Disclaimer: I'm not J.K. Rowling, therefore, none of this is mine, well, except for Houdini.
Who, me? I'm Houdini. I don't usually stay here in the castle, but my parents are away looking for horcruxes. My parents? Well, I guess I should explain myself. You see my parents are Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter. Surprising, right? No one ever believes me when I tell them that. If you know anything of the feud my fathers had, I guess it's not surprising that you don't believe me, but it's true. I can't give you too many details about how my fathers got together, as I, obviously, wasn't there, but from what Aunt Hermione has told me I can give you a brief idea.
You see in my dads' sixth year the Death Eaters attacked Hogwarts. Papa Harry got pretty hurt, trying to protect my uncle Ron and he ended up in the hospital wing. My papa Draco went into the hospital wing to see his girlfriend Pansy and he caught my papa Harry trying to sneak out. Well, of course my papa Draco tried to tell on him, but papa Harry stopped him the only way he could. That was their first kiss. Pansy saw, though, and she freaked which caught Mme. Pomphrey's attention and dad got in trouble anyway for being out of bed, but after that they just couldn't hate each other as much. But neither one of my dads did anything about their feelings. They spent weeks avoiding each other. At the end of the year papa Harry got kidnapped by Lord Voldemort (or as Uncle Fred calls him, Lord U-No-Poo). Anyways, when papa Draco went home that summer, he found papa Harry chained up in the Malfoy dungeons. He snuck papa Harry out and they hid together in muggle London. Eventually, they stopped being awkward around each other and Aunt Hermione says that's how they got me (although that seems like a weird way to have a baby, but Aunt Hermione keeps telling me that's the way it works. I think she's hiding the truth about babies and it's weird that she doesn't tell me the truth like she tells me every other thing she's ever read in a book. Uncle Ron blushes every time I ask him, so I figure I definitely don't want to know even if she would tell me).
So, anyways here I am, a seven year old stuck in this big empty castle while my parents and Auntie Hermione and Uncle Ron go searching for the final Horcrux. Daddy says that when they find it everything will be better and the war will end. I'm not exactly sure what a horcrux is, though, so I can't tell you how it'll work exactly except for it will put Lord Voldemort to sleep forever. Dad says it'll kinda be like when Grandma Minnie went to sleep, except for we won't go and visit Voldemort's bed like we do Aunt Minnie's every year. Papa says it's stupid for me to visit Grandma Minnie's bed, because she wasn't my real grandma, but papa Harry says it doesn't matter whether she was my grandma or not. However, papa Draco always insists that after we go and visit my real grandmas' beds so I don't forget them. I think that's dumb, because I can't forget someone I've never met, but I wouldn't tell that to papa Draco or he'd get mad at me like he did papa Harry when he said the same thing.
Anyways, I'm trying to tell you about me alone in this big castle. It's kinda funny how I ended up here by myself. If my dads knew, they would freak! I was supposed to be staying with Grandpa Sev, but he had a sore arm so he had to go away so it would stop hurting. He sent me to Grandpa Remus' rooms. But he forgot that Grandpa Remus always visits friends for three days around the full moon (why, I don't know), but that left me with no one in the castle. I've never been in a castle by myself and it's pretty scary, because there are lots of shadows in a castle this big. I've been trying to find the kitchens, because I haven't eaten since breakfast, which seems like forever ago. Oh you know where they are? You have your own portkey to the kitchens? That's awesome. I didn't know anyone had one of those. Did you have to do something special to get one of those? Really, a special award? Hmm, maybe next time I'm in the trophy room I can look for it. What's your name so I can check? Tom Riddle? Ok, I'll check later, but first pass over your portkey, I'm starving!
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Wait a second, this isn't the kitchens...
Well, just something to use time. I'm procrastinating before I do my essay :)