My Girl

This wasn't something I wanted.

Damnit.

I never intended on breaking my promise to Elena when I told her that I would be coming back to her. Going on a suicide mission to crash my car into the Grille to trigger the explosion, was always a risky move, but it was something that would serve the greater good and all that jazz. It was something that would save our people, and hopefully aide us in getting rid of those nosy Travelers that kept unraveling things like it was string.

A distraction was what did me in.

Liz Forbes.

She was hurt bad, probably serious enough to die, and me being the hero, I just had to lift up the piece of wood that had been holding her body hostage. The Other Side was falling apart at the seams. If anyone that was still stuck, myself included, when the final dam broke, I knew that there wouldn't be any way out for me.

I would die.

Or whatever it was that vampires did when they ascended to that freaky other dimension. I still had time, and though it was risky, I knew that Liz had needed my help before I moved on to find Bonnie and hitch a one way ticket back to my girl, and the town that I—literally—died to save.

She's standing there. All noble and righteous as she waits for me to place my hand on her shoulder to complete the connection that will train us back to the earth. I have to say, I couldn't wait to get back. Besides seeing Elena and rubbing it in her face that my plan had worked, a good Bourbon was in order, especially if Ric was back from the dead, and I could actually have my drinking buddy back.

That would be nice.

And awkward.

Considering I was dating the girl that was technically his stepdaughter through Isobel. Ugh, just hearing that name on my lips is enough to make me want to douse myself in Clorox to cleanse myself of Elena's psychotic birth mother.

"Where's Elena?"

There's no way I'm stepping through without Elena, and Bonnie knows it. She also knows that we're running out of time for the spell to be a success, and for her foothold on the Other Side to still be absolute.

"She made it through."

That's all I needed to hear.

Those four words.

Elena was fine, safe.

Now I knew that I could go back with the utmost certainty that we would be reunited, and things would go back to that crazy sense of normal that we had established around ourselves, and our lives with her living as a semi—functioning college student, and me working to better myself each and every day that some bump hit my shoulder.

"Okay."

"Come on," Bonnie said, nodding encouragingly at me, as though it's the most normal thing in the world for me to actually touch her. Luckily, she saved me the trouble, and squeezed both her mighty hands around my arms.

Nothing.

Not a pinch.

Not a foreign gust of wind signaling that something had worked.

Nothing.

Nada.

We were still stuck in the same plane that we had willingly gone into, and Other Side was still destroying itself around us. Any second now it would be gone completely, and any other soul that was still unfortunate enough to be there, would be sucked into oblivion.

She keeps trying—did I mention that Bennett witches are notorious for their stubborn streak? She slams her hands against my arms again. I'm pretty sure she gave me a bruise of some kind with the intensity she was working with, but the minor pain I felt, paled in comparison when I saw the look on her face.

Confusion.

Fear.

"Well," I said, trying to lighten the mood, but failing miserably. "Would you look at that."

"There's—that's not right," Bonnie said, her face scrunching up in confusion. "The spell should still be going."

"And without it, we're all toast, right?"

"Without it, we're stuck here until this place destroys itself, and then we're all gone," Bonnie said, her voice tight.

"Are you sure you didn't mess something up?" I asked, wondering if it was some sick and twisted way for she and her Barbie best friend to repay me for all the wonderful years of service I did for them.

"No. Liv was in charge of the spell."

"Well, there's your mistake right there."

Of course the idiots would trust the one witch besides Bennett, who had been an accomplice in trying to kill my brother and Elena. Not to mention the trillion other things the witch had done to hurt us.

"We didn't have a choice," Bonnie replied through gritted teeth, fixing me with one of those 'judgy' eyes that I thought Elena had the degree on.

"Well, now look where we are. In a supernatural purgatory that's going to flush all of out to parts unknown," I said, shaking my head at the irony that was my life.

I get the best year of my entire life with the woman that I love. The woman that finally chose me, and now I'm being sentenced to do a life term in this messed up region, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it because of that stupid witch that messed the spell up.

"There's still—I'm still the anchor," Bonnie said, her voice tight. "Until the Other Side disappears, I can go back and forth. You can come with me, and say goodbye."

What does she expect me to do? Bare my soul like I'm a freakin' teenage girl? Does she expect me to write a letter of apology for the all wrongs I've ever done against those people, and sign it off by saying goodbye, and I was never going to see them again?

But I knew that I had to.

Maybe not say goodbye to every single person in my life, but the one person that truly mattered above anyone else.

"Damnit, Bonnie."

Witchy went ahead of me to where Liv had been doing the spell. Elena had run in ahead of her, clearly searching for the runaway witch, and wondering why she wasn't seeing me yet when every other person had returned from the Other Side.

