TITLE: Bid My Blood To Run

CHAPTER: One

AN: Three Evanescence songs "Bring Me to Life," "Haunted," and "My Immortal" served as my inspiration. Adult stuff in here.

"All this time I can't believe I couldn't see

Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems

Got to open my eyes to everything."

Evanescence, Bring Me to Life

The feelings continued to taunt and tease her. She doesn't have time for feelings or needs. Ignoring them hadn't worked. Running twelve miles just left her breathless and overheated. The punching bag scraped her knuckles raw. The hot shower burned her skin but did nothing to ease her pain. Escaping into sleep? She woke lonely and restless. And so much for the oblivion of her beloved single malt. These days, a stiff drink just tore up her stomach.

She might be Commander Shepard, but every so often biology reminded her she was also a woman. Tonight that lonely woman restlessly prowled the confines of her quarters. Her ostentatious quarters, with a large empty bed and an absurd aquarium. What would her crew think if they knew she spends most nights tossing and turning on the narrow couch?

What were her other choices? Not that she had any real choices. After all, Space is where she does her job. So where do you want to be? She asked herself trying to fight off this isolation and feelings of inevitable mortality. A house in the city or a house in the country? A house full of children and a garden? A happy home and a loving husband? Who would save the galaxy if she were planting tomatoes and dropping the kids off at school? Who would gather resources and recruit allies if she were off having a life? Selfish girl. And everyone died. Right?

Count your blessings, Katherine. What do you have? A beautiful ship, a brave and faithful crew. And God, how she loved every single one of them. Wait. What about sex? Maybe she just needed to get laid? Who the hell had time for that? Meet a guy, get to know a guy, actually like the guy and accomplish all that between dangerous missions under the scrutiny of the other races. That's where guys had it easy. The last two requirements weren't vital to them; all they required was your presence. Shepard flopped down on her bed; maybe that was a bit harsh. But, dammit, they did have it easier.

The embroidered asari quilt under her cheek mocked her. She'd purchased some stuff for her quarters, but nesting hadn't helped. She'd prepared a meal for her crew. Nurturing hadn't helped. So it was back to sex. Wait, what about something different? Exotic or otherwise, it's been a long time since she'd been with anyone. Thane had expressed his admiration. She knew him, liked him, even admired him, and he was a gentleman. Problem solved.

Heading to her desk, she almost tripped over her own feet. After her shower, she'd put on this ridiculous asari dress. It was too damn tight, and she could hardly walk in it. First thing tomorrow she'd toss both this absurd straight jacket of a dress and that slut-ifying black leather thing out the airlock. Get rid of all the damn 'girl clothes' in her closet. As her life stood now, they served no purpose.

Talking to Thane only added to her unease. The sound of her voice had a thin and almost pleading tone. But he sounded pleased. At least, she thought he sounded pleased. What if he...? What if he saw this as a sort of loyalty mission? Or just a pity fuck? Maybe this was a mistake? Come on Shepard, you can do this. You need this.

He'd said an hour. Okay, an hour. She began to pace, with a glass of scotch cradled in her hands. After just five minutes her door opened, and she recognized the quick strides of Garrus Vakarian as he rounded on her.

"What are you doing with the drell?"

"I'm positive this is none of your business."

"He's an assassin."

"He likes me."

"He's an amphibian!"

"And I'm a human, and you're avian. So what? You're heading into dangerous waters, my friend."

"Really? Since you brought it up, do you plan to have sex with him in the fish tank? Let him fertilize your eggs by spawning on you?"

"Maybe that's why I have a fish tank and not a bird cage!"

"Very funny. Look around you. You're already in a cage! What you need is a quiet and safe place."

"You have no idea what I need."

"Oh, one of us is in a bad mood," Garrus said crossing his arms over his chest with his eyes boring into hers. Daring her to kick him out.

"Don't you dare patronize me Garrus Vakarian. Besides, it seems you're the only one around here who's worried about inter-species awkwardness!"

Garrus didn't miss much. Especially where Commander Shepard was concerned. She was in a bad mood, that much was obvious. Her body language shouted trouble. Then she rubbed her hand across her abdomen. He saw it, and she noticed he noticed.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. Get out of my quarters now. Unless, of course, you want to watch spawning activities.

"You're in pain and looking for a target."

"I'm looking to get laid."

