Author's note: Howdy. Well, this is my first attempt at a parody fic. (sweat-drops) Hope I do okay on it. Lol. But, seriously, it was hard to resist. When it comes to Pokemon, the list of things to mock is endless.

Edit: I actually wrote this a loooong time ago, but lost it to the archives and forgot all about it. Since I found it again, I thought I'd clean it up and post it for fun. If it gets a good reception, I'll think about updating it.

I also had a massive list of things to mock, but I lost it. So, suggestions are welcome.

Credit goes to VGS2 for helping me clean it up slightly.

Chapter One: Can't Read My Poke Face

One sunny day... somewhere... in some woods... in some region... five friends known as Ash, Misty, May, Max and Brock... Oh, wait... can't forget Pikachu. After all, Pikachu's the main character in the story... second only to Mister Wonderful himself, Ash Ketchum. Anyway, the point is: they were all travelling together... somewhere... but God knows why Misty was there. Didn't she have a gym to look after? And what about all those poor, starving, neglected, lonely water Pokemon? Was she seriously relying on her oh-so-perfect actress model sisters - who would each cry if they broke a nail - to look after them for her? Meh, whatever. If they died, it wasn't her problem. After all, adventuring was more important!

Oh, yes, and she was also carrying Azurill- uh, I mean Azumarill. It evolved twice at some point. Don't ask. Anywho, it had laryngitis, the poor thing, so it couldn't talk. Well, that's one less Pokemon to say its name repeatedly, right?

"Where are we?" Misty groaned.

"Lost, of course," Ash replied cheerily. "Don't you remember? We're always lost. It's our signature thing to be lost."

"Well," May said, her stomach acids sloshing around, "couldn't we have gotten lost near a restaurant?"

Max shook his head. "You're just like Ash..." he sad, "it's always about the food."

"Yeah? Well... at least I'm not totally useless on these journeys!"

"'Useless'?"

Brock laughed. "Yeah," he replied. "I mean, seriously, what do you do, except carry the Pokenav around and cheer the rest of us on?"

"Which is something any of us are perfectly capable of doing," May added.

Max thought about it for a moment, then burst into tears.

"Wow!" Brock said. "Mr. Hotshot can actually cry! Gotta get my camera!" He threw his backpack to the floor and began to rummage around in it.

"That's enough, guys," Ash said. "We shouldn't disrespect each other. Remember, we're supposed to be completely unrealistic and be happy and friendly ninety percent of the time."

Brock pulled out a table and threw it to the side. "Nope." He pulled out a chair and threw it to the side. "Nope." He pulled out another chair and threw it to the side. "Nope." He pulled out a very tall stack of Pokemon food bowls and threw them to the side. "Nope. Where is that stupid camera?"

Ash clapped his hands twice. "Misty! Duty calls!" Misty nodded, went over to Brock and dragged him to his feet by the ear with her free hand. "Now, everyone... minus Misty, who was a good little girl... repeat after me... 'I must not be mean to other characters'."

Brock and May sighed. "I must not be mean to other characters..." they said while Misty grinned and Max continued to bawl like a baby.

"'I must be nice to everyone around me'."

"I must be nice to everyone around me..."

"'I mustn't traumatise children by letting them see character development'."

"I mustn't traumatise-"

"Enough!" Max shouted, eyes blazing. He pointed at May. "You'll pay for mocking me and calling me useless." He pointed at Brock. "And so will you! You'll all pay! Because, when I become the best Normal-type gym leader there ever was, I'll take over the world! And capture all Pokemon! And enslave the human race! Mwahahahaha!"

As Max stalked off, May stared at him.

"Right..." she said, "no more sugar for him."

"Ahoy, mateys!" a female voice said.

Everyone turned to see a man, a woman and a very short and very ugly guy dressed as sailors.

"Arg," the man said, "pay no attention to the Team Rocket hairstyles or the talking Meowth!"

"Meeeeowth, dat's... I mean aye!" the very short and very ugly guy said.

