Dear Harry,
I know that all of this must seem very ridiculous to you. After all, it is sort of a corny idea, and reading letters from your dead mother is probably the last thing you want to do right now. Right now, you're not worried about the idle observations of a woman you barely remember; your thinking about Hogwarts. Your wondering which house you'll be in, stressing about whether or not you'll be any good at Quidditch, and anticipating all of the little friends your going to make. But this is important to me, love, and even if your not going to pay attention to a thing I write, I need to do this, for my sanity. I don't expect you to understand-its sort of a mom thing- but I am asking you to listen.
Because the thing is, I'm supposed to be there. I'm supposed to be helping you pick out your robes, I'm supposed to be calming you down when your too scared to go through to the Platform, and, once I've convinced you, I'm supposed to have a sudden change of heart and embarrass you by starting to cry. Thats supposed to be me, I'm your mother, but for reasons that you're too young to understand right now, I can't do those things. I hope that when you get a little older, you'll be able to understand, and I hope you won't be too angry with me. If you ever are, just know that if I could be there, I would. I would give anything to be there with you right now, to witness all of the important moments in your life, but right now, there's nothing I can do. There are horrible things happening in our world, Harry, things that I now realize I shouldn't have become so involved in. I've put our family in danger, and the only thing I can do to make it right is forcing me to be away from you. Deep in my heart, I guess I've always known this is where I was heading, and I know I've done the best that I could, given the circumstances. But like I said, you're too young, and in you're mind, these excuses mean next to nothing. What does mean something is that I'm supposed to be there, and I'm not, and for that, I am so, so sorry. But we'll save that for another letter.
Your father doesn't get why I write these. "You worry too much, Lily," he says, "don't be so morbid!" I told him once, and he was still confused. He tried to comfort me though, because thats just the type of person he is. He hates that I blame myself, and he hates that I'm in pain, and I love him for that. But I have to do this, just in case. If we make it through this, I'll rip this letter to shreds, I promise. You'll never even have to see it. But right now, we can't be sure of anything. Everything is up in the air, and if things end badly, I need to be prepared. I feel like I'd be jinxing it if I wasn't. Like just because I didn't have a Plan B, something would happen to make me wish I had. I've always been that way, and maybe this being in hiding has made me even more superstitious, I don't know. And I don't care. This is my Plan B, and I'm going to see it through.
Anyways, I've gotten off topic. The reason I'm writing this specific letter isn't to make you feel scared, or start missing me, or wonder why things couldn't have ended differently. No, the purpose of this one is to give advice. And I haven't done any of that yet. So, here we go.
When I first got my Hogwarts letter, I wasn't very surprised. I hope you weren't either, it seems like it would be sort of a nasty shock. Of course, I wouldn't know. When I was young, I was always noticing things, as I'm sure you were, that were different about me. I wasn't like the other kids. Sometimes, when they were mean to me, strange things would happen. Like one time, in second grade, when Gabriel Delfino called me 'carrots', I made a whole tower of blocks fall down on her head, without even trying! My teacher was furious, and my parents screamed at me, but all I could tell them was that I hadn't meant to hurt her, it just happened! As I got older, things like that started happening more and more frequently, until I was forced to admit that there was something weird about me. I tried to keep it a secret, but of course people noticed, and I had virtually no friends. That is, except Severus. He and his family moved in to one of the lower income neighborhoods in town when I was about nine years old. He saw me once when I was showing your Aunt Petunia some of my magic, and he immediately knew what I was (his mum was a witch). I was thrilled when he told me, finally I had an explanation for everything that had happened to me over the years! I wasn't a freak, after all! There was a while race of people just like me. I thought it was just about the coolest thing ever, definitely not something you expected to happen to a mousy, ginger haired girl from Surrey. Sev told me all about Hogwarts and the entire wizarding world, so that on my eleventh birthday, it wasn't really much of a bombshell. For me, anways. My family on the other hand...
I come from a family of Muggles, or non magic people, and to say they had trouble adapting would be an understatement. Oh, they were supportive, of course (save for Tuney), but realistically, dad was an english teacher, mum was a nurse. They had no idea what was going on. I read once that muggle borns are actually the descendants of squibs, but my folks, I love them to death, definitely did not get the gene. It was all me. I was alone, preparing to dive headfirst into a world that I knew very little about. There was Severus, of course, but he had his own problems to worry about.