Hiking the dress to her knees, Shepard moved impatiently to the doorway. Holding it open so Garrus would get the hint. He joined her at the door but made no move to leave. Instead, he glared down at her, blue eyes snapping in defiance.

"Thane Krios will not be joining you," Garrus replied, his voice vibrating from his chest in warning tones.

She took a swing at him, and he let her. The blow struck the edge of his armor cowl. Then he tried to grab her hand because it was entirely possible she'd just broken some bones. Then with a cry, she swung at him with her left hand. That time he stopped her. But she was too quick and followed up with another swing from her injured right hand that rattled his jaw.

"Leave me alone!" Shepard stepped forward, and the door closed behind her. Under the eerie glow of the fish tank, she moved to a battle stance, up on the balls of her feet, glaring at him her hands balled into fists. The dress slid back down over her legs, allowing her little room for actual movement.

Turning his back on her, Garrus popped the fasteners on his chest plate. The cowl came away, and the leggings clattered to the deck. Then he kicked the pile of armor in the general direction of the bathroom. The gloves and visor landed on the desk. All arms and legs and sharp edges. He appeared quite intimidating in nothing but a black body suit. When he faced her Shepard took an involuntarily took a step backward.

"The fearless Commander Shepard backing away? If it's a fight you want, here I am."

She flew at him, hammering blows to his chest. Instead of warding off her fists, Garrus did the only thing he could think of and circled her with his arms. A turian wouldn't think of it as an embrace. He only wanted to control her actions and keep her from hurting herself. By the time she slowed down and began to tire, Garrus had his long arms wound tightly around her.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" She sighed into this chest.

"I've tried and I can't."

"Try harder."

"I will not abandon you, my precious friend. Let me help."

She didn't answer him. But he felt her settle into his embrace. A good sign. As Garrus relaxed too, certain things about her drifted to his awareness. She smelled different, and she felt different. Instead of firm muscles and unyielding strength, tonight she felt soft, rounded and yielding.

If she were a turian female, he would say she were broadcasting her―Spirits―her fertility. No wonder. But why would he respond to a human? His instincts answered before his brain could respond. His body softened; talons flexed open and spread across her body to grip and possess. Then he knew, as he'd always known, it was this human, this female, his brave Shepard.

"Katherine, listen to me," Garrus cupped her face and made her look up. "My awkwardness, as you call it, comes from the fear of losing your regard. If this didn't work out, then I would have to leave. I don't want to leave… ever. Do you understand?"

"Stop talking," she said, burrowing her face into his hand. She held that hand against her face as she rested against the turian.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you."

"I need something, Garrus. I'm so empty."

"Kaidan loves you, and he would know how to please you."

Raising her head again, she looked at him, wondering if he appreciated the irony of his statement. "You won't let me have Thane, but Kaidan isn't off limits?"

"He's off limits too." Touching his forehead to her's, blue eyes holding her intense green gaze. "But I want you to find happiness and get what you need. I don't understand. So will you show me? Where does it hurt?" Without asking Garrus pushed the dress down to her waist.

She gasped as the air caressed her sore heavy breasts. She pulled his hands to her and showed him how to cup them gently. "Then do whatever you would to a turian female. Please... touch me." Pulling his head down for a kiss, she leaned into his hands.

Her impudent claim on his mouth and insistence that he touches her human breasts launched a shot of desire through him that took him by surprise. While he pondered the consequences of being aroused by a human female, he murmured against her hair. "You don't know what you're asking. You wouldn't like it if I were that rough with you."

This needed to stop. He dropped his hands and stepped away from her. "You don't know anything about turian relationships, and I don't understand yours. There is no word for love in the turian language. "Shepard," he flung his hands up protectively. "I don't understand why your pheromones are driving me crazy."

"Then don't leave me like this, Garrus. I know I'm not what you would find attractive… Never mind. I don't know what I'm saying. I don't want to ruin our friendship with my silly…" Shepard shoved her arms back into the dress.

"Silly?"

"Make love to me Garrus. This soldier might die tomorrow. The woman has so much left to do. But I don't even know how anymore. I feel so used up. Don't let me die like this."

"Shepard...don't."

While he'd been fighting her attack on his senses and his aroused state, Shepard's deft hands found the opening in his shirt. He heard himself moan as her fingers spread over his chest. "Then call it whatever you want. Just don't leave me like this. I need you..."

"No... I don't want to hurt..."