"We're not Team Rocket at all! Just their sailorific lookalikes!"

The woman did a peace sign by her forehead. "In the name of the moon!" she cried.

"Wrong anime..."

The woman lowered her arm. "Whoops!"

"Hmm..." Ash said, examining them for a moment. "Okay! I believe you!" He turned to Misty. "I'm no idiot. I know these three are trustworthy. You can tell because they look like Team Rocket."

"Hehe!" the woman shouted. "He totally fell for it, just like he always does!"

"Yeah!" the man shouted back. "Now all we have to do is steal his Pikachu!"

"Yeah!" the very short and very ugly guy shouted. "Though it'd be much easier if we caught one in the wild."

"Don't be silly!" the woman shouted. "This one somehow managed to blow up a Pokemon Centre on its first day with Ash!" She paused. "Plus, we're lazy, remember?"

"Got that right!" the man shouted. "Who needs training when there's always stealing?"

"Dahn straight!" the very short and very ugly guy shouted. "Say, how do ya even know it was its foist day wid Ash?"

"Um, well..." the woman replied.

"Uh, excuse me..." May said, "I know you three are shouting to each other, but I've still not managed to hear what you're saying. Could you, maybe, say it a little louder?"

"Hmm? Oh, terribly sorry." The woman pulled something from her pocket. "Now, just wait a second while I put on these rubber gloves."

May beamed. "Okay!"

Finally, she'd finished pulling them on. "All done." She turned to Ash. "Now, may I be completely unsuspicious and hold your Pikachu for a sec?"

"Sure," Ash replied, picking Pikachu up and handing it over, "since you're ever so trustworthy, even though I've only just met you."

"Pika Pika!" Pikachu said gleefully. The three sailors chuckled evilly.

"Bye!" they all said, dashing off.

"And, while you're at it," Ash continued, "would you like to hold my Swellow? Hey! What the-?"

Now angry that someone could do such a horrible thing, he chased after them. His friends followed suit, Brock grabbing his backpack, yet leaving behind everything he'd taken out of it.

"Come back here with Ash's pride and joy!" Brock yelled. "He raised Pikachu from a... Pikachu... and the two of them are inseparable!"

"... Why does 'Pikachu' have a capital letter, anyway?" Misty asked in wonderment. "I mean, real mice don't exist in this world, which must make the Pokemon the real animals... but 'mice' and 'animals' don't have capital letters, whereas 'Pikachu' and 'Pokemon' do."

"Yeah..." May agreed, "and why do trainers call their Pikachu 'Pikachu', anyway? That'd be like calling your dog 'Dog'."

"And let's not forget that there's no such thing as 'Pikachus'... 'cause the plural of 'Pikachu' is 'Pikachu'."

"Now's not the time to be discussing things like this, guys!" Ash shouted. "And you're not even supposed to know about real animals!"

"Yeah!" Brock agreed. "Can we please get back to the matter at hand?"

"Right, sorry," May replied." She turned to the three thieves. "Just who are you people, anyway? You may have thrown us a million clues, but it's still flown completely over my head!" May paused a moment. "And I've totally left my psychopathic brother behind, haven't I?"

The trio whipped off their sailor outfits by the Velcro to reveal... Take a guess!

"Three... two... one," the woman, who, it turns out, was actually Jessie, said.

"Team Rocket!" all four heroes cried out in perfect synchrony.

"Wow..." the man, who, it turns out, was actually James, said, "those twerps should join the choir. They have such perfect timing. Not to mention predictability!"

"Give him back his Pikachu!" Misty cried out. "Or he'll end up doing something really brash and stupid, like he always does!"

"Oh, gee, I'm sorry..." Jessie replied. "I had no idea this Pikachu meant so much to you..."

Ash smiled. "So, you'll give it back?" he asked.

"Hmm, let me think... Nah!"

Ash frowned. "Fiends!"

On and on they ran, past trees, bushes, wild Pokemon, trees, bushes, wild Pokemon, trees, bushes, wild Pokemon, trees, bushes and... take a guess.