"Liv!" she yelled, the desperation in her voice piercing even that part of me that tried to prepare myself for her reaction, even though I had no clue what I was in for yet. "Bonnie," she said, finally spotting her friend in her panic. "We have to find them. We have to start the spell again."

If only it were that simple.

My heart ached for this girl. The woman that I had met first, the woman that had captured my heart in spite of everything, in spite of the distance that I tried to put between us. No amount of anything could stop us from being together, and I had been a total idiot trying to put boundaries between us.

In that instant, I longed to comfort her. I longed to hold her and tell her that everything would be fine, that we would find a loophole somewhere, and we would be together again. Of course now, when we really needed a miracle, the powers that be would put a halt to The Other Side and prohibit anyone else from coming through. The door had been shut by the witches, and that had been the one thing that had been the death of me.

"It's not that easy, baby girl," I said softly, standing behind Bonnie, even though Elena had no way of noticing me. I wasn't sure if that made me feel better or worse.

"We can't. That was our one shot," Bonnie explained.

"Way to soften the blow," I remarked.

I was impressed with the restraint she showed. She didn't do so much as bat an eyelash in my direction, even though I could tell she had heard me loud and clear, and was choosing to focus on her conversation with Elena.

"Yeah, but Damon's on the other side! We have to-"

She's getting more upset, and it's almost like a stake is being driven through my heart as I watch her slowly put the fragmented pieces together, with Bonnie's assistance.

"Elena," Bonnie interjected, her own face glistening with the tears for her friend's pain that she was trying to conceal. "He—he," she said, finally giving up on what she had been originally trying to say, as she gave a soft sigh. "It's too late," she said, her voice breaking.

That was the final nail in the proverbial coffin for me. If I thought Elena had been upset before, it was nothing compared to what she did when she learned that I was dead, stuck on the Other Side for all eternity.

How wonderful.

Her face melted into a show of complete and utter devastation as her entire body shook with the sobs that coming directly from her soul. It killed me to witness it, though I knew that she needed me there, even though she couldn't interact with me one-on-one.

In that moment, I stepped foreword an inch, letting Bon—Bon know that I was ready to have my final moment with her. I knew I owed it to her considering that I was indirectly the cause of her pain now, the reason that she was going through this hell was because I was the one who had suggested going on a suicide mission, never not thinking I would be hitching a ride back.

"He's here," Bonnie said gently, reaching out a soothing hand to her friend. "You can say goodbye."

Grateful that she was finally leaving to give us the space we needed, I waited until she was completely out of sight and hearing range, before walking closer. Her body was pressed against the stone wall that she had collapsed against when she had first found out the devastating news.

Her sobs hadn't subsided in the moments since Bonnie had broken the news to her. In reality, they were only getting worse with each passing moment that made real the unbelievable news that Bonnie had spouted out to her.

"You lied to me," she cried, somehow anchoring her body in the general direction I was standing, despite her having no idea where I was in the room.

I had, unintentionally.

I had made that stupid promise that I was now living to regret. I promised her that, after all this was done and over with and the Travelers were gone, I would find my way back to her.

"Even if I wanted to apologize," I said, as I reached out a hand and stroked her hair the way I used to do when we were in bed together and she was just waking up from a troubling dream. "You couldn't hear me. So I won't."

"Please, don't leave me," she sobbed.

It was almost hard to know what exactly the right response was when the love of your life is literally begging you to stay with her, and even though I would have traded all of this for her in a heartbeat, I knew it didn't work like that.

The universe wouldn't allow that.

"I don't have a choice, baby. You are by far the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my 173 years on this earth. That I get to die, knowing that I was loved," I say. "And not just by anyone. By you, Elena Gilbert.

It's the epitome of a fulfilled life."

Before her, my life made little sense to me. For a century, I spent my days killing and seducing innocent women, and making sure that I always spared time to torment my little brother who had tricked me into accepting the same fate that he had already accepted.

It wasn't until I met her that my life had reason, had meaning again. Even if she never chose me, even if we always remained the dreaded "friends" word, I still had her in my life. Her choosing me, was a bonus in my heart that I never expected under her own free will, and I would never take that from her.

I started living the day she chose me.

Her sobs continued to fill the small space that we were currently occupying, as her body slid down the length of the wall before coming to a standstill on the floor. I mirrored her movements.

"It's never gonna get any better than this. I peaked," I said.

I couldn't resist touching her again. My fingers, light as a feather when they came in contact with her beautiful skin, traced along the contours of her face. It was as though I was trying to memorize every square inch of her, and I knew that was true.

"I love you, Elena," I said, the words coming out in a sing-song type of voice.

"Please," she sobbed. "Please come back to me."

"Goodbye."