Turning her face into his naked chest, she found an edge and bit down. His body reacted before he could stop himself and that's when he knew he was losing control. She had no idea what that meant. And she would never forgive him for this. Never understand the man she'd learned to trust and rely on wasn't capable of human love and tenderness.

With a triumphant cry, Garrus flipped her over and pushed her down on her knees against the bed. Shepard tried to pull herself up, but Garrus dropped down behind her and caught her hands; spreading their arms above her head.

"Is this what you want, Shepard?"

"Yes!"

"Forgive me…" he whispered.

In an attempt to regain some leverage, she grabbed the mattress and bucked her hips against him. How dare she challenge him? Garrus is beyond taking any time for the female underneath him. His blood ignited. Born and bred to battle and domination. Any struggle on Shepard's part only inflamed his desire. Blind passion, hot as Palaven's deserts possessed him. Garrus stripped the dress away from her legs.

He always kept his desire for Shepard hidden. He knew enough about humans to appreciate the concept of human romance, but only on an intellectual level. It always left him battling with his turian drive to claim his prize and mark her as his own and the innate respect for a commanding officer. Now she lay bare before him. His for the taking. The ancient instinct drove him on, and he grabbed her hips. But Garrus didn't know she wasn't ready for him, and she cried out as he drove himself into her, filling her, stretching and scraping delicate walls.

He wanted to do this for a long time. To possess this warrior woman and make her his own. Hot blood roared like a sandstorm in his ears. Hands strong enough to break bones held her still. Pinpricks of blood sprang to life under his talons. Her blood. The smell of it inflamed his desire and his head fell back. The sounds and smells of her body, as she reacted to him, buffeted his senses. Each stroke into the human drove him further into his warrior past. She would be his and she would bend to his will. She was speaking, but the words were indistinct.

"Harder Garrus. Oh, God, please!" She called out to him, pushing back against his thrusts. Then inexplicably Shepard turned over. Now he could see her expressive face, with her head up and her jaw clenched. Wild and beautiful, he marveled at the emotions crossing her face. Her hands fisted and twisted into the bedding. Her breasts moved to the beat of their joining. Shepard tilted her hips, and he fell deeper into her body.

"Garrus!"

"Submit," he ground out between his mandibles. His voice a harsh tangle of sub-vocals.

While she strained against him and cried out for more, the turian began to tease her. Each thrust lasted an eternity. Pulling out the heavy phallus until only the head remained, then striking again.

Shepard could not move with her will. She could move only with the power of Garrus' thrusts. All her movements dissolved into his, her body flying on the turian's wild strokes until it seemed they were only one being, in perfect harmony, a perfect union within it. It was a freedom she could only have by surrendering herself. Garrus drove himself into her, fighting his enjoyment to keep his dominance. His eyes were blazing, as he drove them on, his body locked into ancient rhythms.

Then into the cascade of pain-tinged passion and surrender, Shepard felt a hard knot of emotions coalesce in her chest. She reached out blindly for his forearms and clenched at them. Digging her nails into arms.

Dimly worried that he didn't know if he pleased her or not. He rode his desire toward its climax. Then her orgasm triggered his, with her walls clenching and pulling at him. Then he did a rather un-turian thing, by shouting her name as he emptied himself into her.

The knot of emotions burst in her chest, releasing itself and escaping through her heart. Then much to his surprise, on the wave of her last cry of release she burst into tears.

Utterly shocked, Garrus did the only thing he could think of doing and pulled her across his lap and held her while she cried. He rocked her gently and crooned to her as you would a child.

Then her hands went slack, and her head came to rest against his chest. She'd lost consciousness? In one terrifying moment, he noticed the bite marks, the blue, and red blood. A bruise bloomed on her rib cage. He'd hurt her bad enough for her to pass out. Should he call Doctor Chakwas?

"Shepard, open your eyes. Are you injured?"

"Yes," she responded sleepily. "The bite marks burn, and every muscle hurts. I feel stretched and aching and wonderful." She let her head drop back to his chest and instantly fell back to sleep.

With his free hand, the turian pulled the bedclothes around them. After stripping the bed, he lifted her gently, so she wasn't sitting on the cold deck. When he was satisfied with the arrangement, Garrus got up and quickly turned off all illumination in the room. Then from the bathroom, he grabbed a soft towel.

Garrus rejoined her on the floor and gently lifted Shepard into the circle of his embrace. Then with his warrior's hands, he methodically cleaned her body. He'd hurt her. Injured her, and she would never forgive him. So he would enjoy these last few moments with her before she kicked him out of her quarters and her life.

