Compromised

by angellwings

They'd taken just enough time before evac to get Jaz attended to and cleaned up. She would finally get to change out of that damned white outfit that only served as a reminder of how close they'd come. He was staring at where the medics had taken her, knowing she'd be back any minute. His eyes had barely left her since they'd pulled her out of that truck.

The distance that had been forced between them gave him a moment to step back and look at what he felt, clearly. He hadn't let himself do that up until now. Jaz was on his team, in his unit. He was her CO and it shouldn't be done. Entanglements in the field were a conflict of interest. But where else was he ever gonna find someone like Jaz? He wouldn't. This is the only way he would have met someone that impressed him as much as she did. He generally didn't date. Not because he couldn't or didn't want to find someone, but because with his job it was just too hard. Eventually, the danger and the distance tore relationships apart. So, he just stopped. It was too much of a risk with not enough reward.

So, it would have to take an exceptional person to get him to reconsider that stance. There was no one more exceptional than Jaz. She was important to him and in a completely different way than the rest of his team. He knew that now.

But the question was, was this a problem? Should he allow it to continue? He was worried that if something like this happened again he'd let his feelings cloud his judgement and he'd risk too much to save her. He was afraid he'd let his emotions lead to the downfall of his men. That wasn't his only concern, though it was the biggest. The other concern was that should his feelings go any further he'd get so caught up in keeping her safe that he'd hinder her job performance.

Clinically speaking, Jaz was one of the best weapons he had. She needed to be able to do her job without him looking over her shoulder or trying to shield her from the risks. What if needing her, personally, led to him hurting her, professionally?

He was racking his brain for examples of either concern in this or any other mission. Eventually that led to him questioning every call he'd made while Jaz was captured. Was it the right call? Should he have stuck to protocol and left? If someone else was the CO of this unit would they have made the same call? Had it been selfish of him to ask this team to make the sacrifices they'd made to save Jaz? Was he emotionally compromised in such a way that he could no longer make the smart call? The reasonable, tactical decision the job required?

Would he need to remove himself from the equation for the unit to succeed? Or put distance between himself and Jaz? His chest ached when that thought stuck him. That hurt too much. But he would do it, if it kept all of them safe.

A throat cleared next to him and he turned to see Preach smiling at him. Preach nudged his arm and nodded toward the hallway where they'd last seen Jaz. "You keep staring like that and someone around here is going to find it creepy, man."

He chuckled and nodded. "If they don't already."

"She's safe, Dalton," Preach said as he mimicked Dalton's stance by crossing his arms over his chest. "We got her back. You can relax."

He snorted. Yeah, relax, that was not going to happen. He still needed to figure out what to do with his feelings for Jaz. The strength of them scared him honestly. More so than any mission, except the one they'd just crawled their way out of. Could he do the job while he felt like this?

"You know," Preach said as he turned to face Dalton. "I was impressed with you out there, man."

Dalton lifted an eyebrow and peeled his gaze away from the hallway. "Likewise."

"No, see, I'm not gonna let you deflect this, this time," Preach said with a chuckle. "You were thrown. When they grabbed her, you were thrown for a loop. I was there, I saw it. For a while I thought you might actually be too broken to continue. The way you listened to that recording, refused to sleep, and then begged Patricia to let us keep going. I didn't know if you'd pull it together."

He'd questioned it himself so he nodded his agreement.

"When we located the Black Site and we found that impossible metal door I almost expected you to order us in, guns blazing. I was ready to hear you ask us to storm the place with you. I was also ready to say yes, knowing we'd likely never make it out. Because I'd be damned if I was gonna let you walk in there alone."

Dalton gulped and nodded again, unable to form words. He'd been tempted.

"But you didn't. You didn't ask that of us and I gotta tell you that I am not sure I would have been able to do the same. Not since I know how you care about her." Dalton froze and gave Preach a suspicious glance. How did he know? Dalton didn't speak. He let Preach continue. "And I do know, Dalton. I'm not blind. If that had been my wife in there you would not have been able to stop me. I would have walked us in blind and we would never have made it." Preach paused and looked down at the ground thoughtfully before speaking up in a softer tone. "I'm telling you this because I can see what you're thinking about. I can see you debating whether keeping Jaz at arm's length would be best. Or whether we'd be better off with a different CO. And I'm telling you we would not be better off with anyone else and staying away from Jaz is idiotic and unnecessary. You pulled yourself together and kept your wits. You made all the right calls and I know, had Patricia not inspired that spy idea you had, you would have taken us home. Even if it killed you."

And it would have killed him, he knew.

"You're the guy for this job, my friend. You're ability to compartmentalize in stressful situations is nothing short of ridiculous. It would be a mistake to give that and her up just because you think you're compromised. You're not. You're just...human," Preach told him as he placed a hand on his shoulder and offered a comforting squeeze. "Just, you know, don't stare at her so much when she comes back out here, okay?"

Dalton chuckled and shook his head at his friend. "Yeah, I hear you."

"Do you, though?" Preach asked. "Did you hear all of what I said?"

He nodded again and smiled weakly. "Yeah, I heard all of it." He sighed and then grinned at Preach. "You are scary perceptive. You know that, right? You basically just read my mind."

Preach shrugged and laughed. "It's a gift. So, what are you gonna do, my man?"

He ran a hand through his hair and scratched the back of his neck. "Nothing, for the moment. She's gonna have a lot of things to work through and I'm not adding to that. I'll be here for her like I always am, but I think that's all I can be for a little while."

"Agreed," Preach told him. "But don't wait too long. The longer you wait the less likely it is that you'll actually do anything. We wouldn't want you to chicken out, would we?"

Dalton laughed and glared at him. "Me? Chicken out? I would never."

"Yeah, sure," he said with a chuckle. "You say that now, but you'll find out that love has a way of making you doubt everything you think you know. You gotta act fast before it gets the chance to screw with your head. Trust me, I am wise."

Dalton rolled his eyes with a good natured grin, but he knew deep down Preach was right. Now was not the moment, but he couldn't put it off for too long. He'd talk himself out of it if he did. Waiting would be hell, but it would be worth it. It would be worth it to make sure he gave himself and Jaz every chance to succeed. Because no way in hell was he screwing this up.