Despite being slightly stressful, that summer was the best of my life. I absolutely adored my new surroundings; Diagon Alley fascinated me especially. Gringotts sort of freaked me out (all those goblins!) but I loved Flourish and Botts, swot that I am, and Ollivanders was easily my favorite shop of all time, even if the owner was a bit creepy. At the Magical Menagerie, mum even agreed to let me buy myself an owl! I named her Helga, after one of the founders of my beloved school. I had read all of my text books by a month before the first day of term and, on September 1st, I was completely ready to embrace my new life.
I was sorted into Gryffindor, to my extreme displeasure. I had wanted Slytherin, because that was obviously the one Severus thought was the best, and where he had been placed. He was the only person I knew in the entire castle, and I was nervous, to say the least, that no one else would be as accepting as he was towards me. Looking back, it seems sort of ridiculous that I was under the impression that the Slytherins were the ones who were going to be the most welcoming towards me. Over the course of the next few years, it became apparent that I'd dodged a bullet there. Not that I'm trying to get you to form predjudices or anything- there were a few Slytherins who were able to look past my family tree and act civil towards me, my very best friend being one of them, but for the most part, the blood running through my veins was enough to garner the disdain of most of the house. Your father was in Gryffindor too, along with your Uncle Sirius, Uncle Remus, Uncle Peter, Uncle Frank, Aunt Alice, and mum's friends Marlene and Dorcas. But don't let that scare you. It really doesn't matter which house you're in, they're all brilliant, and being accepted into Hogwart's at all is an honor. I'm sure you'll do well, no matter where The Sorting Hat puts you ( it is just a hat-don't let any of the upperclassmen try to convince you otherwise), although Gryffindor does run in the family.
I needn't have worried so much about making friends. I shared a dormitory with Alice, Marley, and Dorcas, and within a week, all of my inhibitions had vanished. We went to class together, ate lunch together, and stayed up late gossiping and doing other girlish things you probably have no interest in hearing about. I didn't lose touch with Sev, either, like I'd feared, we spent a lot of time after lessons together as well. I can only hope that you'll make as good of friends as I did at Hogwarts. Alice had a son around the same time I did-he should be getting ready to go to school now, too. Neville, his name is. Neville Longbottom. Keep an eye out, will you?
No matter what, I'm sure that the next seven years of your life will be extraordinary. You'll find your niche, and I know Professor McGonagall is hopeful that you'll inherit your father's talent for Transfiguration, almost as much as she is fearful that you'll inherit mine. Maybe you'll play Quidditch, it seems like something you'd enjoy. Merlin knows you spend enough time on that god-forsaken broomstick than is really considered healthy. Be careful with that, I would hate for you to get hurt, and your father has sustained enough injuries over the years playing that awful game for the both of you. Don't get it any fights, and don't try and live up to your father's legacy. I'm sure a lot of the professors (and your Uncle Padfoot) will remember the sort of trouble he got into at your age, and you may hear a few stories about the various pranks he pulled. Some people seemed to find them amusing, but I certainly did not, and I promise you that if you pull anything half as bad as he did, I will come back from the grave and punish you myself. If you want a sure fire way to piss off a Gryffindor girl, set off a dungbomb in her dormitory in the middle of the night. Go on, I dare you.
When you get to be a 5th or 6th year, don't be mean to the children. Your father used to do that, and it irked me to no end. Just consider how scared you were of the upperclassmen when you were young, and then think twice about whatever it is your getting ready to throw at them. Oh, and avoid the fifth stair on the staircase leading up to the astronomy tower, it disappears sometimes, and if your not careful, you could end up stuck there for days. Never call McGonagall 'Minnie', thats sure to get you a week's worth of detention, and its not worth it. Also, don't harass any poor unsuspecting girls; no means no, and no matter how much you like them, publicly humiliating them is not going to get then to return your feelings.
I think thats it. I'm done. Really, I am. No more advice, no more rules, I'm really not sure how much they'll help anyways. But its what I'd say if I were there.
I love you, Harry, I always have, and I always will, even now that I'm gone.
Love Always,
Mum
A/N: So, that was the first chapter of my very first story. I'm pretty happy with it, its just an idea I had that I felt like I wanted to write down, and this is the product! I would really really appreciate it if you guys would review/follow/favorite real quick before leaving. Thanks!