As he held the soft, sweet-smelling woman, a tenderness he didn't recognize possessed him. So when she shivered, he laid the cloth aside and pulled a blanket over her shoulders. Dragging his talons across her scalp, smoothing the long strands of hair as he went. When her head dropped against his chest, he moved down to her neck and shoulders with long gentle strokes.

"What are you doing?"

"I marked you as mine and made you a nest. Now I'm grooming you, although it translates better as preening. We're practically married."

"But I don't love you."

In contrast to her statement, her bare arms slid around his waist. Now he could reach all of her. She trembled as he drew his talons down over her back, slowly stroking over the velvet skin and firm muscles. Down and back up into her hair and across her scalp. When his hands reached her bottom again, he used the opportunity to pull her closer.

Awake again, Shepard guided one of his hands between her legs. Showing him the small nub with her fingers, teaching him the motion. The rough pads of his fingers drove a spike of lust through her body. With her in his arms, Garrus monitored her every breath and shiver. When her breath began to come in short gasps, and she pressed herself against him, riding him, astonished at her impudence her needs came first so he kept at it.

No turian female would dare ask for more. Never allow her mate to think he hadn't satisfied her. This female did, and she was teaching him. By the time she shattered under his hands, he is aroused again. She pulled him down and opened herself to him. In that moment of his surrender, he left behind the preconceptions of his species and followed his woman into the sweet world of their making. She held him close as lost himself in her, whispering words of promise and gratitude into her ear.

He closed his eyes as the last of the fires cooled into contentment. Garrus buried his face her neck and allowed his other senses to memorize the human female in his arms. He reveled in the sensations created from the comfort of their nest and the incredible sensuousness of their naked flesh touching and moving together. She hadn't kicked him out, but what he'd done to her must be faced.

"Katherine?"

"Mmm?"

"I hurt you."

"Yes, you did. But it's what I wanted. Garrus?" She shifted against him and straddled his hips. "Don't you understand? I needed your strength tonight. I needed to feel alive."

"You wept."

She nodded. "Something tore loose in me. Some awful feelings I'd been carrying around with me. Scared me for a minute. Not a very romantic moment. Sorry."

Garrus snorted a laugh, "You're apologizing to me?"

She ignored his question and covered them both, making sure Garrus had whatever pillow he required for his comfort. When he tried to leave because he knew, this couldn't last. He should get out of here before the moment passed, and she realized just how angry she was with him.

"Lay down, Garrus."

"I should go."

"I want to sleep in my nest with you. Look, I understand more than you think I do about what just happened between us. So before I challenge anymore of your male/female traditions by ordering you to stay, just get the hell down here. Okay?"

Her smile and open arms let him know he'd been wrong. Everything would be okay. Of course, she was strong enough to take him on, strong enough to be his mate and understand his nature. The feeling that had no definition in his culture filled him with joy as he stretched out beside her again. Garrus pulled her to his shoulder and nuzzled her smiling face. He'd won his warrior woman and made her a safe place to rest.

"Will you sing to me Garrus?

"Sing?"

"You know, that sound you make with your voice. Sometimes it's soothing and sometimes, well let's just say I can tell when you're angry."

"I know what you mean. Katherine? You really don't love me?"

"Of course not," managing to keep a straight face and cradled his face in her hands.

"Well, I don't love you either."

"Good because that would just complicate things." Shepard tucked her head against his shoulder to hide her grin. Love him? He was her greatest treasure and tonight they'd come together and confirmed their love in the most intimate expression of that dedication. Then she whispered something, and he almost missed it because she said it in his language. "Ego dilecto meo, et dilectus meus mihi."

The words caught at his heart, and it was all the answer he needed. Something had wonderfully gone right in his world. When Garrus Vakarian finally relaxed against the pillows, he continued carding his fingers through her hair. Then pitching his sub vocals, so she felt the vibrations against her cheek. Garrus quietly sang a turian lullaby to her as she drifted off. He wasn't sure if she was kidding about not loving him. But that was okay because he knew he loved her enough for both of them.

"I will not abandon you, my precious friend." Whistle Down the Wind, Andrew Lloyd Weber you tube /watch?v=vB-H9SR2TRg

Ego dilecto meo, et dilectus meus mihi, Song of Solomon 6:3