolted up, and dashed for the door.
"ByedadI'mhangingwithRachelI'llbebackfordinner." Chloe said as fast as she dashed for the door. When she opened it, however, she was met with a big surprise.
"Max?" Chloe said. Max flashed a peace sign.
"What up, fam?" Max asked. Looking around, Chloe got more surprised.
"Rachel?" Chloe said, dumbfounded. Rachel was sitting on Dana's shoulders.
"Sorry, got sidetracked." Rachel said. Looking around, Chloe tilted her head in confusion.
"Mom?!" Chloe asked, seeing Joyce standing amongst the crowd.
"Hey, honey! Boy, isn't this exciting?" Joyce said, looking around the large group of girls.
"Chloe? Was that your mother? Did she get the..." William said, emerging from somewhere in the house to the front door. He stopped behind Chloe and looked at the gathering in front of his house.
"Max?" William said. Max flashed a peace sign.
"Hello, William." Max greeted him. Looking around, William got more confused.
"Joyce? What's going on?" William asked, locating his wife in the sea of girls.
"I don't know, but this is really exciting." Joyce commented.
"Well, what're you two waiting for?" Max asked Chloe and William. Chloe looked at her dad and William looked at his daughter.
...
"Damn, Max. You'sa playa." Chloe said, getting squished on the couch.
"Well said, Chloe." William said, sitting on an ottoman and donning a killer pair of shades and a snapback.
"What can I say? I gots hella hoes." Max said, on a separate couch, next to Kate, Dana, Taylor, Victoria and Ms. Grant. Courtney came in with a dish of glasses of lemonade.
"Anything else you need, Max?" Courtney asked.
"No. You can finally join us." Max said. Courtney sat at the foot of the couch that Max sat on. William took a sip from one of the cups and nodded.
"This shit is popping." He said, in a proud tone.
"Hey! Welcome to the chill life, William." Max said, sipping her lemonade.
Whenever you see Max appear, play this song in the background:
watch?v=PR05zJL8Fsk