"I challenge you to a battle!" a random trainer shouted to Ash.

"Get lost, random guy I don't care about!"

"Yeah!" Misty agreed. "You're so insignificant, you don't even have a name!"

The random trainer sulked and went to his hollow tree trunk emo corner... which happened to be the home of a very aggressive Rattata that attacked him on sight.

Finally, our wonderful, magnificent, ever-so holy and god-like heroes, whose only goal in life is to make the world a better place... and Team Rocket... made it out of the woods. There was a cliff at the end of their pathway, despite the fact that the forest had been at sea level (Meh, details) and above it floated a hot air balloon shaped like a Meowth, with not a scratch on it, despite the amount of times it had been popped. Again, details.

"Catch us if you can, twerps!" Jessie yelled.

Straight after, she, James and the very short and very ugly guy, who, it turns out, was actually Meowth, did the perfectly normal thing of jumping twenty feet in the air to land gracefully in the balloon basket. Nothing strange and other-worldly about that, now, is there?

"Yay!" James called out, pointing dramatically at the sky. "The amazing power of chakra! Now to dispose of you." He puts his hands together in a strange sign. "Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

Jessie sighed. "And you mock me for mixing up the animes..." she said.

"I'm coming, Pikachu!" Ash yelled before jumping off the cliff himself... and suddenly noticing that he was suspended in mid-air. "Uh... aren't I supposed to able to jump that high, too?"

"Not today, apparently," Brock replied.

Ash bore a look of fear before falling. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

The remaining three friends looked over the edge of the cliff and watched their friend plummet.

"Always gotta be the big hero..." Misty said.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Should we help him?" May asked.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"I think we'd better," Brock said. "Otherwise, he'll end up cracking his head open on those sharp rocks."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

May hissed through her teeth. "Ouch..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"But it'd be his own fault, really," Misty said.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Very true," Brock replied.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Good grief..." May said, "just how big is this cliff, anyway?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Who wants to do the honours?" Misty asked.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"I will," Brock replied.

Pulling a rope from his backpack, he tossed the end over the side... and, as if by magic, the end managed to fall fast enough to reach Ash. Amazing, huh? But, unfortunately, he still cracked his head on a sharp rock.

"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH- OW!"

Brock sweat-dropped. "Whoops... missed..."

"Idiot," Misty muttered. "Don't you know you're supposed to catch him before he hits the ground? The only violence this show's meant to have is Pokemon slaughtering each other."

"Which, when you think about it," May said, "is technically animal abuse."

Misty quickly hid her dog fighting tickets in her back pocket, whistling innocently. Azumarill fell to the floor with a bump. It was not a happy bunny, but it couldn't talk, so it had to suck it up and deal.

"But why didn't you bring out a Pokemon to save him?"

"Uh..." Brock said, sweat-dropping again, "I... uh... forgot?"

"Oh, quit worrying!" Jessie called out from above. "He'll be fine! Cartoon characters have an amazing way of surviving near-death encounters!"

"I'm okay!" Ash called out from below. "Not that anyone cares!"

"See? Now, if you don't mind... direct your attention back onto us! We're stealing Pikachu here! And... we could have just escaped while you were watching Ash fall to his near-death, but hey. That's not how we roll in Team Rocket!"

"Very true," Brock replied.

"Hey..." Misty said, "why haven't you three done your motto yet?"

All three Team Rocket members sweat-dropped.

"Uh..." James said.

"We fohgot?" Meowth offered.

"Well, you'd best get on with it then!" May called out.

"Right!" Jessie said. "Prepare for trouble. You'd- Hey! I've been silhouetted! And could someone please get rid of this galactic background? It's hardly realistic!"

"Make it double," James said before pausing. "Darn... I'm unrealistically good at rhyming, but even I'm stumped on that one..."

"Wait a minute..." Brock said, "why have we never thought to tell Pikachu to bite through the rubber gloves?"

Everyone in the vicinity sweat-dropped... even Ash, who had amazing hearing, considering how far away he was.

"Uh, Pikachu?" Misty called out. "Since you're so incompetent that you need someone to instruct you on what to do... and, since Ash has gone and hurt himself through recklessness, meaning I'll have to give you a command... bite her arm!"

Pikachu stared at her in confusion. "Pika?" it asked.

"No, not the move Bite! Just use your teeth!"

Comprehension crossed Pikachu's face. "Pi Pika!"

Doing as instructed, it bit Jessie's arm. "Yeowch!" Jessie screeched, letting go and allowing Pikachu to jump from the balloon basket.

"... Ash is supposed to go rushing over to catch Pikachu, just before it hits the ground, isn't he?" May asked.

"Yeah," Brock replied.

"But he can't," Misty said, "'cause he's down there."

They all looked at each other... while Pikachu continued to fall. Amazing how long it takes for a character in Pokemon to hit the ground, eh?

May sighed. "I'll do it," she said, rushing over. "I got you, Pikachu!" Pikachu smacked into the floor. "Or not..."

Ash could be heard crying down below.

"Now," Brock said, pointing at Team Rocket dramatically, "finish 'em off with one of your amazing Thunderbolts that only explode when they hit Team Rocket! And merely electrocute people we actually like! Which is anyone other than Team Rocket!"

Pikachu did as instructed, zapping Team Rocket with a Thunderbolt attack, causing a huge explosion that sent them flying.

"Ya know..." Meowth said, "in retrospect, we probably shouldn't bathe in gasoline."

"But I like bathing in gasoline!" James whined. "It's more fun than water... and it gives off such fragrant fumes."

Jessie sighed. "We're blasting off again..." she mumbled.

As they disappeared on the horizon, all that was left of them was a star going ping... Just what did they have on them that was so darn shiny, anyway? Maybe it was James' bottle cap collection.

After a moment of silence, Brock said, "Oh, yeah... we're meant to celebrate now, aren't we?"

"Oh, yeah..." Misty replied. "Yay! We won!"

"And that's totally not something we do very often!" May added. "Being the main characters and all."

"Help..." Ash's faint voice called out.

Everyone looked over the edge to see Ash's twisted figure below them and cringed.

"We can't show that on kids TV," Misty said.

"Yeah..." May replied, "too gruesome."

"Who thinks I should call the narrator and tell him to end this thing early?" Brock asked.

"I do," Misty relied.

"I do," May replied.

"Pikachu Pika..." Pikachu groaned, peeling itself off the floor.

"A... zuma... rill..." Azumarill replied in a hoarse whisper.

"Okay," Brock replied.

He pulled a cell phone from his amazing backpack that was bigger on the inside to call the narrator. Seriously, is he secretly a Time Lord from Planet Gallifrey, or something? Maybe he should join Doctor Who. Anyway, he called the narrator and, once he explained the situation, hung up.

"Well," the narrator said, "since our main hero has had a nasty accident, we'll have to end here... Huh? Oh, right. Ahem! And, now, it's time for me to say something very dated and cheesy... like everything else on this show. With May looking forward to her next contest, in the next unknown town, in this unknown region-"

"There's a contest?" May shrieked.

"Yes. Anyway, what's in store for our heroes?" He paused. "Y'know... besides a new adventure... Team Rocket trying to steal Pikachu... and friendship being crammed down your throat every five minutes... Seriously, kids, friendship is good for you. It's one of your five a day."

Misty looked at you, the viewer. "Next time," she said, "we're joined by new friends that didn't exist when this chapter was first written... and we'll discover genders that weren't confirmed at the time!"

"Hey! Stop that! Narrating is the only role I have in this show, so don't try to take it away from me! I don't get to train Pokemon, go on adventures or save the world... I don't even get a name!"

Misty sweat-dropped and turned away. "Whoops! Sorry!"

The narrator sighed. "Stay tuned..."

To Be Continued...